Problems with my gf.

[unknown123]

I am a 16yr old boy and i am dating a 15yr old girl from the same baptist church we attend. Our relationship has been outstanding except one thing, the fact that she has had sex before. I am still a virgin but she is not, so that is really wrecking our relationhip. We have talked about it and she tells me that it was an error in her life and to pardon her etc, but it isnt easy. The fact that i get depressed about it is because I love her and just knowing that she was on someone's else hands bothers me. Besides that, knowing that we cant reach marriage being both virgin really irritates me and depresses me. I do know that we are still too young to think about marriage but I think thats one of the strengths that we should have in order to stay sexually inactive.

Every night, this comes to mind and I just cry, sometimes I feel like I cant handle it and feel like ending the relationship but i love her too much to do something like that. I go to sleep every night trying to find the answer that will stop me from suffering so much. I have talked to her and she just says that she is sorry and that it was an error in her life and that she has changed. As you can tell, this is really bothering me and I would appreciate it if you could give your opinions? I am asking here in an online forum because if i ask someone from my own church, they will know i am talking about my gf and she doesnt want them to know that, for logical reasons. Thanks a lot. God bless you.

[Jerry]

If you are not ready for marriage, why are you "dating"? God's method is courting, by the way - that is when you spend time with one another for the purpose of determining if you are both right for marriage.

As far as her past goes: Has she acknowledged that her fornication is sin, or just simply some mistake? If there is no repentance, then this sin has not been put behind her.

Yes, we all sin - and some sins cannot be undone (ie. no longer being a virgin). If you are not willing to have a wife that was not pure, there is no reason why you should force yourself to do so. Why be discouraged and depressed over it? For one, you yourself admitted that you are not ready for marriage - be friends, but stop dating. Secondly, when it is His time, God will bring the helpmeet along that He has made most suitable for you - and you will be a perfect match, regardless of each other's past - as long as you are both in the center of God's will.

[chev1958]

If her past bothers you now, it will bother you later. As hard as this may sound, it may be best to "cut your losses" now, before you get so serious that marriage becomes THE discussion.

We just went through this with our middle daughter, who is at Bible college. She called her mother and asked advice about a guy who had a past similar to your girlfriend's. We advised against my daughter developing a relationship with this guy, and she has told him to pound sand (sort of). God has a man for her; she just needs to be patient.

Mitch

[michael]

I'm in entirely the opposite position - I'm a guy (21+), and slept with my (now ex) girlfriend, at a time when I wasn't particularly close to the Lord, or living a life I was proud of.

To cut a long story short, my lifestyle has since changed, and I have many regrets (having sex before marriage being one of them) of my past. I recently met this girl from my (Baptist) Church, who I started seeing regularly (not officially dating, just spending a lot of time together), and there were definately feelings from both sides.

We discussed "us getting together", and what God wants for us, and the virginity thing came up (I didn't want her to not know). She seemed okay with it, also saying that past sins are exactly that - in the past - and that it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe not for her, but it's been bothering me, perhaps your girlfriend feels the same way?

Knowing you've done something you regret, that you can't "undo", and knowing that it will always be something between you, is really hard (being the "guilty party").

As much as it may be hurting you, it may be hurting her more. Who suffers most - the person being hurt, or the person doing the hurting without wanting to :(

I think I'd have to agree with the other posts though - if something's hurting you, move away from it. If someone's done wrong once, they're more likely to do it a second time (and lead you into it to). That said though, I pretty certain I wouldn't/couldn't do it again - outside of marriage.

If it were just a matter of needing to know if she regrets it or not, I'd say have a long talk with her about it. Seeing as it's "you hurting", I don't see there being much you guys can do together to resolve it.

Really sorry to hear about your situation.

[Guest Guest]

Jerry gives good advice. But also don't be opposed to, (when you are old enough for marriage) the fact that God might bring you a girl that is not pure. While I am still a virgin technically, I don't feel that I am "pure". I thought that guys might not ever be interested in me when they found out about my past. But I know now that God can work it out. Everyone has some kinds of sins in their past.

