...as goes the father.....

[heartstrings]

Of all the fellow workers I have had over the years, the ones who treated me the worst were other men. You know, historically, we as men have been taught from an early age that we are to be tough, to never cry, things like that. I'm reminded of a foreman I had once, who gave me a hard time most every day. I don't know why because I always made it a point to do my best, to work hard and do a good job. It was a church pew factory. One day at break time, he began trash-mouthing my Father in front of all the other men. I waited a little while until I caught him alone at the water fountain and I laid into him. I let him know just how much that was not appreciated. The owner of the business came up on us and broke it up. The owner never reprimanded me for my part of the kerfuffle and the foreman never said an unkind word or treated me bad again. He treated me with respect after that. When I left that job the owner practically begged me to stay. Offered me more money and asked me to work part time.

Why is it that men treat each other so? Another time, I was asked by our pastor to "ring a bell" at the end of Sunday School to alert the other classes that SS was ending. Having never "rung the bell" before, I went into the utility/storage room and could not find the bell. I searched around up and down and I guess I took a little too long because the pastor came storming in and said IT'S UP THERE!. When he pointed, he hit me in the head, never said "excuse me", "I'm sorry" or anything, just stormed back out. We men are "tough" you know. I guess that's why there are more homeless men than women, more suicides and things like that. Men also die earlier. Stress is a killer you know.

That same pastor would pin roses on all the church ladies, come Mother's Day, and run the men down to the dogs on Father's Day. He would tell us were to be "leaders" and not "dictators" and to love our wives and all that(which you should) but he would treat his own wife with disrespect. For example, we were at his house one day and, during the meal, he started fussing at his wife about the meat loaf. Personally, I thought the meat loaf was exceptionally good, and I don't even care for meatloaf. I think his problem was more about control. He was a controlling man.

As for toning down my rhetoric, I apologize if I offended you. My whole point again, is that husbands and wives are equally responsible for building up, or destroying their families. Pastors are getting this wrong by placing all the blame and responsibility on husbands while essentially giving wives a pass by saying things like "If husbands will lead, wives will follow". That is unbiblical. A husband is responsible for his God given role; a wife is responsible for hers as well. Either one has the power to destroy or build a family.

[BrotherTony]

42 minutes ago, heartstrings said:

Of all the fellow workers I have had over the years, the ones who treated me the worst were other men. You know, historically, we as men have been taught from an early age that we are to be tough, to never cry, things like that. I'm reminded of a foreman I had once, who gave me a hard time most every day. I don't know why because I always made it a point to do my best, to work hard and do a good job. It was a church pew factory. One day at break time, he began trash-mouthing my Father in front of all the other men. I waited a little while until I caught him alone at the water fountain and I laid into him. I let him know just how much that was not appreciated. The owner of the business came up on us and broke it up. The owner never reprimanded me for my part of the kerfuffle and the foreman never said an unkind word or treated me bad again. He treated me with respect after that. When I left that job the owner practically begged me to stay. Offered me more money and asked me to work part time.

Why is it that men treat each other so? Another time, I was asked by our pastor to "ring a bell" at the end of Sunday School to alert the other classes that SS was ending. Having never "rung the bell" before, I went into the utility/storage room and could not find the bell. I searched around up and down and I guess I took a little too long because the pastor came storming in and said IT'S UP THERE!. When he pointed, he hit me in the head, never said "excuse me", "I'm sorry" or anything, just stormed back out. We men are "tough" you know. I guess that's why there are more homeless men than women, more suicides and things like that. Men also die earlier. Stress is a killer you know.

That same pastor would pin roses on all the church ladies, come Mother's Day, and run the men down to the dogs on Father's Day. He would tell us were to be "leaders" and not "dictators" and to love our wives and all that(which you should) but he would treat his own wife with disrespect. For example, we were at his house one day and, during the meal, he started fussing at his wife about the meat loaf. Personally, I thought the meat loaf was exceptionally good, and I don't even care for meatloaf. I think his problem was more about control. He was a controlling man.

As for toning down my rhetoric, I apologize if I offended you. My whole point again, is that husbands and wives are equally responsible for building up, or destroying their families. Pastors are getting this wrong by placing all the blame and responsibility on husbands while essentially giving wives a pass by saying things like "If husbands will lead, wives will follow". That is unbiblical. A husband is responsible for his God given role; a wife is responsible for hers as well. Either one has the power to destroy or build a family.

I'm not offended in any way, Brother. I think we're talking past each other but believe basically the same. And once again I must reiterate in case I have been misunderstood., though husbands and wives have responsibilities to the family unit the husband is still the "head, guide, leader" of the family whether the wife follows or not. Nobody is placing ALL of the responsibility on the man as you suppose, at least not here. And I do agree that there are many pastors who wrongly place ALL of the blame on the husband. The church I grew up in did that, and it put undue pressure on my father to the point where he withdrew from a lot of the service to the church. 

[Joe Chandler]

If I have learned anything from the documentaries "My Three Sons" and "Family Affair" is that children raised my a single father turn out pretty good.