Hand holding....

[IM4given]

When is a person no longer under the authority of their parents?

When they die. Or when your parent becomes so disabled in their elderly years that there comes a role reversal and they become the child and you become the parent making decisions that will affect their life.

[ltl]

As long as the person is under the home of the parents, he or she IS under parental authority:
"Therefore a man shall LEAVE his father and mother, and CLEAVE unto his wife..."

The Biblical mandate is that the person leaves his parents control ONLY upon marriage. Notice the Scriptures say, "CHILDREN, obey your parents..." (Ephesians 6:1) [not husbands/wives]

[Anon]

Wow its a good thing this preacher (Gipp) says its okay to kiss so all the teens who read it can buck their parents now because a preacher said it. :roll

Most teens think they can control themselves. I bet nobody knows howcome the teen sex rate is so high in America since all the teens have so much self control... must be faulty census taking. :loco

[Anon]

When they die. Or when your parent becomes so disabled in their elderly years that there comes a role reversal and they become the child and you become the parent making decisions that will affect their life.

I don't agree with it this far because the Bible does say "leave and cleave". However even married kids should still be open to the advice of a wise parent.

But this thread is talking about an 18 year old kid still under daddy's roof and daddy's paycheck...no question who should be obeying whom in this case.

[John81]

I agree we should be under our parents authority and thus obey them as long as we live under their roof. However, do some of you really believe we should obey our parents even once we are out on our own?

I fully believe we are to honour our parents forever but that doesn't mean we are to obey them forever. There comes a point in time when a child must stand on their own and come out from under the authority of their parents.

I've witnessed many, and read of a great many more, situations where marriages were ruined because at least one spouse kept themselves under their parents authority and obeyed their every command regardless of how their spouse felt and regardless of the consequences to their spouse, children and family in general.

[Anon]

But the topic at hand is an 18 year old that is still under daddy's roof and daddy's paycheck and there are people trying to say that this daddy has no right to tell his son what to do. THIS is the topic, and its firing me up! :lol

:soap: :box

[kevinmiller]

Wow its a good thing this preacher (Gipp) says its okay to kiss so all the teens who read it can buck their parents now because a preacher said it. :roll

Most teens think they can control themselves. I bet nobody knows howcome the teen sex rate is so high in America since all the teens have so much self control... must be faulty census taking. :loco

And we are to honor our parent's until we die. The chain of command would be different, however, once we MARRY.

[Guest Guest]

I knew someone would say Gipp was wrong...but I believe he was totally right. I've met him and his wife, and they are some of the sweetest people you'll ever know...and two of their three boys are married and in full-time ministry. Their youngest son is not married yet, that I know of, but he's in his twenties and living out on his own, working full time.

[Will]

But the topic at hand is an 18 year old that is still under daddy's roof and daddy's paycheck and there are people trying to say that this daddy has no right to tell his son what to do. THIS is the topic, and its firing me up! :lol

:soap: :box

I agree with you. As long as that boy is under his daddy's roof, he needs to listen to his daddy. If I started doing things my dad disapproved of, I'd come home one day to find all my stuff on the lawn. And I'm a 25 year old, full-growed man! Yeah, in theory, I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want. But some things, I'd better do at my own place!

But what do I know, I don't have children, so I'm better off not giving child-rearing advice. I can theorize about it, but until I have children, and I have teen children, getting advice from me is like asking a polygamous Mormon elder about being faithful to one wife.

I will say this though, the older I get, and the more life experience I get under my belt, the smarter my parents get. It's weird, when I was a teenager, my dad was dumber than a bag of rocks, but once I got in my twenties he started getting smarter. And I can see how child-rearing issues have huge consequences that can ripple throughout one's life for years and years to come. I might give what I consider to be sound advice from Scripture on the subject, or from my own life experience, but you have to raise your children in the Lord how you see fit. And as long as you ain't abusing them, or raising them like hellians, it ain't my place to say you're doing it wrong.

*stepping off the soapbox*

[kevinmiller]

I knew someone would say Gipp was wrong...but I believe he was totally right. I've met him and his wife, and they are some of the sweetest people you'll ever know...and two of their three boys are married and in full-time ministry. Their youngest son is not married yet, that I know of, but he's in his twenties and living out on his own, working full time.

He says that he didn't do anything wrong or sinful without giving a standard of what is sinful outside of "making out." He also insinuated that it is not very likely that you would find the person that is 100% right for you.

[John81]

But the topic at hand is an 18 year old that is still under daddy's roof and daddy's paycheck and there are people trying to say that this daddy has no right to tell his son what to do. THIS is the topic, and its firing me up! :lol

:soap: :box

I agree that as long as the son is living under the parents roof he should obey his parents. I've never said otherwise.

There would have been no question with my family. My Dad would have quickly knocked me down to size had I seriously tested his authority while I lived at home!

The son is 18, he may or may not be mature enough to move out on his own, I don't know. The point is, either he should obey his parents while he is living at home or he should move out and stand completely on his own two feet.