Katy-Anne

[Anon]

Unknown...

First I agree she should be repentant and determined to remain a virgin from here on out.

But if you are that upset about it, that's not going to change even after marriage, actually it will get worse, unless you can somehow give it over to the Lord if it is His will.

Just from your post though, it sounds like maybe you should break up for now. Watch her as well, and you will see if she wants to stay pure, or if she was just staying pure during the time she was dating you. Maybe in the future God would bring you back together, or maybe you'll be glad you broke it off when you did.

Sounds like you should give up for now though and just worry about finishing school. Way to go, though, staying pure, keep up the great work!

[lettheredeemedsayso]

unknown123, i will begin by saying make Christ the center of you life, take this to Him. He will help you. Many times we as Christians believe the Lord for our salvation but forget to take matters of this world to Him. He is able to sort our biggest or smallest problems.
this is kind of personal issue. Take it to Jesus, give it to Him.

[unknown123]

Thanks for all replies.

I have not prayed to the Lord to help me with this and that is an error from my part. Some of the replies here state that I should break up with her, i wonder why? First, I really love her and doing so will be hard so I was trying to find other option (There may be none). The point I am trying to make is that I see breaking up as too drastic because we get along very well and that is the only thing that bothers us. We have talked about it honestly and from what i can tell she recognizes what she did ( fornication) as a sin and not a simple mistake.

Someone mentioned for her to stay virgin from now on? How is that possible if she isnt one now?

Lets suppose I get to marry her (only God decides). What would be the good path to follow from now on? Me stay virgin and her dont do it anymore?

I am new to the church so you may see that I dont know much and that is why I am seeking answers. Thanks.

[Guest Guest]

Well "dating" should only be done for the purpose of finding a marriage partner. Sixteen is too young to get married, so therefore you should not be dating at all. Why shop if you can't buy? The world's method of dating is to date young and a whole host of other things but we must remember that although we are in this world we are not of the world and we need to be different. You should break up with her for the simple reason that you shouldn't even be dating her if you aren't able to get married yet.

Katy-Anne

[pneu-engine]

:goodpost:

[Preacherboy23]

well, first of all, think about it. I used to date also, but igave it up. How much time do u spend thinking about this person. I mean she sounds like she is truly sincere about her sin. so u forgive her. But DATING at 16????? Is it worth it. It isn't to me

[pep_3000]

Here is my 2 cents. You said you love this girl, do you love her for who she is or what she has done? If she has truely changed, for me that she is not a virgin is not a deal breaker. And you are only 16. You have a long way to go. Take oyur time, slow down, breath, and let God speak to you.

PEP

[Guest Guest]

Boy would that situation stink. I am 17, and I have never had a girlfriend in my whole life. I am waiting for God to bring her to me, and I am praying that she (wherever she is now) will stay pure. But, if God wants me to marry a girl that is not so pure, then so be it.

I don't really understand your issue, as I have never been in a similar situation. But I would advise you to, not really break up in that sense, but to stop dating, as that is a dangerous dance to be involved in. God has a girl picked out for you, and if it is her, then great! If not, then it would be very hard for you to forsake her for God's pick. I am not advocating that you forget her, just to stop "dating." Try to get a copy of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris; though not a Bible Believer in our sense, he has good insight and godly wisdom on the issue of teenage dating.

I would just tell you to pray, and let the Lord guide your steps. He knows your future, and who you should marry, and it could really screw it up for the both of you if you did something outside of God's Will. Just a few thoughts. :)

[Kubel]

If you aren't looking for someone to marry, don't date. As far as your situation- that's really up to you if you decide to eventually marry her. I, personally, would not marry someone who is not pure. But that's my own preference.

[jdell]

[quote="Jerry"]
God's method is courting, by the way
[/quote]

I don't want to sound disrespectful, but could you cite the Scripture, please? Because I personally have not seen it, but if it's there I would not want to be ignorant about it. It's just that sometimes we make rules and we put so much faith into them we eventually confuse them with God's rules and assume that's what He thinks too.