A Dying Breed

[Pastorj]

Couple questions

1. Regarding Thank you cards: To those who do not do them, do you do anything other than give a verbal thank you?

2. Regarding names and regions: I grew up in New England where the use of the first name is a more recent thing (40 year old generation). I live in Michigan now where the older generation is offended when kids use the first name, but again, my generation thinks it is no big deal. I have been in the south a number of times and have asked people this question and in most cases the older people don't like the use of the first name by kids while the people of my generation again think it is not a big deal.

My question then is: When did your region stop using the last name for children?

Thanks again,

[Anon]

My kids call adults whatever the adult calls himself. Even in our own church they have a teacher named "Miss Dawn" and "Miss Sommer" (Although the second is a teenager) but then many of the adults definitely prefer their last name and we do have our kids use last names (by default) unless the adult specifically calls themselves "Miss Somebody" to them. We also try to teach the boys to say "Yes ma'am" and "Yes Sir" when given a command although they do not always do that. I will say that first names are totally more common down south than up here, for sure. I remember moving here from SC and accidentally calling one of the adults "Miss Somebody" and they were NOT impressed. Oops.

"Please" and especially "Thank You" are very important at our house... Today at the dr's office I unwrapped a lollipop for my 2 year old (almost 3) and out of habit he said "Thank you" to me at the sign-out place and the secretary kinda laughed and said how cute that was...I imagine its pretty rare!

Thank-you cards...okay I have dropped the ball on this one....I used to be really really good with doing it, and made the kids do it too...but lately I have just been thanking the person sincerely and several times in person and making the kids do it too...I will say thank you for the reminder and I need to get back to doing it again. I still do write thank you cards for some things... and sometimes I do it in an email or something as well. I can't think of too many things lately that needed thank you cards tho except maybe a few things for the boys' birthdays but not a ton. Hmmm.

Modesty...yes I've noticed it. Even I admit I do not wear quite as loose and baggy of clothing as I wore say 15 years ago. (still more modest than almost anyone else, at least around here!) But here at least modesty is like GONE...I think maybe down south more women wear jean skirts and stuff but up here almost everyone wears whatever they want. Frankly its really hard esp for women, when they know their husband is going to see skin and shape everywhere they go...and women don't want to look frumpy with clothing 2 sizes too big just to hide everything. Its hard to get a good balance between modestly pleasing, and immodest. I honestly don't think any of us know what true modesty in God's eyes is...I have a hunch all of us would cover our bodies more if God walked into the room.

[Crushmaster]

1. I say Brother/Mister/Miss (insert first name).

2. Depends on the situation.

3. Definitely. I cannot believe how rampant immodesty is...
God bless,
Joel ><>.
2 Chronicles 7:14.

[JerryNumbers]

I think its OK to say, Hello Bro.first name, but its not OK to just address an elder by their first name. Today not many parents teach their children to show respect when speaking to their elders. PrOBably the parents do not know nothing about respect.

Same thing with thank you cards, it seems parent who never send a than you card raise children who never send them. PrOBably they do not believe in thanking people for doing kind things for them.

Modesty, be very few people who know what modesty really is, even among saved people. The world is rebelling completely from God's ways.

I might add, few young people will say yes sir, or no sir, to an elder. It shows a complete lack of respect.

I don't expect everyone here to agree with me, for I understand many do not know what respect is.

[CPR]

Couple questions

1. Regarding Thank you cards: To those who do not do them, do you do anything other than give a verbal thank you?

2. Regarding names and regions: I grew up in New England where the use of the first name is a more recent thing (40 year old generation). I live in Michigan now where the older generation is offended when kids use the first name, but again, my generation thinks it is no big deal. I have been in the south a number of times and have asked people this question and in most cases the older people don't like the use of the first name by kids while the people of my generation again think it is not a big deal.

My question then is: When did your region stop using the last name for children?

