Did I do the Right Thing?

[Cototheburn]

This is the story to my best knowledge.

I am very interested in a girl, I am 20, and she just turned 17. She knows I care and love her dearly, and I show it by watching out for her, encourage her with Bible, and so much.

Well.... she got a new boyfriend, that is one of my old friends. I still spend time with him once in awhile to get him right with the Lord. He is 19 and lives with his mother, lays in bed most of his life, had a job, but quit the next day, doesnt want to work, dropped out of school, eats chicken nuggets every day, complains his body hurts, watches porn for fun, has a playboy girl picture in a frame, and is going out with the girl I care about.

This isnt the first time they dated. They have already dated 10 times already, and I ask her, "if the first 10 times didnt work, how in the world will the 11th out?'" Lately, he has been coming to church with her. I been begging for him to come back, but he never does, but as soon as they start dating again, he does show up. And to top it all off, she says I am jealous of him!

Why am I jealous? I have my own place, a job, taking care of myself, in no sin, how am I jealous, what does he have that I dont. If you say he has her, he doesnt have her, to me, its puppy love, I am more worried about her getting hurt!

Well the problem is.... I have found out she has been skipping school for the last few days and heading over to his house. Knowing all this and what kind of person he is, I am scared for her safetly and her testimony for the church. Both me and her sing in the choir and do Bus Routes. A lot of people look up to those workers and singers for a godly testimony. And with her doing that kind of stuff, that gives our church a bad name. I told her best friend what is going on, and she doesnt agree with it either, to my knowledge, her best friend has also told her it isnt wise to date my old friend. She also advice me to tell the Pastor, but if I did, she will be kicked out of servicing the church, and will be mad at me.

So many people has told me to report it, and I broke down, I went over to my Youth Pastor at 10 PM at night, and I confess everything to him, everything I have said here. And all he said was that he will handle it now, the last few words I told him is "please.... take it easy on her".

I care very much for this girl, you could even say I love her, but I am beating myself up for what I did, even though I know I did the right thing, she will be mad at me so much. And I am going crazy, I am hurting so badly that I just want to rip my heart out, hold on to it so tightly till it stops beating, till is stops hurting, and I will be happy once again. I aint going to kill myself, but I just want the pain to go away, and I am begging God never ask me to do something like this again, I never want to report some one I care about so much again like that.

[Guest Guest]

Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing, but if this guy is as nasty as you say he is, you did do the right thing by informing your youth pastor.

Sadly, when I was "dating" my "ex-bf", my youth pastor thought it was all cute and everything because he didn't know what the guy was really like. (we weren't really "dating"... my parents had a lot of rules since I was still 17 at the time, and the guy really didn't want to call me his "gf"... but that's another story) Anyhow... I wish I would've had a friend at that church that cared about me enough to tell my youth pastor what he/she saw in that guy. I was pretty blind to all of it because the guy was putting on a big show around me...but all the other teens knew his true colors.

I'm sure the girl you care is at least slightly blinded by the way this guy makes her feel, so she's not paying attention to all the bad things about him. Since she won't listen to you or her best friend, it's good that you told the youth pastor. He's probably dealt with situations like this before, and if he's a new youth pastor and hasn't faced that kind of problem yet, this will be good experience for him. :smile

[Cototheburn]

He has been a Pastor for a good......... say 14 or 16 years. He had to put up with my problem, but I am just worried to death over her safetly!

[dwayner79]

Girls and guys give away their hearts (and very often their bodies right after). Its the facts. I think you are probably over reacting about her safety, but you might have enough grounds to be concerned for her sanctification. However, I can say that you are probably too close to the situation. If she has told you that you are jealous, I tend to agree with her. Instead of getting upset, tell her that you support her as a person, and care about her, but let her make her own decisions (even mess-ups). You just be willing to have a gracious spirit if she returns.

We would need a ton more details to know if you did the right thing. There are a lot of issues here (Parents, youth group dynamics, this other guy (your view is probably not unbiased,etc. etc.). Basically, I think its fine that you "told" since no one should fear the pastor's knowing what they are doing. If she has to live in fear of messing up because the church has no history of grace, well then that's a different story.

