Funny Story

[LAF]

Below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an
86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, but when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH Then press: #1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options
1 through 7.

# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call, regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE "US SENIORS" !!!!!

And remember; Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.

[John81]

:lol: That's GREAT! :thumb :tum

[qwerty guy]

as much as I wanted to be entertained...................

I marvel at so much in the world where people allow themselves to be treated horribly

I made a radio station once, because I was in a fast food place during lunch, and asked "what is ready NOW? I'm in a hurry!" they told me, I said give me that, and they gave it to the drive through, so I chugged my soda, slammed it down and wanted a refill... like NOW! they filled it, I slammed it, and slapping it down, I wanted another refill NOW! I made it very clear that if they wanted to follow the "rules" of drive thru first, I would make them pay with the rules of refilling my drink! (It was obvious, that I didn't order what I wanted, I just wanted some food to make it through my day, and so I wanted what I could have fast) Little did I know, that the guy in line behind me was a radio personallity who talked about me the next day on his show, and how much he thought what I did was great.......... little did he know at the time I was a radio personallity that competed with him lol... that's the part I find most funny.

I was in Home Depot and wrote a check. For the last eight years, I've never put a zero for the year... I write 11-3-5, or 1-5-8... ect... this girl started DEMANDING that I put a zero... if she was normal about it... fine... if she was nice about it.. double fine. But she looked at me like I was retarded, and deMANDED I put a zero. So I looked at her, and told her "You want me... to represent nothing, with a symbol that represents nothing, in the area of a check that the bank sees as secondary to the area where old english script is used to write out the proper denomination of american currency... because I failed in the quick script to write nothing by putting nothing?" after she stared at me for 10 seconds, I looked at my co-worker to give him the "oh no don't say anything this isn't gonna fly" face, and forced her to bring a manager who wrecked 12 years of public ejucation by wondering outloud why she thought a zero was needed in a place that doesn't even need to be filled out.

40% of the time, I need to be somewhere so I put up with it. 60% of the time, I will not allow the stupidity of the world to dictate my actions, and the people with me better understand this. Make for a fun supermarket trip, but at the same time, you wonder if you're just a jerk lol

[John81]

:lol: