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Posted

Sorry, I've got to disagree somewhat. I was born and raised in the mountains of North Carolina (1960s-early 80s),

Hey, that's where I live...western NC! What town were you from?

and only the youngest children were allowed to call adults "Mr/Mrs/Miss First Name." Upon entering school, children dropped the first names and used the last names when addressing adults, both from the family and outside the family. "Sir" and "ma'am" were always required if you didn't use names.

It's interesting how customs can differ, even from town to town, family to family, church to church. I think the main point everyone agrees on is to do what is considered respectful by the community one is a part of...or the people with whom one is interacting.

As a side note, true North Carolinians never say "ya," y'all. :icon_mrgreen:

LOL. I was trying to figure out how to spell the word we use for the singular "you." "Ya" ("yuh"?) seemed best. I have indeed enjoyed adding the word y'all to my vocabulary since moving here, though. It's a very handy word. It's funny, because our pastor has a very thick Michigan accent, but throws in y'all liberally in conversation.

Side note to Happy Christian: I grew up in western Missouri. We did not consider ourselves southerners at all...maybe because we lived in the city. I was taught to call most adults "Mrs./Mr. Lastname." But, on the other hand, there were adults that we called by first name only (with no title)...My granny, who lived out in the country, referred to all her friends that way, and had us do the same..."Gordon" lived down by Aunt Florence, and "Jerry" lived up the road at the dairy farm. "Al" and "Ruth" were regular customers at my parents' restaurant, etc. So, moving down South was different for me; it sounded funny to me to use a "proper title" like "Mr." with a person's first name (which, to me, sounded more casual).
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Posted

Actually while my parents were lost....my mom was raised calling her parents mostly by their first names....strange but I guess even in the 50's and 60's people did that.



Of course they did, I had a friend in the 50's and 60's who called his father and mother by their 1st names. I recall hearing many people speak of how sad that was, his parents not teaching their only son to show respect to them and everyone else.

The thing is now days we just have many more of these people who fail to teach their children to show respect. Oh, they know not how nor what it is to show respect.


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Side note to Happy Christian: I grew up in western Missouri. We did not consider ourselves southerners at all...maybe because we lived in the city. I was taught to call most adults "Mrs./Mr. Lastname." But, on the other hand, there were adults that we called by first name only (with no title)...My granny, who lived out in the country, referred to all her friends that way, and had us do the same..."Gordon" lived down by Aunt Florence, and "Jerry" lived up the road at the dairy farm. "Al" and "Ruth" were regular customers at my parents' restaurant, etc. So, moving down South was different for me; it sounded funny to me to use a "proper title" like "Mr." with a person's first name (which, to me, sounded more casual).


I think this family was from the southern part of MO. Isn't it funny how grandparents can differ? I think mine were (are, with one gma still living) 10-20 years older than yours, but still...
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Posted

Thank you for the information. I find it interesting and have come to the realization that I am old fashioned in this area and it is becoming "OOOOLLLDDD" fashion fast.

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Thank you for the information. I find it interesting and have come to the realization that I am old fashioned in this area and it is becoming "OOOOLLLDDD" fashion fast.


Showing respect is not being old fashion.
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Posted (edited)

Some people sure would have a difficult time if they enter the Military them had to go through basic training. The could not stand to say "Yes Sir, No Sir, nor the saluting of an officer."

I known my oldest grandson did not have that prOBlem in the Marines, for he always said "Yes Sir and No Sir," to his elders. Saying such words is not out of date, for even my grandson that enters the 10th grade this coming school year even says these words to his elders as well, few, that is very few, there be that respects anyone but self.

Edited by Jerry80871852
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Posted

There are a few of us left, but we are a dying breed.


I think that this thread has shown that respect isn't dying at all. In fact, it's been quite interesting to discuss how it is shown differently from region to region and even areas within regions! There will always be disrespectful people, but I think all of us here, both young and old, have put forth ways that we commonly show respect. Since we've all had this exchange it will prOBably serve us all well the next time we have an exchange with someone who doesn't show respect in the way we are accustomed to. For example, if someone calls you Miss Jane instead of Mrs. Smith or fails to say Sir after they answer yes or no, perhaps before feeling slighted or thinking that kids these days just don't show respect we should remember that that response is appropriate and respectful in many areas of the country. I know I will, as I've found this to be an interesting and enlightening discussion.
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I think that this thread has shown that respect isn't dying at all. In fact, it's been quite interesting to discuss how it is shown differently from region to region and even areas within regions! There will always be disrespectful people, but I think all of us here, both young and old, have put forth ways that we commonly show respect. Since we've all had this exchange it will prOBably serve us all well the next time we have an exchange with someone who doesn't show respect in the way we are accustomed to. For example, if someone calls you Miss Jane instead of Mrs. Smith or fails to say Sir after they answer yes or no, perhaps before feeling slighted or thinking that kids these days just don't show respect we should remember that that response is appropriate and respectful in many areas of the country. I know I will, as I've found this to be an interesting and enlightening discussion.

