Embarassing Remarks From The Pulpit

[Cancelled Membership]

I've heard my share of ridiculous, crazy, in one case tawdry,

and humiliating remarks, but none so way out of line as the

ones I'm about to list. This is a collection of remarks not just

the one's I heard personally, but posts by other men on other

Christian forums and chat rooms, Baptist, Pentacostal and

Independent Christian churches. Check it out.

 

Here's the background: preachers who talk about manhood,

masculanity, marriage and God's relationship to godly men.

These statements as innocent as they might sound, are, an

afront to true manhood inside the body of Christ:

 

1. "The next time any of you men are tempted to have an affair

with a woman who is not your wife, then get on your knees and

have a love affair with Jesus!"

 

2. "I will stand naked before my Savior so He can touch me!"

(This was supposed to be a metaphor to describe our admitting

our sin before the Lord, but as you can guess, it was very creepy.)

 

3. "I will lay beside Jesus so that I can speak sweet nothing's in His ear!"

 

4. :If Jesus is the Husband, then we are his wife."

 

5. "If Jesus is to be the Groom, then we are His lovely bride waiting 

in the chamber."

 

6. "To kiss the lips of Jesus..."

 

7. "If you can't wear a rose or rose pin on your lapel because you're

worried that someone might laugh at you or question your manhood,

then you are the problem, not the Lord! Look at your wives. Do they

have a problem with wearing a rose?"

 

8. "No man who calls himself a true believer can ever be of use to

the Lord when he's thinking about going hunting and killing other

living things to feed his family! That's what supermarkets are for!

We are called to uphold the sanctity of all life, human and animal!!"

 

9. "I'll tell you something else, if you don't let go of this silly notion

that the man is to be the head of the household and let your wife

have a say in things, then mister you'd better hand over your pants

to your wife and let her take charge!"

 

10. "Jesus ordained women to be the voice of reason and that's

why any man who calls himself Christian needs to understand that!

For without women, we'd all still be spiritual-neanderthals! There

were more women following our gentle Savior than the number of

men. The disciples were off goofing around while the woman stayed

and sat at His feet to hear what He said! Men, get with the program,

or get out!"

 

Recommended reading for real men of Christ!

 

Three in all, so far.

 

(1): "Why Men Hate Going To Church"

by David Murrow

 

(2): "No More Christian Nice Guy: Why Being Nice Rather Than Good,

Hurts Men Women and Children" *

by Paul Coughlin

 

*Footnote: A Christian "nice" guy believes that passivity is synonymous

with Godliness"  

 

-whereas....A Christian Good Guy is always polite and respectful, especially

toward Church and secular authority. A Christian Good Guy also knows when

to kick someone and take names in order to protect his family or a complete

stranger from verbal, physical, spiritual harm, or all three!  

 

Jesus was a Good Guy who stood up to the Pharisees!  

 

and,

 

(3): "The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity"

        by Dr. Leon J. Podles

 

 

 

 

[no name joe]

I was once visiting my in-laws church where their preacher told a visiting high-school girl that she looked like she crawled off the pages of Penthouse magazine.

 

It made me incredibly angry that he assaulted an innocent girl like that from the pulpit.  It likely hurt her very deeply (she was not dressed immodestly at all) and may have permanently damaged her perception of the church.

 

The church agreed and fired him that week.

 

This is the same preacher that, no another Sunday, forgot to turn his mic off when he stepped out during a song to go to the bathroom.  Let me tell you I could not contain my laughter at that one. One of the funniest things I have even been witness to.  I felt bad for him though because it was quite embarrassing, though I do not think he ever realized it.  So perhaps his ignorance in that matter was bliss.

[HappyChristian]

My brother and sister-in-law were visiting a church my parents used to go to.  The pastor was speaking about the Song of Solomon.  Now, my SIL is black.  He read the part about the woman being black from being in the sun and began to dwell on that.  After several minutes, he stopped and looked right at my SIL and said, "Now, you're black.  Are you black black or are you black from being in the sun?"