[matie-k]

But the topic at hand is an 18 year old that is still under daddy's roof and daddy's paycheck and there are people trying to say that this daddy has no right to tell his son what to do. THIS is the topic, and its firing me up! :lol

:soap: :box

Wow me too, so I'm not going to even enter the fray. I'm amazed at the positions stated by some here though!

My heart and prayers go out to the original poster. :pray

[joyfulpraise93]

I guess I'll contribute my "2 cents" which isn't worth all that much....anyhow, I'm still living at home, and according to the Bible I am to be obedient to my parents in the Lord. I am also to honour them. I am to honour and obey even when I think what they are asking is too strict. Obeying my parents is part of being obedient to my Lord. I am 22 years old, and I live under my parent's authority. I view being obedient to my parents as a way to honour God.

As far as hand-holding goes....this is something that the couple needs to discuss. Is it something that both of them can do while still keeping pure in their mind and heart? If either person has a problem with this it is to be avoided. My parents don't let me out alone with a guy (I'm either with them, friends, or in a very public place), so I never have to worry about things going too far. I don't believe in dating anyone unless you know that they are the one the Lord has for you. There is no need to be with someone "in a relationship" unless marriage is the common goal in mind for you both. Otherwise you just have a lot of baggage hanging on for when you do meet the one.

[Anon]

I knew someone would say Gipp was wrong...but I believe he was totally right. I've met him and his wife, and they are some of the sweetest people you'll ever know...and two of their three boys are married and in full-time ministry. Their youngest son is not married yet, that I know of, but he's in his twenties and living out on his own, working full time.

Of course you think he's right, he says its okay to kiss guys. I'd have loved hearing him preach when I was your age. :lol

I'm sure he's a good person and has a good family, but that doesn't mean everyone can handle his standard of living...and if dad says "no" its "NO" no matter what Gipp or anyone else thinks is okay. Gipp can only raise HIS kids, and what works for him won't work for everyone else.

[dwayner79]

If I may,

I just speed read this thread, so I apologize if I missed stuff, but I think I got the main drift.

First, let me say to the OP... My heart grieves for you sir. At 18, every child needs to make decisions. Many do so contrary to parental advise, and at the expense of parental relationships. My only advise is to tell him (and mean it) that you love him, and that when he wants to restore fellowship, you will be there.

Second, to the younger group here, you responses to this thread have been awfully harsh, specifically Katy-Anne. Frankly, my jaw hit my desk when I read your first post. You need a serious dose of grace. Now look, I am 28, been married for 6 years, have a 3 year old. I consider myself far enough along to have some wisdom, but not so far to forget what being 18 was like. In so many ways I was the perfect IFB kid. I was raised in church. I dated the pastor's daughter for 4 years. I knew the "rules". Different evangelists would come to chapel and preach various standards. One said no hand holding, one said no touching where a one piece bathing suit covers, one said no kissing, one said kissings ok, but "neckin' ain't" (exact words).

Here is the deal. Its my estimation that folks in olden days got married young out of necessity, and that the sex drive of the teenage years was there as a means to help a new and fragile marriage. Its not like God designed us with the absolute strongest sex drive just to say, don't use it. Our culture however has placed formal education, and monetary fulfillment above the family and has made 18 the time when you are an adult (i.e. finished with our public indoctrination) and able to make decisions. So we have to deal with the fact that we are to stay pure, and we can't get married before 18. In all reality, we do not teach the type of responsibility required, and most folks either wait until they are 30, or they get married as kids, and fight through it. Either way, to be unmarried and 18 means you ARE dealing with sexual desire that has to be kept in check. The issue here is that the "love" of a woman is causing this young person to rebel. If this young person were mature, how would the response go? Perhaps they would ask their parents for a sit down and say, dad, I love and respect you. I really love this girl, and our relationship is progressing toward marriage. One way I show her love is through holding her hand, or let her lay her head on my shoulder. We are sexually pure. We love the lord and want to honor him. How about we make a deal. We will never put ourselves in a situation where we are compromised, and we give you the freedom to ask and keep us accountable for our purity, and in return, you remove the ban on holding hands.... oh and we will stop laying on the couch together as there ain't no way that is pure. (trust me, I know)

If my son had that conversation, I would be much more willing to work through it then if his girlfriend were mouthing off and rolling her eyes at me. One shows a maturity, while the other does not. The real issue here is the rebellion in the teenager. I know... I was there.

***this is where you picture me as a grandpa, sittin' on the deck in a rockin chair with an unlit pipe in my mouth dispensing wisdom***

God designed an incredible thing. Once you give your heart to a person, the natural response is your body follows. This is why you young people need to be so careful. The solution is not be in a relationship and fight for purity, but to never give your heart away in the first place... for in that true purity in mind and body can be maintained. When you are ready for marriage, and you are ready to give your heart away, prepare for the purity fight... and have a short engagement :lol . *** end grandpa speech :smile ***