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Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times!
949 topics in this forum
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church kids!
by Ron- 0 replies
- 681 views
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One particul…
Last reply by Ron, -
- 1 reply
- 711 views
[tube]Z4Y4keqTV6w[/tube]
Last reply by Evan57, -
- 7 replies
- 783 views
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines Enabling customers to withdraw cash Without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are Requested to use the procedures outlined Below when accessing their accounts." "After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate Steps for your gender." MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 8 replies
- 958 views
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. …
Last reply by Tim, -
The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the internet to determine the electability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008. If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the bottom of the list below and send it on. Please forward and don't break the chain. This poll has been circulating since 1/03/07. 1.
Last reply by hermanj, -
- 9 replies
- 1.1k views
Subject: Only 4 parachutes > >> > >> > >> > >>An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers on board, but only > >>4 > >>parachutes - > >> > >>The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player. > >>The Lakers need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack > >>and > >>left the plane. > >> > >>The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former U.S. > >>President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president. And I am > >>the > >>smartest wom…
Last reply by bibletotingunslinger, -
The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy." No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove ove…
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
- 2 replies
- 795 views
Someone posted this on another site... A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "What's the hold up?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. " "We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "on average how much is everyone giving?" waiting.... wondering.... waiting.... wondering...…
Last reply by Tim, -
- 6 replies
- 874 views
A woman, trying on new clothes, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible. I feel fat, and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect." He never heard the shot............ :B
Last reply by Jerry, -
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- Administrators
- 10 replies
- 1.5k views
5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused. We are NOT going to grant them an extension. However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL (English as a Second Language) training at our expense, etc. WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE......OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
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- 12 replies
- 1.2k views
"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly afterwards, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!"…
Last reply by Tim, -
- 0 replies
- 681 views
Before I was saved, I came home drunk.......[attachment=0]
Last reply by bibletotingunslinger, -
- 1 reply
- 773 views
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: 1. God is like Bayer Asprin, He works miracles. 2. God is like a Ford, He's got better ideas. 3. God is like Coke, He's the real Thing. (I just thought this was cute. It was in my church bulletin this morning.)
Last reply by bibletotingunslinger, -
- 7 replies
- 1.2k views
Someone on the Bass Fishing Home Page posted this link - it is really funny! http://www.netscape.com/viewstory/2006/ ... frame=true
Last reply by bibletotingunslinger, -
- 3 replies
- 827 views
An atheist was walking walking along a mountain trail, admiring the beauty that nature had evolved over billions and billions of years, the wind blowing in the trees, the brook at the side of the trail made such a calming sound,,,,,,SUDDENLY he hears a sound, something snorting and huffing and coming down the trail behind him, he looks,,, its a ,,, a bear,,,, a grizzly,,,,,he runs faster,, the bear is closing in. He fell as the bears paw slammed him to the ground, "DEAR GOD HELP" he yelled. Total silence came over all around him, the wind stopped, the brook stopped, the bear frozen in time, a powerful voice, with the sound of many waters spoke. "For years you tell you…
Last reply by BamaAngel, -
- 1 reply
- 655 views
My Baptist friend had a dog which had a problem; it liked to bite his owner's hands. It would not stop no matter what, until my friend found a solution, when the dog yet again bit him, he went and bit the dog's neck and the dog never bit him again. :lol:
Last reply by bibletotingunslinger, -
- 4 replies
- 976 views
One Sunday right in the middle of the service, Satan comes walking in. As he walks up the isle people head for the back door shaking and scared, the Preacher heads out the side and speeds off in his car. Satan gets to the front and turns around to see this older tired looking man reading his Bible, no fear, Satan looks at him more confused all the time, he made an ugly sound and said, "I could cause you more pain than you could imagine, don't you have any idea what I could do to you?' The old man took a shallow breath and looked the devil right in the eye and said "I have been married to your sister for 30 years, Now if you will excuse me I was reading Proverbs 21 ve…
Last reply by Tim, -
- 6 replies
- 1.1k views
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as t…
Last reply by Chelle, -
(Adams first words to Eve.)
by Guest Guest- 0 replies
- 553 views
Edited out
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(Moses to God.)
by Guest Guest- 0 replies
- 617 views
Edited by BroMatt
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- 3 replies
- 675 views
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
Last reply by dadof4, -
This is an ACTUAL news story from West Virginia...not a Jeff Foxworthy joke! W.Va. man drives Oldsmobile on 3 tires Fri Dec 15, 9:56 PM ET BECKLEY, W.Va. - David Woods' Oldsmobile obviously needed some work, lest of which was a fourth tire. But that didn't stop the 30-year-old Meadow Bridge man from driving the older model car on three tires and a rim to the local auto parts store Wednesday night. He didn't make it far. Beckley Police Detective Sgts. Dean Bailey and Gant Montgomery said the car was speeding and "all over the road." Police also noticed that the car's front fender was off and debris was falling from the car. As the officers caught up with the O…
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Hunting with Santa
by Guest Guest- 5 replies
- 767 views
[url]http://www.jingleshells.com/flash_content/flash_content.html[/url] Requires flash. turn up sound too. :lol:
Last reply by kevinmiller, -
- 12 replies
- 1.1k views
I wasn't sure where to put this, maybe this will work in here. Is your car missing a 710? Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer. A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on t…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 2 replies
- 1k views
Dear Lord, So far today I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card. But I will be getting out of bed in a minute and I think that I will really need your help then. Amen! :coffee
Last reply by BamaAngel,
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I would cite Matthew 18:15-17, Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt.18.15,Matt.18.16,Matt.18.17&version=KJV best regards, Oldtyme -
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By BrotherTony · Posted
My niece sent me a text yesterday telling me that my father had asked for her pastor to come out to the house to talk to him about eternity. He admitted that he was a sinner and needed the Lord, and he asked the Lord to save him. Praise the Lord for answered prayers. -
By BrotherTony · Posted
Yes, I have a pastor friend in the Independence, MO area that spoke against this often. I've got an aunt and uncle in O'Fallon, MO who could be on either side of the issue. -
The country seems to be going in a positive direction, sadly in Missouri we allowed amendment three to be passed.
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