-
Member Statistics
6,220
Total Members2,124
Most Online
Humor
Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times!
949 topics in this forum
-
-
- Administrators
- 3 replies
- 1.2k views
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camped in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?' The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful , and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What do…
Last reply by Soj, -
-
- 4 replies
- 950 views
STC (Senior Texting Codes) Since more and more seniors citizens are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for senior discounts, these are the codes for you: ATD: At The Doctor's BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn Again IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out LOL: Living On Lipitor LWO: Lawrence Welk's On ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The…
Last reply by Covenanter, -
A bald, wizened little man was rocking in a chair on his porch, smiling happily. A passerby, charmed by his smile, came up to him and said, "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said with a toothless grin. "I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fast food, and never exercise. "No way! How old are you?" "Twenty-six."
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
-
- Administrators
- 1 reply
- 873 views
in an email from my uncle: A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep', the p…
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
-
-
- Administrators
- 5 replies
- 1.1k views
copied from Ineffs Notes THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE We are living in the time of e-mail (and blogs, texts and Tweets) and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually unnecessary…
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
-
Just Thinking: Genius is perseverance in disguise The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, "Well, she looks good, doesn't she?" We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you, at 85 years old, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 8 replies
- 1.2k views
SUTHEN-ISM'S Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is. Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!. Only a Southerner both knows and und…
Last reply by irishman, -
- 2 replies
- 862 views
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
- 2 replies
- 876 views
LIFE EXPLAINED On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That' s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed. On the t…
Last reply by John81, -
- 11 replies
- 1.2k views
What do you call the belt around a Baptist preacher. The fence around a chicken grave yard.
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
- 20 replies
- 3.5k views
ELEVEN SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long asyou do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this is…
Last reply by Covenanter, -
-
- Administrators
- 8 replies
- 1.5k views
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZsBL4d1Eus
Last reply by 4everHis, -
-
-
- Administrators
- 13 replies
- 2.1k views
This video is hilarious! It describes me to a T! I understand the shoe thing completely. I hate when my shoes are used to kill spiders.
Last reply by Bro Jim, -
-
- 0 replies
- 902 views
Ad: Instant snore stopper! In cream or liquid form. One swallow lasts all night! Yes, this brand new product guarantees your spouse a quiet night. Just one swallow, and you’ll be hooked! Buy a bottle for the snorer in your life. NOISY NIGHTS GONE FOREVER! Apply the “snore cream” to your throat an hour before retiring, and Presto! No more snoring the entire night! Can also mix with water; dilutes instantly, and tastes like bubble gum! One cup does the jOB! Incredible product--you must give it a try (Satisfaction guaranteed) Reviews: “Bill” from Timbuktu: “Incredible" is not a strong enough word--this product is amazing! I tried it on Fluffy, my …
Last reply by irishman, -
- 12 replies
- 1.3k views
See below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HczJ7QsAgkk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwpzd6uoM2w Scary, real, funny. God bless, Joel ><>. 2 Chronicles 7:14.
Last reply by amblivion, -
- 2 replies
- 860 views
I received this by e-mail today and thought I would share it with everyone! ***************************************************************** ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I for…
Last reply by irishman, -
- 7 replies
- 1.1k views
I received this by e-mail this morning and thought I would share! ******************************************** A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. Better to be safe than ... punch a 5th grader. Strike while the ... bug is close. It's always darkest before ... Daylight Saving Time. Never underestimate the power of ... termites. You can lead a horse to water but ... how? Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty. No news is ... impossible. A miss is as good as a ... Mr. You ca…
Last reply by LindaR, -
-
- Administrators
- 1 reply
- 891 views
I saw this video and had to share it. I think this guy is hilarious!
