Baby Advice

[joyfulpraise93]

What is the very best piece of advice you can give to first-time parents?


I'm really interested to hear what everyone has to say. Samer and I will be first-time parents in January (as long as everything goes okay) and it will be nice to hear what some parents have to say about raising children.

[Guest Guest]

Don't think you have to be the perfect parent because you won't be!

[kevinmiller]

I can't really respond but I didn't want to be left out so I figured I would just post this as it is. :lol

(it's also my 9500th post) :thumb

[HappyChristian]

:lol: I had to see what Kevin posted!!!

Rachel - Katey-Anne hit the nail on the head. Many first time parents walk on eggshells around their baby and try to be or at least give the appearance of being perfect parents. But there is no such thing.

Relax and enjoy your baby. Get to know the baby, who will have a distinct personality soon after birth...and you guys will have such fun discovering things about your child!

Hold the baby. Many people say that if you hold a baby too much, it gets spoiled. Well, up to about 6 months, that just isn't true. Let the baby sit in a swing or seat, or lie in the bed, definitely...but cuddle with her/him often. Babies have been proven to grow into more emotionally stable children when parents cuddle with them often. That includes kissing...man, babies cheeks are so kissable! :Green

Talk to the baby (do so even now!!). Not in baby talk (although you both will find yourselves doing that sometimes :Green - it's actually fun!), but just as you would an adult. Sing to the baby. Even if you don't think you have a good voice, the baby will love it! Read to your baby. Stats have shown that kids whose parents read to them (especially fathers) end up being better readers (since you worked in a library, you probably already know that! ). Another thing - if either of you speak any other languages, talk to the baby sometimes in that language. Your baby could be multi-lingual by the time he/she starts schooling!

Laugh together a lot in your baby's presence. Let your love for each other shine through obviously so that your baby will know mom and dad love each other unconditionally. NEVER raise your voice to each other in baby's presence.

If you haven't already, it'd be a great idea for the two of you to study what God has to say about rearing children. There are some good books out there that can help. Growing Up God's Way by John Stormer is fantastic (anything written by him is good, but this book is great for any parent, but especially new ones).
http://books.google.com/books?as_auth=John+A+Stormer

Pray with your baby often. This would be personal preference, but we even asked the Lord's blessing on each bottle as he was getting ready to drink it. But, definitely, let your baby hear you talk to God.

Include the baby in devotions...it's never too soon to begin hearing about God's Word.

Play with your baby.

Even though I could put more (I think any parent could!), one last thing...your parents and your in-laws have a vested interest in that baby. You and Samer are the parents and need to make any decisions concerning your family. But...listen to both sets of parents if they give you advice. That doesn't mean you have to take it, but do pay heed: they could be giving you a nugget of gold somewhere in their advice. Godly grandparents just can't be beat!!

(I guess this is more than a piece, eh? )

[deafnva77]

Hold the baby. Many people say that if you hold a baby too much, it gets spoiled. Well, up to about 6 months, that just isn't true. Let the baby sit in a swing or seat, or lie in the bed, definitely...but cuddle with her/him often. Babies have been proven to grow into more emotionally stable children when parents cuddle with them often. That includes kissing...man, babies cheeks are so kissable!

I agree :)

[Anon]

Yep hold that baby alot! We don't "cry it out" around here until the baby for SURE does not need to eat at night and is not sick, which is usually between 9-12 mos depending on the baby, and if you are nursing. If you nurse, baby will wake at night for alot longer. I just weaned my littlest guy but I have to get up btw 4-5am (just once) and give him a little cup of something...will wean that later. Plus my guys have reflux and that needs extra care too...don't assume a baby is just being "bad" for crying...many times it can be a sign of discomfort and should not be just ignored or passed off as "we need to train him out of that."

Just try not to worry about doing everything perfect....don't try to go by the "books"...every kid is different. Follow your instincts, and follow the Lord, and enjoy the baby! I still get high strung, I want things done right, and I make lots of mistakes...but I find when I get upset about my mistakes, it only makes everything worse. Don't go overboard with scheduling or watching the clock or making sure everything is "how they said to do it"....raise your family how it is best for your family.

And don't read "To Train Up a Child." :lol We tried that with our firstborn and looking back, I wish we would have done differently.

When I get discouraged, my husband reminds me that God gave us these kids for around 18 years to raise...so to expect perfection at age 3 (or whatever) is a little outrageous...esp considering none of us are perfect yet, either!

[Pastorj]

The one thing that helped us with our children was suggested to us by our pediatrician. Put your child on a schedule. It helps to know when they will need to be fed. Here was ours (again - Recommended by our pediatrician)

Birth - about 6wks
7am; 10am; 1pm; 4pm; 7pm; 10pm - Child in bed feed during night only if child needs

6wks - 10/12 wks
7am; 10am; 1pm; 4pm; 7pm - Put in bed at 7pm and only feed during night if child needs

Our children slept from 7pm to 7am by 8 wks

@10wks
7am; 11am; 3pm; 7pm (Put child to bed at 7pm)

Sometime around 6mths
8am; 1pm; 6pm (put child to bed a 7pm)

The only exception we made to the child's bedtime was church nights. other than that, our kids were in bed at 7pm every night.
The other nice thing to this schedule is that in the first year, the child is being fed at a different time than the family. The child is also being fed before and after church (except Sun. morning) from birth. This brought sanity to our lives.


The only other suggestion I have for you is to decide from the beginning that you are the parent and they are the child and will eat and do what you want. We made this mistake with our first and suffered for the first two years. With our second, we decided that he would get what was given and again sanity was restored.