 

She quietly said "black" and he went on with whatever his message was.  They never went back, needless to say.  Talk about embarrassing. And rude.  (My folks left not too long after that.  There were a number of problems with that church, sad to say.)

[Ukulelemike]

I've heard my share of ridiculous, crazy, in one case tawdry,

and humiliating remarks, but none so way out of line as the

ones I'm about to list. This is a collection of remarks not just

the one's I heard personally, but posts by other men on other

Christian forums and chat rooms, Baptist, Pentacostal and

Independent Christian churches. Check it out.

 

Here's the background: preachers who talk about manhood,

masculanity, marriage and God's relationship to godly men.

These statements as innocent as they might sound, are, an

afront to true manhood inside the body of Christ:

 

1. "The next time any of you men are tempted to have an affair

with a woman who is not your wife, then get on your knees and

have a love affair with Jesus!"

 

2. "I will stand naked before my Savior so He can touch me!"

(This was supposed to be a metaphor to describe our admitting

our sin before the Lord, but as you can guess, it was very creepy.)

 

3. "I will lay beside Jesus so that I can speak sweet nothing's in His ear!"

 

4. :If Jesus is the Husband, then we are his wife."

 

5. "If Jesus is to be the Groom, then we are His lovely bride waiting 

in the chamber."

 

6. "To kiss the lips of Jesus..."

 

7. "If you can't wear a rose or rose pin on your lapel because you're

worried that someone might laugh at you or question your manhood,

then you are the problem, not the Lord! Look at your wives. Do they

have a problem with wearing a rose?"

 

8. "No man who calls himself a true believer can ever be of use to

the Lord when he's thinking about going hunting and killing other

living things to feed his family! That's what supermarkets are for!

We are called to uphold the sanctity of all life, human and animal!!"

 

9. "I'll tell you something else, if you don't let go of this silly notion

that the man is to be the head of the household and let your wife

have a say in things, then mister you'd better hand over your pants

to your wife and let her take charge!"

 

10. "Jesus ordained women to be the voice of reason and that's

why any man who calls himself Christian needs to understand that!

For without women, we'd all still be spiritual-neanderthals! There

were more women following our gentle Savior than the number of

men. The disciples were off goofing around while the woman stayed

and sat at His feet to hear what He said! Men, get with the program,

or get out!"

 

Recommended reading for real men of Christ!

 

Three in all, so far.

 

(1): "Why Men Hate Going To Church"

by David Murrow

 

(2): "No More Christian Nice Guy: Why Being Nice Rather Than Good,

Hurts Men Women and Children" *

by Paul Coughlin

 

*Footnote: A Christian "nice" guy believes that passivity is synonymous

with Godliness"  

 

-whereas....A Christian Good Guy is always polite and respectful, especially

toward Church and secular authority. A Christian Good Guy also knows when

to kick someone and take names in order to protect his family or a complete

stranger from verbal, physical, spiritual harm, or all three!  

 

Jesus was a Good Guy who stood up to the Pharisees!  

 

and,

 

(3): "The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity"

        by Dr. Leon J. Podles

1-6 sound like things Jack Schaap might have preached. From reading some of his sermons, he seemed to sexualize a lot of Bible which, sadly, probably led to his demise. He had a lot of sex on the brain and it infiltrated his private life.

 

PLEASE, this is not meant to start a Schaap.Hyles/anything else line, just making an observation.

[Anon]

We had a pastor once who tended to sexualize the Bible. He talked occasionally in his sermons about likening the Tabernacle to the anatomy of a woman's body. Needless to say, it got uncomfortable when he began talking about what the "Holy of Holies" represented.... He also occasionally talked about having a "relationship" with Jesus. I don't remember much of it since I was a teenager. I just remember a few sermons where it was VERY uncomfortable to sit there and act like the preaching was "normal".

We left the church sometime later, but the church is still there, and the pastor is still there, and still supposedly has a reputation as a strong IFB church in the particular area where they are at.