Interacting with Love

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

Online Baptist has been one of the most unloving environments I've ever experienced in my 26 years of Christian ministry, which is sad, especially since Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" (John 13:35).

I, too, am far from perfect, but know we can do so much better. Here are some thoughts on how we can improve.

Be Aware of God’s Presence

Be mindful that we're always in God's presence, even in a discussion forum.

"And if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear" (1 Peter 1:17).

"But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works" (Psalm 73:28).

Avoid Toxic Rhetoric

Rude and ungracious words are unChristlike. These often manifest when emotions are triggered and in retaliation. They are sometimes used as a form of bullying, especially when this gets condoned or overlooked by the group.

"And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth" (2 Tim. 2:24-25).

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

Avoid Being Judgmental

The Bible distinguishes between two forms of judging. They are distinguishable by one's attitude and intent. Assuming the worst and wanting to put the other person in their place is sinful. 

"Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things" (Rom. 2:1).

Asking a question with an open heart prevents sinful judging and fosters loving dialogue.

Be Teachable

We're all disciples who only see in part. Foster a desire to learn rather than be right. Together, we can help each other see so much more.

"Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end" (Prov. 19:20).

Include God

When you feel incensed by someone's point, or even their apparent toxicity, avoid sinning by being prayerful and allowing God's Spirit to fill you with his love and wisdom.

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh" (Gal. 5:16).

This may lead to remaining silent, returning a kind answer, or rebuking someone, but at least it will be done with the intent to lovingly help rather than satisfy one's fleshly pride.

Final Exhortation

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" (Eph. 4:29).

God's word is full of advice. Do you have any to add along with thoughts of your own?

Edited April 28, 2023 by Dr. Robert S. Morley
Spelling; added the heading, Final Exhortation

[BrotherTony]

The exhortation is appreciated...that being said, I wonder about and question your motivation, which is only natural considering the way you entered OnlineBaptist.com. Your oft attempts to skirt the rules though others had tried to keep you on track, and then having to be told by moderators several times to cease and desist certain actions. To me, if you've been in ministry for that long of a period of time you would have developed a thicker skin and would have stopped showing the "victim" mentality which seems to be showing again in this post....unless, of course, I'm reading you wrong. Remember, you aren't a Baptist, and this IS a Baptist board. That being said, @PastorMatt has allowed many people who aren't Baptist to be here. I don't think anyone objects to that. They do, however, object to unethical and unbiblical interpretations of scripture to fit one's own ideology.

May I make an honest suggestion here? You might want to go back over your OP and try to act accordingly before admonishing others to do so. I think they call that trying to tell others how to live while the beam in their own eye is blocking the view. 

To be honest, Robert, I have nothing personal against you, and I never will. Your posting here has allowed many to start making their stands known, and their defense of the Bible a priority. That's always a good thing, since all have to study to come to the defense of scripture. 

I hope you have a great day, and that the Lord will use you to lead others to him. By the way, I don't recall you mentioning in any of your postings how many people you've witnessed to about the Lord Jesus Christ, or even how many you've possibly led to him. I think all here would be interested in knowing more about your approach to presenting Christ. 

BT

[Pastor Matt]

8 hours ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Online Baptist has been one of the most unloving environments I've ever experienced in my 26 years of Christian ministry, which is sad, especially since Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" (John 13:35).

I, too, am far from perfect, but know we can do so much better. Here are some thoughts on how we can improve

We can all learn and should desire to learn more to grow closer to God. 

Just because someone disagrees with you/us does not make them/us unloving. 

The best way to show love is show love and not just tell others how to love.

I'm having a hard time understanding the point of this post when from what I've read it seems the passion was the same on both sides. 

I've been running message boards for 30+ years, and countless times people have posted all over the internet their beliefs and when people don't listen, they are deemed unloving. 

God has taught me that since I'm a flawed individual, that many times I just need to sit back and just listen to others instead of talking...even when I believe I'm right. I'm after pleasing God, not man. 

I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time, but I believe that with effort and communication, we can work towards building a stronger and more loving relationship with each other.

Ps. Typing from my phone... I have no idea why that last part posted in red.

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

10 hours ago, PastorMatt said:

We can all learn and should desire to learn more to grow closer to God. 