Hope that helps.

[HappyChristian]

The one thing that helped us with our children was suggested to us by our pediatrician. Put your child on a schedule. It helps to know when they will need to be fed. Here was ours (again - Recommended by our pediatrician)

Birth - about 6wks
7am; 10am; 1pm; 4pm; 7pm; 10pm - Child in bed feed during night only if child needs

6wks - 10/12 wks
7am; 10am; 1pm; 4pm; 7pm - Put in bed at 7pm and only feed during night if child needs

Our children slept from 7pm to 7am by 8 wks

@10wks
7am; 11am; 3pm; 7pm (Put child to bed at 7pm)

Sometime around 6mths
8am; 1pm; 6pm (put child to bed a 7pm)

The only exception we made to the child's bedtime was church nights. other than that, our kids were in bed at 7pm every night.
The other nice thing to this schedule is that in the first year, the child is being fed at a different time than the family. The child is also being fed before and after church (except Sun. morning) from birth. This brought sanity to our lives.


The only other suggestion I have for you is to decide from the beginning that you are the parent and they are the child and will eat and do what you want. We made this mistake with our first and suffered for the first two years. With our second, we decided that he would get what was given and again sanity was restored.

Hope that helps.

Good post! Scheduling is vital...if you can do it! Because of our son's problems when he was born (due to problems I had while pregnant) we weren't able to fix a set schedule of feeding. My doctor was upset that he wasn't on 8 ounces every so many hours. But Josh couldn't hold more than 2 oz at a time! After the doc ranted at me about it, I began to notice something - Josh was on a schedule. But it was one of his own making. Every two hours, he would drink 2 oz. Then it stretched to 3 oz, and so on, until finally he was able to be on a normal schedule. But that was due to his stomach problems, as I said. A set schedule, if possible, really helps!

[matie-k]

Well, some books have helped me a lot especially with scheduling my baby. And we're more of the "cry it out" mentality - not to an extreme, but in moderation. I like to get an uninterrupted night's sleep [u]as soon as possible[/u] after that babykins comes! Our first daughter started sleeping through the night around 4 weeks old, and I'm hoping this next one can be the same.

As for other advice - one of the biggest revelations I've had in my short parenting life was this: no matter how perfect a parent's parenting is, your child will still and always be a sinner! I figured if my parenting skills were perfect, then my child would be perfect too or as near to perfect as a person can be. Duh! Kids are sinners, and being a sinner leads to a great way to teach of God's grace!

Also, just realize and accept now that your child will have times when they embarrass the fire out of you with their awful behavior, but it's not the end of the world!

[Anon]

I found with reflux things were harder to schedule...our kids were difficult to schedule as they did not sleep well until they started their meds.... I think scheduling is GREAT but not to sweat it, if for some reason it doesn't happen.

[Pastorj]

My son was like that in the beginning. His stomach valve did not close and he puked up everything we gave him. We altered his schedule in the beginning, but got him to the schedule above after about 4 wks.

One other thing,
The schedule I gave is a basic plan. Obviously if the child needs fed and it is only 9am, feed them. If it was 9:45, we would make them wait the 15 min. Every day is unique, but we tried to hold to that schedule.


I would also disagree with Kitagrl on the book "To train up a child". I felt it was an excellent book that one must read. Just remember that it is not the Bible and there are things that you should ignore, but the principles of training children are clearly laid out.

[deafnva77]

yeah, don't worry about the schedule...

I never did the schedule thing. I can't even keep my own schedule. I just go with the flow..

I think the only reason doctors give you an ideal scedule is out of fear that people will not feed their babies at all (neglectful mothers). Or mothers who get confused with feeding on demand, so telling them how much a baby need to eat help them alot.

[Pastorj]

[quote="deafnva77"]yeah, don't worry about the schedule...

I never did the schedule thing. I can't even keep my own schedule. I just go with the flow..

I think the only reason doctors give you an ideal scedule is out of fear that people will not feed their babies at all (neglectful mothers). Or mothers who get confused with feeding on demand.[/quote]

That is not accurate. Doctors give schedules because it helps train the child to eat when they are suppose to.

[Anon]

I guess we probably shouldn't debate child training methods! LOL. Pastor J if you want I can PM you my issues with that book....its not the issue of consistency or discipline but rather some of the philosophy behind it.

Like I said...in general, each family has to figure out what schedule or method works best with their babies! Just don't fret if what one person tells you doesn't work for you, because you might need to try something else. I guess that's all I'm trying to say...I was inundated with "Babywise" or other advice or tips or do this or do that...and I found that a little mixture of everything is what worked best for us. All of our kids sleep well at night...I don't have toddlers crawling into bed with us or kids that refuse to sleep...the baby gets up once briefly each night for like a minute...so all of them are pretty well scheduled...but as infants, I did my own thing with them, pretty much. I did what worked for us.

[deafnva77]

[quote="Pastorj"][quote="deafnva77"]yeah, don't worry about the schedule...

I never did the schedule thing. I can't even keep my own schedule. I just go with the flow..

I think the only reason doctors give you an ideal schedule is out of fear that people will not feed their babies at all (neglectful mothers). Or mothers who get confused with feeding on demand.[/quote]

That is not accurate. Doctors give schedules because it helps train the child to eat when they are suppose to.[/quote]

i doubt that, every doctor know there's no such thing as a perfect schedule. They just say it because it is safer and healthier (keep babies from eating too little or too much). Of course, I'm talking about the typical "every 2 hours" schedule.