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Hand holding....


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Don't take 1 Corinthians 7:1 out of the context of the entire passage. He's dealing with sexual immorality and marriage, not the mere act of touching or holding hands. The word "touch" there implies sexual contact. Not mere physical contact.


As far as I've been taught, its the same greek word as the woman who touched Jesus' garment. Of course the context is sexual but what couple in love doesn't feel sexual?

My main beef with this thread though is that if dad (not to mention God, but I want to stick with the non-debatable here) says don't touch...you don't touch, and the attitude is not a good sign. If the girl is going to act like that now, it only gets worse after marriage...and I totally feel his pain.
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As far as I've been taught, its the same greek word as the woman who touched Jesus' garment. Of course the context is sexual but what couple in love doesn't feel sexual?

My main beef with this thread though is that if dad (not to mention God, but I want to stick with the non-debatable here) says don't touch...you don't touch, and the attitude is not a good sign. If the girl is going to act like that now, it only gets worse after marriage...and I totally feel his pain.


A: Not sure if it's the same Greek word. But it carries the idea of sexual intercourse, or "clinging to." I wouldn't classify that as handholding or the like though.

B: I agree completely.
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I think it is unwise for couples to hold hands before marriage. It will only lead to a slippery slope down further acts of intimacy for them. Let the physical side develop after the knot is tied.

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In this case, the girl was/is the one who initiates.
When he first started courting her, I saw them holding hands. I told them that they could not do it and she frankly answered me back "my mom said we could". I was taken aback. I said nothing for awhile, then answered "But we're not going to do it". They stopped holding hands. But that tells me that she had the intention and asked her mother. (Nobody asked me). My son is(was) too bashful AND respectful. I know he did not start it. But he didn't try to stop it either. A short time later, I observed her laying her head over on him in my living room. I called my son aside and told him not to let her do that. She stopped....for awhile. Again, she was laying over against him on my couch. Since then I have had to get on her for her lounging. We were riding in the car, I happened to look in the rearview mirror to see her head resting on his shoulder. I had been discrete before......But it was then that I openly rebuked her in front of the whole family. I'm sorry but it was the last straw. She is disrespectful of me....now my son is. They have not been allowed anywhere without a chaperone, from day one, but she keeps trying to get around that. He has bought her a ring and they plan to be married this fall. Now he wants to move out of the house on his own even though he promised to finish school first. I explained to him that he was NOT to leave home until he was married. Those are the rules. A couple of nights ago, as I was coming down the stairs, and from the corner of my eye there was a quick "scrambling of legs" on the couch. She doesn't usually move that fast.

I am not comfortable with this situation at all. I have talked with him several times and had my pastor do the same. There are few more factors involved which I won't go into and I fear that there may be more outside influences. The girl comes from a broken home. We alll thought she was sweet at first. But when she saw that I was not passive and expected some rules to be obeyed, she became sullen and defiant. She sulls and rolls her eyes at me, treats me like I'm the old fogey idiot.

But I can't make myself let them hold hands, or for her to lay on him, and even though he is 18, he will not leave home without being married unless it is against my wishes.

I believe with all my heart that my son is saved, but he is not seeing too clearly now. I have told him what the Bible says. "make no provision for the flesh" "honor thy father and mother" "children obey your parents"

My son has always been respectful of me, has NEVER talked back to me until now. Please help me pray about this.


Oh, my friend, my heart hurts for you and your son!!! We went through almost this exact same thing - except that the girl was someone he met at work and we didn't find out about the relationship until it had been going on for almost 2 months. She is not a Christian, although she claims to have been saved when she was little (she was in a Charismatic church, and believes she lost her salvation, so I don't believe she was ever saved). She did her best to pull my son away from church and away from us. The end came when my son decided he was going to leave our home and set up housekeeping...and let her live with him. My husband really feared that I might go crazy! I spent many nights crying and begging God for help and for him to wake my son up.

God intervened when I had to fly out to WA state to be with my mother due to surgery. My older brother invited my son to come there and live with him. He went with me, but was coming back to her. But while he was there, some of his "friends" informed him of what she was doing - seeing other guys after promising him she wouldn't. Upshot of it was, he stayed out there through the summer, and by the time he came home, he was ready to not see her anymore and to submit to our authority - and more importantly, God's.

This made a loooooong and heartbreaking story short, but I posted it to let you know I know exactly what you are going through!!!

