Move to big boy bed

[tired]

HELP! I need some tips on how best to switch my 2 1/2 yr old to a big boy bed. We switched him last night and it was like WW3. He only stayed in there and slept when we were in the bed with him. Any tips. I have been reading "professionals" views on this subject and they all said something different. Please help, and keep us and him in prayer.

[88keys]

Bless your heart! It's always tough to move the little ones when they have their hearts set on something else. Just be sure to stand your ground and never ever let him win. Once they get a taste of "being in charge" it's sooo hard to get rid of it. If all else fails, a good firm spanking (or 2 or 3.... LOL) could be helpful.

[deafnva77]

My son moved in the big boy bed when he was 3 1/2 years old (near 4 years old). He had a bunk bed with a tent and was excited about it.

He still like his tent and being up high. (in fact, I think getting in and out of the bunk bed was too much trouble that he doesn't even bother coming to get me.

A tent for your son's bed might help.

[tired]

We have a bunk bed also and I put him on the bottom. I thought about the tent idea. We just might do that thanks.

[deafnva77]

even though it seem like I am spoiling him , being up high and the tent help his allergies . I would take down the tent and wash it often. Being up high helped because he is away from the doghair tumbleweed (we have hardwood floor).

other than that, I know it is a battle. I've been there before but he will outgrow it. He will eventually feel silly sleeping with his parents if you keep reminding him where big boys suppose to sleep. My son did. My cousin's son did the same thing. My cousin father just made him sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag. Told him either sleep in his bed or sleep on the floor. He slept on the floor LOL

My step-grandfather had a son who slept with his parents for a LONG time (like 9 or 10 years old). it turned out he had a mental problem. They didn't do anything to cause it. Just that a child like him didn't understand about being a big boy so that's why he never moved out of parents bed. He is in a special institution today. He would have been a doctor like his brother and father, but it couldn't turn out that way.

[CJP56]

If the boy has been sleeping by himself in a crib, it shouldn't be a problem. If he has been sleeping most of the time with his parents, then it will be a problem! Children should sleep in their own beds right from the start. I agree with 88 Keys. A few good spankings will help a lot. The child must be convinced that the parents are in charge, not him. Children are much happier when their parents dictate to the child what the child will do and how and when he will do it, and then present a united front, firmly and consistently.
The Bible says to "chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying".
The worst kind of child abuse there is, is to let a child do as he pleases. This philosophy creates self-centered little monsters who make all others' lives miserable. CJP56.

[John81]

If the boy has been sleeping by himself in a crib, it shouldn't be a problem. If he has been sleeping most of the time with his parents, then it will be a problem! Children should sleep in their own beds right from the start. I agree with 88 Keys. A few good spankings will help a lot. The child must be convinced that the parents are in charge, not him. Children are much happier when their parents dictate to the child what the child will do and how and when he will do it, and then present a united front, firmly and consistently.
The Bible says to "chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying".
The worst kind of child abuse there is, is to let a child do as he pleases. This philosophy creates self-centered little monsters who make all others' lives miserable. CJP56.

Thankfully, we never had any problems switching our children from one bed to another. When they went from crib to a bed we simply dismantled the crib and put in the bed and told them that was theirs and that's where they slept. On the occasion of moving from a smaller bed to a bigger bed we did the same thing.

[Bakershalfdozen]

What my mom said!

[pneu-engine]

The Bible says to "chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying".
The worst kind of child abuse there is, is to let a child do as he pleases. This philosophy creates self-centered little monsters who make all others' lives miserable. CJP56.

We read about that very thing in the life of Absolom. King David didn't discipline him enough. Hmmmmmmm We see later what happened to Absolom, he got rebellious and eventually killed.

[Annie]

A couple of questions:
Has your child been sleeping in your bed with you so far, or in a crib?
Is the child fearful of sleeping in the big bed?

