Letting kids "fit in"

[Anon]

What is your philosophy about letting kids "fit in"?

Mine is that as long as something is not bad or overly costly, that I don't see a problem with making sure my kids feel a part of things or not left out. I know there were some times in my childhood that I felt VERY left out because my parents chose not to allow something because they'd rather save the money (and I'm not talking about great expenses here...). Because of that, I have sort of determined that if my kids would like something at school or if the school is doing something, if we can do it, we will because there is nothing wrong with it.

Anyone else?

[Psalms18_28]

In my public school, I never really participate anything. I hung out with other christians who didn't either. The only thing they picked on me was my deafness. They mocked me all the way through school rather I participated anything or not. I am just not cool enough period and I would never fit in no matter what. Lucky, I have a younger sister who was popular in school (and was nominated for homeschooling queen) who told everyone to shut up, so that settle everything.

The mocked me for other things too like clothing. If I had a girl, I will let her Skirts and skorts since they are fashionable and modest than culottes (they are fashionable because they look better on girls) . That's why I am for school uniform but with choices so we can pick own modest clothing

I will let my son sign up for classes that he want to learn

[kevinmiller]

I will make sure my kids are stylish and can participate and some things. Otherwise, I'll just have to wait until I have kids. :D

[Bakershalfdozen]

[color=darkblue]One "fitting in" incident I remember is that I wanted a class ring. All the other kids were getting one and my parents allowed us to get one also.

We will do the same for our kids as long as it isn't sinful, extravagent, etc.[/color]

[lettheredeemedsayso]

Many times parents think that by giving their children things is an act of loving thier children. I believe that it is the parents duty to supply the physical needs of their children but most of all the spiritual needs.
Children need to learn in most cases as Christians we will not fit in. Children need to be taught to depend on the acceptance of the Lord Jesus Christ and not so much the acceptance of others.
What I am getting at here is we are living in the last days and children need to be taught to stand in Christ no matter the opposition. We are to raise spiritual leaders.
Jesus will complete that life like no one ever could.

[Anon]

[quote="lettheredeemedsayso"]
Many times parents think that by giving their children things is an act of loving thier children. I believe that it is the parents duty to supply the physical needs of their children but most of all the spiritual needs.
Children need to learn in most cases as Christians we will not fit in. Children need to be taught to depend on the acceptance of the Lord Jesus Christ and not so much the acceptance of others.
What I am getting at here is we are living in the last days and children need to be taught to stand in Christ no matter the opposition. We are to raise spiritual leaders.
Jesus will complete that life like no one ever could.
[/quote]

I agree however there will be so many times my kids will not fit in that I don't see why its bad for them to fit in when its not something bad. I would like to save the "not fitting in" for when its something actually worldly or wrong, not just because I don't feel like forking over five bucks or something.

[kevinmiller]

[quote="Kitagrl"]
[quote="lettheredeemedsayso"]Many times parents think that by giving their children things is an act of loving thier children. I believe that it is the parents duty to supply the physical needs of their children but most of all the spiritual needs.
Children need to learn in most cases as Christians we will not fit in. Children need to be taught to depend on the acceptance of the Lord Jesus Christ and not so much the acceptance of others.
What I am getting at here is we are living in the last days and children need to be taught to stand in Christ no matter the opposition. We are to raise spiritual leaders.
Jesus will complete that life like no one ever could.
[/quote]

I agree however there will be so many times my kids will not fit in that I don't see why its bad for them to fit in when its not something bad. I would like to save the "not fitting in" for when its something actually worldly or wrong, not just because I don't feel like forking over five bucks or something.[/quote]

Yeah, you have to be balanced or they will reject it altogether.

[Tim]

:goodpost: Kitagrl

[ericlw]

Who wants to fit in at a public school. I am proud that I didnt fit in. I was made fun of somewhat but not too bad because I was overweight. I had never had the latest fashion either. Considered a class ring a waste of money also. Basically through out high school I was a loner. I had some people that were nice to me and would talk to me, but I wouldnt consider them friends because they weren't Christians. I started with two friends in high school both known through church. Rarely had a class with them though. One was too much into role playing games and medieval themed stuff for me and the other one left and went to a private/home school setting after a year or two. The other three kids my age during high school that went to the same church one was a year older than me so I never saw him in any classes, one was the pastors kid and was home schooled and the other was already at the private/home school that the other was at. I church I go to now has a private school that I wish I could of gone to. Right now I havnt talked to anyone of the above due to they went away to college the following fall and before any came back I had left that church and started to going to the one I go to know.

