Lets Talk About Pastors Children's

[HappyChristian]

What about if you've got an adult child or older teen that rebels and leaves home? Should that count against the pastor?

Many people believe it does.  I would have to say if the child is still in the home and leaves out of rebellion, yes.  But once the child becomes an adult, he/she has to make his/her own choices.  I've heard it preached that if you raise them right they'll choose right.  But kids are not robots. They are sinners just as much as the parents are. And they make dumb choices, too, because of that. 

 

A good example is Adam and Eve.  They were made perfect. They spoke and walked with God.  And yet they chose to go their own way.  How can we say that our children would never do that?

[The Glory Land]

What about if you've got an adult child or older teen that rebels and leaves home? Should that count against the pastor?

 

Only if the pastor trying to controls who he is dating.

[Ukulelemike]

Sometimes people have unreasonable expectations of pastor's kids... They're just kids. It's the father who was called into the ministry, not their sons/daughters.

Or their wives. Its great when a pastor's wife is involved somewhere, but when a church EXPECTS her to be a teacher or run a ladies' Bible study because she's the pator's wife, (and thus, to many, the co-pastor), its wrong. She's called to be the pastor's wife, and we pastors know what a hardship that can be, amiright?

[DaveW]

True Uke......

[Anon]

Free will.....while the child is under the roof he should be under the father's instruction.  However...I mean....I could decide tomorrow to be a lesbian (hypothetically speaking, of course) and it would certainly not be my husband's fault, or my dad's fault.  It would disqualify my husband, but it would not disqualify my dad, because I used my free will to sin.

 

I know a pastor whose son came out as gay later in life after he was married.  That had NOTHING to do with his pastor father and everything to do with his sinful personal choices.

[The Glory Land]

What do the scriptures teach about a Pastor's children? Shouldn't he rule his house well and shouldn't they be in subjection to him?

A Pastor's child who is rebellious for a long time would no longer be qualified to pastor a New Testament Church. Rebellious in this sense means disruptive and getting into trouble, not rejection of the Gospel.

You or we cannot put a recovery time on a young man. Moses and many more men of God live the wild life first my friend.

[Pastorj]

I was a pastor for 15 years. I am currently out of the ministry due to this very issue.

 

At my last church, the people almost destroyed my children. It has taken 7 years and I am finally seeing my son turn around. He is a good kid, just became so bitter it turned to extreme anger. A teenager has a difficult time dealing with that.

 

My two cents.

It is extremely important for pastors to shield their wives and children. I put no higher expectation on either than what I expected of any other person in the church. I made it clear to the church that my wife served because she wanted to and that they did not hire her, they called me.

 

The qualifications are clear and I believe that there are many pastors who are disqualified from the ministry due to their family. We can lay the blame on the deacons or the people of the church, but in the end it is our responsibility to raise our children.

 

Though many would say that I did nothing to disqualify myself from the ministry, I am still disqualified for now.

 

One question that was asked: What if they are adult children. - In the Bible, you were a child or you were an adult. I believe that 1 Tim. 3 is referring to children. Though this age was 12 in Bible times, I believe it is more while they are living under your roof, rather than a specific age.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[The Glory Land]

I was a pastor for 15 years. I am currently out of the ministry due to this very issue.

At my last church, the people almost destroyed my children. It has taken 7 years and I am finally seeing my son turn around. He is a good kid, just became so bitter it turned to extreme anger. A teenager has a difficult time dealing with that.

My two cents.
It is extremely important for pastors to shield their wives and children. I put no higher expectation on either than what I expected of any other person in the church. I made it clear to the church that my wife served because she wanted to and that they did not hire her, they called me.

The qualifications are clear and I believe that there are many pastors who are disqualified from the ministry due to their family. We can lay the blame on the deacons or the people of the church, but in the end it is our responsibility to raise our children.

Though many would say that I did nothing to disqualify myself from the ministry, I am still disqualified for now.

One question that was asked: What if they are adult children. - In the Bible, you were a child or you were an adult. I believe that 1 Tim. 3 is referring to children. Though this age was 12 in Bible times, I believe it is more while they are living under your roof, rather than a specific age.

Just my 2 cents.

Are you ready to come back? Christians can be a stumbling blocks not just our children. There is a differants between the two, You can spank young children but not your immature Christian members.

