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Get Ready to ROFL! Join the Hilarity Brigade in Our Jokes & Humor Forum for Endless Laughter and Good Times!
949 topics in this forum
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A primary school teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Now imagine this," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and calling for help. His wife hears the noise, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she runs to the bank?" A little girl raised her hand and asked, "Was it to draw out all his savings?"
Last reply by John81, -
- 1 reply
- 547 views
A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "You can take her with you!"
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Last reply by IM4given, -
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out - caterer, band and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful time. But, the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the…
Last reply by IM4given, -
- 0 replies
- 566 views
A hairdresser was trying to cut a blonde's hair but, because she refused to take off the headset of her iPod, he found his task very difficult. Finally, exasperated, he pulled off the handset and she collapsed on the floor. An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to. He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"
Last reply by Charbo, -
- 0 replies
- 524 views
A young blonde lady had the windows in her house replaced with new double-insulated energy efficient windows. Twelve months later, she got a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she had yet to make the first payment. The blonde replied, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves!"
Last reply by Charbo, -
A politician dies and upon his arrival at the pearly gates he is told there has been a mixup, and they are not prepared, so he has the choice of going to heaven or hell, and that he will spend one day in each to help him decide. Upon his visit to hell, he is greeted by some of his fellow politicians who take him to a fancy golf club, where they spend their day golfing, drinking champagne and eating caviar. During his visit to heaven, he spends his day floating on clouds, playing harps and singing. When asked by St. Peter where he wants to spend eternity, he thinks for a minute, but eventually chooses hell. So, St. Peter escorts him down to the gates of hell, where…
Last reply by John81, -
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Ok I don't do Halloween, but this one is really funny...its just a comic, not a video: http://www.geckotales.com/democrats-on-halloween.html
Last reply by LAF, -
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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing His wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her Birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to Have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still Looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big Bowl of Lucky Charms, and…
Last reply by joyfulpraise93, -
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A friend sent me this::::::::; [color=#000080][size=150][b]A preacher concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles.…
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I received this in my email today...could not stop laughing! Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, becau…
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Man walks into a bar...................... ouch! There were 3 man, a red head, a brown head, and a blonde head. They were all stuck on a island, with nothing but bannanas to eat. One day, the brown head man found something shiny covered in dust, they guy started to dig it out. He ran to show the other guys, and started to rub it to have it shine like new. A geniun blast out, and says "I will grant you 3 wishes". The red head said, "there are only 3 of us, so can we share one wish each?" The geniun agree with the terms. The red head ask "I was I was at the movie with my girlfriend", and the geniun grant his wish, and he vanish off the island. The brown head s…
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Jay Leno last night...(I didn't watch him - this comes to my email box from newsmax) Letterman:
Last reply by RayJr, -
Classic Bob Hope
by Guest Guest- 3 replies
- 615 views
Watch the video... it's only 24 seconds long. :lol :lol :lol [tube][/tube]
Last reply by John81, -
Thought this was kinda funny (political humor)
by Guest Guest- 9 replies
- 874 views
Obama and McCain and their running mates were on a deep sea fishing trip when something went wrong with the boat and it was sinking... Who was saved? *** Keep scrolling down*** The United States. :lol:
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There was a young man from the city Who met what he thought was a kitty He gave it a pat And said 'Nice little cat' They buried his clothes out of pity
Last reply by DeafBaptist, -
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::: BREAKING NEWS ::: In 2009 the government will start deporting all of the weird old people. I started crying when I thought of you. Run, my friend, RUN !!!! :lol:
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
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- 433 views
Computer Tech Support This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! =============================== Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Celine . I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No , wait a minute.. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your …
Last reply by JerryNumbers, -
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- 681 views
Guide to Sermon Delivery When your point is weak, raise your voice Raising your voice will hide a multitude of weak preparation. The principle works like this, when you have a good point, you will naturally emphasize it with extra decibels. Therefore, if you increase your volume when your point is weak, people will equate what you are saying with some of your better points. Most will never know the difference. A few will wonder what all the huff is about, but even they will tolerate your hot air When in doubt, SHOUT! This is a corollary to the above point. Volume works well in a culture enamored by image. If you say something long enough and loud enough peop…
Last reply by Calvary, -
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
Last reply by amblivion, -
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Last reply by RayJr, -
Dumb Jocks
by Charbo- 2 replies
- 512 views
Two OU Sooner football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a …
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
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- 448 views
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
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A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because, I'm not an atheist." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian." The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. "Well, I was brought up knowing …
Last reply by HappyChristian, -
- 1 reply
- 527 views
A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn around before it's too late!" "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead??
Last reply by pneu-engine,
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By MikeWatson1 · Posted
The problem is often the starting point is belief there is no God...or they cant know. Just because they look at things they can observe, they automatically rule out the supernatural. What they fail to see is they have their own religion, because they never observed one species become another. They have faith that whales became cows.. dinosaurs became birds and ape like creatures became humans. They don't have good evidence for this. Most creation scientists talk about what glasses you put on to view the evidence. I don't like this kind of thinking because it doesn't talk about the facts...but it does show preconceived assumptions. -
I would cite Matthew 18:15-17, Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt.18.15,Matt.18.16,Matt.18.17&version=KJV best regards, Oldtyme -
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By BrotherTony · Posted
My niece sent me a text yesterday telling me that my father had asked for her pastor to come out to the house to talk to him about eternity. He admitted that he was a sinner and needed the Lord, and he asked the Lord to save him. Praise the Lord for answered prayers. -
By BrotherTony · Posted
Yes, I have a pastor friend in the Independence, MO area that spoke against this often. I've got an aunt and uncle in O'Fallon, MO who could be on either side of the issue.
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