Forgiveness Without Relationship

[Left the Bldg]

Can you still be forgiving toward someone without have a relationship with them anymore?  I know reconciliation would be the Biblical goal but are there circumstances when it's not possible?

[John81]

We can forgive others regardless of what they do but reconciliation requires effort from both parties.

 

This matter could also differ depending upon the situation at hand. In some cases reconciliation isn't the best thing between people. Sometimes a measure of separation is best.

[swathdiver]

Isn't forgiveness a matter of the heart?  To reconcile requires communication of some sort which is not always possible.

[HappyChristian]

Can you still be forgiving toward someone without have a relationship with them anymore?  I know reconciliation would be the Biblical goal but are there circumstances when it's not possible?

Yes, you can forgive someone with whom you have no relationship.  And, yes, there are times when reconciliation is not possible.

 

Forgiveness is something that we actually do for ourselves.  God knows that we can get bitter when we hold grudges or dwell on wrong done to us or someone we loved.  When wrong is done to us, forgiveness will release us of the anger and possible hatred/bitterness that can result.  I went through exactly this with my biological father.  Without going into a lot of detail, I hadn't seen or heard from him since I was 3.  He was not a good man - either as a husband or as a father.  All of us (my 3 siblings and I) had anger issues with him.  As an older teen, God began to work on my heart, and I began to ask God to help me forgive him.  He did help me, thankfully. As a young adult, I began trying to find him because I wanted two things: to witness to him, and to just hear his voice. Sadly, he died without my ever being able to contact him. I can honestly say that I grew to love him over the years, without ever having met him (well, I do have memories of him when I was 3, but they aren't good...) and I grieved his death.  Both for not being able to know him, and for not knowing where he is now for eternity. Likely in Hell, but he did attend church as a child, so there is possibility.

 

Reconciliation was not possible in that case, because he would not contact me (I know he knew I was trying to contact him - I'm sure my grandmother and uncle - his mom and brother - with whom I was in contact let him know).  

 

Forgiveness without a relationship is possible - and important. Reconciliation is not necessarily so.  But if we forgive our offender, and then seek reconciliation rightly, God can work and often does to bring about reconciliation.

[Left the Bldg]

Thank you all for the wonderful answers and "HappyChristian" who shared some personal info.

 

I was just checking myself to make sure I am being truly forgiving. I can't forget what happened because I can't erase my memory but I don't dwell on anything or feel angry when if it comes to mind.  In my case, I will still communicate but am aware it will never be the same.

 

I have one more question...and I am asking on behalf of someone else.

 

What if the one person would be willing to communicate but the other does not want to?  Is the one not wanting to communicate still forgiving?  She says she is forgiving from afar.  

[HappyChristian]

She could be forgiving and just not wanting to be in the same kind of situation again, whatever it might be.  

 

I know I've forgiven in the past, but there is no benefit from a relationship.  In fact, there is a current situation in which I forgave but my husband said no more interaction.  The person is toxic, even though a Christian.  That doesn't mean I'm right and she's wrong. We just don't gel well...and that does happen sometimes.

[Left the Bldg]

She could be forgiving and just not wanting to be in the same kind of situation again, whatever it might be.  

 

I know I've forgiven in the past, but there is no benefit from a relationship.  In fact, there is a current situation in which I forgave but my husband said no more interaction.  The person is toxic, even though a Christian.  That doesn't mean I'm right and she's wrong. We just don't gel well...and that does happen sometimes.

Makes sense to me.  Whew!  Weight off my shoulders.  :-)

[quinkie]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

I have always taken this verse to mean that it is not always possible to have a relationship with some people. We are always to forgive, but sometimes a relationship is not possible.

[Left the Bldg]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

I have always taken this verse to mean that it is not always possible to have a relationship with some people. We are always to forgive, but sometimes a relationship is not possible.

Very good point..."if it be possible".

[JerryNumbers]

Yes. Some people just plain have personality clashes & just can't get along with one another so its best for them to stay apart. And I don't believe in doing this its about hate.

 

Let me ask a question being this is about forgiveness.

 

If we forgive someone doesn't that mean we will no manner try to seek any vengeance or wish them any harm or ill will? And in doing that if that person we are forgiving deserves any punishment of any type God will mete out the right amount at the right time?

[Arbo]

Forgiving someone of a wrong done does not necessarily require a willingness to be in the same position to be wronged a second time.

[Left the Bldg]

Yes. Some people just plain have personality clashes & just can't get along with one another so its best for them to stay apart. And I don't believe in doing this its about hate.

 

Let me ask a question being this is about forgiveness.

 

If we forgive someone doesn't that mean we will no manner try to seek any vengeance or wish them any harm or ill will? And in doing that if that person we are forgiving deserves any punishment of any type God will mete out the right amount at the right time?

Exactly.  The people involved wish no harm to this person.  It's in God's hands to deal with them as He would do it appropriately.