You make a good point here, CPR. Respect is an inner attitude that can be expressed in many different ways, depending on tradition, culture, custom, etc. When a child calls me "Mrs. Lastname," yet responds to my questions with "Yeah," instead of "Yes, Ma'am," I'm not offended because I realize that person is showing respect in the way he/she is being taught. The attitude is respectful, even though the expression might not be the same as I'm accustomed to, or that I require of my own kids. It would, IMO, be prideful for me to correct such a person, or insist to be called something different. (Sometimes I say, "Oh, please just call me Ms. Annie, OK?")

Certainly, there are children who are disrespectful...but it's the expression of the attitude--the body language, the tone of voice--not the words themselves, which communicate that disrespect.
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Posted
...but it's the expression of the attitude--the body language, the tone of voice--not the words themselves, which communicate that disrespect.


Really? Well I thank madam for her opinion on the matter.

;-)
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Posted

In my family we usually will address people as Mr. or Miss and the person's first name when it is people we see on a regular basis... our friends... people at church, etc. But if it is someone new or someone we don't talk with often we do use the last name instead.

Thank you notes...ahhh this is one of those areas where I fail. Not out of laziness but out of forgetfulness. I can write a thank you note with full intention on giving it to the person and will forget it time and time and time again. Now I make a point of telling the person directly how thankful I am for the gift, and usually give them a hug (If it is from a sister... if from a brother I will shake their hand). If the gift is a gift of food, I will usually gift the same in return as another way of saying thank you.

How to properly thank one though kind of varies from region to region. I know many people who would rather have a personal verbal thank you then a hand written note. Either way though shows you are taking the time to show the person that whatever the gift was, it meant something to you. I think to say that for someone to just say thank you is not enough is just as disrespectful as someone not bothering to say thank you at all. But that is just my opinion.

The modesty issue... well I used to be muslim and yes I covered as muslim women do... so now, at times, I feel quite uncovered lol. I have noticed that it is becoming harder and harder to find clothes that cover modestly. I didn't have as much of a prOBlem finding modest clothing a few years ago. I have noticed that more and more people are not only walking around with less covered but also going to church with less covered and I think what bothers me the most about that is it seems no one addresses this issue at church... well I should say rarely. We had a young teen that always wore very short shorts. One of the ladies at church finally went and bought the girl some more modest clothing and told her she could have them for free if the girl never wore those shorts again... PTL she agreed!

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Posted



The modesty issue... well I used to be muslim and yes I covered as muslim women do... so now, at times, I feel quite uncovered lol. I have noticed that it is becoming harder and harder to find clothes that cover modestly. I didn't have as much of a prOBlem finding modest clothing a few years ago. I have noticed that more and more people are not only walking around with less covered but also going to church with less covered and I think what bothers me the most about that is it seems no one addresses this issue at church... well I should say rarely. We had a young teen that always wore very short shorts. One of the ladies at church finally went and bought the girl some more modest clothing and told her she could have them for free if the girl never wore those shorts again... PTL she agreed!


Thankfully my daugthers grown and married with children of her own because it is indeed hard to find modest womens clothes these days. Most of what is sold is designed to be "sexy", even clothes for pre-teen girls!

It is true that far too few speak out on the modesty issue and even when women or girls wear something immodest to church, most churches ignore it because they don't want to offend anyone. Praise God for those like the lady who helped a girl to dress right!
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Posted

I consider myself to be part of a dying breed because I believe it to be a sign of complete disrespect for a child to call any adult by their first name whether that Adult asks to be called that way or not. I to this day call my pastor's wife (while I was growing up) Mrs. Last Name. There are many people in our current church, I call by Mr or Mrs last name.

I do not believe this to be regional. I believe that the majority of America believed this way until the mid 20th century. Some parts of the country moved away from this teaching earlier than others.

Why is it disrespectful? It lowers the authority level of the adult to the same as the child. It makes them on the same level. Children are children, not adults and need to realize they do not have the same privileges as adults. When a teacher allows children to call them by their first name, it eliminates their authority in the classroom. Not one of my professors allowed me to call them by their first name. Our society has allowed the first name to become common, but that is my point. Those of us who believe this to be disrespectful are part of a dying breed.

I didn't mean for this to get into an argument. I was asking, because my wife and I feel like we are the only ones we know that believe this way and our kids think we are old fashioned and I agree.

Thanks for everyone's input. I am going to close my own thread as I got the answer I was looking for.

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