Friends Son Gay

[Miss Daisy]

Not sure if this is the correct forum but I'll see if I get any help on this one. Anyway, a friend of mine has a son who's gay. He's 20 and also has autism. I don't know anything about autism. He lives with his very dysfunctional family and has a job and can drive. I've befriended the mother so I can continue to take her daughter to church with me, she's 7 years old. When I drop the daughter off I usually go in and talk to the mother and her son will come into kitchen and tell me about how hard it is to meet gay men, etc. etc. And since he's mentally challenged I need help to find a way talk to him without upsetting mother or him.

[Guest]

I have difficulty just witnessing to homosexuals. I don't know how I might witness to an autistic homosexual about salvation. What route have you thought about?

[John81]

The son must have a mild form of autism if he can drive and has a job. That means he's likely able to comprehend the Gospel if someone presents it to him patiently and clearly, and the big "if", if he's willing to listen.

One of the best ways I've found to present the Gospel to homosexuals is not to focus upon the homosexuality. As we know, homosexuality is just one of the many sins any lost homosexual is living in. Most often it's best to approach a homosexual with the Gospel in the same manner as with any other lost sinner. Like all lost sinners, the homosexual must come to realize they are a sinner (not just in their homosexuality), there is a terrible price to pay for their sins, they need a Saviour.

In whatever way you have successfully helped others come to Christ, that would be the approach, or something very similar, I would use with the homosexual son.

What typically DOESN'T work is focusing on their homosexuality, only addressing their homosexuality.

Their sin of homosexuality will eventually have to be confronted, but it usually works best for them to bring it up after we have already discussed other sins with them as we help them to learn they are sinners. Even then, try to be careful not to get caught up in totally focusing upon the homosexuality. Make it a point to be clear that their homosexuality is just one of the many sins they are guilty of, they need to repent of, they need the blood of Christ to cleanse them of.

Unfortunately, homosexuals themselves will often try to focus totally upon homosexuality and then put up a wall of "I'm offended" and become defensive about "who they are". Rather than addressing the Gospel they focus only upon their prized sin of homosexuality. In most such cases there is no getting through to them at that time. They tend to become argumentative and defensive so that parting from them as kindly as possible is best at that time. If they are open to it, offer to pray for them and/or let them know if they ever want to talk about anything they can come to you.

After that, lift them up in prayer and await the Holy Ghost to open a door for you with them or to send another that may reach them.

Also, with regards to prayer, spend serious time in prayer for this person and how to reach out to them before you act.

[HappyChristian]

Autism runs a gamut of differences. Many people who have Asperger's can seem as "normal" as the next person for the most part. And there is a growing number of autistic gays.

I find it interesting that he comes into the kitchen and begins discussing his "problems" with you. Even though many autistic people are not good listeners (even highly functioning aspergers are not always able to listen well), you have an opportunity to reach this young man with the gospel. As John has mentioned, it is not the young man's homosexuality that needs to be dealt with at this point. It is the fact that he, as is everyone, is a sinner in the sight of God.

I have a friend whose young son is autistic. He does not listen well all the time (no child does, but autistics do it differently), but he does hear. He knows in his head that sin is sin. And he knows he has to obey when Mom and Dad say something. But a lot of his actions are rote at this point (because that is how autistics often operate - put them on a set schedule, and don't change things, and they are happy). He can tell you why Jesus died. He can tell you he is a sinner. But there is not conviction within him yet. He hasn't come to a place where he understands.

It sounds like the young man you know has a higher capacity for understanding. I would do as John suggests: just give him the gospel. When you get to discussing sin, ask if he's ever disobeyed his parents. When he comprehends, he will honestly tell you yes (asking if he's ever told a lie might elicit a no - because autistics don't do much lying! Of course, high functioning autistics might...). You can show him in the 10 commandments how God says we aren't to do that...and then take him over to James where it says "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2:10. Quite clearly we see there that just breaking one law makes us guilty of it all...hence, we are all sinners.

Then on to Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." This underlines the fact that everyone has sinned - not just certain people who do certain things, but all. And that glory of God that we come short of is Jesus Christ (James 2 calls Him the Lord of glory). So, our measuring stick (or, rather, God's) is His perfect Son.

A good verse to insert here would then be Jer. 31:3 "I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindess have I drawn thee." And then go from there into the plan of salvation.

If the young man is a reader (and some autistics are - they don't always completely comprehend what they are reading, but they do read), show him scripture. If he's not, use a wordless book, quoting scripture. He just might be fascinated with the idea of a book with no words (and that is often an "inoffensive" way to present the gospel...even to the mother).

After salvation is the time to focus on other things, as he is discipled. The Holy Spirit will begin to work in him in ways that just might surprise you! Pray much before you talk to him...and after!

[robmac68]

I loved reading the replies. Praise the Lord! What wonderful advice.
I said a prayer for you as this will be difficult.
God Bless,
Rob