[ASongOfDegrees]

I know of two cases in which a preacher's kids went in complete opposite directions. One was a evangelist by the name of Dave Arnold. He had two sons that were less than two years apart and the oldest followed him into the ministry and the younger ended up a rebel and thug.

 

I know of a similar case that involved two sisters. One loved God and the other ended up a tattooed whore living with some gangsta.

 

My point is that in both cases the children were raised in identical situations in a house that served God and yet one still ended up following their own free will and turn out to be a big zero for God. These things happen and I'm tired of self righteous Christians assuming that somehow that pastor must have sin in his life if his children or wife rebels. People have free will. Christians rebel against Jesus Christ all the time. Does this mean Christ should be disqualified from the ministry?

[Pastorj]

The qualifications are specific to Pastors, not evangelists.

 

Children can and do disqualify men from the ministry. I understand that children can go wayward even in a good home. I pray my son will turn out to be a Godly young man. Over the last couple years, he has come a long way.

 

On a personal note - I am always open to the leading of the Lord. If He wants me in the ministry, I am willing. God does not call men who are disqualified though, so I am not expecting the call from the Lord. When I meet His qualifications again, then maybe He will renew His call.

 

Thanks

Ed

[Anon]

I worry about our current situation hurting my kids quite a bit.....having issues both with our struggling church AND with the Christian school they attend.   

 

Sometimes it's hard to know when it's time to step back and take stock of things instead of just charging forward where God put you.   Of course I don't make these decisions anyway.

 

pastorJ did you have a clear leading of a God or did you just say "Enough is enough" and move?

[candlelight]

All of my first pastor's four children are serving the Lord.  His oldest son is my pastor, his second oldest son is a missionary, and his two girls attend faithfully.  Although, his youngest daughter is a little rebellious.  I believe she just needs time to grow and our church is helping her with this.  She also highly respects her brother who is a missionary.  Who knows?  The Lord may move her husband and family into that field.
 

The pastor at the church we were at for four years has three children.  His youngest daughter and her husband serve in the church as the youth directors.  The pastor had to take his oldest son out of his ministry, in the church, because he wasn't faithful, and he is rebellious.  His second oldest son would come to church off and on.  However, he doesn't have the rebellious issues.  I would always feel badly for this pastor, b/c he would tell me how proud he is of my first pastor, because his two boys are both serving in the ministry.  He would actually beat himself up, emotionally, and I tried to encourage him not doing that.
 

Also, I do agree with you kitagrl about a trade or education.  I believe people need to have something to fall back on, and not all preacher's children or missionary's children are called to serve in the ministry.  They need a job, in order to live.  Many Christians are also in the "help's ministry" like my husband and I.  My husband grew up seeing how hard his dad and mom worked, and Joe doesn't like to deal with people's problems like I do.  He had his fill growing up.  He is great at labor, and had a big job in rebuilding our old country church, in the city, two times.  He also worked maintenance in the other church, while I worked with the homeless woman and on the bus ministry.  If we do decide to move down near WV, that is going to be his ministry.  We will build up that church, which is growing, as my pastor's missionary's son is being called back to Scotland to plant more churches, there.  My husband and I are very good with young adults.  He will work with the young men and I will work with encouraging his MK daughters, unless they go back to Scotland with their parents, along with the newly saved women in the church.  

I also want to throw in MK's, as well into the mix.  It is difficult for these children, as well. 

[Pastorj]

Kitagrl - I would be happy to discuss it with you any time you would like.

[mkrishna]

Only if the pastor trying to controls who he is dating.

Interesting you say this, as I use to be a part of a false Church of Christ before becoming a true believer, and they expected all the singles in the church to go on dates once a week with others in the church so that the brother can be giving to the sister. In that sense, the church controlled dating. This is the only church group I know who did that.

[Salyan]

Interesting you say this, as I use to be a part of a false Church of Christ before becoming a true believer, and they expected all the singles in the church to go on dates once a week with others in the church so that the brother can be giving to the sister. In that sense, the church controlled dating. This is the only church group I know who did that.

 

Wha-at?! What does that mean - 'the brother can be giving to the sister'? I've never heard of such a setup before!

Reminds me somewhat of the Mennonites - at least as far as their fixation on matching up couples!