I guess my point is without knowing the details (and I am not asking) my very general statements are:

[*]You probably are not going to be the person who can really help her besides prayer and future support [*]17yo people are going to make their own decisions, and rebellion is rebellion. [*]What everyone is those situations wants is someone to love them AND value them even in their faults). Be that person, but most likely be that person from a distance.[/list:u] Edit to add: make sure you have not given your heart away. For all intents and purposes, she is someone else's wife. Make sure your concern for her is pure. It might be hard to really see, but think hard on that. Make sure your passion for her well-being is truly her focussed, and not you-focussed. If its not, then she will know immediately.

[Cototheburn]

Thats the thing, I know she is the one for me...... my heart desire her, but I told her I wont chase her down, nor will I bug her about it, instead I told her to follow her own heart, and I know she feels the same about me, but she has turn from her heart, and lust for the flesh. There is alot involved with this, and I know she is the one. God has told me, he has told me watch over her, to take of her, to be there for her, and more. But I aint too worry about me and her, I am more worried about her.

I want her to make her own choices, I want her to have her own free will. But at the same time, if she is doing wrong, and out of God's Will, I will step foward, and say something. I told her I wont force nothing on her, but I will be harsh on her (faithful is a wound of a friend).

[dwayner79]

Your heart desires her and God told you she was the one.

I would be curious to know how exactly those played out. Frankly, and with as much compassion as I know how, I don't buy it. But I am not God. Good luck, bud.

[deafnva77]

this guy sounds like most guys I know. I would be concern with porns though because these type of guy have one thing in their mind with they go out with a girl... s_x. BTW, friends shouldn't be dating girls that their friends like. it's hands off.


Girls like her like wild men. you can't convince them otherwise so I would just let it go. If she is skipping school, chances are she probably gave in what he had in mind... But then again, chances are that she could be stronger than that.

I think you did a right thing for the church telling about your concerns. Since she broken one simple rule and probably lying about it (a sin) , she could keep on going deeper in sins. The pastor need to talk to her biblically wise to help her make the right decision before it get any worst.


Let's just say, I was one of those who liked wild men.

[Cototheburn]

I just want her safe, even if God told me she is the one for me (and I believe it with all my heart) I will still lay my own life down for her safetly. I was once wild myself, Emo at that, but I change, I repent from my life style, but I know her better then her own best friend know her.

[deafnva77]

Although, you do need keep in mind.. he is young so I am not surprised that he lay around and do nothing. dropping out of school is out of norm though, unless they are homeschooled or have other reasons beside laziness and immature attitude toward school.

[Cototheburn]

I know he dropped out of school. Because........ he is my exbest friend. This isnt the first time he "took" a girl from me. He goes from one girl to the next, and he did this to me once. The girl I was dating at the time, broke up and went out with him. I know him well!

[deafnva77]

you'll have to separate from worldly things, It affecting you.

you should talk to your pastor about the whole situation in confidence.

[Cototheburn]

I sent her a message a while back saying I cant be around her, I kicked my old roommate out because he kept bringing sin in, so I kicked him out and started paying the full rent myself, and I told her if she doesnt get right, I cant be around her either. And I dont spend too much time with him, I spend about 30 minutes to 2 hours with him trying to work some bible in him.

[HappyChristian]

Cote - I think you did the right thing talking with the youth pastor. And I tend to agree with Dwayne...I think you should back away. Your feelings for her put you too close emotionally to the situation. And the fact that this fellow is your former best friend who has taken girls from you before just adds to that.

FWIW - if you are "harsh" with her, don't expect her to turn to you when and if she's hurt!! Christians can point out problems without harshness. We need to remember compassion. And the verse that tells us "ye that are spiritual, restore such an one..." We need to approach sin in others' lives with meekness, or we run the risk of becoming spiritually proud. I'm not saying that's where you're coming from, but it could easily happen, given the emotional involvement.

You've told the youth pastor. Now, just be a good friend and pray for her. Back away from the situation and let the Lord deal with her. And let Him deal with you at the same time. Mayhap she isn't the one for you. You need to be willing to accept that...you say you know she is God's choice. And you intimated that at one time she knew it. I wonder if she did...she is only 17, and most 17 year old girls don't know God's will in matters of the heart.

