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The Regret I will always Have


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The Regret I will always have.


I remember the time where I had everything I had ever hoped and dreamed of. Life was what you could call it as "perfect". I had a husband who gave me everything I could ever have imagined. I had more love for him than words could ever describe. Without him, I was incomplete. I married William when I was nineteen years old, knowing that we had different views of life. But, I had a love for him that was strong within me. I knew it was not going to be an easy road ahead.
Willaim and I had one child together. Her name was Rose. We had a nice house, and an expensive car, and more money than I could dream of. The one thing that we did not have in common was religion. William was one of those so called ( Saved by the Blood) Christians who attended church reguraly and I did not believe in God or care anything about what anybody had to say about Him. During my teenage years, I was made to go to church, by my parents. They did not go, but wanted me to, which to me seemed like a a contradiction. I did, and there I met William. I had always hated church, and this God that they talk about. William and I started dating, and we later got married. Things changed after I got married. I no longer was made to go to church, and .I didn't. God was nothing more than just a made up story that had been passed on and on. William went to church faithfully, even though I would never attend. He would tell me of Christ, and how He came to the earth to die for our sins. Nothing that he said, made me change my mind. I did not care anything about God and this so called hell that they say is a burning pit where al the lost people go.
The one thing that made me stay with William was the love I had for Him. He made me feel like I was so special. He gave me everything that I wanted. By the time we were in our mid thirites, William had given up. He finally gave up his so called "church life style." The day where I saw him get out of church and his religion was when it became perfect for me. I no longer had to hear about all this Christianity that he talked about. We could go out to clubs, and have parties. Life was perfect! We let Rose make her own decisions. She was sixteen when William stopped going to church. She had adopted my life style. She also believed that God was a fable. Rose was always the type to rebel. I guess she saw how I would talk about William and his religion. I would always tear down how William believed, and told Rose to never believe in God. She didn't believe in God either.
For a while, it seemed like everything was going my way. My husband had finally stopped all this religion junk, and started to spend more time with me. We would party, and go dancing. Before, when he was in church, he would not go dancing with me, or out to clubs. I finally had persuaded him to go along with me. Our daughter had chosen our same life style, and it just seemed like we were living the good life. Then things for me, turned for the worse. By the time Rose was seventeen, William stopped going partying, and started to go to church again. He told me "that he got out of God's will, and he had sinned." Here was this church junk all over again! He told me "that he got things right with this so called "God of his." That night, I told him, "this so called God of his can show me that He is real. I told of him, if you think that this so called God is real "let him send us all to hell."
The next day, all of us went out grocery shopping. There were some young men hollering on the street. They were saying " that Jesus Christ came to this earth and hung on an Old Rugged Tree and died so we could have eternal life. They said that we don't have to go this place called hell, but have eternal peace with our Saviour." I began to look at them and think "what a waste of time!" Rose then began to ask me " Momma, how do you know that hell is not real. What if it is, I don't want to go there!" I told her "that it was all a fable, but truthfully, I had my inward thoughts about if I was wrong. Rose then began to do something I had never seen her do before in a manner which she had done it in. She began to tremble and shake, and she would say " I don't want to go to hell." William began to speak and he said " Rose, I believe that you are under Holy Conviction. Hell is a a real place. God is real, and He died on a cross, to save us from our sins." Rose looked at me, and she said "momma, I don't want to disappoint you, so if you choose not to believe then, I won't either."
A minute of silence came along, and then the next thing I knew we were upside down in our car with our gasoline leaking out of the car. I looked beside me, and William was dead. I had no thoughts at that moment. Rose was in the back seat pinned down to where she could not get out. I unbuckled my seat belt, and begin to try to help Rose. At that moment, a fire within the car started to occur. I tried to get Rose out, but I couldn't. The only thing I knew to do, was to get out, and yell for help. The fire was engulfing the car. I heard her scream out "Momma, Momma, I am going to hell. I feel the fire around me. It hurts so bad. Please help me Momma!" I tried to get over there but the fire was to big. Her last words that she screamed out were " Momma," HELL IS REAL, Momma, HELL IS REAL."
At that moment, I knew my baby was dead, and in hell burning due to my thoughtless error ways. I got down on my knees and screamed, and begged God to save my baby girl. It was too late. She would forever burn for eternity. I then begin to yell out "God, Save me, Save Me. I am sorry for what I done. I don't' want to go to hell. Please God Save me!" I just began to scream and cry, and I relized at what I had done. I had sent my baby girl to hell. And there was nothing I could do to bring her back.
Time had passed and I am now a speaker for schools with kids that have many choices in thier lives. Sometimes, I tell these young kids, " Don't make the same decisions I did. My ignorance sent my daughter to hell. I had to watch her suffer in pain, calling out my name, and there was nothing I could do. