Hand holding....

[PreacherBen]

I posted the following post not too long ago, but thought it aprapo (sp?) to the discussion at hand.

...............former post............

I would like to propose that you steer your son away from dating (which would include hand holding.) I grew up in the dating culture, but then again, I was not saved or in church either. Most of us did, I imagine. Our youth pastor back in Texas taught on dating on Wednesday night, it was very good. His premise was that dating sets one up for divorce because, "If this one doesn't work out, I'll drop her/him and get another." You might think that is absurd, but look at the divorce stats in the IFB movement. It is not good.

I raised my son not practicing dating and I have had friends, relatives, and brethren ask, "How is he going to meet Miss Right?" Well, I told them, God knows where Miss Right is and that He will bring them together.

Not too long ago, my son spied out a godly young lady at a youth Bible conference and he came to me and Mama and ask us what we thought. I told him we would pray about it and see what the Lord would do. He was good with that.

Children do not know what is best for them, that is why we make them brush their teeth, take a bath, etc. Teens have more sense then that, but they are also overcharged with hormones (remember? ) and we need to direct them in these issues.

A girlfriend can devestate a young man. Some take break up like water off a ducks back and others go into very negative behaviour as a result. They can reap bad consequences because we did not have the forsight to direct them otherwise.

Some food for thought.

Oh, by the way, I married my 23, or 24th girl friend (can't remember exact number,) we, by the grace of God do well, but we do have baggage in the closet. I wish mom and dad had taught me different.

[Guest Guest]

Ltl, I don't believe parents should choose their children's marriage partners. Go read my family's situation again. They like the divorcee better than the virgin.

Katy-Anne

[HappyChristian]

KatyAnne--All I know is that before I had kids, I said stuff like "My five year old will NEVER act like that, I won't tolerate it!" Well um, I still don't tolerate it, but I have a six year old (and a four and a two) who does stuff I would have judged somebody else's five year old for doing!!!!

So I know for a FACT that even for the best parents, the teen years are a struggle...and the more we judge others for their parenting methods the more we will wish we had kept our mouths shut. God warns that the same measure we mete will be meted to us again...the same judgement will come back upon us.

You think his kid deserves freedom? KatyAnne you should pray that your child never expects all that freedom. You might be mature enough to know right from wrong...but most 18 year olds do not unless they are walking very close to the Lord...which is getting hard to find even in the best homes.

Before I had kids I thought I knew everything about raising kids.

Now that I have three, I realize I know NOTHING about raising kids.

And the teen years freak me out because I know that by that time I'll realize I know a negative number of some sort about raising kids!

Suzy, it's when we realize that we know nothing that God can take our ignorance and pour in His knowledge, wisdom and blessings...because then is when we seek it and Him!

And I think college is good...if God is leading in that direction, whatever the life plan God has. I do know many people who don't allow their daughters to attend a college away from home, but at least they can attend!

Yep - children are all different, families are different. That's why we need to follow God's Word instead of our feelings! "Flee youthful lusts" comes to mind...as Suzy said, nix it so there is no opportunity allowed to them where they can sin (they will still sin, but why make it easy on 'em? :tum )

[Anon]

Ltl, I don't believe parents should choose their children's marriage partners. Go read my family's situation again. They like the divorcee better than the virgin.

Katy-Anne

"My family's situation", especially if it is not a good one, should have no bearing on what you believe God expects in child rearing.

[kevinmiller]

Join the college at home revolution!

I'm 19, hopefully will have 81 credits the end of this week, and planning to graduate the end of this year with a four-year, accredited, BSBA in Small Business for under $10k. :thumb

[Anon]

I posted the following post not too long ago, but thought it aprapo (sp?) to the discussion at hand.

...............former post............

I would like to propose that you steer your son away from dating (which would include hand holding.) I grew up in the dating culture, but then again, I was not saved or in church either. Most of us did, I imagine. Our youth pastor back in Texas taught on dating on Wednesday night, it was very good. His premise was that dating sets one up for divorce because, "If this one doesn't work out, I'll drop her/him and get another." You might think that is absurd, but look at the divorce stats in the IFB movement. It is not good.

