Saved And I Know It!

[WellWithMySoul]

Saved And I Know It

My grandma on my mom's side used to take my sisters and me to Sunday School and also to VBS during the summers. Those were very pertinent times, and the influences from them paved the way to my salvation. In later years, Dad and Mom started attending church and in time actually became quite actively involved. Dad used to smoke (as did my grandpa), and he also used to consume alcohol and sell it in their little store. That came to an end when some of the church leaders went to him and more or less taught him that he ought not to be selling it if he was a Christian.

At Easter time when I was about 7 years old, a movie was going to be shown in the Sunday evening service. That was exciting, and I believe our whole family attended. The movie shown was called "The Greatest Story Ever Told". I was just a little girl, and I knew nothing really about Hollywood and how close movies were to being accurate according to the Bible, but I praise God that He can and will use whatever means He chooses to love us to Himself. Indeed, that movie had such a profound effect on me, that after it was over...I ran home across the street and scrambled into my jammies and crawled into my little bed and started crying and crying and asking Jesus to please come into my heart and forgive my sins because I dearly did not want to go to hell. To this day, that time is very vivid to me. There was no doubt in my mind that I was saved that night!

I don't recall the time sequence at all, but it seems that some of the other children that went to Sunday School there were also saved near the time that I was. Again, I have a lapse of memory about the timing of things, but I remember how very serious and zealous I was about sharing the "Good News" with others. Without doubt, I didn't want anyone else to go to hell, and so I truly wanted to share about Jesus with others. What I do distinctly remember is actually getting to share about salvation with 2 of my little friends. One was a boy that lived across the street, Mikey G, that I used to play with...and the other was Carolyn A, a friend that was in my class at school. I shared the best way I knew how about salvation and what it was and then asked each if they wanted to get saved (this took place at different times). They both said yes! I'm not sure if they truly and genuinely got saved at that time, but I sure believed that they did.

I remained excited about the Lord and took Him so very seriously....with, yes....FEAR and trembling! Then I began to notice that none of my little friends seemed to be very excited about Jesus. They didn't talk about him or even seem to show interest except at Sunday School and church. I also observed that the adults didn't seem to be very excited about the Lord either. I didn't understand it! I felt like there was something wrong with me because I was so serious about being obedient to the Lord and sharing Him with others. I didn't get the encouragement that I sorely needed, and so after a time...I fell silent about the Saviour. I still took Him very seriously in my heart, but truly believed that something was wrong with me for wanting to talk about Him to and with others.

There's so much to share,....but, I'm going to cut this short....today, that is! I will just conclude for now by saying that even though I definitely knew that I was securely saved to the uttermost, I didn't have any understanding of God's LOVE for me. I knew that He loved me because the Bible said so, and because the song "Jesus Loves Me" told me so. I believed that He loved me because He was God and "had" to. I knew that I was going to go to Heaven without a shadow of a doubt, but I also believed that my "place" was going to be in the farthest corner of Heaven. Even though I didn't express that outwardly, I truly believed these things until I was in my late 30's. I'd love to share the continuation of my relationship and walk with the Lord soon. It is a joy to share and glorify Him for all of His workmanship in my life!

(A continuation of more is to come later.)

　

[John81]

Thank you for sharing. Testimonies can be so powerful, even to ourselves as we recall coming to Christ and how our walk with the Lord has been from then to now.

I can relate to being zealous for the Lord while others were not. My family hoped I was just going through a phase, didn't want to  hear about Christ and salvation, made things difficult for me. The Christians I tried to have fellowship with all thought I was taking things too seriously and too literally. I actually had long-time Christians telling me we weren't expected to follow those things in the Bible as they did back then. After all, they would say, we are more modern and some things just don't work like that today. They used this argument to excuse various sinful practices and claim such wasn't really sin.

I couldn't understand what the point in following Jesus was if we weren't really going to follow Him and believe His Word. Thankfully the Lord sent people into my life with sound views and moved me in the right direction.

I look forward to whatever more you choose to share sometime.

[Rosie]

me too....

[Alan]

WellwithMySoul,

Amen! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for that fine testimony.

Brethren, we all need to be more zealous in our walk with the Lord, passing out tracts, witnessing, and "... earnestly  contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints." Jude 3

Please continue .......

 

Edited March 3, 2016 by Alan
spelling

[WellWithMySoul]

Saved And I Know It (Part 2)

I was a very sad and lonely little girl, and my heart was so full of confusion and hurt. Often on summer evenings, I would go sit on the nearby meat market steps and toss pebbles and watch the cars go by on the highway. We lived in a dinky little town with a population of about 325, and so even though I was pretty little I still recognized most of the cars that would go by. There was something comforting about sitting out there and watching people go by. I would sit there and think about I don't know what, and my heart would just ache...but I really didn't understand why. There was a lot of sadness in my family, and a great deal of dysfunction which included abuse. As a little girl that's all that I knew, and so I thought it was all normal and that, that was the way home life was for everyone.

