spin off of "wedding" thread....

[okjac80]

thought I wouldn't be a hijacker :hijack: , so I started a spin off thread.

some friends and I have had this discussion before and I was wondering what y'all's opinion would be.


this may be nosey, please forgive me if I cross a line, but who does the finances in your house?

Since Michael deploys ALL the time, we thought it would be better if I took them over completely. Not to mention, I am the "accountant" of the family.

I have heard it argued that the husband should take care of them, even while deployed. Yeah...like that would happen!!

[John81]

I manage all the finances in our home but I do believe if the husband can trust his wife to do right with the finances then he can delegate that responsibility to her. (I do hope no one misreads this and thinks I don't trust my wife because I handle our finances! :smile )

As well, if the husband is unavailable to deal with such matters then such would almost naturally fall to the wife. Again, I see no problem with this.

Proverbs 31 shows the good wife handling a great many things for her husband.

[5dumplings@home]

He does, but if he told me I was in charge, there you would have it.

I don't think it matters as long as husband and wife are in agreement. The Bible never specifically demands that the husband pay the bills.

If he has the wife doing it and she's completely stressed, then he needs to revisit the issue.

[okjac80]

I manage all the finances in our home but I do believe if the husband can trust his wife to do right with the finances then he can delegate that responsibility to her. (I do hope no one misreads this and thinks I don't trust my wife because I handle our finances! :smile )

As well, if the husband is unavailable to deal with such matters then such would almost naturally fall to the wife. Again, I see no problem with this.

Proverbs 31 shows the good wife handling a great many things for her husband.

see, that is what I think. The Proverbs 31 wife does more than just cook and clean (not trying to take away from those things). It says she manages the affairs of the house.

in the situation we are in, I have been "delagated" quite a bit. It gets rather hard however, after being the mom and dad both for months on end while DH is deployed, making all the decissions,etc, then having to switch roles once he gets back. Not to mention, the fact that he is rarely home more than 3 months before he leaves again. I am a stubborn "type A", bossy type person to begin with. It only by God's grace that I can "submit" and let Dh have the final say so. :pray

[matie-k]

In our home, my hubby takes care of it all. I think whichever spouse is more inclined to be better with numbers and responsibility towards family finances should be the one to do it.

[Guest Guest]

I would recommend that the husband do it but I think it is up to the family. If the husband wishes to delegate that to the wife, and she is willing and able, that is his prerogative. I do think he should keep an eye on things to make sure that it isn't stressing her to much emotionally though. I have some lady relatives who were in charge of the finances of their households for a while, but it was a real drain on them, they got very uptight emotionally when the ends didn't seem to meet. The husband can let his wife do anything he & she like as long as it isn't unbiblical: assuming he also keeps an eye on her physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.

Ultimately I believe that everything within the home is the mans responsibility. There is no such thing as "her job". If she is up to it there are many areas were she can help and he can delegate authority, but it is still his job, she is his assistant. If men would believe and act like that things would go a lot more smoothly... The problems come when a man rightly believes that he is the final authority(beside God of course) within the marriage, but yet doesn't want to also have final responsibility for everything. Can't have one without the other... If the wife can't or isn't doing something, the man should do it without a grudge, it is his job and his responsibility...

[okjac80]

I think being a military family puts a whole new spin on things.....

[JerryNumbers]

I would recommend that the husband do it but I think it is up to the family. If the husband wishes to delegate that to the wife, and she is willing and able, that is his prerogative. I do think he should keep an eye on things to make sure that it isn't stressing her to much emotionally though. I have some lady relatives who were in charge of the finances of their households for a while, but it was a real drain on them, they got very uptight emotionally when the ends didn't seem to meet. The husband can let his wife do anything he & she like as long as it isn't unbiblical: assuming he also keeps an eye on her physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.

Ultimately I believe that everything within the home is the mans responsibility. There is no such thing as "her job". If she is up to it there are many areas were she can help and he can delegate authority, but it is still his job, she is his assistant. If men would believe and act like that things would go a lot more smoothly... The problems come when a man rightly believes that he is the final authority(beside God of course) within the marriage, but yet doesn't want to also have final responsibility for everything. Can't have one without the other... If the wife can't or isn't doing something, the man should do it without a grudge, it is his job and his responsibility...

I think we are in agreement, in the end, its the husbands responsibility, that is he is accountable for things being done proper.

I feel some husbands hands it over to the wife, thinking this take the responsibility and accountability off of my shoulder, if anything goes wrong I can blame her.

That said, I know some men who are not be capable of handling it.

[5dumplings@home]

I think being a military family puts a whole new spin on things.....

It takes a special woman to be a military wife. I have much respect for those who handle it well. :thumb

[JerryNumbers]

It takes a special woman to be a military wife. I have much respect for those who handle it well. :thumb

Your absolutely right.

While in the Air Force I got married, that was May 18, 1968. I had been stationed at Blytheville AFB since Tech School. That coming September I was sent on a 90 days TDY to Guam that turned in to nearly 120 days. I came back in January 69. My time was up the following May.

They tried to get me to stay in, offered me a very big bonus If I would reenlist, the B-52's and KC-135's were being kept very busy during that time over in Vietnam and I was an engine mechanic of their engines. I asked if I would sign on the line would they give me just a 1 year grantee that during that year they would not send me somewhere that I could not take my wife.

He said, no, but I can nearly give you a 100 % guarantee that within 90 days that you will have orders for Thailand which will be a 1 year PCS and you cannot take your wife with you. Of course when I asked him that question I knew what the answer was. For we had a few airmen who had reenlisted in the past 2 to 4 months and everyone of them had been quickly sent to Thailand for a 1 PCS.

