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Newlife84
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OK I have a friend and she doesnt know what to do? The situation is her and her husband go to this church and they have been members for a long time but they are not happy there. They have been praying but the Lord told them to stay at that church. They want to know what to do. They are very unhappy there but they want to do Gods will.

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

If they are sure the Lord wants them in that church then that's where they should be. Now that they know where God wants them, they need to submit their will to His, pray for the Lord's guidance in what he would have them do in that church, and seek to be about His will there.

Rather than concentrate upon what they don't like, they need to focus upon what they do like and pray to the Lord about that which they don't like.

Also, as Bro Matt stated, they should talk with their pastor.

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I agree. There are things in every church that bother people. I love my church, but there are things that we don't like. We would not consider leaving until the Lord tells us to.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I told her your advice and she said that sadly the preacher and his wife is the problem. She said they pet some people and ignore others. For instance. One of the members at church was real sick and was dying. The preacher didnt visit him for months. He had to beg the preacher to come see him. Another member was sick and in the hospital and the preacher went and saw her. When the deacon said something about a situation in the church the preacher just smiled and brushed him off.
They keep praying about it. They dont understand why they
are there.

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I guess what I am trying not to say, but will now is "Why does your friend know about this and why would that make a difference in their selection of a church?" Does your friend observe it firsthand or is it something that people are talking about to her or is it a matter of church gossip? I ask because that can make a difference in the advice people will give to you.
To me, it sounds like a gossip situation. I could be wrong, and I often am. If so, I apologize. However, if your friend is gossiping about their pastor, they have some weeding to do in their own yard and some things to make right with him and his wife. Does the pastor work full time outside of his church duties? Does your friend go to visitation to help alleviate his burden? To me, doctrinal error, heresy etc is a valid reason to move one's membership. Disliking a pastor's style of visitation is not a valid reason.

I know in my church some people love to have the pastor visit when they are ill and others do not. The pastor honors their preference. To a casual observer it might seem he neglects some and not others. In fact, that would not be the case. Just something to think about.

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I would agree that Christians should be very reluctant to leave a doctrinally sound church over what sounds like petty concerns that don't seem to directly effect the offended couple anyway.

If God is directing a couple to leave that is one thing, but it is all to easy for us to get upset over some little thing and convince ourself it is Gods will for us to leave because we are offended. I see far more Christians who should be spiritually mature enough to know better get offended and leave over petty concerns than leave over serious irreconcilable issues. Gods will isn't based upon our feelings, if God directed us to a church we should be very sure that it would be his will for us to leave.

I have serious doubts that Gods will in a church home would change for the couple in question because of how quickly or how slowly the pastor visited various church members. If it was my friend, unless there are other more serious things involved, I would tell them to grow up spiritually speaking and work through it. I would try to tell them this less bluntly and with love of course.

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The best thing they can do is what the Lord wants them to do. They need to talk to the pastor of the church to see what they can do to be happy.


As BroMatt says: They Need to Talk To Their Pastor! Please please people! Communicate with your pastor.....
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I told her your advice and she said that sadly the preacher and his wife is the problem. She said they pet some people and ignore others. For instance. One of the members at church was real sick and was dying. The preacher didnt visit him for months. He had to beg the preacher to come see him. Another member was sick and in the hospital and the preacher went and saw her. When the deacon said something about a situation in the church the preacher just smiled and brushed him off.
They keep praying about it. They dont understand why they
are there.


The first thought that came to me was that mentioned above. They need to help with the visitation. The second thought is something I've said before, issues in the church are more times than not from persons taking their eyes off Christ and looking at circumstances. I hope I don't sound harsh, I can only respond from the outside looking in.
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I guess what I am trying not to say, but will now is "Why does your friend know about this and why would that make a difference in their selection of a church?" Does your friend observe it firsthand or is it something that people are talking about to her or is it a matter of church gossip? I ask because that can make a difference in the advice people will give to you.
To me, it sounds like a gossip situation. I could be wrong, and I often am. If so, I apologize. However, if your friend is gossiping about their pastor, they have some weeding to do in their own yard and some things to make right with him and his wife. Does the pastor work full time outside of his church duties? Does your friend go to visitation to help alleviate his burden? To me, doctrinal error, heresy etc is a valid reason to move one's membership. Disliking a pastor's style of visitation is not a valid reason.

I know in my church some people love to have the pastor visit when they are ill and others do not. The pastor honors their preference. To a casual observer it might seem he neglects some and not others. In fact, that would not be the case. Just something to think about.


You asked me Why does your friend know about this ? Because the man that was dying was a close friend of hers and the deacon is her husband. The preacher would also brush her husband off when he would see a problem in the church and report it to the preacher. Its like the preacher doesnt care anymore.
And on visiting the people who are sick, well the preacher is retired from his job and has the time to visit but with some people he doesnt. My friend and her husband is just confused about some of the things their preacher does. Like she told me its like- thats his church and no one elses. He does what he wants. And when her husband makes a suggestion he acts like the deacon isnt there, but if some else makes the same suggestion he will say we will pray about it. They feel like they dont belong there anymore but the Lord told them to stay.
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The first thought that came to me was that mentioned above. They need to help with the visitation. The second thought is something I've said before, issues in the church are more times than not from persons taking their eyes off Christ and looking at circumstances. I hope I don't sound harsh, I can only respond from the outside looking in.


They do help with the visitation. They are active in the church.
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