Ideas for those with one child?

[KJV1611AV]

My wife and I have a beautiful 21 month old girl. We have been talking more lately about having another child, however that does not solve our current problem. Im interested in things that some of you have done to keep you child entertained. We do not have cable TV and would not advocate that as a solution, we do however have one DVD that teaches words to children. She enjoys watching this from time to time but i don't want to park her in front of the TV when we are busy. My wife is and will continue to be a stay at home mom. Here lies part of the problem.. While I am at work and my wife is busy with housework, there is not much for our daughter to do. Her interaction with other children primarily happens on days we attend church. (Sunday morning/night as well as Wed). This leads to feelings of guilt for us, and no doubt she has gotten away with more than she should b/c of it. My wife involves her in much of what she does and talks to her while she works... My thinking recently is that it shouldn't be this way, there should not be so much struggle and guilt to keep a child occupied. (BTW not keeping her occupied is a recipe for her to drag out pots/pans etc... We make her pick it up, but as you can imagine that takes quite a bit of time as well) As always i appreciate the experience and wisdom of those of you who have gone before me and have been through this. Thanks ahead of time for your replies....

Also i should say that we own one vehicle, which i need to get to work, so play dates are difficult to put together.

[John81]

Can she play with Play-doh? What about something like a Leap Pad for the younger children?

We bought educational toys like those that would often keep a child busy for a while.

Unless you have done something to prevent God from blessing you with another child, then there should be no guilty feelings about having only one child at this time. God knows what He is doing. Plenty of children have grown up as the only child or as the oldest child with siblings not coming until many years later.

Just love your child and provide her with the best forms of activities you can. Also, while the pots and pans thing can be anoying, sometimes it's okay too. At least you can tell where she's at! :lol:

[Anon]

I will say in this day it is harder to keep kids occupied... especially young ones. Its not like you can let them run around outside or etc.

Its not really the parents job to constantly keep them occupied. Try keeping boxes of books or toys put up and then taking them down when your wife needs her to be busy, and they will seem like "new toys". Also I often use a gate to put my 2 yo in his room to play while I shower, etc... and he plays with his toys or just lounges around cuddling in his blankets.

I admit I was one that was adamant about no tv but now three kids later I am definately guilty of allowing them to watch too much...especially in the winter. I'm hoping as they get more independent, they will be watching less tv and playing more outside and doing other activities.

[Psalms18_28]

one suggestion...stop feeling guilty, it will backfire. (parents tend to go overboard when they feel guilty). if she gets too much attention, she will start to demanding too much from you. This can cause you dread spending time with her.

I have one child, and he is 6 years old. He turned out great :)

[IM4given]

While mom is in the kitchen - the baby can play with pot lids and a spoon - they make wonderful "music."

While mom is vacuuming - baby can "help" to push the vacuum around.

While mom is dusting, baby can help to "dust" with her own feather duster.

While mom is hanging clothes on the line, baby learned how to clip socks and washcloths on her line that I strung up about knee high under my regular line.

While mom is making the beds, picking things up, etc. baby can help - play some music sing some songs and it can be a lot of fun!

I taught my children to be my little helpers and they loved it!

[firstlove]

Perhaps your wife needs to realize that house keeping can wait, the house is to keep you. We have four grown children, limited money, and I learned that it is
important to play with the kids. Walks, singing, reading books. Your child will be fine even if she is the only one. Soon she will be talking and trying to take over...
almost two years old. The fun is about to begin. Just love her, keep her tenderhearted, and give her time to grow. You sound like great parents. No two children turn our the same, even if raised the same. God made us all different and He knew where she was going and He knew her parents, long before you knew her. All is well.

[bibletotingunslinger]

Ideas for those with one child?,,,,have another,,,,at least stick em in a group of other kids at least 5 times a week, they need comrad-ery with their own kind, or they get to thinking they are too special.

[Randy]

Kids are MUCH happier exploring around them than sitting - although not usually as quiet.

What worked well for our kids:

Blocks - we got a set of foam blocks that are in primary colors. They are not heavy or hard enough to hurt or break stuff, and they don't make a lot of noise.

Legos - they have extra-large ones for really little kids

Tupperware - for some reason, the kids liked trying to find the right lids and stacking the tubs. Old butter or yogurt containers work too

Pots/pans - but only if you can handle the noise, like when running the vacuum cleaner

[Tim]

I raised an only child and they are special because they are the only one . Seriously it depends on how and what you teach the child. My son has always been a very independent person. He doesn't "follow the crowd" which at times is a very good thing. If he is in a group that starts something he is uncomfortable with, he doesn't hesitate to speak up or leave if things are not as he thinks they should be. He is very resistant to peer pressure which I think is great. He is also one of the most kind caring young men I know. His compassion for others amazes me at times.