[PreacherBen]

[color=#ff0000]2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2Co 6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
2Co 6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2Co 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
2Co 6:18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.[/color]

[color=#0000ff]1Jo 2:15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
1Jo 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
1Jo 2:17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever[/color]

As long as you do not violate the principles in the above verses, you should be alright. The issue is not so much how much does it cost monitarily, but how much is it going to cost your childrens character. You are building for tomorrow. It is better for a child to be confident in themselves because the principles upon which they live are biblical and they are secure in the Father's love.

Here is a quote I coined on day, "If you don't teach your girls to be [b]chaste[/b], they will be [b]chased[/b]!"

Fitting in can sometimes be a trap of the enemy to cause you to lack judgment and put your child in a position where they will have struggles in an area later in life. As my wife and I moved along in our walk with the Lord, we saw the danger in what we called, coolness. I don't want my children to be "cool." I want them to be godly in Christ Jesus.

We live our lives by some relatively stout conviction, but my children are some of the most loved and respected children in the church. I have always taught them that they are to always have a love of the brethren and a pleasant attitude to accompany their convictions.

[color=#ff0009]Pro 16:7 When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Pro 16:8 Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right.[/color]

[faithgirl47]

[quote="ericlw"]
Who wants to fit in at a public school. I am proud that I didnt fit in. I was made fun of somewhat but not too bad because I was overweight. I had never had the latest fashion either. Considered a class ring a waste of money also. Basically through out high school I was a loner. I had some people that were nice to me and would talk to me, but I wouldnt consider them friends because they weren't Christians. I started with two friends in high school both known through church. Rarely had a class with them though. One was too much into role playing games and medieval themed stuff for me and the other one left and went to a private/home school setting after a year or two. The other three kids my age during high school that went to the same church one was a year older than me so I never saw him in any classes, one was the pastors kid and was home schooled and the other was already at the private/home school that the other was at. I church I go to now has a private school that I wish I could of gone to. Right now I havnt talked to anyone of the above due to they went away to college the following fall and before any came back I had left that church and started to going to the one I go to know.
[/quote]
I know what you are saying. The kids teased me for because I refused to use drugs and be easy. What Jesus taught e through this is that a true friend will accept you as you are and will not sk you to do things Jesus would not approve of.
Faithgirl

[Anon]

I'm not even talking about public school, just anything.

For instance our Christian school serves a hot lunch on Fridays to help the Seniors raise money for their trip. Its $3. I could say "No its cheaper to send my son a lunch" but then he would feel left out while most other kids eat pizza or hamburgers. Or they have "Eagles day" where all the kids wear Philly Eagles shirts. I could say "you don't have one" or I could look for something at Goodwill (which I did last year and it still fit this year!) so he, again, does not feel left out.

What I'm saying is these little things are not wrong and helpful for a kid, I think. Now when he gets older and something comes up I don't agree with, you can bet he will have to be different. But if it has to do with smaller things...or you know what, even if he wants a pair of Nike tennis shoes and we can find a decent price on them, there's no harm in that. (They usually last better anyway!)

I remember growing up I always felt my family was different to the point of being "weird". Not only was my family stricter than all the other families (which is fine) but we weren't allowed to do things that sometimes weren't even bad, but my parents just didn't feel like allowing it. I am against that...I think kids should be able to do things that are NOT harmful, so that when you do have to say "no" that it's not like they never get anything.

[Anon]

I wanted to add that my husband feels that since our children look to us as sort of a "God-type" that we should look to God as our example of a Father. God says he gives good gifts to our children. He also shows abundant mercy.

So my husband has a habit of showing mercy on our children at times...and also giving them things that maybe they don't deserve once in awhile or providing their needs (and some of their desires!) just like God does for His children. I don't feel we spoil our children... they don't always get to ride the pony at Walmart and they rarely get to buy candy haha... but there are also many times we treat our children to things just because they are our children.

[Tim]

:goodpost: Both post were good Kitagrl, IMHO giving the kids a little something they don't "deserve" shows a measure of grace. God gave me something I know I didn't deserve, He didn't hold it back to "teach me a lesson" even though there are many lessons I had (and still have) to learn. I can remember a few times I withheld punishment from my son because it was clear he was repentent and understood he deserved to be punished.

[lettheredeemedsayso]

[quote]
I can remember a few times I withheld punishment from my son because it was clear he was repentent and understood he deserved to be punished.
[/quote]

Kitagrl, this is a wise practice.