Problems with my gf.

[pneu-engine]

Hi jdell,

Please don't forget that God does permit us to use His Pure and Holy Word to render out some Godly common sense. With that in mind, please consider the whole nature of the dating scene. Whilst we are examining it we come to some interesting conclusions:::

1. It's a setup and preparation for divorce. One of the dating partners may want to take the relationship to the next level (going steady, let's say), but the other partner might be getting tired of the relationship, and now wants to break it off. Heartaches are in the making at this point.

2. Comparisons are made between this new partner and the last fellow/girl, especially if there were intimacies involved (even though these things are strictly no-no-no prior to marriage).

3. After even one break-up the partner(s) are now second-hand merchandise. I wouldn't want to marry someone like that (if I were young and searching for a mate).

4. Dating is for mating and should be saved for courtship.

5. In a dating relationship, the atmosphere is phonier than a nine-dollar bill. He is putting his best face forward and showing his partner what he thinks she wants to see, and not what he really is.

You won't find a single verse that says, [b]"Thou shalt not date until courtship"[/b], and yet some profound Godly principles are clearly seen in waiting for courtship before dating.

Bill Behrens, a very fine evangelist I've heard has an audio tape out re. touching a woman, wherein the Apostle Paul says that it is good for man not to touch a woman. He goes into great detail describing the word, "Touch". He mentions that it is the same word as is used where the woman with the issue of blood came crawling behind Jesus and touched the hem of His garment. She was healed instantly from her malady with that mere touch. Dating before courtship promotes touching.

Please tell me if you think any of my thinking here is wrong, or off-base.

Also, may I say that the verse you have in your sig. line is very interesting. My Bible (my beloved KJV) says it like this::::

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God [b]hath before ordained that we should walk in them. [/b]

[Jerry]

Jdell, look at the examples in the Bible. There is not one instance of dating - but there are many examples of courting. Go read it and find out.

Please change your sig line. We have a rule here that all quotes (unless for the purpose of exposing a modern version) must be from the KJV). Thanks.

[TMAC]

Unkown,

Concentrate on your love life with the Lord and He will direct your love life with your future wife, who ever that may be at a time you are ready.

Please consider some of these post. There have been some wise council giving to you, some ideas perhaps you have never even heard before.

I really liked Katy_Anne's line about "not shopping until you can buy". There is wisodm in that concerning your situation.

TMAC

[dwayner79]

Many biblical examples are arranged marriages. Doesn't mean it is the way to go here (though I sure hope my daughter would be open to it). As many have said, past sin is past. The real issue here is your heart. At 16 you have years before marriage is possible. With that in mind, the main verse I can quote is found over and over and over agin in Song of Solomon... Do not awaken love before its time. You start investing in someone and you will pour your life into them and that time will not be spent pursuing God. Trust me, I know. I spend 4 years (16-19) dating a girl, a good Pastor's kid, and all it did was pull me from God, take away both our purity and cause some serious heartache when it ended. It is not worth it. Run toward God as fast as you can, as you are running look around. If anyone is keeping up, see if she would like to run together.

[Netizenxero]

Unknown,

I remember thinking the same way you are, in fact, I thought this way until I was well into my 20's. I have had many relationships something like the one you are describing, but this was before I was saved and found out what the Bible has to say on the issue.

I have to tell ya, I agree with those here who believe in not dating. When you look at the examples in the Bible, you don't find couples dating. What you do find is a man and a woman meeting, deciding they are for each other, and coming together in marriage. In fact, in one case, it wasn't even this. Abraham sent a servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. There are no instances of dating in the Bible, only courtship, which is much different. From what I understand, courtship is more of an examination, a deep exchange that had nothing to do with infatuation, and everything to do with carefully weighing whether or not two people are ment for each other. It has very little to do with love, but God should be in every inch and fibre of it.

Some dangers to watch out for. First, if you are focusing more on her than you are focusing on what God wants, then this is Idolatry and needs to be stopped. I'm not saying it to be harsh or mean, but it is doctrine. If we put anything between us and God, whether it be a job, a car, a man or woman, a hobby, it is Idolatry.