I think firstlove's advice is good, there are some things that have to be done during the day but other things can wait until you are home to watch the child.

I also liked IM4given idea, let the child "help" as much as possible. They really enjoy being able to "help" Mom if it is done in the right way. We had a special cabinet with pots, pans, wooden spoon, etc... (mainly old cool whip bowls and a couple of cheap old pots). This was my son's special cabinet that he could play with everything in there, the rule was if he got it out he put it up.

A playmate several times a week might help, your wife might keep someone else

[KJV1611AV]

Thank you all for your replies! There is always some good stuff mixed with a little humor. :smile

I grew up with a brother that was 13 months younger than me, i didn't have the benefit of seeing how little kids were brought up when i got older. Now im at the ripe old age of 25 and i always find myself wondering if what im letting my daughter do or not letting her do is going to screw her up so to speak. We are looking to have another baby in the next year or so, but that would our children almost three years apart.... After reading what some of you wrote i think i should lighten up on the pots and pans bit. I do feel a little irritation when i see her taking books off the shelf or pulling those pots out, but really it isn't a big deal. She does enjoy sitting on my lap and being read to, and we try to do that in the morning and at night. She has a "Baby's First Bible". I suppose a lot of anxiety with her is all the "she is so impressionable, dont let her do this or that..its going to be so hard to fix it later" type advice we get. Anyway i appreciate all the time you all took to write... If anyone thinks of any thing else to add id love to hear it. I really enjoy the stories and advice i get on this board.

[Tim]

Just be consistent as possible, child rearing is one of those things that others can tell you about but until you do it yourself you never really know. Every child is different and you have to adapt your methods to fit the child.

As far as the books and pots and pans thing, set boundries. Chris was allowed to play with "his stuff" but when it came to pulling things off shelves that he wasn't suppose to touch the punishment was swift and sure. No mean no every time, kids get confused when no means maybe.

You are doing great, the fact that this stuff concerns you means a lot. Don't forget kids do need to be kids too. They are not robots and they are going to get in trouble. You'll go through times when you think you are not getting through, then one day :ideas: the light goes on and you see that they really did learn something.

[Anon]

Enjoy her now before (if) you have other kids...it is very hard to spend one-on-one time with kids once you have several! Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mom since I have trouble having enough patience to let the boys help when THREE want to clamber after me fighting over who does what! While someone like Tim would have had no problem letting his child follow him everywhere. I have an uncle with an only child and that girl is like a prodigy, she will probably make alot of money just being a musician among other things soon. But then she was an only child and got to have everything her parents poured into her life.

Only children have alot of potential...the only problem with them usually arises in college when they are suddenly expected to share a dorm room or maybe even when they get married, its harder for them to learn to share common living space, whereas usually multiple kids roll with the punches and pretty much acclimate anywhere.

[Guest Guest]

I disagree about daycares. That would be as bad as putting your child in public school. I worked in daycares. You aren't even allowed to say "no" to a child because it's a negative word and other stupid stuff like that. Besides, the kids really aren't cared for properly.

Katy-Anne

[Bakershalfdozen]

I know it is not the popular view around here but a good daycare a few days a week isn't a bad thing. This allows the child to interact with others, gives them an opportunity to be creative and not ruin your carpet, and it also helps only children with the social skills. My son was in a Baptist Church run day care a couple days a week for a couple of hours a day. IMHO it was one of the best experiences of his childhood. Even though he was very small he still has memories of his sweet "teacher" Ms Jannean (or as he called here then Mister Nean).

I would say this is good advice as well depending on the daycare. Secular ones would be a no-no but one like Tim described or like our church has would be great. Our church has a daycare as a ministry to the community and they do not follow modern philosophy or psychology with the children. Of course the workers do not spank the children but the parents know that they will recommend it if necessary.

I have helped out a few times in ours and the kids have a Bible time along with other structured activities. One of the ladies in our church drops her 2 year old off there one morning a week so she can run errands and so he can interact with other children. It works great!

[Anon]

I had my kids in a church/school "daycare" for half days while I taught school. The ladies who worked there were not officially trained, they were just volunteers, and we had several problems with the way they acted. One of which I did not find out until two years later, a lady apologized for treating one of my children harshly due to lack of patience on her part with my then 2 year old. I appreciated her apology, but I also realized how that nobody really knows what goes on inside something like that.

I will never again put my children in a regular daycare situation, Christian or not.... only church nursery (which I am in charge of) and the VERY occasional school daycare only for an hour while my husband teaches Bible if I have something to do...which happens like once or twice per year.