Pastor Cancels Wedding Over ‘Sexy Dress,’ Persecuted For Modest Mindset

[John81]

Pastor Cancels Wedding Over ‘Sexy Dress,’ Persecuted for Modest Mindset

 

Pastor certainly created a stir in his local church when he refused to marry a bride and groom because he felt her dress was too “sexy,” according to a report in AmericaPreachers.com. Here’s a segment of the story:

“The wedding scheduled Saturday, Aug. 10, was scheduled for 3 p.m. At 2 p.m., the pastor greeted the bride and groom when he noticed the bride’s dress. According to the bride’s mother, the pastor jokingly asked, ‘Where is the other half of the dress?’ Not thinking anything of it, the family laughed it off and continued applying make-up on the bride. Around 2:30 p.m., the pastor asked a leader of the church to ask the bride and the family about the other part of her dress.

“The bride informed the leader, ‘This is it.’ The leader reported the news to the pastor and then the pastor informed personally the bride and groom at separate times he could not perform the wedding with the bride in her selected dress. The pastor told the bride she would have to cover up her breast area and find a way to add length to the dress. The bride informed the pastor there is no way to accomplish this with so short of a notice and she has to wear her dress. Then the pastor informed her he would not be able to perform the ceremony then walked back to his office.”

Was this pastor, whose ministry is 14 months old and who runs a storefront church, out of line for ruining this young couple’s wedding day? Or did he take a stand for modesty that deserves applause? That depends on whom you ask:

“I am sad for the bride who wanted a church wedding in a hoochie mama dress, but even sadder for the pastor who missed his teachable moment,” commented Kim Trent.

“Can you wear this dress on the senate floor? Can you be a doctor and wear this dress at work? If the answer is NO then you cannot wear this to church as well. Just like the world has its proper decorum, so does the Church of Christ,” Marvin Pierre wrote.

“That was foolish of the Pastor—get out of the way and let somebody else do the ceremony. You don’t wait till the wedding day to embarrass people in front of their family & friends. They should sue him. It’s none of his business,” Marlin J. Reid wrote.

“I believe this pastor did the right thing. He wasn't rude... he gave them multiple chances to add to the dress. Its His right to honor God the way he sees fit. People come to church with different ideas, but purposeful pornography should never be celebrated,” Esosa Killingidols said.

“The pastor's fashion sense overrode God's will?!? There is NOTHING in scripture that mandates/governs what the bride shall not wear to her own wedding,” Lawrence H. Thompson says.

“God is not looking at her outfit, God is not looking at how 'sexy' she is. God is looking at the fact that a man and woman are coming together in unity to become one. We need to stop putting focus on the outside,” Rashad TrueGospel Tarpley wrote.

“I respect him for standing up for the reverence of God and the sanctity of marriage. Her display of expression doesn't trump the Holiness of what God is expressing in marriage,” wrote Dean Boyd.

“I feel this is the very reason that people turn away from the church, we as Christians are too religious to be real and be more like Christ who would not have turned away any sinner,” Tricia E. Fields commented.

My opinion? Well, if you read my last article, you know where I stand. I don’t believe women should come to church—even unsaved women looking for a pastor to perform a wedding ceremony—scantily clad. In my first article, some criticized me for not calling men to the same standard. I absolutely do. I don’t want to see men’s boxer shorts, bulging biceps and tight pants any more than I want to see a woman’s cleavage.

But here’s the point: For some reason, this issue is getting more and more attention in the body of Christ. You can lambaste me for bringing it up, but it’s certainly hitting a nerve with anything-goes-anywhere-you-want and modest-minded people alike. I think Christians should model the way with their attire, just like we are supposed to do with our words and actions.

Paul said not to be conformed to this world (Rom. 12:2), but when we dress like lingerie models in church—or anywhere else—we’ve given the spirit of the world too much influence. If God doesn't care what we wear, Scripture wouldn’t tell us to adorn ourselves in modest apparel, in clothing that is proper for women professing godliness (1 Tim. 2:9-10).

The bottom line: We shouldn’t wear clothes that contrast with the biblical command for modesty, which kicks off an entirely new debate of what modesty means. I can assure you, based on the [removed link due to inappropriate attire. Mod] photo of the dress the bride chose, it was anything but modest.

 

http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/watchman-on-the-wall/40908-pastor-cancels-wedding-over-sexy-dress-persecuted-for-modest-mindset

[swathdiver]

First problem was the "pastor" marrying people who were not members of his "church".  The dress the woman chose is literally the attire of a harlot, don't even click the link fellas, it's that bad.  

 

They all need the Gospel.

[John81]

This had me wondering about the pastor's wedding policy. Many pastors are willing to marry those not members of their church, but they don't do so willy-nilly. Didn't this pastor conduct some pre-marital sessions with the couple? Didn't the pastor discuss the details of the wedding? Didn't the pastor let the couple know of church standards or policy regarding weddings held there? While I agree with his decision not to marry the couple because of the very immodest dress, the pastor dropped the ball on this one or the situation would have never got to that point.