I raised my son not practicing dating and I have had friends, relatives, and brethren ask, "How is he going to meet Miss Right?" Well, I told them, God knows where Miss Right is and that He will bring them together.

Not too long ago, my son spied out a godly young lady at a youth Bible conference and he came to me and Mama and ask us what we thought. I told him we would pray about it and see what the Lord would do. He was good with that.

Children do not know what is best for them, that is why we make them brush their teeth, take a bath, etc. Teens have more sense then that, but they are also overcharged with hormones (remember? ) and we need to direct them in these issues.

A girlfriend can devestate a young man. Some take break up like water off a ducks back and others go into very negative behaviour as a result. They can reap bad consequences because we did not have the forsight to direct them otherwise.

Some food for thought.

Oh, by the way, I married my 23, or 24th girl friend (can't remember exact number,) we, by the grace of God do well, but we do have baggage in the closet. I wish mom and dad had taught me different.

I never dated until college, and even then only had one (stupid) date with one guy, wrote another for a few mos (until dad told me to break it off, and I obeyed, and it was God's will, KatyAnne! :saint ) and then dated the man who would be my husband.

I did "like" a guy in high school and if it weren't for my dad's "overbearing and overstrict" hand on me, I could have gotten into alot of trouble. The guy I liked has been in jail a couple times for shoplifting and raises two kids which he bore out of wedlock and the girl ditched him. He also weighs about four hundred pounds now. He went to my church and Christian school!

KatyAnne your parents may not have known best. But by the time YOUR child is 18, guess what, YOU will know best, and I pray your child will submit.

[HappyChristian]

I posted the following post not too long ago, but thought it aprapo (sp?) to the discussion at hand.

...............former post............

I would like to propose that you steer your son away from dating (which would include hand holding.) I grew up in the dating culture, but then again, I was not saved or in church either. Most of us did, I imagine. Our youth pastor back in Texas taught on dating on Wednesday night, it was very good. His premise was that dating sets one up for divorce because, "If this one doesn't work out, I'll drop her/him and get another." You might think that is absurd, but look at the divorce stats in the IFB movement. It is not good.

I raised my son not practicing dating and I have had friends, relatives, and brethren ask, "How is he going to meet Miss Right?" Well, I told them, God knows where Miss Right is and that He will bring them together.

Not too long ago, my son spied out a godly young lady at a youth Bible conference and he came to me and Mama and ask us what we thought. I told him we would pray about it and see what the Lord would do. He was good with that.

Children do not know what is best for them, that is why we make them brush their teeth, take a bath, etc. Teens have more sense then that, but they are also overcharged with hormones (remember? ) and we need to direct them in these issues.

A girlfriend can devestate a young man. Some take break up like water off a ducks back and others go into very negative behaviour as a result. They can reap bad consequences because we did not have the forsight to direct them otherwise.

Some food for thought.

Oh, by the way, I married my 23, or 24th girl friend (can't remember exact number,) we, by the grace of God do well, but we do have baggage in the closet. I wish mom and dad had taught me different.

So many adults have this wish! Baggage is at times very hard on a marriage, and it is parents' responsibility to keep baggage at bay as much as possible.

PreacherBen, this was very appropriate! Thank you!

[HappyChristian]

"My family's situation", especially if it is not a good one, should have no bearing on what you believe God expects in child rearing.

Suzy, this is true. But I have to say that I am not in favor of arranged marriages either. I do believe that mom and dad (especially dad) need to have much input and approve of the mate. But if the parents are not saved and the person is marrying a Christian who is following God, that is a little different.

And Katy-Anne, I am sorry that your parents are like this. Keep praying for them, be sweet to them, and God can bring them around.

[ltl]

Sorry, Katy-Anne, I didn't define my previous part properly. I only used Isaac's marriage as an example to demonstrate the parental control over the child.

