"offer 'holy water' with a gloved hand" - Poor Etiquette

1Timothy115 · March 10, 2017

I had a laugh reading some of these but, some of them would be nice to see in worship services today.

FROST'S LAWS AND BY-LAWS OF AMERICAN SOCIETY

A CONDENSED BUT THOROUGH TREATISE ON ETIQUETTE AND ITS USAGES IN AMERICA, CONTAINING PLAIN AND RELIABLE DIRECTIONS FOR DEPORTMENT IN EVERY SITUATION IN LIFE ON THE FOLLOWING SUBJECTS:

Author: Sarah Annie Frost, 1869

ETIQUETTE IN CHURCH.

IN visiting a church in which you have no pew of your own, wait in the vestibule until the sexton comes to you, and request him to show you to a seat. It is extremely rude to enter a pew without invitation if it is partially filled, or without permission if it is empty.

Always enter a church slowly and reverentially. A gentleman must remove his hat at the door, and never replace it until he is again in the vestibule.

Conform strictly to the forms of worship. If you are not familiar with them, rise, kneel, and sit as you see others do.

Never whisper to a companion in church.

Never make any noise with your feet or fingers.

Never stare round the building.

Never bow to any friend while in the church itself. Greetings may be exchanged in the vestibule after service.

A gentleman accompanying a lady to a Roman Catholic church, even if himself a Protestant, may offer her the holy water, and it must be with an ungloved hand.

Gentlemen must pass up the aisle beside their lady companions until they reach the pew, then advance a few steps, open the door, and stand aside until she has entered, then enter, and close the door again. It is a bad plan to leave the hat outside, as it is liable to be swept down the aisle by the skirts of ladies passing. If there is not room for it on the seat, it can be put upon the floor inside the pew.

Never pay any attention to those around you, even if they are noisy or rude.

If you pass a book or a fan to a person in the same pew, or accept the same attention, it is not necessary to speak. A silent bow is all that etiquette requires.

If you have room in your own pew, and sea a stranger enter, open the door and motion him to enter. It is not necessary to speak.

You may find the place and point it out to a stranger, who is unfamiliar with the service; but do so silently.

A lady should never remove her gloves in church, unless to use the holy water, or the right-hand glove at communion.

To come late to church is not only ill-bred, but disrespectful. It is equally so to hurry away, or to commence preparations for departure, closing and putting away the books, and such preparations, before the service closes.

Never keep any one waiting if you are invited or have invited them to go to church.

When visiting a church abroad, not to attend divine service, but to see the edifice, choose an hour when there is no service. If you find worshippers, however, are present, move quietly, speak low, and endeavor not to disturb their devotions.

The godmother at a christening must accompany the family of her little godchild to and from the church, and should send her gift (usually a silver cup) the day before.

In attending a funeral not in your own family, never leave the pew until the mourners have passed into the aisle; but rise and stand while they pass, falling into your proper place as the procession passes you.

It is ill-bred for gentlemen to congregate in the vestibule of a church and there chat familiarly, often commenting audibly upon the service or the congregation. No true lady likes to run this gauntlet, although in this country they are too often obliged to do so.

To show any disrespect to a form of worship that may be new or strange to you is rude in the extreme. If you find it trying to your own religious convictions, you need not again visit churches of the same denomination; but to sneer at a form, while in the church using that form, is insulting and low-bred.

heartstrings · March 10, 2017

WOW! What I wan to know is where they got the "gloved hands", not speaking or nodding, reserving seats, godmothers and "holy water" from the Bible?

1Timothy115 · March 10, 2017

You'll never make it as an Amen'ing-preach it brother-Baptist in that congregation. Obviously any of us who may be "ill-bred or low bred" may just want to pass them by. In reflecting on this now, I think Sarah was a Pharisee.

I think she found these requirements in a Bible with only two verses, Luke 18:11-12.

Invicta · March 10, 2017

20 hours ago, 1Timothy115 said:

To come late to church is not only ill-bred, but disrespectful.

I agree with this,

1Timothy115 · March 11, 2017

3 hours ago, Invicta said:

I agree with this,

Oh no, I agree. Yes, this is one I thought I would like to see more of in worship services today, that is I believe they should be on time. However, my objection is calling someone 'ill-bred' because they are late is pharisaical.

DaveW · March 11, 2017

I visited an IB church once that locked the doors at 5 mins past start.

Not sure why ( was it safety maybe), but nobody in or out after start of service.

Latecomers bug me no end, but this was just strange.........

HappyChristian · March 11, 2017

This "laws" of etiquette were written at a time when public behavior was more restrained. Has anyone read Rules of Civility? There are 150 rules that George Wn had to memorize (and he used them for cursive practice). Some of them are head-shaking, but when thought about in the context of the time, they are more understandable. This list obviously places a great deal of import on the outward, without referencing scripture to support it. And some of them seem silly. But wouldn't it be nice if society were a little more concerned with propriety than it is now?

As to "ill-bred" = it was considered bad manners to be late to anything. Being late to church was especially bad. Because church was very important back then. It is distracting when people come in to church late. And that kind of distraction was ill-bred in the past's more genteel society.

The lady may have been pharasaical. Sadly, those who subscribed to Puritanism and it's offshoots were pharasaical (I don't know what religion she was, but it sounds like whatever church she attended was Puritanical at best). But I don't know - isn't it bad manners, even today, to be late to something? Yes, problems arise, accidents happen. But, by and large, there are no real excuses for people to come to church late. It is disrespectful, IMO. And, thus, ill-bred. (as in the "rude" part of the definition).

edited to add: yes, I know there are people who might come visit and not know the time service starts, etc. Those folks aren't regular attenders - I do believe it is ill-bred of regular members to be late to church habitually.

No Nicolaitans · March 11, 2017

9 hours ago, HappyChristian said:

But wouldn't it be nice if society were a little more concerned with propriety than it is now?

Now to that, I can say a hardy...

AMEN!!!

1Timothy115 · March 12, 2017

I'm surely in favor of not being late, must be my military training. However, if we're going to have the 'LATE LAW' then we better add the 'PROVIDENTIALLY HINDERED LAW' too. Can't have enough laws for outward appearance in worship. Much of Sarah's "LAWS" could be refuted by the words of Jesus as recorded in the Gospels.

I wonder if the Lord would be counting scowls from all the 'ON TIME LAW' abiding parishioners. My thoughts... Matthew 15:9 Let me know what you think, you may be able to change my mind.