 

All that said, the larger issue here is the fact many Christian women don't dress much different (some actually wear dresses like that!) It's not only a problem at weddings (and it's a BIG problem at weddings!) but also in the outfits women wear to church services. Why do so many Christian women wear outfits to church showing their cleavage (or more), in dresses too short, outfits way too tight and the like? Who are they dressing like that for? Certainly they haven't spent time in the Word wondering what sort of outfit would please the Lord so they aren't dressing for Him. Are they trying to attract male attention, because such outfits do? Are they trying to impress other women at church?

 

Another question I ask is why do parents, husbands, boyfriends and others close to these women allow or accept this? I've always wondered why a man about to marry a woman would think it's okay that her wedding dress (and the dresses of the other women in the wedding) are very immodest, showing parts that only the husband should see?

 

Also, where are the pastors in all this? Yes, some pastors do confront this issue, but they seem to be the few, while most pastors either ignore it or accept it. Where are the mature ladies in Christ who should be speaking up? Where are the mothers (and fathers) who shouldn't want their children exposed to such?

 

This is a real problem in many churches, a growing problem in others, and a problem likely to try to find its way into all churches.

[JimsHelpmeet]

Typical wordly responses in that article. The 'ol, "Jesus would have married them" or "this is why people leave Christianity, because pastors are hung up on appearances". Seriously, the dress is in very poor taste. I question the sound judgement of any woman who would wear that to a nightclub, let alone inside a church building. I hate to sound silly, but was it, by chance, a Gypsy wedding? I know they think nothing of immodest wedding apparel. I think the pastor did the right thing. Of course, I'm a little perturbed by his use of the title "apostle", but that's a whole 'nother issue altogether. Still, he took a stand for modesty in a time when many pastors are so willing to compromise just to be PC.

[John81]

Typical wordly responses in that article. The 'ol, "Jesus would have married them" or "this is why people leave Christianity, because pastors are hung up on appearances". Seriously, the dress is in very poor taste. I question the sound judgement of any woman who would wear that to a nightclub, let alone inside a church building. I hate to sound silly, but was it, by chance, a Gypsy wedding? I know they think nothing of immodest wedding apparel. I think the pastor did the right thing. Of course, I'm a little perturbed by his use of the title "apostle", but that's a whole 'nother issue altogether. Still, he took a stand for modesty in a time when many pastors are so willing to compromise just to be PC.

Unfortunately, I've seen many wedding photos with women (Christian and lost) wearing dresses similar to that, and even worse.

 

I think this touches on what we've discussed in other threads with regards to how many women have been raised over the past several decades. Many of these women have learned from their earliest years that wearing a tiny bikini in public is okay. They grew up wearing and seeing other girls and women wearing revealing clothes, never hearing anything said against such. After all these years of dressing like that, and seeing most others doing so as well, they have no real, and certainly no biblical concept of modesty.

 

Even when these women are born again, many either never hear or go for years without ever hearing anything about actual biblical modesty.

 

I see folks posting birthday party photos, church camp photos, church trip photos, mission trip photos, photos from their friends, them in high school or college and such like and it's amazing the immodest dress of most all in the pictures, young and old alike; children and parents alike.

[Miss Daisy]

Applause for that pastor!

That dress is for a stripper, not a bride! I just can't imagine, maybe I'm too sheltered!

Maybe pastors need to make rules on bridal and bridal attendees attire? Or approve ahead of time?

My shih tzu wears more clothes than that!

[JerryNumbers]

Good for the pastor.

 

So many seems to think what is on the outside of a Christian does not count, yet it does. If they're right with God on the inside it will show up heavily on the outside in, how they dress, the words they use, the way they dress, the places they go, who their friends are. If they're not right with God them that to will show up on the outside of them.

 

Every new Testament Church building is a scared place, set aside for us to gather together in the name of our Lord while He is with us in a very special way.

 

Mt 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

 

Of course I would not expect the world to understand this, Satan is in charge of them, & they're following him closely.

[John81]

That's right Jerry, the world doesn't get it, and really can't because they are lost. What's really a shame is the high number of Christians who take offense at the idea anyone can question their dress, point out biblical truth about our dress, or refuse to give acceptance to immodest dress.

 

It's rather common these days to here women Christians become very defensive if someone says anything negative about their immodest dress. When someone tries to share with them the biblical truth regarding modest dress, reasons for such, and tries to help them, they lash out with that familiar "God doesn't care what I wear, He knows my heart" (which Jerry so rightly pointed out, if their heart was in the right place on this matter they wouldn't be dressing like a harlot). Then the immodestly dressed Christian women lay everything upon men by declaring that if any man is tempted to sin because of her dress or they lust after her that's the men's problem, not hers (which is sin on her part at several points). They declare women who take a biblical stand on the issue to be jealous, legalists, not real women, wimps, and worse.

 

What a shame when one sees so many photos of pastors with women wearing dresses like the one from that cancelled wedding. Sometimes even with their own daughters or wives wearing such!