I agree with those who have said that it is important to expect the child to obey, and to chasten him if he is not obeying. That said, I also think it is important for parents not to expect too much out of their child, and then to punish them when he fails to meet the unreasonable standard (i.e., provoking him to wrath). You need to understand what the motive of your child is for not wanting to stay in the bed. Is he testing his boundaries? Is it a "battle of the wills?" Is he being defiant? If the answer is yes, then a firm hand (most likely with a rod in it) needs to be employed in a businesslike, no-nonsense way. BUT...Is the problem that he is fearful/uncertain/lonely/sad? Has he snuggled up to Mommy and Daddy for as long as he can remember, and then his parents are jerking the rug out from under him and expecting him to make a hard transition perfectly all in one night? If so, then there's more going on here than defiance, and the discipline/teaching/guidance you use should reflect that understanding. Learning to sleep alone (after knowing nothing but sleeping with his favorite people in the world) is, well, not just an obedience issue; it's an emotional development. It's unsettling, much like it's unsettling for some children to go to school for the first time. (Usually by then, they have the social maturity to "suck it up" and deal with it, but a 2yo is different.) I would compare this kind of thing to potty training, except for the fact that the ability to control those muscles is more of a physical, not a social/emotional development. For some children, it might happen quickly--like, they're ready and excited and motivated about going potty/sleeping in their own bed--but for others, it might be a longer transition fraught with struggle. I think that wise parents consider what the heart issues are. Then, they can sort through them and come up with a plan of action that is customized especially for the situation. This plan might include a mixture of chastening (when defiance pops up), motivation (stars on a chart/reward for staying in bed all night), comfort (gentle, predictable bedtime routine, lots of cheerful reminders about where he will be sleeping, etc.), communication, and practice (several times throughout the day, act out the bedtime scenario, talking him through it; set a timer to show how long you will sit with him before you leave the room).

Lest I be branded as a "compromising mom," let me tell you I am as tough as nails when defiance is the issue. I do not bribe or negotiate...I expect my kids to obey "quickly, sweetly, and completely," YES, MA'AM! But I do try not to "test them above that they are able." When they're learning a new skill, I try to give them lots of encouragement, patience, and communication. I know you do, too.

Don't worry...You will get through this! And, if you handle it correctly, your family will all be blessed by the experience!

Practical suggestions:

Make his bed/room as comfortable and inviting as possible.
Put a night light where he can see it (maybe a cute/funny one).
Put glow-in-the dark stars on his ceiling. (My kids still love those.)
Make sure he has whatever he needs to feel comfortable (lovey, blanket)
Play a favorite CD softly as he goes to sleep.

Make your job easier by ensuring that he is really sleepy at bedtime, but not so sleepy that he's cranky.
OK, I'm not into drugging my kids, but let me tell you that in certain situations (like on a long flight), I have no problem giving them a bit of Benadryl to make them go to sleep. I don't think this is a "final solution" for your situation, but you might want to keep it up your sleeve and see if it helps to ease the transition.
You might want to consider skipping his afternoon nap (if he still takes one). On the other hand, sometimes this can make a child extra fussy at night and make your job even harder.

Talk about it during the day, when it's not an issue. Be as positive as you can.
Tell him what a big boy he is becoming.
Pretend that you're the one going to sleep in the bed (act it out). Have him tuck you in, bring you a drink, or whatever you do for his bedtime routine.
Talk about big boys he knows, and how they sleep in a bed. Let him hear you mention to others that HE is a big boy now, because he sleeps in his own bed.
Have him take his nap in the bed.
Pray about it with him. Ask Jesus to help him to be a big boy and sleep in his new bed.
NOTE: The danger here (I know b/c I've learned the hard way) is that you might draw too much attention to the issue, making it even more of a power struggle/attention-getting device. Don't overdo this!

Carefully consider what boundaries you are going to set, and once you've set them, stick with them firmly. No exceptions (other than sickness, etc.). If he thinks he can negotiate you into his bed, you've lost the battle. You are the one in charge.
By boundaries, I mean things like...he may (or may not) call you into his room (how many times?) after you've said good night...or, he may (or may not) get out of the bed...or, he may (or may not) sit up in the bed. ETC.

Wow. Didn't mean to ramble. I certainly don't have all the answers. I have even fewer concrete answers now than I did when I was a new mom. The biggest thing I've learned is that effective discipline is not a one-size-fits-all package. What helps one child may not help another.

[Anon]

With ours, they already pretty much had a good sleep schedule in the crib. When its time for the big boy bed, we put a gate in the room so they cannot get out of the room and wander.

