Difficult Wedding

[Invicta]

We have a wedding at our church Tomorrow, Friday.  The young couple both attend our church and show interest in the gospel but we don't know if they are saved. The brother of the Bride is a member of our church and a very active young Christian, and has always been very protective of his sister. 

The problem is they come from a very fragmented family.  We are expecting their mother and he current husband, the father's second wife, the father and his present partner, none of whom get on together.  The mother is very antagonistic to the gospel.  The second wife used to attend our services when she was married to the father.  The Brother, when he returned to us after working in Scotland for a while, got his father to attend some of our services for a while got very upset when his father turned up at one service with a new girlfriend about the same age as him.  The father hasn't been to our services since.

Apart from that, our Nominated Person who oversees the service and acts on behalf of the registrar, says the wording that the minister intends to use is illegal.  Our minister has checked with the official Registrar, and he has said it is legal and he has given it to us in writing.  Certain phrases have to be included in a marriage service for it to be legal.    I have been asked to make sure I record the service in case of any legal challenge.

We are praying that it will go smoothly for

The young couple

The family as a whole.

The church.

I believe there are problems as well in the bridegrooms family, but I am not aware of what they are.

 

 

[OLD fashioned preacher]

I'm curious as to what some of the required wording is.

 

If I believe there may be an unequal yoke involved (one saved / one lost) I won't encourage it by officiating the wedding (I've turned down 2 for that very reason).

I also don't ceremonies for two lost people even if they've been coming for 40 years.

[Invicta]

I'm curious as to what some of the required wording is.

 

If I believe there may be an unequal yoke involved (one saved / one lost) I won't encourage it by officiating the wedding (I've turned down 2 for that very reason).

I also don't ceremonies for two lost people even if they've been coming for 40 years.

I am not sure what the required wording is.

While I appreciate your position on this, Marriage, as I see it is a creation ordinance so should we refuse an ordinance that God has instituted?  I know one Baptist pastor who does not believe anyone should be marries in church.

 

[OLD fashioned preacher]

Considering II Cor forbids yoking with an unbeliever, I'm not going to be party to its hoopla. Just as I'm not going to encourage theft by saying, "It's only a pen that the company probably only paid 15 cents for, you don't have to feel like you stole it."

[Covenanter]

Sounds complicated, David. I've been to a number of mixed weddings - but not with that mix of "parents." I pray all will go smoothly with for a happy marriage.

 

[John81]

I pray the Lord's will be done at the service and for the marriage and family.

When it comes to performing wedding ceremonies churches have various stances on the matter. Some churches will marry virtually anyone who walks through the door wanting to get married there, a few won't do weddings at all, and some restrict weddings to members of the church only. Then a variety of stances in between.

At our church, our pastors only marry couples who are saved and who agree to a certain amount of what they call premarital counseling. During those meetings the pastor discusses biblical marriage and asks questions to see if the couple have thought things through, understand what they are doing, are on the same page. Most often these sessions go well, either the couple are already pretty solid or the few areas of need or concern are addressed during the meetings and answered or resolved. There have only been a few cases where the meetings exposed some serious problems and either the couple called the wedding off themselves or the pastor informed them he couldn't in good conscience marry them.

I don't know about in England, but in this country a church that won't perform weddings or only performs weddings for it's own members or only saved couples, won't prevent others from getting married. There are plenty of other churches around that will marry those others, as well as options of getting married by a Justice of the Peace, or a retired pastor, or anyone holding "minister's" papers and a license from the State.

[MountainChristian]

With the time difference I guess its over, but I prayed anyway. I hope they keep their peace in the church.

[Invicta]

With the time difference I guess its over, but I prayed anyway. I hope they keep their peace in the church.

Yes it did thank you.  No problems, although there was a rehearsal the day before which was somewhat chaotic, I have been told.  It was supposed to be for the main parties but many of the other members of the families turned up.

I pray the Lord's will be done at the service and for the marriage and family.

