3 Truths To Remember To Avoid The ‘If, Then’ Marriage Cycle

[John81]

3 Truths to Remember to Avoid the ‘If, Then’ Marriage Cycle

 

Does this sound familiar to you?

 

“Honey, if you would just plan fun things for us to do, then I would spend more time with you.”

 

“If you would spend more time with me, then I wouldn’t be so cranky.”

 

“If you weren’t so cranky, then I would plan fun things for us to do.”

 

And around and around it goes. The endless cycle seen above is what I’ve come to call the “If, Then” marriage cycle. All too often, we find ourselves saying to our spouses, “If you would just do this, then I would do that.” It’s conditional love, which is really not love at all because true love is unconditional.

 

To save you and your spouse from becoming trapped in the “If, Then” marriage cycle, here are three truths to remember:

 

1. Love is not 50/50; it’s 100/100. Giving half the effort to your marriage will never cut it. Having the mindset that once you do your part, it’s up to your spouse to do the rest doesn’t work well in marriage. It’s important that both husband and wife are each giving 100 percent of themselves to the relationship.

 

2. Love sacrificially, not superficially. There will be times when you are tired and don’t want to do the dishes or help the kids with homework or are too busy to leave your spouse an encouraging note on the counter. But love is about making sacrifices. So break the “If, Then” marriage cycle by loving your spouse through practical, daily, sacrificial actions.

 

3. Love is not a transaction; it’s an action. It’s vital for both husband and wife to change their mindset from what they can get to what they can give. So try giving of your time, your thoughts or your talents without the expectation of getting something back. Do it simply because you love your spouse, not because you want a favor in return.

 

What are some “if, then” challenges that you and your spouse struggle with, and how do you move past those struggles?

 

http://www.charismamag.com/life/men/19266-3-truths-to-remember-to-avoid-the-if-then-marriage-cycle

[Left the Bldg]

I try to move past it by remembering my husband is a sinner just like me and that Jesus died for both of us.  I also pray that God will let me see my husband with His eyes and not my own...otherwise I would want to throw a shoe at him!  :-)  I put the shoe down and walk away when I'm angry.  Realizing that demands and ultimatums are baaaad words in a marriage.  I find that if I admit my faults and weaknesses, it helps him to do the same and then the walls can come down for communication, communication, communication!

[HappyChristian]

I try to move past it by remembering my husband is a sinner just like me and that Jesus died for both of us.  I also pray that God will let me see my husband with His eyes and not my own...otherwise I would want to throw a shoe at him!  :-)  I put the shoe down and walk away when I'm angry.  Realizing that demands and ultimatums are baaaad words in a marriage.  I find that if I admit my faults and weaknesses, it helps him to do the same and then the walls can come down for communication, communication, communication!

[John81]

I hear that "if, then" stuff a lot, especially from younger couples. When it's all said and done it typically boils down to "if they would do everything my way then we'd have a perfect marriage".

 

One wife in her 20s was complaining to some others and I heard her say her husband works all week and when he comes home on Friday he acts like I should be all excited to see him and actually thinks the house should be clean and I should cook him a meal!

 

Unfortunately, her young girlfriends were agreeing with her rather than having anything helpful to say.