Firstborns

[Anon]

Any of the rest of you have a difficult firstborn? Out of all our kids, our firstborn has always been a mess. Yeah the others have their own sets of problems but overall it always comes back to "What am I going to do with this child?!" it seems! I get so upset and frustrated and then feel bad.... its like sometimes he wishes he could do right and do what he is supposed to do but somehow he just can't make his body do it.

Anyone?

[Guest Guest]

Since there is something special about the firstborn with God, Satan wants to do all he can to get to the firstborn most of all. We are starting to see that our first child is going to be really hard to train...

[5dumplings@home]

The problem I have with my firstborn is that she is just like I was at her age. She's the bossy big sister first, then she's the reliable one. She fusses and fumes and demands that others obey her.

I know exactly what she's doing because I did it. We tend to clash because I see right through her, but we are working very diligently on her.

[Annie]

I feel sorry for firstborns...especially ours! She was born to a mommy and daddy who are both firstborns--yikes! It seems like parents either crack down way too hard on their firstborn "because they want to do everything right" (but aren't sure about balance yet)...or they are lax until they realize too late that kids can be strong-willed. We were the "crack down way too hard" kind. :sad Knowing how to strike a good balance comes only with experience, and wisdom from God. We're sure not there yet! I'm glad that God's grace covers parental mistakes with the "guinea pig" who is the firstborn. At age nine, our firstborn is, by His grace only, on her way to becoming a beautiful Christian woman. She truly has a heart for God, loves to read her Bible daily, holds a regular "Bible club" for her younger siblings, helps cheerfully around the house, etc. She can be bossy and strong-willed, but God is at work in her heart, and she is tender and teachable. I'm glad it's not up to me to change her. Sometimes it's hard to trust in God during the "strong-willed" times, but He is faithful, and will do the work He has promised to do. The hardest thing for us is knowing when to be "hands-off" in order to let God alone work, and when we need to step in and intervene. It's a delicate balancing act.

[HappyChristian]

Whew - My lonely only is also first born. :Green And he could (and still can be) very strong willed and stubborn. Praise the Lord, though, that the Holy Spirit can and does work on them - just like he does us!

Sometimes, Kita, you just have to keep plugging on. One day it seems as though we have it conquered, and the next their sinful nature rears itself.

And you are spot on that he sometimes wants to do right and other times doesn't...actually, we all tend to be that way (remember what Paul says in Rom. 7)

14For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.

15For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

18For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

19For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

20Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

[Anon]

It is true the devil wants our firstborns!

And yep my hubby and I are both firstborns too! Our kids all have strong willed personalities because of that. Great, huh! They are all a challenge (four future leaders maybe?) but seems like the firstborn is still the greatest, esp as he should be able to be more trusted as a helper by now yet is still having his own issues.

I was talking to my hubby about some of my son's problems...some of them to me seemed to indicate some kind of emotional problem I was sure I caused...my husband is like "Um no, he's just acting exactly how I acted when I was his age." Oh. WELL ITS ANNOYING!!! haha j/k.

[Anon]

Also...frankly, do any of you get frustrated about your own issues? I mean, living together 24/7 means your kids see your flaws...any tempers, bad attitudes, or impatience that you have... its really hard to train kids correctly when you are still growing in your own life too!

I should never have read ANY of those child rearing books. Sometimes I think those people who wrote those books must have been complacent middle children who had their own complacent children who only needed a few spankings and they were angels. haha. Anyway being somewhat of a perfectionist, if I read books, I want everything done "right" and if it doesn't happen right away, I get irritated....so I shouldn't read books. haha.

More prayer right! Yeah that sounds good!

[Guest Guest]

My husband and I are both firstborns too. People tend to think we are too "soft" on our oldest son but we prefer that to being as abusive as both of our parents were.

[Pastor Matt]

She's the bossy big sister first' date=' then she's the reliable one. She fusses and fumes and demands that others obey her.[/quote']
Sounds exactly like our firstborn.

[Anon]

My husband and I are both firstborns too. People tend to think we are too "soft" on our oldest son but we prefer that to being as abusive as both of our parents were.

Your son isn't even old enough to be "hard" on really LOL.... we were "hard" on our firstborn at young ages and as I had more kids I realized that punishment is only effective if the child understands what is going on. Now, I do spank my baby's hand (one year old) for messing with stuff and tell him "no" but sometimes babies get one track minds and you have to move them or offer them something else...they don't always know to obey (depending on the situation, and the child.) For instance, if my son falls while holding onto the gate, he starts to cry, because he doesn't automatically know "Oh I should let go of this bar so I'm not hanging here." So babies can't always "obey" although we should definitely start training them to do so.

I'm just saying we were pretty rough on our firstborn as a crawling baby and I think we could have shown more grace and understanding while still training him to obey.

[deafnva77]

i have a firstborn son too.

It might help if you catch him doing something right. Then maybe he will realize he is capable of doing the right thing.

[deafnva77]

He's a pastor's son also, right? .. that is even tougher.

[5dumplings@home]

If you read anything, you should read http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Order-Book- ... 0800785967 . He does a very good job of explaining how things are with typical birth orders. I liked the original better than the new one, myself.

It helped clear up a lot of things that we were facing in our home and gave me a better grip on handling "issues."

[Anon]

Yeah I did read that...

[kevinmiller]

I've heard it taught at the basic seminars I've been to. It seems to be pretty accurate, especially when it comes to the firstborn.