Pastor And Preachers That Cheat On Their Wife

[The Glory Land]

You always hear that Pastor or Preacher running off with the secretary. Did you ever hear of the preacher wife running off with a member? Probably not, Then why call the woman the weaker vessel. Is it her  fault that this is taking place? A good preacher is never alone with a woman that is not his wife. But some think they are strong enough to be with one alone. They will just end up with a demotion from serving God. They remind me of the drug dealer that thinks he will never get caught. I never heard one saying; I’m older now and ready to be retired. I’ll stop selling drugs now.

 

Question

 

If a pastor did not go all the way, had sex with her, can he still be the pastor of the church. He was seen with a woman, than he repented and broked off with her?

 

 

 

[heartstrings]

You always hear that Pastor or Preacher running off with the secretary. Did you ever hear of the preacher wife running off with a member? Probably not, Then why call the woman the weaker vessel. Is it her  fault that this is taking place? A good preacher is never alone with a woman that is not his wife. But some think they are strong enough to be with one alone. They will just end up with a demotion from serving God. They remind me of the drug dealer that thinks he will never get caught. I never heard one saying; I’m older now and ready to be retired. I’ll stop selling drugs now.

 

Question

 

If a pastor did not go all the way, had sex with her, can he still be the pastor of the church. He was seen with a woman, than he repented and broked off with her?

No; he would be disqualified because he is no longer blameless.

[heartstrings]

A good preacher is never alone with a woman that is not his wife. But some think they are strong enough to be with one alone. 

 

I presently am a member of a SBC and we have mixed Sunday School classes. This past Sunday was my turn to teach and I arrived in the classroom first but, as we were having fellowship that day, my Wife was situating her food in the fellowship hall. Another man's Wife came into the classroom and sat down so I immediately had somewhere else to go until my Wife arrived. It's not just temptation; but it's also protecting yourself from the possibility of accusations or doubt and it just doesn't look good to be alone anyway.

Just politely leave.

[OLD fashioned preacher]

I have known of pastors' wives who have left their husbands for another man or who were having affairs while their husband was still pastor.

 

 

btw, I've had something going on with my secretary for a long time --- of course, she's my wife    

[The Glory Land]

I have known of pastors' wives who have left their husbands for another man or who were having affairs while their husband was still pastor.

 

 

btw, I've had something going on with my secretary for a long time --- of course, she's my wife    

 

 

 

 

Don't be cheep and take her out to lunch...     Red Lobster today and not the grill cheese sandwich again.

[swathdiver]

Then why call the woman the weaker vessel. Is it her  fault that this is taking place? 

 

Because God says so?  Do you know the verses from the New Testament and the Proverbs in regards to your second sentence?

[Ukulelemike]

No; he would be disqualified because he is no longer blameless.

Then the question begs: in WHOSE eyes are we to be blameless? Can we ever truly be blameless in the eyes of man? In the eyes of the world? I say thee, Nay. The only eyes in which we can find no blaem or the eyes of the Lord, when our sins are covered by the blood of Christ.

 

So in whose eyes should a pastor be found blameless?

[no name joe]

I would say that a pastor who is flirting with an affair has a marriage that is in serious danger.  That pastor should step aside or take a sabbatical to work on the marriage.  Ministry can be a very demanding, high stress job, especially in larger churches.  This can take a toll on marriages.  Pastors need to take extra care to maintain a healthy relationship in the marriage. 

 

I would say anyone in a high stress job flirting with an affair should step away and restore their marriage.

[The Glory Land]

I would say that a pastor who is flirting with an affair has a marriage that is in serious danger. That pastor should step aside or take a sabbatical to work on the marriage. Ministry can be a very demanding, high stress job, especially in larger churches. This can take a toll on marriages. Pastors need to take extra care to maintain a healthy relationship in the marriage.

I would say anyone in a high stress job flirting with an affair should step away and restore their marriage.

I can be wrong, but I believe all this can happen when there is no sex at home.Like if there good cooking home, dinner, then why go out for dinner. Leave home with a full belly....

