Christmas Special!

[irishman]

Ad:
Automatic Toe-nail Clippers!
Guaranteed to keep those nails short, when used according to instruction.
Special foot massager attachment (not included in kit) can make his toe-nail experience comfortable; easier to put his socks on!
We stand on our products!
Money back guarantee if he is not satisfied.
Designed for the masculine foot.
Have the best looking toe nails in town!
Comes in blood red; envious green; and mellow yellow.
Be the first in your crowd to own this amazing product
(sponsored by “Practical Products, Inc.” New Haven, New Hampshire. Patent pending)


3 Reviews:
Sally, from Toronto- I bought this product with a little apprehension, but I must say, it works great! It not only trims the nails, but files them, and has a special attachment for cuticle enhancement. It makes a great gift for the man of the house.
Five star rating.

Henry from Nova Scotia- I did not like this product. It makes too much noise when my dog is sleeping, (which is most of the time) and the “Start “ button is in the back, and hard to reach. If it is not turned off right away, it begins to cut away at the end of the toe. I returned mine, and got a full refund. That was the best part of it!
One star, (or maybe ½)

Francis from New Orleans-This thing is great. Who’da thought of a toe nail clipping device?
It keeps my toe nails trim and neat, and even paints them for me with the special attachment. (which is purchased separately). A perfect gift for the man or woman that has everything.
I give it a five star rating.

[JerryNumbers]

That's the product I can no longer live without, others will understand when they gain enough age. Toe nail trimming becomes a major task in the 60's.

[irishman]

That's the product I can no longer live without, others will understand when they gain enough age. Toe nail trimming becomes a major task in the 60's.

especially when bending over is similar to climbing a mountain!

[Covenanter]

You 60-y-o's are feeble; I have no trouble.

Lewis Carroll - Father William...

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

[irishman]

I have one too, it suits me to a "T"!

Confused?


I just got back from who knows where?

Now that I’ve arrived, where am I?
I forgot who I am, but know where I went,
but don’t know what to do when I got there!
Got where? I don’t know, where?

I talk when I walk, but I see that I can’t;
If I could I would, but I can’t so I won’t;
Won’t what? I don’t know,
I forgot.

I feel that I am, but ain’t too sure,
I know that I’m not,
But what am I not?
I forgot. Perhaps a sot.

My mind is a mess, but I am on my way;
Life is a game, but I can’t play;
I don’t know the rules, nor what to say,
Wherever I’m going, I cannot stay.

If life is a game, and it cost to play,
I’ll save my money for another day;
If ever I’m found, then I’ll know I was lost;
But I cannot pay, can’t afford the cost.

I just got back from who knows where?
I’m not even sure that I ever was there!
Whatever I did, wherever I went,
I did not go to the place I was sent.

Back from where I do not know,
Maybe sometime I’ll try to go;
If I find I’ve already went,
I may use the cash I’ve spent.

I once was there, but now I am not;
But where I was, I forgot!
I came back before I went,
To the terrible place that I was sent.

I’ve turned inside out
And outside in,
Been down the road,
And discovered its end..

Originally the goal was to get where I’m going,
But now I fear that the goal is knowing;
Knowing what? I do not know,
Wherever I went, I am bound to go.

So follow my tracks, straight and true;
Give me a minute to think this through;
I know that I know, but am not too sure,
For whatever I have there is no cure.

So as I travel on my way,
I will stop wherever I stay;
But not too long, because it’s wrong,
Singing my song, my mixed up song.

I did not end up
Where I was going
But where that was
There’s no way of knowing;

Now I’m here, let me go again;
Go where? I don’t know!
I’m not really here—
You’ve let me go!

Yes, I went to a place
Where I’ve never been;
I never left until
I returned here again!

“He’s confused and addled”,
One might say;
But I’ll never go
Until first I stay.

So put your trust in me
And you will find,
That I am only half right,
Half of the time;

But if you will let me go,
To what place, I don’t rightly know;
I’ll return with proof of where I’ve been,
And come back to the place I started again.

If this is confusion,
And a jumbled mess,
Remember I am lost
And doing my best.

But there is no hope
For a forlorn man,
I’ll grasp at all
The straws I can.

When I find out
Where I’ve went
I’ll let you know,
I’m a happy gent;

Until I cross
That elusive hill
And find the grace
That gives me a thrill,

I’ll remain
In my present state
And before I go,
I’ll come back late!

Just when I think I’ve arrived,
I find that I’ve never left;
Such a long weary road ahead,
Of all good sense bereft.

Of nonsense there is no end,
It keeps attacking from without;
Just when I think I know the answer,
It’s then that I begin to doubt.

Before I’ve left,
I’m back again;
Oh what wretched
Shape I’m in.


Leaving tracks where I’ve never been,
I find myself returning again!
S’pose I’ll end up where I’ve always been,
Down the road, and back agin!

[JerryNumbers]

You 60-y-o's are feeble; I have no trouble.

Lewis Carroll - Father William...

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

Let me trade a few vertebras and disc with you, getting rid of this metal and screws, them perhaps I would have no trouble either and you would.

NO, I would not do that to no one, and neither would I mock no one as you seem to have just done.