A wonderful highlight during those days however, were the visits from my Great Aunt Mary! She had been a school teacher and she loved children. I always felt "safe" around her, and I sensed that she loved me. I knew that my folks cared about me in their own way, but I never felt secure in that care. In essence, the visits from Great Aunt Mary were way too few and far between, and so I never really understood what it was like to truly know that I was loved as a child. Two of the most basic human needs in this life are to "be loved" and to "be accepted", and my childhood had a huge void of both. Thus...I didn't have an understanding of the love that God had for me.

My teen years were fraught with troubles and misery. My hurt ran so deeply that at the age of 14, I tried to take my own life. I ended up in the hospital for the night, and was embarrassed and ashamed...but only my future mother in law came to visit me there. She didn't know what to say, but did her best to "be there" for me. Other than her visit...I had no comfort or support or help from anyone else. No one talked about it even though I could feel the tension beneath the surface. I felt so very, very alone. After that, I turned to alcohol and smoking and whatever I could to help drown and numb my aching heart. It's amazing that the alcohol was so available to teenagers at that time. I was so "messed up", my mind was in constant turmoil, and I was very depressed. Though I still attended church, I just didn't have the personal encouragement and teaching and help that I so needed to trust and depend on the blessed Saviour to fill those gaping holes of emptiness. I knew there was something desperately wrong with me, but I kept everything all bottled up inside.

As I type this, tears are beginning to fill my eyes as gratefulness is flooding in yet again for my precious Jesus, the Spirit, my God....because during all of those years, He never left me. He never forgot about me, and He never stopped loving me. He was so full of longsuffering and mercy, and He was so tender hearted towards me in spite of my sinful living.

At the age of 17, and before my senior year in high school...I was engaged to be married. I had the strong feeling that my fiance's family didn't at all "approve" of me because of the unGodly state of my life. My future father in law was the pastor of my church, and that enhanced my feelings of not being "good enough" for his son. It was the opposite with my family! They were delighted that I was engaged to my fiance because they actually thought he was too good for me and yet still that I was "moving up" in the world. Being engaged to this boy made me feel a little bit better about myself however...because after all, I was going to marry a PK!

Once again, I will conclude this part of my testimony by saying that I still had no understanding, no comprehension of God's love for me at that time of my life. As the Lord leads and opportunes me, I will continue sharing my testimony again soon.

　

[2ndTimothy]

I especially like this because I reap the blessings of her loving the Lord so much. I will try to add more later and share some of my own testimony. I am grateful God provided her for me. He knew how much I need her.

[Alan]

We all need a, "Great Aunt Mary," in our lives. And, we all need to be a "Great Aunt Mary," in our lives.

[Pastor Scott Markle]

3 hours ago, 2ndTimothy said:

I especially like this because I reap the blessings of her loving the Lord so much. I will try to add more later and share some of my own testimony. I am grateful God provided her for me. He knew how much I need her.

So Brother "2ndTimothy," (if I am following the hints correctly) are you Sister "WellWithMySoul's" husband?

If you are not, I do utterly apologize both to you and to her for misunderstanding.

[WellWithMySoul]

 Indeed, Pastor Markle...2ndTimothy is one and the same PK that I spoke of in the 2nd part of my testimony.  He doesn't always have time to come in to OB, but I will let him know that you asked so that he can respond to you directly.

[2ndTimothy]

No need to apologize. I am proud to say she is my wife of 42 years. She is a wonder.!!!. I have observed many of the attributes of God in her and am learning more all the time. 

[Rosie]

tears almost came to my eyes too. oh how sad. I had my Grandma to help me sister... I loved her so... 

[WellWithMySoul]

Saved And I Know It (Part 3)

A few months after graduating from high school this particular PK and I were married. His dad performed the ceremony, but I must say that neither my new husband nor I were walking with and living for the Lord as we should've been. Before we were married my soon to be husband had enlisted in the military, and was stationed in Germany. A few months after our marriage I joined him overseas to begin our first home there. It was a very "enlightening" time so far from home, and we were so very young. We were both quite naive about financial matters even though we had both worked, but that naivety was enhanced living in a foreign country off-base. Needless to say, we struggled to pay our bills and so the next year I flew back to "the world" (the military overseas called the US this). Soon after returning, it was confirmed that we were going to have our first child.