Thanks again,

I'm only in my mid-twenties, but I don't remember a time when it wasn't acceptable to address an adult by Mr/Miss first name. The exception of course is school or maybe another formal setting. I know my parents, who are in their late fifties/early sixties, tend to address adults like this as well and prefer it when children address them by their first names. They teach a sunday school class and all of the children call them Mr/Miss first name. My grandparents, who are in their eighties, also have children call them by their first names. Sometimes, in their small town even the children that aren't related end up calling them whatever the grandchildren call them! I also know that they referred to adults older than them (the ones still living, esp when I was younger) by their first name preceded by Mr/Miss. Of course my reference points are from the deep south (SC and GA), but people I know from other parts of the south seem to have similar experiences. The only time I can think of where adults are really called by their last name is teachers at school.

Something other people have brought up that I didn't mention is the yes m'am/sir thing. I was always taught to say that and most children I know in the south still today are taught to say that. Who growing up in the south doesn't remember the endless prompting from their parents, "Yes, what?" Hahaha! I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I've heard that that's not considered polite in the northeast and children are supposed to just say yes or no. I imagine that varies from family to family and from area to area.

It's an interesting conversation though. Someone could be acting politely as they understand it and be considered rude by someone else. And this is all in the same country! It seems that we should all remember this when interacting with people from different areas of the country and world and try to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

[Anon]

Actually while my parents were lost....my mom was raised calling her parents mostly by their first names....strange but I guess even in the 50's and 60's people did that.

[John81]

I honestly don't think any of us know what true modesty in God's eyes is...I have a hunch all of us would cover our bodies more if God walked into the room.

This reminds me of after the resurrection where Peter and the others were fishing and Jesus showed up. We are told Peter put clothes on before going to the Lord.

One thing we often fail to consider in the modesty issue is that modesty isn't just about us dressing so we aren't dressing sinfully; but also about dressing so our dress doesn't give occasion for others to sin.

When I was first saved I used to wear tank tops and sleeveless shirts. I'd see how women would look at me and could tell what they were thinking but it never dawned on me then that I was giving occasion for them to sin. For many years now I've not worn such clothes in public, not because I feel immodest but because I've been convicted about how some others view me in such clothes.

[Anon]

Yeah right John81...those women were prOBably thinking "Oh heavens, spare us!!!!" LOL just kidding! Just thought I'd pick on the male ego thing, couldn't resist....

[John81]

Actually while my parents were lost....my mom was raised calling her parents mostly by their first names....strange but I guess even in the 50's and 60's people did that.

I've known two families where the children did that. Totally disrespectful and it's the parents fault. In both families, as the children got older they were also allowed to cuss out their parents when arguing. First of all, I'd been popped for calling my parents by name, secondly, had I cussed at them I wouldn't want to know what they would have done!

Sometimes I hear children speaking so disrespectfully to their mothers in stores that I really have a hard time not saying something to them.

[John81]

Yeah right John81...those women were prOBably thinking "Oh heavens, spare us!!!!" LOL just kidding! Just thought I'd pick on the male ego thing, couldn't resist....

They prOBably would for sure these days!

Don't worry, my male ego can take it

[Annie]

Couple questions

1. Regarding Thank you cards: To those who do not do them, do you do anything other than give a verbal thank you?

2. Regarding names and regions: I grew up in New England where the use of the first name is a more recent thing (40 year old generation). I live in Michigan now where the older generation is offended when kids use the first name, but again, my generation thinks it is no big deal. I have been in the south a number of times and have asked people this question and in most cases the older people don't like the use of the first name by kids while the people of my generation again think it is not a big deal.

My question then is: When did your region stop using the last name for children?

Thanks again,

1. Yes, we do. Sometimes we make/buy/give a "thank-you gift." Sometimes we send an email or ecard. Sometimes we send a paper thank-you card. Sometimes we make an "extra" phone call (which is verbal, but it is an additional expression of thanks). Sometimes, we return the favor...Like if someone takes our family out to eat, we take theirs out to eat as an expression of thanks. We think that expressing gratefulness is important, and we try to tailor that expression to whatever seems most appropriate for the situation and for the person.

