Blended families in church

[Wretched Jon]

How do yall view or treat "blended families" in your churches?

Do you "shun" them, "avoid" them? Do you let them participate in various church ministries or leave them out? (note I said ministries, NOT activities)

[trc123]

How do yall view or treat "blended families" in your churches?

Do you "shun" them, "avoid" them? Do you let them participate in various church ministries or leave them out? (note I said ministries, NOT activities)

Could you define "blended families?"

[Wretched Jon]

Could you define "blended families?"

As in 2 divorced people, with children from their previous marriage, who get remarried, uniting 2 split families, into 1 "blended family"

[trc123]

How do yall view or treat "blended families" in your churches?

Do you "shun" them, "avoid" them? Do you let them participate in various church ministries or leave them out? (note I said ministries, NOT activities)

Answer to question 1: They are treated well, just like any other family. They are treated like Jesus treated people. I guess I would sum it up like this, "Take people the way you find them, but don't leave them that way." In other words - love, mentor, disciple, teach and encourage them to love the Lord their God with all their hearts, mind and souls and to live answering to their savior as they walk after him.

Answer to question 2: No, they are not shunned, they are not avoided. They are loved.

Answer to question 3: Every person who is born-again and wants to serve the Lord and live by his scriptures are encouraged to participate in ministry. They are not left out. We also don't confuse "being busy in church ministry" as being the same as serving the Lord and having an ongoing right relationship.

I'm not certain what you are looking for in an answer or by asking the questions, but I hope you are well and know the love of the Lord Jesus no matter what you are going through in life. Edited April 3, 2010 by trc123

[1Timothy115]

As in 2 divorced people, with children from their previous marriage, who get remarried, uniting 2 split families, into 1 "blended family"

We treat the divorced like any other sinner saved by grace...I'm one of them...and yes, I'm involved in every ministry allowable by scripture. I told the pastor and deacons up front I cannot pastor or deac. However, I Usher, parking lot greeter, part time Sunday school teacher, witness and outreach, repair work and upkeep of the property, and exhorter and rebuker. In other words we welcome participation in everything permisable in scripture.

The divorced have a testimony to share which might keep others from limiting their service to God. Of course there may be some who are not mature enough in the Lord to give the testimony; If they harbor unforgiveness, anger, or contempt from a marriage. But, that's why we have a pastor and deacons, to figure that out.

[Psalms18_28]

I treat them the same. The damage have already been done, and we can only hope the couple will keep their current marriage strong. The couple already have consequences of divorce (custody battle, hurts, financial issues, etc.) and that's his/her cross to carry for the rest of their life. We do our best to give them biblical advices and counseling. I think the prOBlems would arise if it is a prideful thing.

[Wretched Jon]

I posted this to see if I was missing something.
I am in a blended family. My wife and I attend a church that she had been going to since she was in HS.
Though we help teach in things like VBS and AWANA, we always get what is left over, or moved around to age groups and activities that nOBody else will cover. Our SS class consists of approximately 40 young couples, and we are not invited to a lot of the social functions, etc. I have been turned on to several missions opportunities for our church, and am not considered for the missions committee, instead I have turned over all of my contacts and missions information to the committees.
I have been reeling in my mind if this is just a church clique thing, or if people feel that divorced people are contagious.
I pretty much just skimmed the surface here, but just wanted to compare notes as to how other churches "deal" with families like ours.

[JerryNumbers]

As long as they have sought Jesus for forgiveness of their sins, we would treat them just like any other person. Of course there be certain things divorce people do not qualify for. For example, the divorced man cannot be pastor of a church.

[irishman]

Wretched
Many times our troubles with others are embedded within us! I do not wish to criticize, but to help. When we expect too much of others, we are often disappointed; no one (man) can love us like we would like them to. It is very hard to see through another's eyes, so we often take innocent actions personally. I know I have--many times! I still feel like a stranger in my church at times, but I have to realize that I am to please the Lord, and not keep my eyes on the actions of other people--they never seem to do what I'd like them too, and unfortunately, I fall short of their expectations too!