When it comes to performing wedding ceremonies churches have various stances on the matter. Some churches will marry virtually anyone who walks through the door wanting to get married there, a few won't do weddings at all, and some restrict weddings to members of the church only. Then a variety of stances in between.

At our church, our pastors only marry couples who are saved and who agree to a certain amount of what they call premarital counseling. During those meetings the pastor discusses biblical marriage and asks questions to see if the couple have thought things through, understand what they are doing, are on the same page. Most often these sessions go well, either the couple are already pretty solid or the few areas of need or concern are addressed during the meetings and answered or resolved. There have only been a few cases where the meetings exposed some serious problems and either the couple called the wedding off themselves or the pastor informed them he couldn't in good conscience marry them.

I don't know about in England, but in this country a church that won't perform weddings or only performs weddings for it's own members or only saved couples, won't prevent others from getting married. There are plenty of other churches around that will marry those others, as well as options of getting married by a Justice of the Peace, or a retired pastor, or anyone holding "minister's" papers and a license from the State.

John, our church did consider marrying only Christians of whom one should be a church member.  I thought we had decided that but when we searched the minutes of the meetings it wasn't recorded.  I would be in favour of that.

In this country there are various ways we can marry.

1. In a registry office where no form of religious service is allowed.  I went to one such some years ago and they supply some background music on CD, or you can bring your own but no religious music is allowed.  One of the supplied CDs was Amazing Grace. The ceremony is conducted by the local registrar,

2.  In an Anglican church.  The vicar can perform marriages, acting as a registrar.  I believe that they have to marry anyone who requests it.  

3. A church can have a nominated person who acts as the registrar and oversees the ceremony and the signing of the certificate. 

4,  As when my wife and I were married, the church did not have a nominated person, so the registrar had to come and oversee the service.

In English law, no photos can be taken during a court case.  The signing of the register, I was told was as a court case, and I have been to many church weddings when we have been told not to take a photo during the signing as it would invalidate the proceedings and they would have to do it again.  However, the last registrar office wedding I went to, the registrar allowed photos to be taken.  Usually all such photos are staged after the actual signing.  Since 1837 all births, marriages and deaths have to be recorded by the registrar and most are viewable on Free BMDs.  You can purchase certificates to help in family research if you wish.  

Edited August 17, 2015 by Invicta

[Alan]

Thank you for the information concerning legal marraiges in England. It seems to me, every country in the world, whether heathen, jungle, or the ashphalt jungle, has some sort of public ceremony, or public acknowledgement, whether civil or religious. The Chinese have there own civil and religions functions to recognize the union of a man and wife in marriage.

Whether civil, jungle, asphlat jungle, Christian service, Jewish service, Muslim service, Russion, even the atheist socialist and communist, countries, et tal, all countries have an open acknowledgement of a marriage. Interesting isn't it? When God brought Adam and eve together it was in an open, public, situation: Genesis 2:22-25 and Romans 1:19 and 2:12-15. Please consider Romans 2:12-15 carefully. Not only for marriage; but for all things. God has put it in the conscience of every living being, in every country, in every age, that man is not an animal but a 'being' made in the image of God and that marriage is from God and a public acknowledgement of a union between a man and a woman is the correct thing to do. Even the reprobate Sodomites demand a ceremony.

Brethren, before anyone says that there was no one to witness the bringing of Adam and Eve together because there was no one else there. It was still a public acknowledgement of the fact before the angels of God, the Lord Jesus, and God Himself. 

Alan

   

Edited August 17, 2015 by Alan

[Invicta]

In France, all legal marriages are secular.  You have to be married by the Maire (Mayor) at the Mairie (The town hall or where the Maire works,)  

You will often see the wedding party after a ceremony walking down to the Mairie for the official part.

Even small villages will often have a Maire.  Sometimes very small villages will be joined together to form a commune with a Maire between them.

Just to prove I am married, here I am

Marriages Mar 1968   (>99%)

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SHERRIFF DAVID,    WILKINSON CHATHAM 5F507  

 

Edited August 17, 2015 by Invicta