Last reply by Pastor Matt, -
-
- 2 replies
- 651 views
Masquerade Party? Try our new “Toady Toad” outfit! Comes complete with stick on warts! Hop to it, they’re going fast! The perfect gift for that Halloween party; Get one for your friends! (comes in all sizes) 2 Reviews: John from Phoenix-This outfit is cool! Even the warts look real! I could not keep it though, it caused too much confusion, so I gave it a mid-range rating of three stars. It seems my pet boa, “Sneaky” kept trying to eat my hand! When he matures into a adult snake, I figure I’m a goner if I wear it again! I traded it to the taxidermist for a stuffed skunk! Fred, from Butte Montana-This suit is unique. It is quite different from the ghosts a…
Last reply by irishman, -
- 3 replies
- 919 views
The following story, comes from http://www.confederatesharpshooter.blogspot.com. Enjoy, as I did! "I have been looking forward to sharing this story with everyone, as it is one of my all time favorites to tell. The reason it is one of my favorites is that it tells how things were in my South growing up, without all of the distortions brought on by special interest groups and political correctness. I give you my word as a Southerner that these events really happened, and I am setting them forth as closely as I can recall the details from so long ago. Mr. Ralph had worked in my father’s machine shop since long before I was born. My earliest memories of him were in the …
Last reply by Nathaniel, -
- 0 replies
- 720 views
Vanishing Paint!® Yes, that’s right, paint that vanishes within a day after you use it! Great addition to any home! Whatever you paint with it will be gone in a day or two (Depending on the structure of the OBject) Tired of the same old thing all the time? You need the latest rage-Vanishing Paint!® Comes in most colors, goes on smoothly, but The jOB is never done with Vanishing Paint.® Paint, paint, and paint again--for those who love to paint. Great for the “honey-do” list! Get the jOB done right! Make the entire wall disappear! Only $13.95 a can (Plus tax) (You can’t go wrong with a deal like that.) Reviews: Patricia from New York City- This stuff is…
Last reply by irishman, -
- 5 replies
- 884 views
Ad: Automatic Toe-nail Clippers! Guaranteed to keep those nails short, when used according to instruction. Special foot massager attachment (not included in kit) can make his toe-nail experience comfortable; easier to put his socks on! We stand on our products! Money back guarantee if he is not satisfied. Designed for the masculine foot. Have the best looking toe nails in town! Comes in blood red; envious green; and mellow yellow. Be the first in your crowd to own this amazing product (sponsored by “Practical Products, Inc.” New Haven, New Hampshire. Patent pending) 3 Reviews: Sally, from Toronto- I bought this product with a little apprehension, but I mus…
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
- 1 reply
- 864 views
NEW DAFFYNITIONS ~ Excommunicated: Received a phone call from a former spouse ~ Protestants: Worker ants out to overthrow the Queen ~ Fanatic: To cool off the extreme upper portion of the house ~ Cauterize: Made eye contact with her ~ Donkey: OBject that unlocks door to Godfather's home ~ Icing: What I do when I shower ~ Understudy: Prepare inadequately for the exam ~ Current: The fee charged by Rent-A-Mutt ~ Paradise: What you shoot craps with ~ Store Detective: Counter spy ~ Cannibal: A guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter ~ Infantry: A newly planted sapling
Last reply by irishman, -
- 0 replies
- 639 views
Ok, don't read this if you lack a sense of humor or slept through the 80s. While you read this, you must hum the tune "Highway to the Danger Zone." Top Gun was a very iconic movie from my youth, and it was horrible. My standards are higher now and I'd never watch that thing again. However, there are so many things you can make fun of in that movie: from the jackets, to the shades, to the lame one-liners! I recently was horrified to hear that they are making a sequel, over 20 years later! Here are my thoughts on such a disasterous undertaking: More shirtless and greased up guys in jeans flexing at a beach volleyball game? No thank you! I guess MAV i…
Last reply by Brother Rick, -
- 0 replies
- 452 views
ad: Ventriloquist Dummies! Personalized ventriloquist dummies with your face on it! Make them ask “Which one’s the dummy?” Must submit a recent picture with order. Allow 9 weeks for delivery. Comes with Booklet “The dying art of ventriloquism”. $59.95 plus shipping and handling. Guaranteed to “WOW’ your friends! One review: Charles from Asylum says; “What a great dummy! I have a lot of fun posing as him, and he as me! My friends do know who’s who! The things he says crack me up, and I am no longer sure if it is him talking or me! Hahahahahaha.
Last reply by irishman,
-
My Clubs
-
Music Composition Group
Open Club · 2 members
-
The Ministry
Closed Club · 7 members
-
Ladies Private Room
Closed Club · 3 members
-
-
Members Online
-
-
Recent Topics
-
-
Recent Posts
-
By MikeWatson1 · Posted
The problem is often the starting point is belief there is no God...or they cant know. Just because they look at things they can observe, they automatically rule out the supernatural. What they fail to see is they have their own religion, because they never observed one species become another. They have faith that whales became cows.. dinosaurs became birds and ape like creatures became humans. They don't have good evidence for this. Most creation scientists talk about what glasses you put on to view the evidence. I don't like this kind of thinking because it doesn't talk about the facts...but it does show preconceived assumptions. -
I would cite Matthew 18:15-17, Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt.18.15,Matt.18.16,Matt.18.17&version=KJV best regards, Oldtyme -
-
By BrotherTony · Posted
My niece sent me a text yesterday telling me that my father had asked for her pastor to come out to the house to talk to him about eternity. He admitted that he was a sinner and needed the Lord, and he asked the Lord to save him. Praise the Lord for answered prayers. -
By BrotherTony · Posted
Yes, I have a pastor friend in the Independence, MO area that spoke against this often. I've got an aunt and uncle in O'Fallon, MO who could be on either side of the issue.
-
-
Sermon Entries
-
