JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

[Ron]

Some of these have been posted already, but they were so good I had to repost them all. lol
>
> Attending a wedding for
> the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
> 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
>
>
> The mother replied, 'Because white
> is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of
> her life.'
>
> The child thought about
> this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom
> wearing black?'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> A
> little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast
> as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she
> ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be
> late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
>
>
> While she was running and praying, she
> tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and
> tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself o ff, and
> started running again! As she ran she once again began to
> pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
> please don't shove me
> either!'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Three boys are in the
> school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy
> says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a
> piece of
> paper, he calls it a poem,
> they give him $50.'
>
> The
> second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a
> few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give
> him $100.'
>
> The third boy says, 'I got you both
> beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
> calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all
> the money!'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> An elderly woman died
> last month. Having never married, she requested no male
> pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her
> memorial
> service, she wrote, 'They
> wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want
> them to take me out when I'm
> dead.'
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> A police
> recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if
> you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered,
> 'Call for backup.'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> A
> Sunday School
> teacher asked her class why
> Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child
> replied, 'They couldn't get a
> baby-sitter.'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> A
> Sunday school teacher was discussing the
> Ten
> Commandments with her five and
> six year
> olds. After explaining the
> commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,'
> she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how
> to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a
> beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not
> kill.'
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> At
> Sunday
> School they were teaching how
> God created everything, including human beings.
> Little
> Johnny seemed especially
> intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of
> Adam's ribs.
>
> Later in the week his mother noticed him
> lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny,
> what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I
> have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a
> wife.'
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> Two
> boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a
> strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other,
> 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
>
>
> The other boy replied, 'Well, you
> know how Santa
> Claus turned out. It's
> probably just your Dad.'