7 reasons why people leave church

[Jerry]

Same old negative Katy-Anne - perhaps someday you will change. It is one thing to be Biblically discerning, but quite another to just be continually critical.

You say it isn't edifying because you'd rather people see any pastor as a superhuman. I've seen that so much in IFB circles.

You know this for a fact - now you have the ability to know what is in someone's heart?

[Anon]

I'm married to a pastor, and I know for a fact he definitely isn't superhuman, and isn't even perfect. However I do not like to hear people constantly gripe about pastors either. KatyAnne its like if I constantly griped about Aussies, saying that "Most of the Aussies I know are thieves and liars." You get tired of people looking at you thinking "I wonder if that foreigner is any good." Pastors get very tired of people griping about them and talking about how they do things, criticizing his salary, and talking about all the "bad experiences" they've had and challenging them, with their arms crossed and a chip on their shoulder, to do something better than their "experiences".

I have been under more bad pastors than good ones. Some TERRIBLE pastors. As a matter of fact I joke sometimes that I married a pastor so I could be sure I'd never be in a church with a bad pastor again! However I highly doubt that most people on this board know that because I don't go around griping about it. And I also know that there are MANY great pastors outside my personal realm of experience, so I don't go around assuming things about all pastors. Its not nice, and its not Biblically right, either.

[Guest Guest]

[b]How To Leave[/b] from the same pamphlet. [b]HOW[/b] do believers usually leave a fundamental church? (1) They leave without ever informing anyone. (2) They often join another fundamental church without ever notifying their former church or pastor. (3) Most never try to settle their problems with the pastor, deacons, Sunday School teachers, or other Christians. (They run from their problem.) (4) Some justify their actions using the following excuses: a) "I don't want to cause a problem"--BUT THEY DO. b) "It won't do any good anyway"--BUT THEY NEVER TRY. c) "I know others who have tried and failed"--BUT THEY CANNOT GIVE YOU THEIR NAMES. (Although...I will insert here...I feel that would be gossiping--They should already know who they are. :2cents )

[b]HOW[/b] should a believer leave a fundamental church? (1) When a problem arises, you should always follow Matthew eighteen, to work the problem out personally with the pastor, with deacons, with individuals and with responsible leadership. (2) When a problem arises, you must pray and make certain that you have the Biblical instruction concerning the situation. (3) When a problem arises, you should not allow the thought of leaving your church enter your mind. Always go about to correct the problem, not to run from it. (4) When a problem arises, you must follow the procedures of the Word of God and your church constitution. Then, if all other things fail, you may leave. (5) When a problem arises and you must leave, do NOT gossip; do not backbitel and do not try to split the church. According to Romans 12:19, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord" If you leave the church, you must leave it alone.

candlelight

[tired]

Yeah, I did share this to give a statement about what christians priorities are today. This list made me think that most christians, maybe not fundemental believers, don't put any priority on doctrine but everything else. I think that is what Bro. Locke was getting at. The message is on www.sermonaudio.com, click on sermons by speakers, then on Locke, Greg, the sermon is Perfect Peace.

[282Mikado]

IMO the majority of the reasons given in the OP are selfish. What is in it for me and/or mine? Why aren't things here just as I want them to be? What else would you expect to see in the Laodicean Church Age. It is not only in the church though. Take a look at society in general. The accepted mantra out there seems to be "It's all about ME!

The reasoning behind leaving a church should be focused on God and how HE is leading us specifically. I believe I go to a very good, God fearing and God led fundamental Bible believing church. I don't necessarily agree with everything that comes from the pulpit, and I don't necessarily enjoy the company of everyone in the congregation, but doctinally I believe God has us on track and we all seem to work well together to advance the Gospel and be Christ-like.

Having said that, we have had people leave our church for both personal and doctrinal issues. For some we were too conservative. For others we weren't conservative enough. Still others just didn't like something and/or someone (see OP and comments in para 1 above). Ultimately, the decision to leave a church should be God inspired. Those that left our church for doctrinal reasons honestly felt that the Lord was leading them in a different direction. There are no hard feelings, and many of us still fellowship together with them regularly. Those that left for personal reasons are pretty much never heard from again. They left out of bitterness (me, me, me logic). It is sad to see this last group leave, but the impact they can have on the church can be pretty negative as well.

