How to Preserve a Husband

[HappyChristian]

Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young. Once selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use. Some insist upon keeping them in a pickle, others are constantly getting them into hot water. This may make them sour, hard and sometimes bitter. Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good, by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses. Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady dose of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. Thus prepared, they will keep for years.


~ Ann Marie Gardiner Walsh - Ball Book of Canning

[IM4given]

Here is another recipe for husband cooking:

How to Cook a Good Husband

A good many husbands art spoiled by mismanagement in cooking & so art not tender & good. Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness & indifference; others constantly keep them in a pickle. Some puttest them in a stew by irritating ways & words. It canst be supposed that any husband will be tender & good managed this way, but they art truly delicious if properly treated.

In selecting thine husband ye shouldst not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the golden tint, as if ye wanted salmon. Be sure & select him thyself as tastes differ. Thou shalt not go to the marketplace in seeking for thou husband, as the best art always brought to thine door. Verily, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

'Tis far better to have none lest you know how to cook him.

A preserving kettle of finest porcelain is best, but if thou hast nought but an earthenware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which ye wrap him is nicely washed & mended, with the required number of strings nicely sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak & they art apt to fly out of the kettle & be burned & crusty on the edges, since, like crabs & lobsters, thou hast to cook they alive.

Maketh a clear steady fire out of Love, cleanliness & cheerfulness. Verily, set him as nigh this as seems to agree with him. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper in any amount; a little spice improves they, but it must be used with judgment. My Sister, do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently; watch the while, so he doth not become useless.

Behold, garnish thyself not with gold and silver which is in abundance, but rather, be meek and humble in thine appearence alway. Neither shalt thou puttest layer upon layer of trimmings on. For, too much adorning maketh thyseth look like a whore and doth truly spoil the appetite.

Thus treated thee will findest thine spouse verily digestible and pleasent to taste, agreeing nicely with ye & the children, lest you become careless & set him in too cold a place. If that shouldst happen, then returneth to your first love for thine husband.

May God bless thee in thine cooking woman.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
(2 Cor 6:14; Eph 5:25; Col 3:19; Eph 5:22; Eph 5:24)