Courtship/ Homemaking Confusion

[Dandelions_91]

Recently, I've been extremely confused about what the process of courtship is supposed to look like in my life. I was saved at the age of 10 but raised in a non-Christian household. When, I was 18, I left home because I wasn't allowed to attend church, read my Bible, etc. My parents (more specifically my dad) did not want me practicing Christianity under their roof and ultimately gave me the choice of renouncing my faith or moving out. Today, I have a relationship with my mom but my father is still refusing to speak to me and has vowed not to walk me down the aisle when I get married. I have been attending a small (50 people) independent Baptist church for a little while now (after months of searching for a church).

The point of telling you all this is to ask the following questions:
1. How do I engage in the courtship process without parents who are willing to be involved?
2. How do I get practice in the skills of homemaking without a mother who is willing to teach me?
3. How do I continue to honor God and my parents while living on my own 800 miles away?

Any suggestions or comments you have would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Kim

[swathdiver]

Search the Scriptures for answers to some of your questions and seek out the elder women in your church for mentoring and guidance. Sword of the Lord has some good tracts that would be a blessing too.

[Anon]

Recently, I've been extremely confused about what the process of courtship is supposed to look like in my life. I was saved at the age of 10 but raised in a non-Christian household. When, I was 18, I left home because I wasn't allowed to attend church, read my Bible, etc. My parents (more specifically my dad) did not want me practicing Christianity under their roof and ultimately gave me the choice of renouncing my faith or moving out. Today, I have a relationship with my mom but my father is still refusing to speak to me and has vowed not to walk me down the aisle when I get married. I have been attending a small (50 people) independent Baptist church for a little while now (after months of searching for a church).

The point of telling you all this is to ask the following questions:
1. How do I engage in the courtship process without parents who are willing to be involved?
2. How do I get practice in the skills of homemaking without a mother who is willing to teach me?
3. How do I continue to honor God and my parents while living on my own 800 miles away?

Any suggestions or comments you have would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Kim

I agree to see what God leads you to do!

"Courtship" isn't so much Biblical as cultural....however God puts down standards for any time an unmarried guy and girl are together. To follow those standards, you may want to get someone from your church that you respect and trust to chaperone your dating and help give you counsel.

You can also find someone you respect and look up to in your church to help you learn how to cook and things...there are also tons of good websites on time management, chores, recipes, cooking, and etc. Pretty much everything these days is at the tips of our fingers! Pretty cool.

As far as honoring your parents, you can respect and love people who do not want to speak to you. Just do your best to not hold bitterness against them, and be there for them when they are ready for you. That's about all you can do until they see their wrongs and come back to you.

Take care....

[John81]

There is no actual set formula and no requirement for parental involvement.

The main thing is to abide by Scripture with regards to male/female relations. Through the power of the Spirit you can keep relations with a man in a courtship manner rather than a dating manner. Determine to never be alone with a man, don't allow yourself and any man to be in a situation where temptation could become strong, keep your time together public (meaning either in public or in a room with other people, or at least others in the house so you are not acutally alone), refrain from touching and kissing, spend much time in conversation. One key thing to remember is to only look to truly born again Christian men. Don't ever settle for less or "go out with" a non-saved man just for something to do.

For the most part, courtship is about keeping yourself pure as you pray and follow the Lord's leading to who He would have you with.

If you obey the Word, you will be honouring your parents whether they realize it or not.

When it's all said and done, for all things in life, we are to see what God has to say in His Word and then obey.

[JerryNumbers]

Main warning, an unbeliever is a poor choice for a husband, and should not be considered. Besides, believers are not to be yoked together with unbelievers, and if a Christian marries and unbeliever, they have yoked their self to an unbeliever.

[Wilchbla]

Marry only a believer.

Marry a believer who holds some of the same standards and doctrines as you. This may not be necessary but it's always good to be of one mind with the one you marry.

No sex before marriage.

Go to marriage counseling with your pastor.

Get together when you can with older Christian women who have had successful marriages. The same should go for your future husband with older men.

There's nothing you can do about you parents other than pray for them.

[John81]

As for homemaking, much of that can be learned by trial and error. There are books, magazines, internet articles and websites, even classes at community colleges, where one can learn more about homemaking.

Typically, there are always ladies in the church who are willing to talk about such things and help you learn too.

[JerryNumbers]

I would imagine that in some areas its difficult to meet someone that is really suitable to consider marriage. And I feel that will even get worse. That is if one truly follows Jesus.

I'm thankful that I married a young woman that was of the same exact faith as I and we are in agreement on that issue. If your in disagreement on that issue many times there is nothing to build a marriage on.

I know of a few in recent years that have not done this & their marriages has already gone down the drain. Of course these overlooked young women & men of their faith to marry outsiders not churched at all & or where from churches that believes in worked based & baptismal salvation.

Plus, I have been told by some Christians that they know people that married out of their faith & or people that were not Christians that had good marriages seemingly thinking because of that its OK for them to the same.

[John81]

I would imagine that in some areas its difficult to meet someone that is really suitable to consider marriage. And I feel that will even get worse. That is if one truly follows Jesus.

I'm thankful that I married a young woman that was of the same exact faith as I and we are in agreement on that issue. If your in disagreement on that issue many times there is nothing to build a marriage on.

I know of a few in recent years that have not done this & their marriages has already gone down the drain. Of course these overlooked young women & men of their faith to marry outsiders not churched at all & or where from churches that believes in worked based & baptismal salvation.

Plus, I have been told by some Christians that they know people that married out of their faith & or people that were not Christians that had good marriages seemingly thinking because of that its OK for them to the same.

This is why it's so important to be a member of a good church and to be active and involved in that church. Where better for God to bring together Christians who He has for each other.

When Christians go out searching for dates at night clubs/bars (a place they shouldn't be to begin with) looking for a date, or they attend worldly events hoping to meet someone, or they accept being set up by lost people they know, that is going against the Word of God and setting oneself up for a fall.

Too often Christians rush getting involved in a relationship and then rush into marriage, very often with non-Christians, instead of having the patience to wait upon God's timing.

[JerryNumbers]

You will not necessary find such a person even in a good church. Good churches sometimes do not have many members.

[John81]

You will not necessary find such a person even in a good church. Good churches sometimes do not have many members.

True, the point being better to look for the mate God has for you in church, or another place where Christians gather, than to look in worldly places as far too many people do.

You are right that not all those in church are actually following Christ. I remember one lady telling her story of how she was saved, her life was radically changed, she stopped going to all the worldly places she used to go and decided to wait for one of the single men at her church to ask her out rather than looking elsewhere. Eventually a man asked her out. They had a nice meal, walk in the park and he took her to his house where he said he wanted her to meet his parents who were in town. His parents were not there and he began trying to kiss and touch her and she had a difficult time getting away from him and out of that house.

This lady was so shocked that a professing Christian man would act just like the worldly men she had dated before she was saved.

[blossom]

You have been given very sound advice, there are also some really Godly women on this site that if you private messaged they would be more than happy to help to help you. I will be praying for you and I know God will bless your seeking heart. I have unsaved parents too, and although they speak to me, they are constantly niggling at my faith trying to cause me and my children doubts. They are not game to do it to my husband! We have to continue loving them and praying for them. It is hard I know, I will be praying for thier salvation too.