Just because someone disagrees with you/us does not make them/us unloving. 

The best way to show love is show love and not just tell others how to love.

I'm having a hard time understanding the point of this post when from what I've read it seems the passion was the same on both sides. 

I've been running message boards for 30+ years, and countless times people have posted all over the internet their beliefs and when people don't listen, they are deemed unloving. 

God has taught me that since I'm a flawed individual, that many times I just need to sit back and just listen to others instead of talking...even when I believe I'm right. I'm after pleasing God, not man. 

I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time, but I believe that with effort and communication, we can work towards building a stronger and more loving relationship with each other.

Ps. Typing from my phone... I have no idea why that last part posted in red.

Just because someone disagrees with you/us does not make them/us unloving. 

I wholeheartedly agree. I have been a teacher in the body of Christ for many years. I know the positions of most denominations on several topics and was never under any illusion that I was going to get agreement here. Knowing the nature of man, I even expect fleshly retaliation. I don't mind good robust interactions at all and have enjoyed the occasions that happened. But the treatment I have received from several quarters is way below par for the mature Christians it came from, if indeed they are.

The best way to show love is show love and not just tell others how to love.

I agree, nevertheless, as you've indicated to tell is also biblical.

I'm having a hard time understanding the point of this post when from what I've read it seems the passion was the same on both sides. 

Passion is one thing. Rudeness and being constantly judgmental are altogether another.

I've been running message boards for 30+ years, and countless times people have posted all over the internet their beliefs and when people don't listen, they are deemed unloving. 

Are you assuming the same of me? I hope that I have already made my point that this is not the case.

God has taught me that since I'm a flawed individual, that many times I just need to sit back and just listen to others instead of talking...even when I believe I'm right. I'm after pleasing God, not man. 

Sitting back has its place but it's not the advice (or only advice) for the issue at hand. This is about unChristlikeness that is shamefully lacking from significant members on this forum. Even unbelievers conduct themselves better than what I have seen here. I wonder how many are kept from interacting here because they are treated badly. I know many who would not venture to continue if they were treated as I have been. And, what of the Spirit whom we can so easily quench? 

I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time, but I believe that with effort and communication, we can work towards building a stronger and more loving relationship with each other.

What does, "I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time" mean? We are commanded to love regardless of our feelings.

Edited April 28, 2023 by Dr. Robert S. Morley
removed duplication of post

[Pastor Matt]

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

I agree, nevertheless, as you've indicated to tell is also biblical.

Agreed, nevertheless, true love is not always in what is said, but how something is said. From what I've read here, it has been two sided, that's why I'm trying to understand.

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Passion is one thing. Rudeness and being constantly judgmental are altogether another.

Agreed, nevertheless, since we don't know the person on the other side of the keyboard, we truly don't know the heart behind the posts/poster or why they/we are truly passionate about a topic (could have dealt with trauma in the past on the issue). I'll let God sort men's hearts out. 

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

But the treatment I have received from several quarters is way below par for the mature Christians it came from, if indeed they are.

I know the feeling. Again...I'm going to let God sort that out. I'm glad Jesus did not handle adversity the way I do at times.

Also, I'll let God decide if someone is a Christian or not. We don't know the heart of people here.

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Are you assuming the same of me? I hope that I have already made my point that this is not the case.

Please re-read what you quoted me in. I mentioned 30+ years and used the pronoun "they". You've been here about a week and you are singular. I mentioned what I've seen in 30+ years of running dozens of forums. Just informing you about people and being "unloving" when defining Scripture. 

 

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Sitting back has its place but it's not the advice (or only advice) for the issue at hand. This is about unChristlikeness that is shamefully lacking from significant members on this forum. Even unbelievers conduct themselves better than what I have seen here. I wonder how many are kept from interacting here because they are treated badly. I know many who would not venture to continue if they were treated as I have been. And, what of the Spirit whom we can so easily quench? 

TBH, I know what you mean because I'm starting to feel the same way from yourself. Again, I'm going to let God sort out the hearts. 

 

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

What does, "I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time" mean? We are commanded to love regardless of our feelings.