[amblivion]

Coto...you definately did the right thing by telling the youth pastor. I agree with the others though. You should probably back away from the situation before it becomes more of a mess. Obviously, this girl is making some unwise choices but sometimes all we can do is watch from the sidelines and pray. You seem to have very strong feelings for her, and I believe if you are honest with yourself you would find that you are slightly jealous. I would advise you to guard your heart...I know you may be thinking what would amblivion know. Well, about two months ago I went through a very rough time in my life because the "man I was going to marry" broke up with me. We were both so confident that we were going to get married that we would split the cost of some of the games would buy among other things. He went home with me several times, and I went home with him. I still remember the time he turned to me and said,
"Amber, we will get married someday." Well, as I said about two months ago all of this changed. It was like my heart and been crushed and thrown in a meat grinder. I did not have a plan B because I was so confident I was going to marry this guy. I am just telling you this because sometimes what we think we know does not always happen. I am still struggling to get over him sometimes because we are still good friends. When you say she is the one for you, you must realize that this may not be the case. If it is the case then consider yourself a lucky man but until you have the rings on your fingers I would suggest guarding your heart and realizing that she may not be the one. I am not writing this to burst your bubble or anything, but I am just trying to help you out.

[Cototheburn]

I know every one is trying to help me out....... and I wish I had more wisedom then I do now...... I need more God's knowledge, I feel weak, hopeless.... and just confuse.

This is the messages going on...... and I dont know what to do any more! Starting off with her;

don't message me if all you want to do is yell and complain because ur jealous.



Jealous of what? Jealous of a guy that lives with his mother, has no job, looks at porn, has a playboy girl picture in a frame, does nothing but lay in bed, play games, eat chicken nuggets all day, then complains about his body hurts because that is all he eats is fast food, goes from one girl to the next, drop out of school and is a worthless bum. Yea I am jealous of that............ NOT. I am making it on my own, I have my own place, I have my HSD, I have a job, 3 jobs, I do God's Will, I am happy with Jesus, and all I need of this world is Jesus to be my best and true friend. Everything else is things God put in my life for me, or bad against me to learn from. All I need is Jesus, nothing else to survive on.

Everyone is trying to encourage me, I am beating myself up, not because I am jealous, but because I am doing the right thing, and that right thing I did, your going to hate me for. Why do you go against me? WHY DO YOU GO AGAINST GOD! Every second of my life, I try to follow my heart, for the Holy Spirit guides me, and when I dont follow my heart, I am miserable beyond anything else! I follow my heart, and even though I did the right thing, I am hurting so badly. People agree with me on what I say, mostly anything I say, people agree with me. Even the Pastors never disagree with my sermons I write, Pastor Paul said it was great that I am shining some light in places that no one else does (not his words, but close to it).

I am sorry...... I had to do it, even though I want to rip my heart out right now, and hold on to it tightly, just to stop the pain, I had to do it, for your safetly. You idea of "love" is of the flesh, my idea of love is from God. If it makes you so mad, I am sorry for being a Christian, for giving my life up to Christ, for surmitting my soul to Him, to let Him have full control over me, to do whatever with His own! I am sorry for that, that you are miserable, that you have decided to go against God, to not follow your heart, for dening your heart, and accepting your flesh. We can not be together, I can not be around you. Bible says to stay away from people that is the "worldly" type, because they will bring you down, so I cant be around you till you get right with God. Sorry, I kick my roommate out, and now I am paying full price of rent, well I am happy to do that then have his sin come into MY apartment! I can not be around you because of your sin, that is Bible, I am sorry, I just follow God's Will.

Plus, I wasnt yelling, that was called "preaching", I do that kind of stuff. Not once did I say anything about you in it and what is going on. And if your feeling guilty........ that is the Holy Spirint in your heart telling you listen (oh I forgot, you deny your heart and its desires, that is why you get upset when truth is spoken). I follow my heart, and sometimes I dont want to take that path, but I know its the right thing, and that God will bless me for it, maybe not here on Earth, but most likely up in Heaven!



no. actually, you send this stuff to me to be speaking DIRECTLY to me.
and justin says he's ticked at you.
and i am most definitely NOT guilty for anything.
not even this baby.
there is SOO much you dont know.
so much "GOD" should have told you.
since you should know this. its so important. really. and you dont. ha. yeah. GOD talks to you. sure.
and as for "preching" to me, i've heard worse. and i've heard better.
i dont EVER feel guilty. maybe that should have you clued in on some stuff.
I HAVE NO CONSCIENCE.
ha.



Foolish child........ read these verses.

Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.