If they are stubborn and refuse to go to bed, well sometimes discipline is in order. It is important to start out firm the first night so that they realize the sleep schedule must remain the same, even in a new bed.

Our firstborn was very stubborn, even with the gate...but overall the next two were pretty good...realized they couldn't wander the house anyway, so may as well sleep. Not sure how the fourth will be yet! Especially as he has been in the hallway in the crib, and that means when he gets into a bigger bed, he will also switch rooms, which is something the others never did. With the others, I placed the bed exactly where the crib was so the room would look the same.

[okjac80]

I for one wouldn't recommend spanking like the others suggested, at least not for awhile. First, you don't want him to associate sleeping w/ a spanking. Also, he might not realize he is SUPPOSED to stay in there! It is such a big difference from a crib, he might not even realize it is a bed to begin with!
Here is what I have done w/ mine.
I simply tuck them in, prayer, water, whatever the bedtime routine is, and then I leave. They get up, I tuck them back in,but I don't say anything, just put them back. Over and over. It seems to take about 3 days or so of doing this. Then they realize, "Oh, wait, this is my bed and I am supposed to stay here". LOL There are no battles, no tears, no stress. Just a calm switch from crib to big boy bed. I save the spankings for something a little more rebellious than a toddler getting used to a big boy bed. just my 2 cents......

[Anon]

Most good parents can tell if their toddler is being defiant or just unsure about the new bed. :lol

With the gate, it helped alot...as the toddler gets tired standing at a dark, quiet doorway looking out at nothing....and eventually goes back to bed. Naptime is sometimes harder, since there's more to do. haha. We did find that the gate was the best thing though...just clear the area, turn out all the lights, and if the child knows its the same bedtime it always was in his crib (especially if the bed is right where the crib was) usually the gate gives him a secure boundary and he will not be too much trouble.

The gate is also great for morning...the child can just get up and play (hopefully the room is somewhat child-safe) so they aren't up roaming the house messing around at 5am. We usually keep the gate in the doorway until potty training time.

[Annie]

Most good parents can tell if their toddler is being defiant or just unsure about the new bed. :lol

Maybe so...I don't think I could have the first time around. The thing is, if you make it an obedience issue (as in, you state to the child, "Stay in the bed"), then you have to give consequences for disobedience if the child doesn't stay in the bed. So, that looks like defiance, since the child is doing the opposite of what you told him to do. But the motivation might not be defiance, but fear, or whatever else. That's all I was saying.

With the gate, it helped alot...as the toddler gets tired standing at a dark, quiet doorway looking out at nothing....and eventually goes back to bed. Naptime is sometimes harder, since there's more to do. haha. We did find that the gate was the best thing though...just clear the area, turn out all the lights, and if the child knows its the same bedtime it always was in his crib (especially if the bed is right where the crib was) usually the gate gives him a secure boundary and he will not be too much trouble.

This is the approach a few of my friends have used; it has worked for some. Others found their child sleeping on the floor right beside the gate. (I'm sure eventually they started sleeping in the bed.) At my house, this approach wouldn't work, since my computer (where I medical bill after putting the kids down) is in the hall office, very near the kids' doorways. And we're night owls, so there's always something to hear and see after the kids' bedtime. I've always just expected my kids to stay in bed, with no physical restraints. But there's no "right" or "wrong" way to approach this issue. It's fun to see what has worked for others, and it's good to share those ideas.

The gate is also great for morning...the child can just get up and play (hopefully the room is somewhat child-safe) so they aren't up roaming the house messing around at 5am. We usually keep the gate in the doorway until potty training time.

Was the gate the kind that had a latch/door that could open to let you through? I hate gates, because I'm too short-legged to step over them, and the kind with the door always seemed to be jammed either shut or open. I felt like throwing them out the window! Maybe mine were just cheap.

[futurehope]

This is kind of funny to me. My kids were both more work in their cribs and toddler beds than when we moved them up to bigger beds. Obviously, part of that was their maturing, but they were excited to move to bigger beds.

My son did give a little resistance to the toddler bed,but we pretty much followed the principals that Annie has already shared and it went veeerrryyy smooth. Good posts Annie.

God Bless,

Futurehope