I'm really trying to understand this statement. Yes, we are commanded to love, but you mentioned feeling an unloved environment which is an emotion and can be subjective to the context of the situation. I was trying to help you my friend. One is an action and one is a emotion. The reason why the word "feel" loved was mentioned was because of your previous wording of not feeling a loving environment. Which again can be subjective since we don't know each others hearts. 

 

40 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

I wonder how many are kept from interacting here because they are treated badly.

I don't have a number for you, nevertheless, the same can wonder how many are here because they feel a loving environment. Which one is right? I can only answer for myself, and let God sort out the rest.

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

10 hours ago, BrotherTony said:

The exhortation is appreciated...that being said, I wonder about and question your motivation, which is only natural considering the way you entered OnlineBaptist.com. Your oft attempts to skirt the rules though others had tried to keep you on track, and then having to be told by moderators several times to cease and desist certain actions. To me, if you've been in ministry for that long of a period of time you would have developed a thicker skin and would have stopped showing the "victim" mentality which seems to be showing again in this post....unless, of course, I'm reading you wrong. Remember, you aren't a Baptist, and this IS a Baptist board. That being said, @PastorMatt has allowed many people who aren't Baptist to be here. I don't think anyone objects to that. They do, however, object to unethical and unbiblical interpretations of scripture to fit one's own ideology.

May I make an honest suggestion here? You might want to go back over your OP and try to act accordingly before admonishing others to do so. I think they call that trying to tell others how to live while the beam in their own eye is blocking the view. 

To be honest, Robert, I have nothing personal against you, and I never will. Your posting here has allowed many to start making their stands known, and their defense of the Bible a priority. That's always a good thing, since all have to study to come to the defense of scripture. 

I hope you have a great day, and that the Lord will use you to lead others to him. By the way, I don't recall you mentioning in any of your postings how many people you've witnessed to about the Lord Jesus Christ, or even how many you've possibly led to him. I think all here would be interested in knowing more about your approach to presenting Christ. 

BT

...that being said, I wonder about and question your motivation, which is only natural considering the way you entered OnlineBaptist.com.

I have already answered about my motivation. Is my motivation an excuse for unChristlikeness? Or was that just a red herring?

Your oft attempts to skirt the rules though others had tried to keep you on track, and then having to be told by moderators several times to cease and desist certain actions.

This, too, I have explained, and yet the accusation persists. You are judging me by assuming my motive was to "skirt the rules." It wasn't intentional. I am highly respectful of protocol and have always been willing to amend my ways.

if you've been in ministry for that long of a period of time you would have developed a thicker skin and would have stopped showing the "victim" mentality which seems to be showing again in this post....unless, of course, I'm reading you wrong.

Should a thick skin be a prerequisite to the forum? I wonder how many have been chased away from here? Furthermore, you are casting doubt on my motive for this thread, or are you deflecting from your abuse by blaming the victim?

Remember, you aren't a Baptist, and this IS a Baptist board. That being said, @PastorMatt has allowed many people who aren't Baptist to be here. I don't think anyone objects to that. They do, however, object to unethical and unbiblical interpretations of scripture to fit one's own ideology.

I know my place and appreciate the forum and I don't believe anything I have presented is "unethical and unbiblical." Regardless, it remains incumbent on those who have other interpretations to interact in love.

May I make an honest suggestion here? You might want to go back over your OP and try to act accordingly before admonishing others to do so. I think they call that trying to tell others how to live while the beam in their own eye is blocking the view. 

Thank you. But I wrote it because several people needed to hear it.

To be honest, Robert, I have nothing personal against you, and I never will. Your posting here has allowed many to start making their stands known, and their defense of the Bible a priority. That's always a good thing, since all have to study to come to the defense of scripture. 

That is exactly what I want and might be the best thing I have read since joining.

I hope you have a great day, and that the Lord will use you to lead others to him. By the way, I don't recall you mentioning in any of your postings how many people you've witnessed to about the Lord Jesus Christ, or even how many you've possibly led to him. I think all here would be interested in knowing more about your approach to presenting Christ. 