I don't support the belief of parents choosing their children's spouse, but I do believe that parental support is required. If the parent is not a Christian, or is uninterested in helping out, then the replacement could be a godly pastor - just as how the Apostle Paul guarded jealously his church and its members.

I know of some IFB churches insisting of sticking to "parent must pick spouse" a-la-OT style. I do not support that, but notice that in any situation, the parent has control over his child as long as they are not married. Notice though the change in culture...
- In the OT we do notice parents choosing the spouse.
- In the NT (see 1 Cor. 7) we notice the parent having the power over the virgin - to allow her to marry the man she desires, or not. Such tradition is kept even via the symbolism of Western weddings.

I do understand your family's situation, and yes, you should read the Scriptures on the marriage of divorcees.

[Anon]

I don't agree with arranged marriages either.... its just that was so far from the topic at hand...I was just meaning that just because one's parents do this and that doesn't mean the original poster should stop telling his son's girlfriend to stop touching all over him.

[HappyChristian]

I was just meaning that just because one's parents do this and that doesn't mean the original poster should stop telling his son's girlfriend to stop touching all over him.

Agreed!

[lettheredeemedsayso]

I do understand your family's situation, and yes, you should read the Scriptures on the marriage of divorcees.

Katy Anne knows what the scripture teaches and that is why she brought it up.


Katy Anne, Jesus knows all about your anxieties about your family. Give them to Him. It is easy to see others problems and situations that it would have been better had they done things differently. Use it as a learning experience.

[Guest Guest]

The Bible never specifically says it's wrong for a man and woman to hold hands before marriage. The verse just says it's good not to touch a woman...it doesn't say you're wrong if you do.

If you micromanage a teenager with super-strict rules, it will cause that teenager to WANT to rebel. The most important thing is to make sure that teenager has a close relationship with the Lord, and the best way for that to happen is for the parents to be good examples. If the parents truly love the Lord, the chances are better that the teenager will follow his/her parents example.

To be honest, if my parents made extreme rules like that ...I'd be highly tempted to do it anyway. I'm no longer a child, legally I'm an adult. My parents expect me to live up to adult responsibilities (I pay bills, like cell phone and some room & board), and with adult responsibilities comes adult freedom. If I do anything illegal, or if I do something that my parents completely disagree with, they have the right to kick me out of the house. I don't think holding hands is serious enough for that. I'm no longer a child living in their house, I'm an adult.

Before you get mad at me and say "oh you're 18, you don't know anything"...please read this article..

http://www.samgipp.com/GippEssay6.html

[Guest Guest]

Good post Kathie and I agree with Dr Gipp's article 100%!

Katy-Anne

[kevinmiller]

The Bible never specifically says it's wrong for a man and woman to hold hands before marriage. The verse just says it's good not to touch a woman...it doesn't say you're wrong if you do.

If you micromanage a teenager with super-strict rules, it will cause that teenager to WANT to rebel. The most important thing is to make sure that teenager has a close relationship with the Lord, and the best way for that to happen is for the parents to be good examples. If the parents truly love the Lord, the chances are better that the teenager will follow his/her parents example.

To be honest, if my parents made extreme rules like that ...I'd be highly tempted to do it anyway. I'm no longer a child, legally I'm an adult. My parents expect me to live up to adult responsibilities (I pay bills, like cell phone and some room & board), and with adult responsibilities comes adult freedom. If I do anything illegal, or if I do something that my parents completely disagree with, they have the right to kick me out of the house. I don't think holding hands is serious enough for that. I'm no longer a child living in their house, I'm an adult.

Before you get mad at me and say "oh you're 18, you don't know anything"...please read this article..

http://www.samgipp.com/GippEssay6.html

I agree that parents shouldn't "micromanage" their children. I've seen where this has caused problems in other families. I don't think that laying down rules and guidelines for dating, especially in the parents' house, though, is unreasonable. And typically when the Bible says that it is not good to do something, it means it is wrong if you do it.

And the Bible never says that when you turn 18, you are no longer under your parents' authority or stop being their child. That idea comes from cultural and social influences. It's not Biblical.