2. If adults were offended when kids use their first names (or if we knew a particular adult that was offended), we wouldn't do it for those people. I am 36 years old...have been living and working in the South (North and South Carolina) since 1990...have read regional/Southern historical literature from "way back,"...and do not recall a time when adults were commonly addressed by last name only. Of course, there are exceptions. I would never have called my professors at BJU "Dr. Sam" or "Ms. Connie" (although the president of the university was called "Dr. BOB" by everyone; that was his preference). And, in more formal conversations (when two parties are not on a first-name basis, such as when a doctor's office calls to confirm an appointment), the title and last name are used. But these are about the only exceptions. That's just friendly Southern culture...Using only titles with last names would be a dead giveaway that "yer not from around these parts, are ya?" and that "ya might even be a stuck-up Yankee."

[amblivion]

I agree completely annie. Where I grew up by default I always called everyone Mr. or Mrs. or miss with their last name following. As I stated earlier, after moving to Nebraska it was a complete different things. The folks were actually offended when I called them Mr. Smith. I learned very quickly that I was to use first names without Mr. Mrs. or Miss. After about the fourth time of calling someone Mr. (last name) he turned around and said what did you call me? I never called him Mr. so and so again.

Since when is it disrespectful to respect the wishes of the elder?

IMO if you want to be called Mr. Walker or whatever you want to be called then introduce yourself that way.

Edited July 14, 2010 by amblivion

[1Timothy115]

I hold to these same values.

I'll add a question; why aren't these values based on scripture anymore?

[HappyChristian]

I remember as a child one time I was staying all night at my grandparents' house. Grandpa was shaving, and Grandma was getting ready to fix breakfast. She came to the bathroom where I was watching (standing outside) my grandpa shave (for some reason, that just fascinated me...I didn't have a dad at the time, so I think my grandpa was humoring me ). She said, "John, what would you like for breakfast?" He didn't hear her, so helpful me (I'm laughing as I type this) leaned in and said, "John, grandma asked what you want for breakfast." Time seemed to stop. My grandma turned and looked at me in shock (or so it seemed to me). Grandpa stopped shaving and turned to look at me...and I knew my goose was cooked. He simply said, "You don't call me John." NEVER from that day have I addressed an adult by their first name unless introduced as that or told to (and even when told to, not until I was an adult, with the exception of my mom's best friend). I will never forget that. See - my grandpa had an IMMENSE influence one me.

When I was teaching school, we had a family who was from Missouri (we were living in OH at the time). Their oldest son, who was not yet in junior high, addressed me as Miss LuAnne. I have to tell you I didn't like that. I was introduced to him as Mrs. DePriest, not Miss LuAnne. But I knew that southern custom was Miss first name. So I talked with my hubby, who told me to talk with his mom. I did. She apologized and we discussed the southern way of addressing folk. I told her I understood, but that I wanted to be addressed as Mrs. DePriest (and she knew I wasn't mad: I just didn't think it was proper. Perhaps if I lived in the south it would have been okay, but I didn't and I don't). So, he began addressing me with my surname.

When I attended college in FL, there were no first names used. Kids in the schools even had to address college students with their surname. Here, kids address college students with Mr./Miss and first name usually (unless they are student teachers). We never allowed our son to do that, until he was in high school, closer to their age.

[chev1958]

Using only titles with last names would be a dead giveaway that "yer not from around these parts, are ya?" and that "ya might even be a stuck-up Yankee

Sorry, I've got to disagree somewhat. I was born and raised in the mountains of North Carolina (1960s-early 80s), and only the youngest children were allowed to call adults "Mr/Mrs/Miss First Name." Upon entering school, children dropped the first names and used the last names when addressing adults, both from the family and outside the family. "Sir" and "ma'am" were always required if you didn't use names.

I even called my grandparents by their last names when necessary (if "Grandma" or "Grandpa" wasn't enough), but never by their first names. Now, children could call their aunts and uncles by their first names, but only when "aunt" and "uncle" were included, i.e., "Uncle Mark" or "Aunt Vicki." My mother's sister - my "Aunt Malynda" - told me once to call her simply "Malynda," but that didn't fly with my mother. And my mother explained to my aunt, who had no children of her own, why I couldn't just call her "Malynda."

As a side note, true North Carolinians never say "ya," y'all.