The forums I have mostly been on have focused on other topics. My teaching is invariably evangelistic, but not here as I would be preaching to the choir. I try and take every opportunity to share the gospel, but have no idea of the results. Perhaps I will post some of my evangelistic posts on another forum. Btw, I went to retrieve something to attach but see that it needs to be made KJVO friendly.

[Pastor Matt]

My thoughts on these types of issues is that I can't control other people's actions, only my own. I have to give an account for myself and nobody else. I'll give Biblical advice, and let the Word of God do its job. I can't control others behavior as that's up to the free will of each individual.

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

35 minutes ago, PastorMatt said:

Agreed, nevertheless, true love is not always in what is said, but how something is said. From what I've read here, it has been two sided, that's why I'm trying to understand.

Agreed, nevertheless, since we don't know the person on the other side of the keyboard, we truly don't know the heart behind the posts/poster or why they/we are truly passionate about a topic (could have dealt with trauma in the past on the issue). I'll let God sort men's hearts out. 

I know the feeling. Again...I'm going to let God sort that out. I'm glad Jesus did not handle adversity the way I do at times.

Also, I'll let God decide if someone is a Christian or not. We don't know the heart of people here.

Please re-read what you quoted me in. I mentioned 30+ years and used the pronoun "they". You've been here about a week and you are singular. I mentioned what I've seen in 30+ years of running dozens of forums. Just informing you about people and being "unloving" when defining Scripture. 

 

TBH, I know what you mean because I'm starting to feel the same way from yourself. Again, I'm going to let God sort out the hearts. 

 

I'm really trying to understand this statement. Yes, we are commanded to love, but you mentioned feeling an unloved environment which is an emotion and can be subjective to the context of the situation. I was trying to help you my friend. One is an action and one is a emotion. The reason why the word "feel" loved was mentioned was because of your previous wording of not feeling a loving environment. Which again can be subjective since we don't know each others hearts. 

 

I don't have a number for you, nevertheless, the same can wonder how many are here because they feel a loving environment. Which one is right? I can only answer for myself, and let God sort out the rest.

Your approach has its time and place, but as it stands it is instrumental in allowing an environment of ongoing abuse. Paul, James, and others spoke up on these issues, and Proverbs exhorts us to do the same. You might not realize it but the approach you keep putting forward deflects doing accordingly and is therefore not always Christlike.

 

 

18 minutes ago, PastorMatt said:

My thoughts on these types of issues is that I can't control other people's actions, only my own. I have to give an account for myself and nobody else. I'll give Biblical advice, and let the Word of God do its job. I can't control others behavior as that's up to the free will of each individual.

I've responded to you on your approach elsewhere. It is too limited and it fosters abuse. Unintentionally of course.

Edited April 28, 2023 by Dr. Robert S. Morley
added, Unintentionally of course.

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

Matt,

Let's run this through:

I've been running message boards for 30+ years, and countless times people have posted all over the internet their beliefs and when people don't listen, they are deemed unloving. 

Are you assuming the same of me? I hope that I have already made my point that this is not the case.

Please re-read what you quoted me in. I mentioned 30+ years and used the pronoun "they". You've been here about a week and you are singular. I mentioned what I've seen in 30+ years of running dozens of forums. Just informing you about people and being "unloving" when defining Scripture. 

I understood that. However, considering the context of this forum is based on me also “deem[ing] people unloving,” why else would you tell me that except to suggest I have fallen into the same trap “when people don’t listen”? Hence I asked a question?

Edited April 28, 2023 by Dr. Robert S. Morley
added "also" and "else"

[Pastor Matt]

36 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Your approach has its time and place, but as it stands it is instrumental in allowing an environment of ongoing abuse. Paul, James, and others spoke up on these issues, and Proverbs exhorts us to do the same. You might not realize it but the approach you keep putting forward deflects doing accordingly and is therefore not always Christlike.

You quoted all my reply's while removing yours and placed it all in one quote, so I'm not sure what "approach" you are referring to. If you're talking about not trying to control and force people to do right (as that was the point), then that's not a Christian responsibility and removed free will. I will not play God. You do you as you have to give an account, I prefer to take the Biblical approach of loving those that disagree with me. Like I mentioned earlier, I will give advice and give the Bible, but I will NOT be the Holy Spirit. That's what I was saying. 

