Thinking about adopting

[ptwild]

I am considering (and most of all, praying about) adopting an infant from Uganda. Are there any parents here at OB who have adopted (or are familiar with the process) that can give me their prespective? Thanks in advance.

[Psalms18_28]

You should adopt a special need child. They definitely need some TLC from a loving adopted family.

[HappyChristian]

We thought about adopting many years ago, but it never worked out. I think adoption is great. I assume you would be hiring a nanny?

[Psalms18_28]

lol

[ptwild]

We thought about adopting many years ago, but it never worked out. I think adoption is great. I assume you would be hiring a nanny?

Absolutely. With my work schedule and the fact that I am out of the country for weeks at a time, I don't think there would be any other option. The Church has an orphanage there (that's how first became interested), so I think the formalities would be somewhat simplified. How much does it costs (assuming there are no unsual expenses) per year to raise an infant? I'm sure I have enough money, but would like to have an idea before I do my new year budget.

[Psalms18_28]

A friend of mine told me this: you will never be financially ready to raise a child.

but in your case, I can see that you need to include a nanny, but if you have biological child, you have to pay it anyway rather you are ready or not.

[dwayner79]

I am adopted. Was adopted from Birth. My parents are my parents. You simply love them as your own and they will know nothing else. I will make one statement, that there are many here in the States who need adopting as well.

I am also a parent of an infant. Since no breastmilk is available, formula is pricey. $13 a can which will last for a week or two in the beginning. Later on, more. By 8 months, they are up to 2-3 cans of food a day at $.50/can. Diapers are expensive. Get a costo membership, or buy from walmart. Avoid the grocery store premium. All told, $75-150/month for the first year.

Clothes are another issue, but usually the first year is covered with gifts.

After the first year, prices go up significantly. The gifts stop, so no new clothes, unless there is a hand-me-down kid born in the same season. Ours were born 6 months offset (one in sept and one in March) so none of the clothes were the right size at the right season. My oldest is 5, and each year her expense has gone up. I assume that will not be the case in about 17-19 years. :-(

[HappyChristian]

Costs have changed greatly since my son was an infant. And to be honest, I never really paid attention to how much he cost. But there are several things to factor in.

Nanny fees - we didn't have these, but I know that would be the only feasible solution for your situation.

Formula and/or food - would you buy jars of food or have the food in your kitchen processed (until the infant could eat regular food). Processing the food is time consuming but less costly.

Diapers - disposable or cloth. Disposable are so much handier, but cloth costs less.

Furniture - this is an area of personal taste and $$. Purchase at a yard sale or brand new. We were given all of our baby furniture, which was a major blessing. But when my sister had her baby 4 years later, her hubby didn't want used furniture - they bought all new. Personally, I think spending a wad of dough (even if a person has it) on furniture that is only going to last until the infant gets moved to a big bed is a waste of money.

Clothing - Big prOBability that you would receive gifts of clothing for the infant, but there will be times when growth spurts take you by surprise. Children's clothing is, in many instances, more expensive than adult clothing. Thrift shops and yard sales help save money, and sometimes there are really good deals.

Toys - this could get expensive (but grandparents love to buy toys for their grandkids...one of the things I'm looking forward to )!

Doctor fees - checkups throughout infancy, especiallly since the child would be from a foreign country - I don't know about AIDS in Uganda, but I know in several countries over there, there are many, many babies born with AIDS or HIV+. A good pediatrician is necessary in any event.

I think it's admirable of you to consider this - but do remember that, with your jOB taking you away so much - babies need a lot of contact with their parents. And since you are not married, your nanny would be in the place of mom to the babe. Of course, your parents are around and I'm sure they would be great grandparents.

[Psalms18_28]

I think all it matters is can you handle the stress of raising a child?

[ptwild]

Costs have changed greatly since my son was an infant. And to be honest, I never really paid attention to how much he cost. But there are several things to factor in.

Nanny fees - we didn't have these, but I know that would be the only feasible solution for your situation.

Formula and/or food - would you buy jars of food or have the food in your kitchen processed (until the infant could eat regular food). Processing the food is time consuming but less costly.

Diapers - disposable or cloth. Disposable are so much handier, but cloth costs less.

Furniture - this is an area of personal taste and $$. Purchase at a yard sale or brand new. We were given all of our baby furniture, which was a major blessing. But when my sister had her baby 4 years later, her hubby didn't want used furniture - they bought all new. Personally, I think spending a wad of dough (even if a person has it) on furniture that is only going to last until the infant gets moved to a big bed is a waste of money.

Clothing - Big prOBability that you would receive gifts of clothing for the infant, but there will be times when growth spurts take you by surprise. Children's clothing is, in many instances, more expensive than adult clothing. Thrift shops and yard sales help save money, and sometimes there are really good deals.

Toys - this could get expensive (but grandparents love to buy toys for their grandkids...one of the things I'm looking forward to )!

Doctor fees - checkups throughout infancy, especiallly since the child would be from a foreign country - I don't know about AIDS in Uganda, but I know in several countries over there, there are many, many babies born with AIDS or HIV+. A good pediatrician is necessary in any event.

I think it's admirable of you to consider this - but do remember that, with your jOB taking you away so much - babies need a lot of contact with their parents. And since you are not married, your nanny would be in the place of mom to the babe. Of course, your parents are around and I'm sure they would be great grandparents.

I'm not really worried about the costs, I'd just like to have an idea of what they are. I have more than enough to hire a nanny and my parents are not so far away that they couldn't help out. I don't necessarily think that infants need a lot of contact with their parents, they just need a lot of love.

I never intend to marry, but I definitely want to be a father. I have checked into hiring a surrogate, but they are very expensive and there is a lot of legal formalities to go through as well.

[HappyChristian]

I didn't figure you would be too worried about $$ - I know most lawyers make a pretty good wage. Dwayner gave some good cost examples.

I think if I were to choose between adoption and surrogacy, I'd go for adoption, too. Especially since your church already has an orphanage!

I know you never intend to marry - that's why I pointed out the nanny-mom connection that will develop with the child. That's just something to think about as you choose a nanny (unless you've got one chosen already!).

[kevinmiller]

How could someone never get married?

[trc123]

ptwild, I say this in the kindest possible way, based upon your statement, "I'm not really worried about the costs, I'd just like to have an idea of what they are. I have more than enough to hire a nanny and my parents are not so far away that they couldn't help out. I don't necessarily think that infants need a lot of contact with their parents, they just need a lot of love.

I never intend to marry, but I definitely want to be a father. I have checked into hiring a surrogate, but they are very expensive and there is a lot of legal formalities to go through as well."

I believe you would do better helping to support a specific family who already have children and are living in poverty or perhaps help several families in your local church.

[ptwild]

I didn't figure you would be too worried about $$ - I know most lawyers make a pretty good wage. Dwayner gave some good cost examples.

I think if I were to choose between adoption and surrogacy, I'd go for adoption, too. Especially since your church already has an orphanage!

I know you never intend to marry - that's why I pointed out the nanny-mom connection that will develop with the child. That's just something to think about as you choose a nanny (unless you've got one chosen already!).

I haven't proposed this idea to her yet, but my own nanny would be my first choice.

[kevinmiller]

I believe you would do better helping to support a specific family who already have children and are living in poverty or perhaps help several families in your local church.

What would be better for you might not be better for him.