Your son does need to respect your rules, and it is a shame that this girl has been so disrespectful. Unfortunately, I know from experience that at this point, your son doesn't want to hear what you have to say - he knows you are right, but his hormones have kicked in, and he is listening to them instead. Pray hard, pray hard. And love your son. Try to spend some time alone with him - without bringing her up. Have some fun with him, discuss the Bible with him (not that aspect, though). Also, talk with him about marriage as the Bible teaches it. Let him tell you what he is looking for in a wife and a life together. This can get him thinking about what is wrong...it did my son! Now he says he can't believe he was that stupid. I can! He was 18, and the Bible clearly warns about wicked women. These girls may be young, but they fit that category!

I will be praying, and I will mention it to my husband. He will be praying, too, with the compassion that comes from a father who has been there. God bless.

And never forget, you raised him in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, he is saved...God the Holy Spirit will convict him!!
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Oh, my friend, my heart hurts for you and your son!!! We went through almost this exact same thing - except that the girl was someone he met at work and we didn't find out about the relationship until it had been going on for almost 2 months. She is not a Christian, although she claims to have been saved when she was little (she was in a Charismatic church, and believes she lost her salvation, so I don't believe she was ever saved). She did her best to pull my son away from church and away from us. The end came when my son decided he was going to leave our home and set up housekeeping...and let her live with him. My husband really feared that I might go crazy! I spent many nights crying and begging God for help and for him to wake my son up.

God intervened when I had to fly out to WA state to be with my mother due to surgery. My older brother invited my son to come there and live with him. He went with me, but was coming back to her. But while he was there, some of his "friends" informed him of what she was doing - seeing other guys after promising him she wouldn't. Upshot of it was, he stayed out there through the summer, and by the time he came home, he was ready to not see her anymore and to submit to our authority - and more importantly, God's.

This made a loooooong and heartbreaking story short, but I posted it to let you know I know exactly what you are going through!!!

Your son does need to respect your rules, and it is a shame that this girl has been so disrespectful. Unfortunately, I know from experience that at this point, your son doesn't want to hear what you have to say - he knows you are right, but his hormones have kicked in, and he is listening to them instead. Pray hard, pray hard. And love your son. Try to spend some time alone with him - without bringing her up. Have some fun with him, discuss the Bible with him (not that aspect, though). Also, talk with him about marriage as the Bible teaches it. Let him tell you what he is looking for in a wife and a life together. This can get him thinking about what is wrong...it did my son! Now he says he can't believe he was that stupid. I can! He was 18, and the Bible clearly warns about wicked women. These girls may be young, but they fit that category!

I will be praying, and I will mention it to my husband. He will be praying, too, with the compassion that comes from a father who has been there. God bless.


Thank you Sister
I appreciate that.

Thanks everyone for the replies.
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Great posting, LuAnne!

It makes me sooo scared for my boys to become teens... and I hope to show the same compassion to other parents of teens now that I will want in the future. Before I had kids, I know I was harder than I should have been. I am embarrassed and ashamed of some of the things I thought about parents back then. Now that I'm trying to raise my own, its a whole different "ballgame"....and its not a game!

Please keep us posted about your son, heartstrings...

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Great posting, LuAnne!
It makes me sooo scared for my boys to become teens... and I hope to show the same compassion to other parents of teens now that I will want in the future. Before I had kids, I know I was harder than I should have been. I am embarrassed and ashamed of some of the things I thought about parents back then. Now that I'm trying to raise my own, its a whole different "ballgame"....and its not a game!


Suzy, one of the big things to remember is that "evil communications corrupt good manners." Our son knew what was right, but because of the people with whom he worked - most of them non-Christians - and the fact that he was spending more time with them than with us - he worked 40 hours, until 1 a.m., and slept during the day - he was drawn away. "Good manners" can be corrupted when a child is young, and the parent won't necessarily know it until it is too late. Parents need to really watch their kids' friends! Remember - "Amnon had a friend." And as you mentioned, compassion - not looking the other way as they sin, but true Christ-like compassion - is vital as we work with anyone, especially our own children.
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He indeed has no right to tell somebody else's grown daughter what to do when the mother said she can do it, whether he likes it or not.

My father in law thinks he can tell me what to do, but I'm not his child. He can't even tell my husband what to do anymore but he sure tries.

Katy-Anne

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He indeed has no right to tell somebody else's grown daughter what to do when the mother said she can do it, whether he likes it or not.

