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Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times!
949 topics in this forum
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Have you heard about the new OBama Value Meal at McDonald's? -Order what ever you want and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Last reply by Crushmaster, -
- 4 replies
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Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter - it will be built in Canada .
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 39 replies
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This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 7 replies
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We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our prOBlems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two..." We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money…
Last reply by irishman, -
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No one expects you to take a bath every day. Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter. When it
Last reply by trevorlawrence, -
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- 771 views
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are prOBably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8-year-old first thing in the morning, and the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth …
Last reply by trevorlawrence, -
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The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody" (and that's the truth if he doesn't know where he will be heading, then more likely it will be hell)
Last reply by Psalms18_28, -
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Strange Statistics - Guns vs. Doctors Doctors (A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. ( The number of accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000. © The number of accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Guns (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million.) ( The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. © The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188. Statistics courtesy of FBI SO, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, 'Guns…
Last reply by Pastor Matt, -
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A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man. "Hi there, little girl, I'm President OBama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked. "Kittens." little Suzy said. How old are they? asked OBama. Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet." "And what kind of kittens are they?" "Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile. OBama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called …
Last reply by Tbinkley, -
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Here Are some Pics of Funny football.. Hope that you like them and add more like these pics
Last reply by lambwell, -
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The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this jOB. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet …
Last reply by Ron, -
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- 968 views
Animator VS. Animation
Last reply by amblivion, -
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Got this in my email... My Favorite Animal My teacher said I was being disrespectful. She'd asked us what our favorite animal was, and I'd said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right. Everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be honest and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was prOBably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it ag…
Last reply by John81, -
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Top 10 Reasons Seniors Shouldn't Go Trick-or-Treating: 10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," ... And you're not wearing a mask. 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." And can't remember the rest. 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. …
Last reply by Anon, -
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When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, And it's backwa…
Last reply by anime4christ, -
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HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. _____ Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables …
Last reply by His by Grace, -
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- Administrators
- 2 replies
- 1k views
Hope you enjoy, Aaron Wilburn is a great Christian Comedian.
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
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- 2 replies
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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started...
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 1 reply
- 991 views
What do you call a blond with two brain cells? PREGNANT! (please take no offence to this if your are blond or with child.)
Last reply by Pastor Matt, -
- 12 replies
- 1.7k views
Did you know ALL blondes go to Heaven? They never reach the age of accountability.
Last reply by SarahStrawberry, -
- 3 replies
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CLIK HERE . .
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
- 4 replies
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http://www.jumbojoke.com/perfect_solution_to_senior_health_care.html Now, let's remember that this is a joke. In Christ Jesus ~ Molly
Last reply by anime4christ, -
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Some of these have been posted already, but they were so good I had to repost them all. lol > > Attending a wedding for > the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, > 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' > > > The mother replied, 'Because white > is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of > her life.' > > The child thought about > this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom > wearing black?' > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > > A > little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast > as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she …
Last reply by Ron, -
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- 896 views
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ) He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA) After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch(MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good p…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 2 replies
- 870 views
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gheL3TetQEk
Last reply by holster,
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By BrotherTony · Posted
Yes, I have a pastor friend in the Independence, MO area that spoke against this often. I've got an aunt and uncle in O'Fallon, MO who could be on either side of the issue. -
The country seems to be going in a positive direction, sadly in Missouri we allowed amendment three to be passed.
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I complete agree brother, we younger people are taught as you said that we are the descendants of primates, we are then taught that as you’ve mentioned about the new view of the Bible, that our religion is wrong and backward, a very sad thing in todays education. I hear it even from teachers and peers who would profess to be Christians.
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By BrotherTony · Posted
It's strange how the Bible was held in such high esteem then, but that after this trial, not so very far from where I live today, the Bible is no longer welcomed into the classroom, and we are now considered to be the proginy of monkeys. It's so very sad. -
Hello brothers and sisters, I was recently given the assignment of writing a paper on the infamous Scopes V. Tennessee trial. I found it quite interesting how the defense attorney, Clarence Darrow, had no genuine argument or examination of the evidence itself. He instead called the prosecuting attorney, Mr. William Jennings Bryan, as a sole witness and ridiculed his faith, interpretation of the Bible, and his view of the creation account. I find this very thought provoking. best regards, Oldtyme (edits have been made for clarity and grammar purposes.)
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