Opposite, or same as parents?

[Anon]

So do you raise your kids the same as your parents, or different?

I find myself doing things the same in some areas (not putting up with some of the same things) but different in others.

For instance yesterday my kindergartener came home describing a snack he saw another kid having (which my husband figured out it was those Pizzaria Combos). He wanted them really bad. So today I went out and picked up a bag and he will be happy when he gets home. LOL. I know my kids don't have to get everything they want, or be like other kids, but I would rather let them "be like other kids" in the little stuff so that when the bad stuff comes along, I can say "NO" and show them they are not deprived.

I know my parents were very good with their money, probably better than us, so they NEVER let us get any kind of trendy snacks or anything expensive. I can count on one hand the times my parents let me take 50 cents to school to buy a treat. All the other kids did it all the time...the day that I got to bring 50 cents I barely knew what to do with it LOL.

I guess that's good, but I just remember feeling sooooo left out and silly because I was the only kid with generic bagged chips and three generic sandwich cookies, not to mention Pro Wings tennies from Payless when everyone else had Nikes. haha. (We weren't poor either! I guess we always had nice houses and nice furniture because we ate cheap cookies and wore cheap shoes!) Because of those feelings of rejection (which were probably not really because of the food, but I thought it was, I wasn't a popular kid) I find myself, in whatever ways that do not overstep our budget, making sure the kids have snacks they like and trying to go with reasonable requests. (My other son likes lunchables...I usually say NO! haha the kid can eat a whole pizza, why would I buy him a lunchable?!)

Anyway just rambling, but just wanted to see what things from your childhood you hated, so you do differently with your kids....or that you liked, so you do the same?

[Annie]

I don't recall hating anything from my childhood; in fact, I use how I was raised as the standard for just about everything I do with my own kids. I'm not talking about specific practices, but about general values. Certainly, there are areas in which I differ from my parents (application of principles, certain standards, personality), so I'm not laboring under any delusions that my children will receive an upbringing identical to my own. But I thank God for wise, balanced parents who not only knew what was "important," but were also able to instill those important values in their children...and who have since let me in on their "secrets" about how to pass these values down to the next generation.

Our family was "different" from the other families at our Christian school...We were completely Arminian in theology, and we were more liberal in our music standards and MUCH stricter in our dress standards (no long dresses, no frills, no makeup, no jewelry, no short shorts, etc.). We did not own a television, or watch all of the movies everyone else watched. We were not "cool." But I remember kids just LOVING to come over to our home. My parents were (are) the most hospitable people I know, and treat everyone they meet like kings. We had a huge yard, pets, and lots of interesting books and playthings (not expensive, but imaginative). My dad could (can) fix anything; he built some of the playground equipment at our school. Mom was very thoughtful and involved in our lives...made cookies for people, worked as school librarian. They modeled for me from day one that it's not the outside appearance (brand name clothing, trendy lunches, etc.) that endears you to people; it's the way you treat them. My parents are living examples of the Golden Rule and the first and second greatest commandments. They are hard workers. Sure, they made some parenting mistakes, but their motives were always good, and my sister and I knew that. I can only hope and pray that God gives me the grace to carry on in their tradition.

[Anon]

That's cool!

(Hmmm the Combos were NOT what the kindergartener was trying to describe! Oh well!)

There was alot of things my parents did great...some of the strict controls they had over us we will definitely do the same.

However there were other limits they had on us that were pretty much without reason...and those are the things I hope to change. Although nobody is perfect and I make plenty of my own mistakes.

[HappyChristian]

Often as we were raising Joshua, I would hear me say something and think that my mother was speaking through me...we even sound alike!!!

General principles of rearing, to a point, were the same. We have been raising Joshua in church, though, something that wasn't always possible when I was growing up, for various reasons.

My parents were (are) great people, so I didn't have any problem applying their principles and most of their actions.

[SweetCharity]

I hope to raise my future children in the completely opposite way of my parents. Neither of my parents are Christians, never spoke a word about God in our home, I had to take myself to Church growing up,they fight, they swear, they drink, they do just about everything under the sun that is wrong. :roll

[chev1958]

This might a little unusual in terms of raising kids. My parents divorced when I was 13. My mother spent a lot of time dating, so when special events came up in my and my brother's lives (ball games, band concerts, etc.), she rarely attended. I was given a musical scholarship to a prestigious band camp and was selected to attend NC's Governor's School in music, but my mother didn't even attend the final concerts, or write letters, or tell me she was proud of my accomplishments. Now, don't get me wrong -- she didn't necessarily ignore us and I knew deep down she loved us, but she had her own life to live.

When kids came along in my family, my wife and I agreed that we would attend as many events that our kids were involved in as humanly possible. With three kids, that sometimes meant watching half a game one kid was playing in, and then running across town to watch the end of another kid's game. Sometimes Mom and Dad had to split up to be at the events. But our children knew we were interested in what they were doing.

[His by Grace]

That's fantastic! Chev1958 We never have to be what our parents were in christ His by Grace

[John81]

My parents were not Christians even though they did have a fairly high moral code. There are some things I follow that are the same or similar, but many others are different and application is greatly different.

When growing up I was expected to obey, no questions asked, and my parents weren't much for showing affection. I've made it a point to not only put forth the rules, but to explain them and make sure my children understand them. I've also made it a point to express things like love, pride, concern and such.

My youngest son has been a big challenge to me because he's very affectionate and likes to hug. Growing up without such physical expressions of love, even to this day hugging anyone but my wife seems awkward and somewhat uncomfortable to me. Thankfully, during the past year the Lord has really done a work in me to where I feel comfortable hugging my son and will even initiate a hug from time to time.