My father in law thinks he can tell me what to do, but I'm not his child. He can't even tell my husband what to do anymore but he sure tries.

Katy-Anne



Sorry but whether you like it or not...if you are under his roof, you abide by his rules. Period. Its especially true for an unmarried 18 year old who is still living under his father's financial support.
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If the child makes his own money he can move out and be free of those rules if that is the way he is going to go. At eighteen a person is old enough to get married. It's not like a parent can forcibly make their eighteen year old live at home. Lots of people have been married at eighteen, I don't know why it's so frowned upon here, because the ones that got married at 18 are the ones that are still married today...I know several of them.

The verses you use to say no touching are being taken out of context big time. My husband and I held hands and we didn't even have our first kiss till our wedding day so saying it makes you want to go further is a heap of made up junk.

Katy-Anne

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He indeed has no right to tell somebody else's grown daughter what to do when the mother said she can do it, whether he likes it or not.

My father in law thinks he can tell me what to do, but I'm not his child. He can't even tell my husband what to do anymore but he sure tries.

Katy-Anne


Katy-Anne, this girl is in this father's home, purposely doing something she knows this man disapproves of. She is absolutely unscriptural, and he is absolutely right!!! It is his home, not hers and not her mother's. Her mother may have given her permission to hold hands, but this father never gave any such permission - in fact, let them know he didn't approve.

Both the girl and the son are thumbing their noses, symbolically, at this father...and that is rebellion, pure and simple. Just because the world says that someone is an adult at 18 doesn't make it so! God gave children to parents to train, and it doesn't end at 18 - I can attest to that.

If your father-in-law is always trying to tell you what to do, your husband needs to stand up to him and inform him that he (your husband) is the head of your home. This situation is nowhere near that. It is the situation of a young, dumb kid (sorry 18 year olds, but it's true! :smile ) being led astray by a stupid girl who thinks she knows more than the young man's father.

You don't have children that age yet, it is obvious. I hate to say this, but your attitude shows some need of adjusting...or this will affect your kids in the future. You may not think so, but it will.

Are you praying for this young man? Or do you really believe there is no problem?

Yes, an 18 year old can move out - by the world's standards. Just turning 18 isn't a magic number. And nowadays, most marriages that begin when someone is 18 end before long. Not good odds.

You have no right to cast aspersions on the way this man has raised his son. He is asking from a broken heart for prayer...are you praying?
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If the child makes his own money he can move out and be free of those rules if that is the way he is going to go. At eighteen a person is old enough to get married. It's not like a parent can forcibly make their eighteen year old live at home. Lots of people have been married at eighteen, I don't know why it's so frowned upon here, because the ones that got married at 18 are the ones that are still married today...I know several of them.

The verses you use to say no touching are being taken out of context big time. My husband and I held hands and we didn't even have our first kiss till our wedding day so saying it makes you want to go further is a heap of made up junk.

Katy-Anne


Does your Bible version add in "when your 18" to those verses? You are speaking from your own mind and feelings. Where are the Bible verses here? A person should always be under their parent's authority, especially when it comes to marriage.

And maybe holding hands didn't affect you. But for a lot of hormone-high guys, it stirs up feelings that shouldn't be there until after marriage. To make a blanket statement like you did is very wrong.

Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and not honoring their father in the situation mentioned is rebellion.
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I must admit that no I am not praying because holding hands with his girlfriend is not sin and he needs to be free to make some decisions. His father has no right to tell his girlfriend what to do. I'm pregnant and when my kid gets to 18 I won't be upset if he/she holds hands, it ain't wrong. It would be different if his son was doing something wrong. I'd pray then. You all think I'll change when my kid turns 18, but the thing is holding hands is not wrong and at 18 I'm going to be hoping that my kid makes most of his own choices like an adult. Makes no sense to be brokenhearted about your son doing something that isn't wrong. No wonder he wants to rebel...he's being treated like a small child.

Katy-Anne

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Does your Bible version add in "when your 18" to those verses? You are speaking from your own mind and feelings. Where are the Bible verses here? A person should always be under their parent's authority, especially when it comes to marriage.

And maybe holding hands didn't affect you. But for a lot of hormone-high guys, it stirs up feelings that shouldn't be there until after marriage. To make a blanket statement like you did is very wrong.

Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and not honoring their father in the situation mentioned is rebellion.


:goodpost: My hubby still gets a thrill (and so do I! :wink ) when we hold hands.
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