Overdue, fined? No, refining.

1Timothy115 · March 19, 2009

1Tim115 (Dave)
November 9, 1980, 12:30 PM, Sunday morning I was convinced of sin, repented, and asked God to save me. For the next several years my greatest joy was fellowship with the Lord, reading and study of God?s Word, and witnessing for Christ. Not long after my salvation, God brought me an opportunity to grow spiritually. We need the old man purged to fulfill God?s purpose for us. An unforgiving spirit will prevent spiritual growth; I was such a person.

Acts 8:23 For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.
Ephesians 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Ephesians 4:16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
Acts 8:22 Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.

The opportunity was given to increase my spiritual growth and learn more of Christ like love. I never really forgave a loved one for an offense against me. I took my eyes off my Savior in late 1983 and allowed the circumstance to cloud spiritual sight and reason. Proverbs 14:14 ?The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways:?
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

I should have prayed for the grace to forgive but, I allowed this spirit to fester. I should have gone to that loved one and gone to prayer before God.
Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Matthew Henry commenting on James Ch. 1 said, ?Your own hearts? lusts and corruptions are your tempters; and when by degrees they have carried you off from God, and finished the power and dominion of sin in you, then they will prove your destroyers.? James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

God had a spiritual gift for me and I wasn?t going around it, I had to go through it; learn forgiveness. I lost nearly all that I had to lose, family, friends; my home. I lost my testimony and power to witness. The results of an unforgiving spirit are far reaching and had a negative impact on everyone and everything I loved or cared for. My relationship with God was disrupted; my relationship with loved ones was damaged. I lost my wife to divorce and I?m still repairing relationships with my children.

I withdrew from God but; He was never far from me.
James 4:8 ?Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you??. I was never at peace out of God?s will.

I have the unforgiving spirit behind me now and rejoice in God?s long suffering toward me. I?ve learned if someone offends or wrongs me, to go to God first in prayer, then to the person who offended; then, go to God with that person.

11 years after I lost my first wife through divorce, I met my second wife and we were married in 1998. We discussed religious background but not to any depth. Her father was a faithful member of an independent church so, I thought I understood that to be her background. She has since revealed she attended for only 3 years and that was sporadic.

I was still out of God?s will and not seeing, with spiritual eyes, what God had shown me from my first marriage. We were married by a Baptist preacher. We spent the first eight years with only limited discussions about God, faith, and religion. Both of us were involved with our work and never took time to be still.

Excuse me if I?m a little vague here but, the details are not clear to me. I have to digress to our grandchild, which would be my step grandchild to be precise. She was old enough to begin kindergarten but, was by no means ready. So, alternatives were searched out and after my step daughter and wife discussed it they settled on a Roman Church school. I told my wife I really hoped she didn?t enroll her in the Roman school but, the arguments were, that it would be close for my wife and stepdaughter. At some point my wife approached me and said she was going to join the catholic (Roman Church). I told her I didn?t want her to but, offering alternatives of different protestant denominations didn?t go well. I believe that my wife and step daughter joined the Roman Church to receive the benefits of parishioners for school tuition and costs. Another reason was, because they both work closely with Roman Church members.

I began praying and reading my Bible daily. Then God revealed to me that I had not learned what he needed me to know. I began attending church with my father-in-law at a little non-declared but independent church, Decatur. Shortly after I began to attend, they announced they would embrace their Baptist roots and heritage. They became an Independent Baptist Church. The pastor and I hit it off well and I became a faithful member. I joined Decatur?s family in June last year. Some of the testimony I give here I?ve shared from the pulpit. However, since my wife attended Decatur, and my father-in-law is a life time member, I never went beyond the unforgiving spirit. My pastor and some of the leaders in the church are aware of this situation but, I don?t discuss it openly.

During all the time that passed, from the fallout of leaving his will and into my second marriage, God was never far from me. It was I who was withdrawn from God James 4:8 ?Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you??. I was never at peace out of God?s will. 2 Corinthians 6:15 ?And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?? The keyword here is ?concord? I was as different from those around me as day and night. They weren?t? laughing with me necessarily but, more at me. I was a round peg in their square hole.

The lessons from all this are many and first and foremost is, God loves unconditionally. Something I hope to fully grasp one day.
Luke 15:32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
Job 5:17 Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
Ephesians 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love where with he loved us,

There is little discussion or interest in the changes in me; my wife never asks about church services and appears to lack any interest in the spirit and truth worship of God. Our home has a lack of shared commitment. God has surely put his hand on my life, the Lord Jesus has his hand around my shoulder, and I enjoy the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit. By grace, I will pray, read God?s word, be faithful at my local church, and do what God is calling me to do. I pray for my wife, step daughter, and grandchild daily. God will have his way in all of what may appear as calamity from the outside. I have faith in God to heal my family and restore my home to singleness of purpose.

God wants nothing less than all of me; mind, body, spirit, and service. I am praying for this grace from God. God wants me to learn to be totally and completely given to him. He wants me to sing from within my most inner part.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.