 

A few weeks ago as I was leaving our church, a nearby church was getting close to time for their service and I saw a family get out of a mini-van as I sat at a stop sign. The mother's outfit was probably borderline modest at best. When their teenage daughter got out of the van and started walking toward the church I was shocked (maybe I shouldn't be anymore, but this seems just so clearly wrong in my eyes) at her outfit. She was wearing what was probably a sun dress, low cut in front, lower in the back, but the dress part wasn't really there; it was more like an extremely mini-mini skirt. How she could sit down without breaking the law or survive the least of breezes I have no idea.

 

How could a parent allow their daughter to dress like that anywhere, let alone church? And why??? Surely the mother and father are not naïve enough to no see what is right before their eyes and know exactly the message such a dress gives and the reaction such causes for most young guys (and some older ones) and what other girls/women think of such.

 

My daughter is grown, in her late 20s, married with two children, but if I saw her wearing that, or even something not that bad but yet immodest, I would speak with her about it.

[OLD fashioned preacher]

I wonder:

 

Who in their right mind would think that the average wedding dress made today would be "acceptable" attire on the grounds of a Holiness church, much less something more immodest.

 

Is it possible the pastor did mention dress and the bride didn't care because "it's MY wedding!" yet didn't express that out loud to him?

I had a girl who was a member here who KNEW the church standards, who KNEW my standards (the church's is laxer -- how can the church standards be laxer than the pastor's? If you honestly think that the local church body as a whole will have the same standards because of the teaching and preaching, you're in la-la land), the bride and her mother spent considerable time finding a "modest" gown, etc,etc.

 

Enter wedding day, I wanted to throttle (not literally) the bride, her mother, the bridesmaids and especially their fathers!!! The dresses weren't as bad as most in weddings, but she knew better -- as did her parents.

 

I wonder if the bride in the article might have known full well what she was doing and it backfired on her.

[John81]

I wonder:

 

Who in their right mind would think that the average wedding dress made today would be "acceptable" attire on the grounds of a Holiness church, much less something more immodest.

 

Is it possible the pastor did mention dress and the bride didn't care because "it's MY wedding!" yet didn't express that out loud to him?

I had a girl who was a member here who KNEW the church standards, who KNEW my standards (the church's is laxer -- how can the church standards be laxer than the pastor's? If you honestly think that the local church body as a whole will have the same standards because of the teaching and preaching, you're in la-la land), the bride and her mother spent considerable time finding a "modest" gown, etc,etc.

 

Enter wedding day, I wanted to throttle (not literally) the bride, her mother, the bridesmaids and especially their fathers!!! The dresses weren't as bad as most in weddings, but she knew better -- as did her parents.

 

I wonder if the bride in the article might have known full well what she was doing and it backfired on her.

Good points. I had thought about that, especially in light of how it seems the pastor made it clear the bride needed to cover up and the brides reaction made me wonder if she already knew this could be a problem but decided she could do what she wants.

 

It's amazing how many professing Christians think they can do whatever they want in the church and bristle and get angry when told they can't dress however they want, can't play their favorite heavy metal ballad in the sanctuary, can't have a booze fest after the wedding, and on and on.

 

It's no surprise that some lost folks may think this way, but even then, it seems many lost folks at least recognize the church isn't the place for that stuff. It's those professing Christians who think they have a right to do these things that really makes one wonder.

 

Our pastor requires anyone not a member of the church to attend at least two services before the wedding, as well as his regular practice of having several pre-marital "counseling" (for lack of a better term) sessions, and going over the wedding details (which includes attire, music, refreshments, guests and such).

 

Our pastor is clear from the beginning that he's not obligated to marry anyone, the church isn't obligated to allow anyone to get married there, that if anyone is unwilling to abide by the pastor/church rules they will not have their wedding there.

[Pastor Matt]

It should have never gotten this far. Conversation about what kind of what dress/music is appropriate should have been been brought up way back when they asked the pastor to marry them. Waiting until the wedding day does nothing more than to make people angry and does more harm than good. This would have been a non issue if the pastor asked in the beginning to see the dress.

 

Don't get me wrong, the pastor 100% made the right choice, he just made it too late.

[JerryNumbers]

I know of an Assembly of God church that's pastor canceled a wedding because of a song they were going to sing. He told them leave off the song & the wedding can go forward, they refused.

 

One thing I fail to understand why lost people want to get married in a church.

[swathdiver]

One thing I fail to understand why lost people want to get married in a church.

 

Maybe because of the atmosphere (huge arches, christ on the cross, stained glass windows, etc.), tradition or family pressure.  It could also be their conscience, for the law is written on their heart.  

[heartstrings]

My first two questions would be

 

#1 Had these folk previously heard this pastor preach on modest dress?

#2 Did he inform them of  his standards/expectations/rules when they asked  him to perform the wedding?

[1John2:15-17]

Maybe because of the atmosphere (huge arches, christ on the cross, stained glass windows, etc.), tradition or family pressure.  It could also be their conscience, for the law is written on their heart.

And maybe so they can feel good about themselves, falsely thinking that their marriage will be blessed by God.