It was then, that I sensed the urgency of making some major changes in my life. I was so very happy and delighted that I was in "the family way", but in my heart the convictions to return to the Lord weighed heavily. Indeed, I saw the utmost importance of forsaking the sinful life that I'd been living... not only for myself, but for this brand new life that the Lord had blessed me with. With a renewed mind and repented heart, I "charged" into living for the Saviour the best that I knew how to, and could. I took the Bible very seriously and desired to be obedient to it. Faithfully, I attended church and did my best to "study to shew myself approved unto God". I started reading the Word, and I began to grow in knowledge and understanding...be it rather slowly, but at least surely. Not long before our little one arrived, my husband had returned stateside and being on inactive duty from the military, got a job to support our new little family. Our first born son arrived and as I laid in the hospital bed, I will never forget the thrill and wonder of my thoughts and the reality that now I was a mom! More than ever I knew the utmost importance of the need to be walking with my Lord so that my child would grow and learn of Him and to choose to be saved.

Within 7 years time I had given birth to 3 more babies, and had lost 2 other precious little ones. Teaching my babes about the Lord was a definite priority, but there was still something that wasn't quite right in my heart. As I read the Word and gleaned knowledge from it, I still had no understanding of God's love for me. I also didn't understand truly what joy or what that "peace that passes all understanding" was. I began praying and pleading with the Lord to "please show me these things that I would KNOW them in my heart". I desperately wanted to know what they were (notice that they are the first 3 "fruits of the Spirit"), so that I could not only verbally teach my children about them, but to also be a living example of them.

Through the years I continued to grow and learn about the Lord, yet that understanding about love, joy, and peace didn't come. I prayed, and prayed that the Lord would grant understanding. The love I had for my husband was amazing, and the "mother's love" I had for my babies was almost unspeakable. Yes, I prayed and prayed for years concerning this great sad void that still permeated my heart. Why wasn't the Lord responding to me? I knew it was His will that I should understand these things, and He blessedly answered so many other prayers, but He seemed so far away concerning these wondrous gifts of the Spirit. Why was my Lord holding back? Why was He so silent in this area?

Little did I know....

*****

(Part 4 will follow soon.)

[WellWithMySoul]

Saved And I Know It (Part 4)

In July of 1989 my whole "world" came crashing down on me. Within two weeks time I was absolutely crushed with wounds that threatened to overwhelm and destroy my very life. Just like that, my life was completely "topsy-turvey". I won't go into detail, but included in the grievous hurt was a crime that needed to be dealt with. Within a few days of discovering this crime, we reported it to the sheriff's office. The one that had committed the crime claimed to be a child of God, and that made it even more difficult to report it to the authorities. That meant going to the law against another Christian, but as it ended up the choice was actually taken out of our hands. That along with the other crushing blow led to a time of utter estrangement from both my family, and my inlaw family. I went to our pastor at the IFB church we were attending at the time (we faithfully commuted 160 miles round trip to attend that church), and he did his level best to give Godly support and counsel. I cried out to my Saviour with tremendous sorrow and weeping, and I did my best to remain faithful to Him. The crime and the other wounds weren't at all easy to talk about, and I truly didn't think anyone would believe me if I shared about them. Thus, I didn't really have any kind of support system even from fellow Christians, and so after a few months of such pain and rejection, I fell.

I fell headlong back into a life of sin, and I turned away from the Saviour. My marriage was a shambles, and my children were also suffering from the effects of all that had taken place. I stopped going to church, and I looked to whatever I could to try to ease the horrific painful wounds that had been inflicted upon me. The almost unbelievable amount of rejection had pierced to the core of my very being. I was the one that had been so crushed and wounded, yet I was the one that was blamed for it all. It got to the place where death seemed to be my only option for relief. What was I to do? Nothing that I had turned to helped. I started going to secular counseling, and that did "educate" me a bit, but that only went just so far. I really didn't understand why these things had happened to me. For the next few years, I eventually learned how to "survive" with my broken heart, and to "sear" my conscience from the guilt of my sinful reactions to the hurt.

Then! One day as I laid on my bed reading a secular article about "shame", a most profound thing happened! There was NO writing on the wall, and there was NO audible voice! Neither was there anything there that the eye could see! In the Gospel of John 14:18 it says, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." I had been so more than foolish to turn away from my Lord Jesus, and I had strayed such a long way from Him. I was in such a weakened state that I didn't have the "ability" to turn back to Him, but I sincerely believe that my blessed Redeemer with His gloriously merciful tenderness - "came to me"! His timing was perfect; impeccable! I had been merely existing on this earth; a nothing and a no one worth even living. Other than for my children, I had no reason to continue to even breathe. Yes, my God's omniscient timing was precisely planned! As I lay on that bed reading that article, quicker than the twinkling of an eye....He flooded my devastated and broken heart with His love. It was extraordinary and miraculous! For the first time in my life I knew what it was to truly be loved! All of the painful sadness of my childhood, all of the devastating wounds as an adult that were so crushing, the grave emptiness, and feelings of worthlessness....is exactly what it took to open up the "door of my heart" to His love for me!! All of those great, gaping holes in my heart had left all the more room for His love to fill! Indeed, His love filled my sore heart and overflowed! It was told to me later, that it was quite obvious that something had taken place in my heart. His love took me from dull almost lifeless eyes, stooping shoulders, defeated attitude, and hopeless tone of voice....to a shining countenance that plainly had been manifested outwardly from within. The heavy burdensome chains and shackles from the void of love and acceptance in my life were broken, and I literally felt the heaviness slide from my shoulders, and I knew a freedom such as I'd never felt before. It must've been then that my eyes sparkled, and my posture straightened, and my voice radiated out with the hope that God's love had given me!