Isaiah 59:12 For our transgressions are multiplied before thee, and our sins testify against us: for our transgressions are with us; and as for our iniquities, we know them;

I have talked to Pastor Schwarz, and just to be honest, I am not the only spy for the church. Yes, there are people that watch others from the church, and I am one of them. My job is to report anything that a young person does to the Youth Pastor. I broke down, I knew what you were doing wrong, and I ask alot of people with out using your name (others, I knew I could trust did use your name) and they all told me, even Sarah, "go tell Pastor Schwarz". Took me a long encouragement to do it, but I did it. When I told you that you better change a few things on your profile, before accepting Paul, you said you had nothing to hide, and Pastor Paul looked at your profile (he looked at mine too, and no, I didnt tell him to, he did it on hiw own free will). The other people, there are church members with Myspace, not for entertainment, but to spy also. The church has so many spies, to make sure their church still have a good testimony, and I am one of the spies, when I go into the office, I am doing work for the church, and reporting is one of them. Pastor Schwarz knows more about you then I figure he would have. There are still some people I dont know yet that does the same thing I do, some times, they spy on me to keep me straight, lets Mrs. Hager or others that check on me. Your in danger from the church, and you have no fingers to point at but yourself, you put yourself in harms way. I had to tell them, God force me to. But hoping, Pastor Schwarz will take it easy on you like I ask, he knows about Twilight, and I wasnt the one that told him.

You still dont believe me, that God wont take something from you heart, I see the full picture, your about to be kicked out of choir again, along with Bus Routes, even Pastor John said if any one does wrong is not allowed in. God is also about to take your friends away, including me, and I was one that defended you the most. I am sorry it had to be like this, but you are the one to blame for it, because you decided to go by the flesh.



look. i dont have time for your stupidness.
you have no idea whats going on no matter how much you say you do.
dont speak to me.
dont converse with me.
delete me off your friends list.
i dont speak to hypocrites.



Call me a hyporcrite to Pastor, any one of the Pastors, lets see whos the in the right! You put this on yourself, I am sorry....... I cant defend you no more, I choice God!



hahaha, i will. monday.



Why Monday, why not not, you know the church number, ***-****, and also........ did you realize, I sent this message to Sarah also, so everything that you and me said here so far, she can read also, be lucky I didnt add Paul into it. They put their life on the line, they trust me, they even let me live in the church building, they give me rights that no one else has, they see me become something, if I get arrested just once, if I have something on my background once, become bi or gay just once, anything, I can never become a Youth Pastor, and they have help fight for me to keep me out of trouble, even against your parents, and every one else that has came up to them saying "why are you helping that boy"? That church loves me, and they see something great out of me. Courtney... I care enough for you, I defended for you against Pastor Schwarz, ask him, I defended you, but I cant no more. I have to step down, I am sorry...... if only you realize what I did and what I gave up for you.



i know she can read it. her and i have discusses this stuff.
dont EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
I RUIN MY LIFE BY TALKING TO YOU.
EVERY TIME.
and as for "becoming" bi or gay, its not something you can help.
you never were bi/gay/whatever. you were just curious.
but there are people that are that cant help it.
remember randy?
he HATED IT SOOOOO MUCH.
he begged and prayed that he wasnt gay.
it wasnt a choice for him.



yes it is, I know some one else that is gay.......... but I cant name no names, but is related to one of the guys I talk to so much. I never ruin your life, you ruin your own life for not listening to me. If you just only listen to me, and did as the Bible said, things would never have been like this, I tried to give you a better life, I TRIED! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I PUT TO THE SIDE FOR YOU, and now........ I look back, its not me that ruin you life......... its me that looks back thinking everything I did, was for nothing. And not, I feel like I am to be blame for, because I feel like I didnt tried HARDER......... what do you want me to do, just die, will that make you happy, will that make you get right with God, will that make you have joy, peace, happiness, if I just only died, because if that is all it takes to make you happy and in God's Will, I will go get the gun right now! All I ask of you is HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, TO BE IN HIS WILL!!!!! I would like to be with you again, but that is not my number one thing, my number one thing is to see you safe!



justin's cousin is gay.
i do have a relatioship with god.
and if he talks to you so much, you would know that.
i think the devil is talking to you, to be quite honest.
just because youre saved doesnt mean satan cant speak to you.
he can still tempt you, he just cant take u to hell.
stop messaging me. i'm getting in trouble over you. as always.
STOP. dont reply to this, dont ever speak to me again.