[Guest Guest]

Yeah' date=' I did share this to give a statement about what christians priorities are today. This list made me think that most christians, maybe not fundemental believers, don't put any priority on doctrine but everything else. I think that is what Bro. Locke was getting at. The message is on http://www.sermonaudio.com, click on sermons by speakers, then on Locke, Greg, the sermon is Perfect Peace.[/quote']


Good Saturday morning, tired! :coffee I got the impression from your thread starter...that this is where you were going with the topic. Thank you for the information. I posted the information for Fundamental Believers because...sin will creep in anytime and anywhere. We all need to caution ourselves every second of every day, IMO.

Ephesians 6:10-11...Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. KJV 1611 AV.

candlelight

[Anon]

That's what I don't like about having several decent IFB churches in our area. We are all different, and there are so many people we can't possibly reach all of them....but on the other hand, people never try to work out their problems. They get a burr in their saddle and move onto the next church. There are people in this area who have been a member of every halfway decent Baptist church within 20 miles. Its really sad. I heard a preacher who pastored a lone church up in upstate Michigan or something....He loved it because every saved person in the area came to their church and STAYED there, because there was nowhere else to go! He had the chance to actually minister to these people and help them through problems and watch them grow. Of course he did the work reaching them...but then there was nowhere else to go if they got mad, so they were forced to act like adults and work out the problems. Wish everyone could do that!

[Guest Guest]

That's what I don't like about having several decent IFB churches in our area. We are all different' date=' and there are so many people we can't possibly reach all of them....but on the other hand, people never try to work out their problems. They get a burr in their saddle and move onto the next church. There are people in this area who have been a member of every halfway decent Baptist church within 20 miles. Its really sad. I heard a preacher who pastored a lone church up in upstate Michigan or something....He loved it because every saved person in the area came to their church and STAYED there, because there was nowhere else to go! He had the chance to actually minister to these people and help them through problems and watch them grow. Of course he did the work reaching them...but then there was nowhere else to go if they got mad, so they were forced to act like adults and work out the problems. Wish everyone could do that![/quote']

Hi kitagrl! I live in northern Ohio. We are flooded with Catholic and Protestant churches. The "Church hoppers" that go from one IFB church to another get a reputation where I live. Our pastors don't put up with that in Ohio. The BIBF--Buckeye Independent Baptist Fellowship group of pastors, deacons, and evangelists, really stick together. My FIL is a deacon. People that leave a church for no good reason...except "getting a burr in their saddle" eventually move out of the state of Ohio. Maybe you have seen some Ohioans down in your neck of the woods? Truthfully, it is really frowned on up here.

candlelight

[Anon]

We've only been here for 5 years but this has been going on around here for AGES. I used to have little old ladies come to me at big church special meetings and say "I used to be a member here at Grace." It happened more than I'd care to tell! Most people who come to our church for the wrong reasons leave again within a year...some come for the right reasons and stay.

[Guest Guest]

We've only been here for 5 years but this has been going on around here for AGES. I used to have little old ladies come to me at big church special meetings and say "I used to be a member here at Grace." It happened more than I'd care to tell! Most people who come to our church for the wrong reasons leave again within a year...some come for the right reasons and stay.

If I'm not mistaken, this kind of thing used to go on quite frequently in my area. It wasn't until recently that our pastors really "bonded" together and decided....ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. One couple had been to 8 churches before my pastor kindly suggested they go back to where they started. The couple has been serving the Lord faithfully at the IFB church they originally started at for 5 years now. When my pastor visits a new person(s) home....he listens, and uses much discernment. He even told us of a story where a couple visited our church, and the man told my pastor that the pastor from his old IFB church wasn't saved. My pastor politely got up and excused himself to the door. My church also has a 10 week membership course that EVERYONE has to complete, along with an interview with the pastor and the 2 deacons. They developed that years ago as well as a criminal background check on members. I know it sounds strict, but...they had reasons for doing both of these things.

candlelight

[Anon]

I can't go into it really but there are really valid reasons why that wouldn't work here...but I think its a great idea if you can work it that way!