I also know you don't know me, so I understand the ignorance in understanding my situation. I am big on fighting church abuse in church leadership, and I'm willing to take a lead charge in it. In fact what I'm fighting against is what you are saying I'm unintentionally doing. Many that I deal with was abused as they felt "forced" into things by pastors controlling situations instead of letting the Holy Spirit work.

14 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Matt,

Let's run this through:

I've been running message boards for 30+ years, and countless times people have posted all over the internet their beliefs and when people don't listen, they are deemed unloving. 

Are you assuming the same of me? I hope that I have already made my point that this is not the case.

Please re-read what you quoted me in. I mentioned 30+ years and used the pronoun "they". You've been here about a week and you are singular. I mentioned what I've seen in 30+ years of running dozens of forums. Just informing you about people and being "unloving" when defining Scripture. 

I understood that. However, considering the context of this forum is based on me also “deem[ing] people unloving,” why else would you tell me that except to suggest I have fallen into the same trap “when people don’t listen”? Hence I asked a question?

Because sometimes people will mention things to help others. Not everything is a dig as EACH person is different. I don't know, maybe we both just take things differently. My personal opinion is to give each person the benefit of the doubt, I truly believe in my heart that I have done that with you. 

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

I'm really trying to understand this statement. Yes, we are commanded to love, but you mentioned feeling an unloved environment which is an emotion and can be subjective to the context of the situation. I was trying to help you my friend. One is an action and one is a emotion. The reason why the word "feel" loved was mentioned was because of your previous wording of not feeling a loving environment. Which again can be subjective since we don't know each others hearts.

"I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time" is not correct English that is why I had no idea what you were on about.

Secondly, you are being highly deflective. My reference to feelings does not imply the absence of objective realities. You are suggesting the blame might be with the victim's perceptions rather than asking for examples. Feelings are affected by abuse. Is this how you would respond to someone experiencing more severe domestic abuse?

[Pastor Matt]

1 minute ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

You are suggesting the blame might be with the victim's perceptions rather than asking for examples.

How so? 

2 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

Secondly, you are being highly deflective.

how so?

[Dr. Robert S. Morley]

Just now, PastorMatt said:

How so? 

You suggested that my reference to feelings made my case subjective when you said:

. . . Yes, we are commanded to love, but you mentioned feeling an unloved environment which is an emotion and can be subjective to the context of the situation. I was trying to help you my friend. One is an action and one is a emotion. The reason why the word "feel" loved was mentioned was because of your previous wording of not feeling a loving environment. Which again can be subjective since we don't know each others hearts. 

You should have been more investigative of what might be quite serious than palm me off with unhelpful rhetoric.

[Pastor Matt]

17 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

You should have been more investigative of what might be quite serious than palm me off with unhelpful rhetoric.

I should have?

Now you're understanding, that is YOUR free will to have that opinion. I gave advice and it was up to you to decide whether you would use it or discard it. That my friend is free will. Now we're getting somewhere. I'm not upset or feel you're unloving because you don't agree.

17 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

You suggested that my reference to feelings made my case subjective when you said:

. . . Yes, we are commanded to love, but you mentioned feeling an unloved environment which is an emotion and can be subjective to the context of the situation. I was trying to help you my friend. One is an action and one is a emotion. The reason why the word "feel" loved was mentioned was because of your previous wording of not feeling a loving environment. Which again can be subjective since we don't know each others hearts. 

You should have been more investigative of what might be quite serious than palm me off with unhelpful rhetoric.

I quoted "How so" on two different quotes of yours, is your reply for just one or does it apply to both? I ask because it doesn't show me any where I deflected. 

27 minutes ago, Dr. Robert S. Morley said:

"I understand that it can be difficult to feel loving all the time" is not correct English that is why I had no idea what you were on about.

Thank you. Can you help me out and show me where the standard for English grammar is? It changes every year and I can't keep up. I'm a inner city boy living in the greater NYC area so we have our own English language. 

[Pastor Matt]

BTW, I'm only asking about the grammar because I ran the statement through grammar checkers and it says it was correct English grammar. I would like to see what English standard you are using so that you can I can communicate with you in a way you'll/we'll understand to avoid any future confusion.