(Once again, I must cut this short for the time being; Part 5 and the last part will be following soon.)

[2ndTimothy]

Once again I must say what a blessing it is to have her in my life. God knew just who I needed. Words escape me right now to comment further but I will get some of my testimony down on "paper" to help accentuate hers. Thank you Lord.

[WellWithMySoul]

Saved And I Know It (Part 5 Conclusion)

With that flooding in and comprehension of God's love for me, my heart soared with longing to turn from and to mortify the deeds of my flesh. I dearly wanted that gap between the Lord and me to be bridged with His forgiveness. With His wondrous love He forgave me and my walk with Him was restored. However, there was still one more thing that needed to be done before all would be right between the Lord and me. I needed to forgive those that had been so grievously offensive to me. I had no idea how to do that, so I ran to Him in prayer trusting that He would show me what I must think, feel, and do. I'm not sure how the Lord did it, but He put it into my mind to begin praying that HE would help me to see those that had been so hurtful THROUGH HIS EYES as much as possible. I prayed for that numerous times, and within 2 or 3 days....the Lord responded with just what I needed. A great pity such as I'd never experienced before filled my heart and mind for the 2 that had hurt me so horribly. Tears readily flowed, as the Lord gave me the perspective of the love that He had for THEM as well. I began to see and understand their own hurt that had been the root to hurting me. It was then that true forgiveness took place, and the Lord also granted me an amazing love for them. My own painful wounds began to dissipate and His love washed in and through me to them. The pastor of the church that we had been attending years before shared a quote with me that finally began to make sense after those years that I had strayed. "Forgiveness is not forgetting, forgiveness is remembering it forgiven". As human beings we don't have a "delete button" that we can hit and automatically delete offenses and memories, so only by the sweetness of God's workmanship within can memories be overridden. "Every choice or decision we make vibrates into eternity", and so there are always consequences that follow...whether for good or not. It is such a joy and privilege when the Lord helps me to "lose myself" and to seek His will, for tis then that I "find myself" in Him!

Along with the pity and forgiveness was the realization that truly God loves each one of us just as much as another; He plays no favoritism. Likewise, Jesus died on the cross to pay the price of sin for each one of us. That was a glorious balance for me to understand. It brought perspective into my life, and it made both the First and Second Commandments of the New Testament (Mark 12:30, 31) beautiful! When the actual act of forgiveness took place within my own heart, it was then that for the first time the Lord also gave me that "PEACE that passes all understanding". Oh how sweet it was! I just knew that I could "fly", for it was such a time of freedom from the cares of this world and twas His love that lifted me! It was as if before all I could see in this life was black and white, but then He gave me blessed "sight" that filled my perspective with beautiful and vivid colors. My thought processes and self-belief system were wreaked with bitterness and hopelessness and disparagement, but then JOY softly and tenderly yet surely swept over me. My ears had been constantly bombarded with the negative dark and foreboding messages that I constantly told myself of worthlessness, but then He opened up my ears to hear the symphonies of His LOVE.

For so many years I simply could not sing "Amazing Grace" because it was too hard to yet again be reminded of what a "wretch" I was. I also could not sing "It Is Well With My Soul", for I was certainly a very troubled person. I'm so very glad that now I can be reminded of my once depraved state and sing with much gratefulness about His awesome and amazing grace! Now it doesn't fail that tears fill my eyes whenever I sing, "It will be worth it all when we see Jesus, Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ; One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase, So bravely run the race till we see Christ". Regardless of the circumstances of my life, He has blessed me with the understanding that as His child it is always "well with my soul"! It is well because I'm Heaven bound, sanctified, redeemed, regenerated, justified, accepted in the beloved, sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, plus a myriad of the other glorious things that took place the instant I was saved. None of the circumstances of this life can change any of those acts of God....for I am "saved, saved, saved by His power divine"!

I love to speak of His glorious works, and I could go on and blessedly on....but for now I will conclude this portion of my life's testimony. Yes! I am Saved And I Know It!

(As the Lord leads I will share more about how the Lord is working in my life now... in the thread, "Please Share".)