Parenting Gods' Way Works

[2bLikeJesus]

The following is a response I made a few months ago in the "Questions" forum on this site.  I thought I would post in here to see if it is a worthy discussion.

 

Hi Kelli,

 

I was in a simular situation as you are.  I was scripturally spanking my children, but not permitted to spank hers.  When my kids did something wrong that was worthy of chastisment rather than just training, it was over in the same day as the infraction and by evening complete fellowship was restored between child and parents...It was over.

 

Ephesians 4:26 (KJV)
²⁶  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 

 

Proverbs 22:15 (KJV) 

¹⁵  Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

 

 Proverbs 29:15 (KJV) 

¹⁵  The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

 

Her kids however, were "grounded" or had priviledges removed for days, weeks, or even months at a time.  They went to bed "angry" every night with no closure at all and no restored fellowship.  The punishment and infraction was still in their face the next day, and they often began their campaign to either shorten the duration of the punishment, or circuMVent (sneak around it) as the devil would have them do.  

 

Ephesians 4:27 (KJV)
²⁷  Neither give place to the devil. 

 

It was not long before the her kids started begging to be spanked like my kids.  They were envious of the quick punishment and restored fellowship.  Far from it being "unfair" to my kids because they got spanked, they believed it was unfair to them that didn't get spanked.  

 

Now 20 years later there is a marked difference in how both sets of kids turned out as adults in society.  Lets just say that God's way works...

 

Bro. Garry

In His will.  By His power.  For His glory.

[John81]

It's certainly worthy of discussion on many levels, including determining the biblical means of parenting, the prOBlems and biblical solutions to parenting in a blended family, how best to parent in a biblical manner given the view society has of such, and even who to deal with other Christians on the matter; to name a few.

 

One thing that has amazed me is the number of mature Christians who are solid in so much of Scripture but yet reject certain aspects of biblical parenting. I've encountered some who, by the evidence of their lives lived so closely to the Word one would think they would be in line with biblical parenting, but for some reason they have a modernist (dare I say liberal?) view of parenting in many ways. This is a prOBlem in any Christian family but it brings about many additional prOBlems when there is a divide between husband and wife on this point, and even worse prOBlems when this is the case in a blended family.

 

Over the years I've had lost and saved folks alive tell me I'm stern or mean, I'm depriving my children, I'm too old fashioned, I take the Bible too literally, etc. All this because I never allowed my children to have cable TV in their rooms or computers, or to listen to any music they may want to. I've not allowed my children to "hang out" with the unsaved and especially with those who would be an OBvious bad influence. I've not allowed my children to go to the movies or unchaperoned parties or to parties or events where I know the parents will allow sinful things as entertainment. I've required my children learn responsibility, learn to help around the house with chores to do, including taking care of their own stuff and cleaning up after themselves. I've required them to have a civil tongue, to speak respectfully. I've used the "too difficult to read and impossible to understand" KJB with my children from the time they first began to read.

 

While our children aren't perfect, many of the bad things these naysayers children got caught up in never happened to our children. Nearly all (actually, I can't think of any that didn't right now) of the children of those naysaying parents got involved in booze, drinking and driving, teen sex, teen pregnancy, shacking up, drugs, rebellion, foul mouths, immodest dress, left church as soon as they left home, etc.

 

For several decades now the main teaching in public schools, colleges and from society has been unbiblical parenting; often with a heavy does of attacks upon biblical parenting. This has given us generations of parents who, saved and unsaved alike, try to parent in a liberal humanist manner. We can see the results of this all around.

 

While this has been going on there has been a steady war against biblical parenting.

 

Even some pastors who do touch on the subject of biblical parenting often are so timid and defensive they spend most of their time denouncing child abuse rather than actually expounding upon proper biblical correction (and other points of biblical parenting).

 

Sorry, it seems my cup of morning go juice has got me going more than I intended!

[2bLikeJesus]

Sounds like you have raised your children exactly how I raised mine.  I spent a lot of time "training" my children as well.  When they were as young as 18 months old to start and throughout their childhood we would "practice" public behavior in our home.  Mom would be a waitress and we would practice eating at a restaurant at home.   We would set up a row a chairs in the living room and have the children sit still and absolutely quiet with no getting up or interruption for 90 minutes to practice how to behave in church.  I would instruct a child to sit in a chair and not move until I came back and said they were free to do what they wished, and then leave with a camcorder recording them for up to an hour.

After that people would comment almost without exception when all 5 children from 2 through 10 years old were with us in a restaurant or a plane flight on how incredibly well behaved they were, and they would ask me "how did you DO that?!"  

 

The bible never tells us to "spank" up a child in the way he should go...but to "train-up" a child.  To many parents not only forgo the spankings, but don't spend the time it takes to train-up the children as well.  I used to have people wonder if we walked around the house with a paddle strung to our necks to get the children to behave so well, but the truth is, we hardly ever had to spank our children.  It was a very rare event in our home.  Spanking was usually reserved for rebellion, or "misrepresentation of the facts".  Most infractions would result in just more training on how to do it right.

 

Bro. Garry

[John81]

The training is what I always aimed for primarily. You are right that some focus upon waiting for a child to do wrong and then spanking them a good one in the hopes they won't do it again. Little or no instruction involved.

 

I always made it a point to make sure my children understood the rules, and as they got older, the "why" of the rules. If they got in trouble I would ask them what they did wrong so I would know if they knew and understood. There was no point in punishing them if they didn't even realize they did wrong. Normally they knew what they did wrong, could tell exactly what they had did and why they shouldn't and they could tell me the appropriate punishment for such.

 

What really amazed me was all the compliments we continually got from people who were so pleased and shocked that our children were polite and well behaved. I can't even count the number of times I heard parents tell me their children would never behave that well, or they wouldn't help around the house as ours did.

 

Training up a child is a lot of work, but it's rewarding work.