Desparate financial situation

[Danny Carlton]

Our finances had been hold since Linda lost her job. I had some income from a site I was managing, plus freelance and advertising income from other jobs. But The main site I'm managing will not be able to contnue paying me after this month, and I'm having a very difficult time getting freelance clients to pay a reasonable ammount, when I can get them to pay at all. I'm owed quite a bit from several clients, and really have no way of collecting.

We have enough in the bank to last us a couple of weeks, which means even if I were to find a regular job immediately, would be cutting it impossibly close. Linda feels guilty when she's not at home, but due to a lot of issues from her childhood (a father that treated her, her mom and her sisters as useless because they stayed at home) when she's at home she struggles from severe anxiety and depression, unable to shake the idea that the world sees her as "a loser" (her words). She's been substitute teaching part time, which provides a compromise, but she's now considering teaching full time.

When I was working outside the home, she had a lot of problems dealing with the kids and her emotions. When she began working, her personality changed dramatically because it was less stress. But eventually the guilt of not being at home make that a problem. Now that she's at home she looks for any and every excuse to get out and do something else. She suffers from very low self-esteem and due to the conditioning from her father, that only people who sweat actually work, she now has little respect for me, since my job requires inside work. So I'm unable to have any effect on her self-esteem. Regardless how often I compliment her on her strengths, she doesn't respect herself unless she's got a job, or me unless I have a blue-collar job.

The problem is, if I could get an outside job, that would still leave her in a very bad position, more or less being trapped at home. While that may not be a problem for most women, for her it would be devastating. She's been in therapy before, and still suffers from bouts of obsession and paranoia. I try hard to protect her from situation that would bring too much stress, but I see no way to turn now. The better she feels about herself, the better she's able to handle stress. At home she feels like a nobody (whch is far from the truth) but even substitute teaching, she has confidence, and is able to handle even unruly kids. She used to work at one time in her former job as an instructor, and was elated with the status she had, and handled a lot of stress. They had cut backs and she had to accept a demotion to keep working, and her ablity to handle streess dwindled.

I was hoping my online income would pick up, but every new project I start seems to either pan out, or take much longer that expected to launch. Money trickles in from various sources, Google AdSense, Text-Ad-Links, the link subscription project I launched earlier this year, http://blogadswap.com, some scripts I wrote that I've been selling, donations for my various free sites like http://phpbible.org, http://phpav.com, http://congenitaladrenalhyperpasia.org (the condition two of my kids have, which is why one of us MUST be at home)--but it's still just a trickle. Meanwhile what money we had held on to as a buffer dries up.

It's an odd situation, which most people don't want to take the time to understand, just offer general opinions based on superficial impressions. The idea that the wife should be at home and the husband makes the income is such an absolute in Christian circles, that few people can understand when such a situation is actually impossible. I have worked outside and make the income in hard, sweaty, grimy jobs, in jobs with bosses that abused their employees, with long hours and tough work. I have no problem with doing that, but I saw what happened then when Linda was trapped at home, and how miserable she was. While she'd be the first to say the wife needs to be at home, the reality is there's simply too much emotional baggage from how she was raised for that to be a reality. There were too many time I'd come home to find her locked in her room with blanket over her head while the kids were playing in the other end of the apartment.

It seems strange that someone who can't handle 3 or 4 kids at home can handle 20-30 troublemaking kids at school, but it is all hinging on how she perceives herself. When she feels people respect her, she becomes a different person. And in our society stay-at-home moms and dads get no respect at all. They are viewed as lazy, worthless bums who are pretending to work, while simply goofing off and wasting time. Every stay-at-home parent knows that, and has to deal with that as the price for doing what they know is right. It takes strength to do the most important job in the world, while the world looks at you with scorn and contempt. Some people, though, simply can't handle that scorn. In all honesty, if staying at home were really that easy, why aren't there more women doing it?