I didn't have to think about it, I got up and while exiting said, "No thank you, I believe I'll just go back home and leave the Air Force behind me."

I just could not see leaving my wife again so soon for 1 whole year. If they would have given me a guarantee that for at least one year they would not send me anywhere my wife could not go, I would have said, let me go talk this over with Linda. Which we had talked about the what ifs, and had decided that without a guarantee for at least one year with out being separated we would not consider it.

At our Blytheville AFB Reunion last year, most of those who stayed in had been divorced at least once. No doubt at all, serving in the military can put a larger strain on a marriage, more than many can take. I didn't want to put mine thru it and test it.

One thing was cool, we had one who was shot down over Vietnam in 1972, unlike Mr. McCain, he was still with his wife, he came home to a set of twins who were born shortly after he went of his TDY. And ironically the mission he was shot down on, he and his crew from Blytheville AFB were supposed to have already been headed home, but due to bad weather this crews replacement coming from Blytheville AFB could not fly in, so they had to fly one more mission.

Y'all would enjoy reading this short story he wrote about and event honoring the POW coming home hosted my President Nixon.

[Guest Guest]

My husband and I do not believe that God intended for a woman to be burdened with the finances. The job of providing is what God gave to the man, and taking care of the finances is part of providing. I'm so glad my husband does not believe in passing on the financial stress to me. He just tells me how much money I have for whatever, and we do discuss things a lot but he's the one that actually "does the money" and we believe that to be the way God intended it.

[HappyChristian]

I would recommend that the husband do it but I think it is up to the family. If the husband wishes to delegate that to the wife, and she is willing and able, that is his prerogative. I do think he should keep an eye on things to make sure that it isn't stressing her to much emotionally though. I have some lady relatives who were in charge of the finances of their households for a while, but it was a real drain on them, they got very uptight emotionally when the ends didn't seem to meet. The husband can let his wife do anything he & she like as long as it isn't unbiblical: assuming he also keeps an eye on her physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.

Ultimately I believe that everything within the home is the mans responsibility. There is no such thing as "her job". If she is up to it there are many areas were she can help and he can delegate authority, but it is still his job, she is his assistant. If men would believe and act like that things would go a lot more smoothly... The problems come when a man rightly believes that he is the final authority(beside God of course) within the marriage, but yet doesn't want to also have final responsibility for everything. Can't have one without the other... If the wife can't or isn't doing something, the man should do it without a grudge, it is his job and his responsibility...

In our home, my hubby takes care of the finances. My hubby believes it is his responsibility to handle them, because he knows the stress that it would put on me. And I am glad, really! I like words, not numbers! :Green He is getting set to launch his business, though, so I will be helping with the books for that. Again, I don't like numbers, but as Seth pointed out, I am my hubby's assistant (that is what a help meet is!) and so will do what I can to help further his vision for our family. BTW - I do write checks, and I do have money to spend, with permission from my hubby. He trusts me with what money I have...

In my parents' home, my mom takes care of it. Why? Because my dad has delegated it to her. She's a whiz at numbers and does a wonderful job. My dad, however, still has the final say in where the money goes. That is his responsibility as the head of their home.

Is either wrong? No - as has been pointed out so well already, the man of the house is responsible for his household. And he delegates where he will. One man does it one way, another a different way. If there is no specific command in scripture, then each man needs to make up his own mind.

oKJ - my hat's off to you. :tip: You have a harder row to hoe than those of us whose hubbies are civilians. I, too, have the type of personality that would find it hard to submit after being in charge and both mom & dad for long periods of time. Thank you for the sacrifice you and your children are making in giving us your husband for his service. You can't know what that means to me. My son is in the Guard, and I know that one of these days, when he marries, his wife will be in a similar situation. Perhaps then you will be able to be of help to her...

[bzmomo7]

My dh does the finances. Years ago, early on in our marriage, my hubby had me do the finances, but you know, it stressed me terribly just like Seth said because I had responsibility without the authority so to speak. The hubby now takes care of it and it is much better.

[okjac80]

because I had responsibility without the authority so to speak.

that has been a toughy here as well. Dh will want to buy something and I know we can't afford it. I try to tell him we can't afford it w/o telling him no. I have learned how to handle that better however. Instead of saying "no", which I don't have the authority to do, I simply tell him how much money we have (or DON'T have in most cases! LOL), what bills are due and when, etc, and let him make the decission. He normally ends up making the same decission I would have in the first place. By doing so, I am not overstepping. KWIM? It would just be to confussing for me to take over while he is gone and then have DH take over once he gets back. He is gone AT LEAST 6 months out of the year.

[bzmomo7]

that has been a toughy here as well. Dh will want to buy something and I know we can't afford it. I try to tell him we can't afford it w/o telling him no. I have learned how to handle that better however. Instead of saying "no", which I don't have the authority to do, I simply tell him how much money we have (or DON'T have in most cases! LOL), what bills are due and when, etc, and let him make the decission. He normally ends up making the same decission I would have in the first place. By doing so, I am not overstepping. KWIM? It would just be to confussing for me to take over while he is gone and then have DH take over once he gets back. He is gone AT LEAST 6 months out of the year.

Uh-huh. I do get what you mean! What to buy, whether we can afford it or not, giving to the church (as in offerings, not tithes). When the man doesn't do the finances, he MUST look at them VERY regularly or it would seem to me that he wouldn't be able to make an informed decision on anything. I figure that when it comes to that the dh might as well do the finances himself with the input of the wife. I can't tell you what a relief it was to me when he took over! I sure don't envy you for needing to fill in the gap for all those months your hubby is gone.