Exodus 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Our focus needs to be on God, as so many have already said here.

The point I am trying to get to in a round about way, is that God is God, he is perfect, and he knows what he is doing. We need to trust him in all things, even for a wife. I would put the dating thing on hiatus. Let her know that your feelings haven't changed, but you just want to do as God would have you do. Besides, there is no rush. That was the biggest lesson I had to learn. This idea that you have to be married by a certain age is ludicrous. When you look at Jesus in the Bible, was he ever in a rush? Was he sprinting across the water, or walking?

I understand that you feel a certain way about this girl, but you can't let your emotions control you. Commit it to prayer, but remember that God's answer to prayer will never contradict His Word.

[The Gospel Guy]

Unknown,

I remember thinking the same way you are, in fact, I thought this way until I was well into my 20's. I have had many relationships something like the one you are describing, but this was before I was saved and found out what the Bible has to say on the issue.

I have to tell ya, I agree with those here who believe in not dating. When you look at the examples in the Bible, you don't find couples dating. What you do find is a man and a woman meeting, deciding they are for each other, and coming together in marriage. In fact, in one case, it wasn't even this. Abraham sent a servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. There are no instances of dating in the Bible, only courtship, which is much different. From what I understand, courtship is more of an examination, a deep exchange that had nothing to do with infatuation, and everything to do with carefully weighing whether or not two people are ment for each other. It has very little to do with love, but God should be in every inch and fibre of it.

Some dangers to watch out for. First, if you are focusing more on her than you are focusing on what God wants, then this is Idolatry and needs to be stopped. I'm not saying it to be harsh or mean, but it is doctrine. If we put anything between us and God, whether it be a jOB, a car, a man or woman, a hOBby, it is Idolatry.

Exodus 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Our focus needs to be on God, as so many have already said here.

The point I am trying to get to in a round about way, is that God is God, he is perfect, and he knows what he is doing. We need to trust him in all things, even for a wife. I would put the dating thing on hiatus. Let her know that your feelings haven't changed, but you just want to do as God would have you do. Besides, there is no rush. That was the biggest lesson I had to learn. This idea that you have to be married by a certain age is ludicrous. When you look at Jesus in the Bible, was he ever in a rush? Was he sprinting across the water, or walking?

I understand that you feel a certain way about this girl, but you can't let your emotions control you. Commit it to prayer, but remember that God's answer to prayer will never contradict His Word.

i like your opinion.

[ptwild]

Unknown: Though I am a few years older than you, I can relate to your situation. I will not even consider socializing with a woman who I know is not a virgin (unless she is married of course). I also don't plan on allowing any future children I may have to play with children born to men and women who were not virgins when they married. Premarital sex is prOBably one of the leading causes of the moral decline in our country and those who engage in it should be permanently ostracized (socially, not spiritually - as we are all capable of receiving forgiveness). When I was younger, my friends and I always made it a point to expose those who engaged in premarital sex to their parents and to our Church.

As far as the Bible being opposed to dating (which I always took to mean the same thing as courting), where is the scriptural evidence or teachings of the early church? Also, how is one to know if the person they meet is who they want to/should marry without dating the person? I have a long time girlfriend who I don't have any immediate plans to marry but enjoy spending time with.

[Brother Rick]

It's not a good idea to date at your age. You're not getting married any time soon, and a dating relationship does nothing but propel you forward. And if you're not getting married for at least 2-6 years, that propelling is going to lead you towards pre-marital sex.

If you do that, then one day there may be some girl you're dating in your 20s that is crying herself to sleep at night because you're not a virgin.

Break up, now.

You can worry about whether you should marry a virgin later on in life; you are not in a situation that God wants you in right now. I'm not scolding you at all; I just know what it's like to be 16.

It is imperative that you break up with this girl, for the sake of your future marriage and future wife - regardless of whether or not your future wife is this girl. If you keep dating her, you are breaking the command to "make not provision for the flesh". If you keep dating her, you will wind up doing something with her that will cause her to disrespect you as a man OR will hurt your future wife.

I'm sorry, I know it hurts to think about doing that, but you have to do the right thing for the sake of your future marriage and your current relationship with God.