Utlimately, right now, I'm asking for prayer for God to provide for our financial needs until something comes along. If Linda is offered a teaching job, it would be the kind of prestige that would give her strength to handle other things. I'm working with my kids to get them to better understand the problem, so they can take up more of the slack, rather than contributing to the problem. They're now old enough to understand and help.

I'm sorry I've written so much, I didn't intend for this to turn into a novel, but the circumstances are complicated enough I wanted to explain more.

[HappyChristian]

Praying for you and yours, Danny.

[lettheredeemedsayso]

Praying..............

[LAF]

Praying

[IM4given]

Praying...for your family, for your spiritual, physical, and financial needs...

Has your wife considered teaching/volunteering at Sunday School Classes, Boys & Girls Clubs and those sort of things? The volunteer work will often lead to a compatible job, while at the same time providing lots of satisfaction and enjoyment.

[Anon]

I'm sorry things are so rough. :sad Sounds like your wife needs some good friends to get out with, when you have children who are ill and financial difficulties, that just adds to any stress already present.

BTW I do a little "on the side" work (see my cake website) and I have found that deposits or prepayment via Paypal helps assure payment alot better...

[John81]

Praying...

[Danny Carlton]

Thanks for the prayers, I appreciate it.

Here something that happened today that is a perfect example of what I've been facing. someone contacted me to see what I'd charge to do their church web site. I got a general description and told him $200. He then asked if I could host it as well (for the same price) and I told him I'd throw that in. I didn't hear from him for several weeks. and then emailed him to see what they'd decided, and he said the church wanted to go with someone who could host and manage it. He never asked about managing it. I already manage web sites, so it's well within my expertise. I quickly emailed back that I can do that as well, but I'm pretty sure that what's happening is either...

A. someone's relative will be hired who's just recently decided to try web design or...more likely
B. they'll be paying some slick-talking salesman several thousand dollars for exactly what I was offering for $200.

[IM4given]

Offer the next potential customer your "bargain" rate of only $2,000 for hosting and managing their website. People go by the adage that "you get what you pay for" so if you charge more then they will perceive that they are getting higher quality. Try it and see what happens! There is nothing wrong with competing in a highly competitive market. :thumb

[Anon]

I have heard that if you charge alot, people think they are getting a quality product (and hopefully they are) and if you charge really cheap, people think they are getting a cheap product. If your work is professional, charge a professional rate. I have come to that conclusion with my cakes. I might get fewer orders, but the orders I get, are people wanting a cake they can't get anywhere else, and they are looking for a "wow" factor...and I get paid alot better for my valuable time (me with four kids) than alot of orders paying half that amount.

[Larry02]

Praying...

[dwayner79]

There is nothing scripturally requiring the man to bring home the bacon. It is the man's responsibility to lead his family, and to live with your wife in "an understanding way" (learn her). If the best way to lead your family, after learning your wife, is to have her work FT and you work from home and care for the kids, then go for it.

Side Note: having designed websites, and having charged $200 for then, I can say there is not a single site that can be made for $200.00. Work off of a price of 40-50 an hour and give a good guess at the number of hours. $2,000 sounds about right for a simple site, no CMS, etc. If someone told me they could do it for $200. I would not go with them (sorry).

[dwayner79]

Danny, I sent you a PM... hit me back.

[Danny Carlton]

We normally do grocery shopping for the week on Friday. We're having to put it off and figure out what we can make from the odds and ends left in the pantry because there's not enough in the bank to cover bills and groceries. I'm emailing clients that owe me, but not hearing anything. One client complained that they were having trouble making ends meet. I was looking past them as they told me that, at the swimming pool in their back yard. Well at least the illegal Mexican family that lives next door has been generous, they send us a food basket awhile back.

[Danny Carlton]

We got a check for my wife's subbing and a little bit for commissions on my stuff online. Enough to get some groceries and cover what bills came through. We need to do grocery shopping again, and the bulk of our bills will be coming in in the next few weeks and we still have hardly anything in the bank. Linda and I both have been sending out resumes hoping something would come through, but so far nothing has.

Remember us in your prayers.