[Colin Stolzer]

Here's a few reasons I've heard over the years, they are all rather silly when you think about them, but that's the flesh for you.

"I don't like the new carpet"
"The pews are uncomfortable and I can't sit in them that long"
"The message is to long"
"The message is to short"
"They ask to much of me" (meaning they want me to actually attend and participate)
"They just want my money" (Heaven forbid the pastor preached on tithe for the second time this year)
"They don't care about me, they didn't even visit when I was sick" (nobody knew because they were only sen in church about once a month and never told anyone they were sick.
"They're fanatics they are in church everyday for some activity or another"
"They have to many revivals"
"They have to many visiting preachers/evangelists"
"I don't like the missionaries they support"

I can probably do a couple of pages like this but I think you all get the point, most everyone of the reasons I've ever heard stems from rebelling against the spirit.

C

[Guest Guest]

I can't go into it really but there are really valid reasons why that wouldn't work here...but I think its a great idea if you can work it that way!

I understand, Kitagrl. :smile As far as the criminal background test goes? I forgot to mention...that this is an agreement between the new church member, and the church. My pastor was raised in the IFB church. He was saved as a young boy. He has seen a lot in the 53 years of his life. Somehow it does work! And, if people object...we have the door. Seriously, though, we have many visitors for years. We welcome them with open arms!

candlelight

[JerryNumbers]

Here's a few reasons I've heard over the years, they are all rather silly when you think about them, but that's the flesh for you.

"I don't like the new carpet"
"The pews are uncomfortable and I can't sit in them that long"
"The message is to long"
"The message is to short"
"They ask to much of me" (meaning they want me to actually attend and participate)
"They just want my money" (Heaven forbid the pastor preached on tithe for the second time this year)
"They don't care about me, they didn't even visit when I was sick" (nobody knew because they were only sen in church about once a month and never told anyone they were sick.
"They're fanatics they are in church everyday for some activity or another"
"They have to many revivals"
"They have to many visiting preachers/evangelists"
"I don't like the missionaries they support"

I can probably do a couple of pages like this but I think you all get the point, most everyone of the reasons I've ever heard stems from rebelling against the spirit.

C

I love the one they did not visit me when I was sick.

It always seems the one who gets bent out of shape on this is the ones who miss church quite often.

We have an elderly lady who is that way

She probably misses church 35 to 40 % of the time. After all while with the lame excuses she gives you surely don't want to hear them no more. If you don't ask you want hear them.

Her daughter got very sick who lives in another town, she had not been to church in 3 weeks. No one knew it, but she did not like it because no one acknowledge it. I suppose I'm the only one in church who knows her daughter. She got particularly mad at me and let it be known. But the thing she did not know that I was sick, in bed, running fever, missing church myself during the time her daughter was sick and in the hospital and she claimed in ignored her.

All I will say is its nice to have all of your church member stick up for you when your sick and someone says your not doing your job as a pastor, Seems it may have humbled her just a bit. Time will tell.

I might add, if I'm sick, I will not visit anyone, I think the best thing I can do if I'm sick is to stay away from people, especially sick people.

[Guest Guest]

Here's a few reasons I've heard over the years, they are all rather silly when you think about them, but that's the flesh for you.

"I don't like the new carpet"
"The pews are uncomfortable and I can't sit in them that long"
"The message is to long"
"The message is to short"
"They ask to much of me" (meaning they want me to actually attend and participate)
"They just want my money" (Heaven forbid the pastor preached on tithe for the second time this year)
"They don't care about me, they didn't even visit when I was sick" (nobody knew because they were only sen in church about once a month and never told anyone they were sick.
"They're fanatics they are in church everyday for some activity or another"
"They have to many revivals"
"They have to many visiting preachers/evangelists"
"I don't like the missionaries they support"

I can probably do a couple of pages like this but I think you all get the point, most everyone of the reasons I've ever heard stems from rebelling against the spirit.

C

Yes...It is "Rebelling against the spirit." I just want to add to the list...Yadda, yadda, yadda. :loll:

candlelight