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Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times!
949 topics in this forum
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A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother. He's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," answers the doctor. "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it!" she exclaims. "And what's the boy's name?" "Denephew," says the doctor
Last reply by Trust in Jesus, -
- 9 replies
- 1.2k views
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Last reply by Trust in Jesus, -
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.' "
Last reply by SarahStrawberry, -
It's Empty!
by Jerry- 7 replies
- 1.1k views
Little Susie, a six-year-old, came home from school whining, "Mommy, I've got a stomachache." "That's because your stomach is empty," her mother replied. "You'd feel better if you had something in it." She gave Susie a snack and sure enough, Susie felt better right away. That afternoon the family's minister dropped by. While he was chatting with Susie's mom, he mentioned he'd had a bad headache all day long. Susie perked up. "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
Last reply by John81, -
- 1 reply
- 861 views
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become en…
Last reply by John81, -
- 0 replies
- 869 views
A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right." The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"
Last reply by Mike, -
- 6 replies
- 1k views
Click this link to clean your computer screen and harddrive in one lick: [url=http://www.bassfiles.net/cleanscreen.swf][b]Need Your Computer Cleaned?[/b][/url] (This is not an endorsement of this website, as I do not know what else is there, but I thought this was classic!)
Last reply by Chelle, -
- 10 replies
- 1.5k views
...about the KJV topic. I found this browsing for a Ruckman quote for another thread. It is meant to be funny NOT TO START A DEBATE. I tried to warn you. http://members.aol.com/pilgrimpub/bookman1.htm
Last reply by pneu-engine, -
- 2 replies
- 963 views
How To Be A Good Liberal (actually this is more sad that funny) 1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese Communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected b…
Last reply by lettheredeemedsayso, -
- 1 reply
- 1k views
[size=18][color=darkblue][b]How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? [/b][/color][/size] [b]1. Golden Retriever:[/b] The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? [b] 2. Border Collie:[/b] Just one - me. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. [b] 3. Dachshund:[/b] You know I can't reach that stupid light bulb! [b]4. Rottweiler:[/b] Make me. [b] 5. Boxer:[/b] Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. [b] 6. Lab:[/b] Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can…
Last reply by Chelle, -
- 8 replies
- 1.4k views
You know you drink too much coffee when... 1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you. 2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. 5. You can't remember your second cup. 6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug. 7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house. 8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. 9. You don't sweat -- you percolate. 10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
Last reply by John81, -
- 14 replies
- 3k views
[size=24][b]JUST KIDDING![/b] :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: [/size] [img]http://www.catholicbridge.com/images/catholic_doctrine.jpg[/img][b][i][/i][/b]
Last reply by Chelle, -
- 0 replies
- 878 views
A fire started on a patch of prairie grasses near a farm. The county fire department was called, but the fire was more than they could handle. Someone suggested that the nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit could really help, the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck that rumbled straight into the middle of the flames. The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts. The farmer was so impressed and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he …
Last reply by chev1958, -
So you think you are smart
by Guest Guest- 5 replies
- 1.1k views
The topic of the message I preached this past Sunday was on how we overlook the joy in our lives. after passing out slips of paper to the congregation Here is my opening illustration: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. I had them read it with me as I read it outloud. Then I had them count the number of "f"s in that sentence. Go ahead try it. Read it outloud. > > > > > > > > > > How many did you find? > > > > > Did you find 3? > > > > > > > How about 6? There are 6 "f"s in that sentence! Where? Check …
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- 1 reply
- 1k views
Twas the perfect miarrage except for one flaw he was quick on the depposit but she was quicker on the draw
Last reply by chev1958, -
- 3 replies
- 1.1k views
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... for those who don't, you are too young anyway. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this: [b]COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT[/b] ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your …
Last reply by God_is_good, -
True Story
by Mike- 1 reply
- 960 views
Well I sold my truck the other day to a fellow I work with. I cleared everything out of it I thought. After they left with it I remembered that I hadn't gotten everything out of the glove box. Well the next day at work I told him about my stuff being in there and he said he'd bring it to me. He bagged everything up that night to bring back to me, but he unknowingly dropped a letter in his garage. Well his wife comes home and finds this letter address to "Pam". Well Pam is my wife and this is a sappy love letter I'd had written to her several years ago. She opens it and reads of all this undying love and blah blah blah. The funny thing is is that her husb…
Last reply by chev1958, -
- 4 replies
- 1.1k views
Divorcing After 45 Years -- An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, But I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "No way they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at…
Last reply by lumi, -
"I've been waiting twelve years for this!"
by Guest Guest- 2 replies
- 1.1k views
We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning." :lol:
Last reply by Trust in Jesus, -
- 11 replies
- 1.7k views
Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off; who was left?
Last reply by Chelle, -
haircut joke
by Ron- 3 replies
- 1.2k views
One day a rabbi went to a barber to get a haircut. When the barber was finished, the rabbi pulled out his wallet to pay, but the barber shook his head and said,
Last reply by deputydog530, -
- 2 replies
- 989 views
[b]THE FAMILY TREE (A QUESTIONABLE BRANCH)[/b] The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose; how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his…
Last reply by chev1958, -
- 4 replies
- 1.3k views
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a s…
Last reply by Bear, -
Dolphin Stress Test
by Guest Guest- 8 replies
- 1.6k views
Click on the link... self-explanatory! http://webpages.charter.net/hkirtley/stress/
Last reply by ramba29,
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By BrotherTony · Posted
Yeppers... many of us have noticed how over the past 50+ years Tom Turkey has been pushed off the road by the fat man in the bright red suit, flying around with his eight tiny reindeer! LOL The over commercialization of Christmas has gotten way out of hand! My parents Western Wear Store would NEVER allow Thanksgiving to be bypassed. None of the decorations for Christmas at their store came out until BLACK FRIDAY. I'm thankful for that. 🤠 -
By BrotherTony · Posted
Have we fallen short in baptisms? And why are baptisms being used as a measure for how strong churches are? Many pastors have seen the futility and falseness of dunking people just for the numbers? They've come to the realization that people need to understand what baptism is, and in the true discipling of people first. In the days of Christ people understood the implications of being baptized into this new religion called Christianity. They could be kicked out of the synagogues, lose their livelihoods, and even their lives. That's exactly what Saul of Tarsus was doing before he had his encounter with Christ on the road to Damascus. -
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By TheGloryLand · Posted
For we all fall short to His Glory. We are not Angels, but a little higher. Those that are Saved or born again.
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