Curious situation--Pastors?

[John81]

Thank you Seth! That is EXACTLY how we feel about it. Very good illustration too about the man dealing with lust...the first step any pastor would tell the man to do is to confess to his wife and have her help him overcome the problem. If he is not willing to go to his wife, then he is not ready to make it right. Imagine a pastor having to face that poor wife while he's also trying to pastor HER, and knowing he knows something about her husband that she does not. You just can't pastor people when you are keeping secrets from them.

"If he is not willing to go to his wife, then he is not ready to make it right."

An important aspect is mentioned right here, the possibility they are not yet ready. There are times we need to wait for the Holy Ghost to do His work in our hearts before we are ready for certain things. It's also possible that during such times of waiting, the Holy Ghost may also be working in the heart of others to prepare them for when the other is ready to speak with them.

Just something we need to be mindful of.

[Salyan]

Here's a twist on this situation.  A few months ago a young friend of mine was really struggling with discouragement and feeling unappreciated by her family. She was 'down' enough that I was worried, and told her mom a bit about what she was going through. No real specifics, just sharing the attitudes and discouragement that she was going through (some of these things she'd told me herself, but I didn't tell the mom anything I hadn't already figured out on my own). I didn't blame the family for anything - figured it was just teenage angst - but also figured (probably due in part to reading this thread earlier) that her mom needed to be told.

 

Well, apparently the mom went to her and defensively asked her what she was telling me about their family. ??!??  So of course my friend felt that I'd broken her confidence (which I guess I did, in a way). I told her that I was always going to tell parents of teenage friends anything I felt they needed to know, and she was mature enough to appreciate that, but the friendship has nonetheless cooled considerably. I don't blame her for that. I do blame the mother for being so defensive and responding in what I consider to be a completely inappropriate way. Why would she mention to her daughter what I had said at all? And why be so unhelpfully defensive?

 

I don't regret choosing to say what I did, but I'm kinda leery of doing it again, just in case it is ever again the parent's response that exacerbates the issue.  What does one do when something needs to be said, but you can't trust the parents to respond appropriately?

[swathdiver]

So many do not follow what the Bible says when it comes to things like this, they get prideful and let worldly ways guide their thinking.

 

The Bible says that the wise in heart will receive correction and that there is safety in a multitude of counselors among many other verses.

 

The Bible also says that the lost will lash out at such.  Pride is one of our worst enemies.

[Salyan]

Note: this family is not lost.

[JerryNumbers]

Here's a twist on this situation.  A few months ago a young friend of mine was really struggling with discouragement and feeling unappreciated by her family. She was 'down' enough that I was worried, and told her mom a bit about what she was going through. No real specifics, just sharing the attitudes and discouragement that she was going through (some of these things she'd told me herself, but I didn't tell the mom anything I hadn't already figured out on my own). I didn't blame the family for anything - figured it was just teenage angst - but also figured (probably due in part to reading this thread earlier) that her mom needed to be told.

 

Well, apparently the mom went to her and defensively asked her what she was telling me about their family. ??!??  So of course my friend felt that I'd broken her confidence (which I guess I did, in a way). I told her that I was always going to tell parents of teenage friends anything I felt they needed to know, and she was mature enough to appreciate that, but the friendship has nonetheless cooled considerably. I don't blame her for that. I do blame the mother for being so defensive and responding in what I consider to be a completely inappropriate way. Why would she mention to her daughter what I had said at all? And why be so unhelpfully defensive?

 

I don't regret choosing to say what I did, but I'm kinda leery of doing it again, just in case it is ever again the parent's response that exacerbates the issue.  What does one do when something needs to be said, but you can't trust the parents to respond appropriately?

 

Did she tell, talk with you about this in confidence?

[Miss Daisy]

Here's a twist on this situation.  A few months ago a young friend of mine was really struggling with discouragement and feeling unappreciated by her family. She was 'down' enough that I was worried, and told her mom a bit about what she was going through. No real specifics, just sharing the attitudes and discouragement that she was going through (some of these things she'd told me herself, but I didn't tell the mom anything I hadn't already figured out on my own). I didn't blame the family for anything - figured it was just teenage angst - but also figured (probably due in part to reading this thread earlier) that her mom needed to be told.

 

Well, apparently the mom went to her and defensively asked her what she was telling me about their family. ??!??  So of course my friend felt that I'd broken her confidence (which I guess I did, in a way). I told her that I was always going to tell parents of teenage friends anything I felt they needed to know, and she was mature enough to appreciate that, but the friendship has nonetheless cooled considerably. I don't blame her for that. I do blame the mother for being so defensive and responding in what I consider to be a completely inappropriate way. Why would she mention to her daughter what I had said at all? And why be so unhelpfully defensive?

 

I don't regret choosing to say what I did, but I'm kinda leery of doing it again, just in case it is ever again the parent's response that exacerbates the issue.  What does one do when something needs to be said, but you can't trust the parents to respond appropriately?

 

If you wouldn't have told her mother and she committed suicide, you'd blame yourself for not telling her mother. I'm assuming you were thinking depression/ suicide. It's not your fault the mother reacted how she did.

I think, I too, would've done what you did also. Some things shouldn't be kept secret if it may involve life or death.

It may have opened a line of communication that wasn't there before, after the abrasiveness of mother's first reaction. Keep praying for the situation.

[Gorship]

if the teen was really worried I wonder if sitting in as a mediator between them to make the teen feel safe during the conversation could have been an option. Start by reading about children submitting to parents and parents loving children and confessing sins etc so everyone is in the right heart. then start the dialogue.