As for loving the brethren, don't expect too much, we are all but flesh and that amounts to nothing. We are all self centered and sometimes unloving. Maybe many of them are hurting, and are looking inward at themselves, and forgetting to look to others. Much disappointment comes from expecting people to be what they should be, and to love as they should love, and, though we have a right to expect it, it usually will not happen. Thank God that His grace sees us through in spite of ourselves. Keep your eyes on Jesus, and try to forget the looks and words of others, as well as the rude actions; it is hard to do sometimes, but we can do it with the Lord's help.

[1Timothy115]

I posted this to see if I was missing something.
I am in a blended family. My wife and I attend a church that she had been going to since she was in HS.
Though we help teach in things like VBS and AWANA, we always get what is left over, or moved around to age groups and activities that nOBody else will cover. Our SS class consists of approximately 40 young couples, and we are not invited to a lot of the social functions, etc. I have been turned on to several missions opportunities for our church, and am not considered for the missions committee, instead I have turned over all of my contacts and missions information to the committees.
I have been reeling in my mind if this is just a church clique thing, or if people feel that divorced people are contagious.
I pretty much just skimmed the surface here, but just wanted to compare notes as to how other churches "deal" with families like ours.

Jon, in love and with compassion, I can say look up not around. Continue to look to the Lord Jesus Christ and all the rest around you will fall into place.

[trc123]

I posted this to see if I was missing something.
I am in a blended family. My wife and I attend a church that she had been going to since she was in HS.
Though we help teach in things like VBS and AWANA, we always get what is left over, or moved around to age groups and activities that nOBody else will cover. Our SS class consists of approximately 40 young couples, and we are not invited to a lot of the social functions, etc. I have been turned on to several missions opportunities for our church, and am not considered for the missions committee, instead I have turned over all of my contacts and missions information to the committees.
I have been reeling in my mind if this is just a church clique thing, or if people feel that divorced people are contagious.
I pretty much just skimmed the surface here, but just wanted to compare notes as to how other churches "deal" with families like ours.

I would suspect that given another church (one that your wife didn't grow up in and that had not known her since high school) the way you are treated would most likely be different. Knowing how people hang on to things, I'm guessing that all those church folk who have known your wife since high school, prOBably knew she was previously married (some possibly even knowing her former husband) and they are hanging on to certain notions and emotions concerning the divorce. If you know God has placed you in that church, stay, pray and let there be some more time go by. Do not despise the ministries you are working in, even though it may feel like they are the ones that "nOBody else will cover." Look to God to show you that is his calling and blessing for you.

[Wretched Jon]

Thanks for the advice. The Lord has always opened doors for us in private ministry, but we do get discouraged when our pastor places emphasis on getting "plugged in" to the church, but know body knows what to do with the ugly orange cord. Lol
Like I mentioned, I just wanted to see if there was a "standard practice" in the church on how to deal with folks like us.
I think we need to start placing less emphasid on fellowship and small group missions, and just lay it at the Lords feet, and wait for another door to open

[ptwild]

Thanks for the advice. The Lord has always opened doors for us in private ministry, but we do get discouraged when our pastor places emphasis on getting "plugged in" to the church, but know body knows what to do with the ugly orange cord. Lol
Like I mentioned, I just wanted to see if there was a "standard practice" in the church on how to deal with folks like us.
I think we need to start placing less emphasid on fellowship and small group missions, and just lay it at the Lords feet, and wait for another door to open

I feel for your position. I must be hard on the kids to see their parent/step-parent treated that way. Is it possible that the Church considers you to be living in adultery? Doesn't Christ tell us that if a man marries a divorced woman he commits adultery?

[Wretched Jon]

I spoke with our senior pastor about 2 years ago about a situation that had happened. He told me that our church was a church of inclusion, not exclusion.
There has never really been an issue with the senior crowd, its the couples our age that exclude us from class missions and fellowships