[The Glory Land]

Because God says so? Do you know the verses from the New Testament and the Proverbs in regards to your second sentence?

It is all Eve fault.

[no name joe]

I can be wrong, but I believe all this can happen when there is no sex at home.Like if there good cooking home, dinner, then why go out for dinner. Leave home with a full belly....

 

No sex in a marriage is a symptom of a much deeper problem, in most cases.  There are problems in that relationship that may go much deeper than sex.  No sex is the result from one or both spouses feeling unloved, unrespected, deep hurt caused by harsh words, etc.  

 

That is why I say that a pastor in that situation needs to take time off.  He needs to spend time with his wife, and work on getting to the root of the problem.  I would highly suspect that there is a serious strain on that marriage, little communication, probably both spouses acting in ways to hurt the other.  There is much damage there that needs to be repaired.

 

A problem like that isn't as simple as saying, there is no sex at home, and if he got sex at home, he wouldn't be tempted.  That is absurd, and is placing the problem on the wife.  The truth is, their problems probably started small.  Pastor got a call from a member needing a hospital visit, and the pastor misses a birthday or special occasion as a result.  This happens again and again and again.  The wife starts feeling resentful that her husband is placing other people before herself.  She expresses a concern, and he may have dismissed the concern because he is doing "God's work."  She expresses her concern again, and he gets anger and says something hurtful.  Her resentment builds.  Over a couple of years, the couple stops really communicating.  Somewhere along the line physical intimacy stopped because it is hard to have sex with someone you have a strained relationship with.  At some point, both spouses feel no emotional connection.  They put up a happy front, but neither is happy.  Then comes along someone that the pastor feels an emotional connection to, or perhaps it is someone the wife feels an emotional connection to.  They enjoy the company of this other person and it starts innocently.  We are getting into dangerous territory.  But this did not happen over night.  It happened over a long period of time.  and the root of the problem needs to be addressed.  The root in that scenario?  The pastor got so wrapped up in "God's work and call" on his life, that he neglected his marriage.  

 

It is a common story.  That is why I say he would need to take a break, and work on restoring the relationship with his wife and rebuilding a good emotional connection.  They need to start communicating again.  Perhaps they need couples counselling to help break down some of the walls that have been built.

[OLD fashioned preacher]

Don't be cheep and take her out to lunch...     Red Lobster today and not the grill cheese sandwich again.

Red Lobster is 185 miles away, Golden Corral is 140 miles, Cracker Barrel is 360 miles away.

 

Even Burger King and Arby's is 38 miles.

[Anon]

As a very small protest to a post above...the thing that says "especially in large churches" (the job being stressful).

I think the workload in large churches is more stressful. However I'm here to tell you that the discouragement, loneliness, and financial hardship in a small church is probably just as stressful as the high activity in a larger church. Both scenerios definitely can take their toll on a marriage, no doubt. As an example....often a pastor in a large church may work long hours and face more temptations as far as other women.... but he often gets a lot of recognition and love (and possibly extra financial help) showered on them from a large church full of people who adore their pastor. While a small church pastor may less to do and fewer temptations, he may have very little support from his members and feel very much alone and without much encouragement other than possibly a small handful of faithful core members....and he also may struggle financially.

I think maybe the sex life of the pastor would be better discussed in the men's forum. However Kindofblue had a very good post how that it's unfair to just dump that into the lap of the wife and say "Well, if SHE had done this or that, HE never would have been tempted." A relationship takes two people, and I think each person shares 100% of the responsibility of keeping the marriage together.

I was talking to my sister about some stuff (we are both pastor's wives) and she was saying how the devil targets pastors and their families...and he especially targets the marriage. Because if the devil can destroy the pastor's marriage, then he can take down an entire church along with it. Therefore I think it is more difficult for a pastor to keep his family together. And in Genesis, who does the devil go after? Eve. So I do think that the pastor's wife suffers quite a bit of demonic oppression and attack while in the ministry, while at the same time often having very few options to turn to for help.

Just sort of the female opinion being thrown in here, not worth a whole lot! :-)

[John81]

As a very small protest to a post above...the thing that says "especially in large churches" (the job being stressful).

I think the workload in large churches is more stressful. However I'm here to tell you that the discouragement, loneliness, and financial hardship in a small church is probably just as stressful as the high activity in a larger church. Both scenerios definitely can take their toll on a marriage, no doubt. As an example....often a pastor in a large church may work long hours and face more temptations as far as other women.... but he often gets a lot of recognition and love (and possibly extra financial help) showered on them from a large church full of people who adore their pastor. While a small church pastor may less to do and fewer temptations, he may have very little support from his members and feel very much alone and without much encouragement other than possibly a small handful of faithful core members....and he also may struggle financially.

I think maybe the sex life of the pastor would be better discussed in the men's forum. However Kindofblue had a very good post how that it's unfair to just dump that into the lap of the wife and say "Well, if SHE had done this or that, HE never would have been tempted." A relationship takes two people, and I think each person shares 100% of the responsibility of keeping the marriage together.

I was talking to my sister about some stuff (we are both pastor's wives) and she was saying how the devil targets pastors and their families...and he especially targets the marriage. Because if the devil can destroy the pastor's marriage, then he can take down an entire church along with it. Therefore I think it is more difficult for a pastor to keep his family together. And in Genesis, who does the devil go after? Eve. So I do think that the pastor's wife suffers quite a bit of demonic oppression and attack while in the ministry, while at the same time often having very few options to turn to for help.

Just sort of the female opinion being thrown in here, not worth a whole lot! :-)

Wise words Suzy! Pastors fall in small as well as large churches. We each have stresses and temptations, it's a matter of how we handle them that eventually leads to victory or defeat.

 

Our pastor has been here for over 30 years now. There has never been even a hint of some sort of scandal and his marriage is still strong and they are clearly in love. This didn't "just happen", our pastor makes it clear that he has faced temptations over the years like any other man. The reason he never gave in to any of those temptations was because he prepared ahead of time, studied the Word on such matters, kept such in prayer, followed Scripture as to what a husband/father is supposed to do and be, and determined resolutely he would fight against temptation and for a blessed marriage.

 

In this same small town there was another pastor who was counseling a woman with marriage problems, and this pastor ended up in a relationship with that women. As soon as her and her husband were divorced the pastor and this woman started seeing one another openly and planning for marriage. Prior to things getting this far, that pastor actually spoke with our pastor about him and the woman starting to have "feelings" for one another. Our pastor counseled him to stop counseling her, to break off all contact with her, take some time away and spend it in the Word and in prayer. Well, he didn't so he ended up with the woman but lost his church.

 

There have been others stories of success and failure in other small churches around here.

 

No doubt the devil targets those who are the most threat to his plans and those who would reap a big payoff if he succeeds in bringing them down. For these very reasons pastors and their families are at an increased risk and need to take extra measures to safeguard and grow their marriage and relationships within the marriage/family.

 

Sometimes when I'm praying for our pastors I lift up this very aspect. I pray for the Lord's blessing on their marriages, their relationship, their family as a whole and such.

 

We Christians should be able to turn to one another with any problem, with any question, with any concern, because Scripture commands such and we are to love one another and think more highly of one another than ourselves. Unfortunately, that's often not the case because there seems to be a need among many Christians to look for "blood" and then circle like sharks to attack the wounded. This shouldn't be so!

[irishman]

I think kitagirl was right on; for one thing, an open discussion on sex needs to be on a more private forum.  Also, I was told by a very good and wise preacher that preacher boys need to always be careful, moreso than the men of the congregation.  Why? Because women are attracted to strong leaders.  I have seen this proven to be true, and I know of a few cases where things could have gotten out of hand easily if the man was caught in a week moment.  Strong leaders ought to be extra careful to exercise propriety.

 

We always say "what a rat the gut was for cheating, but we forget that for every man that cheats a woman is involved!  The blame cannot be put on one side or the other, but both!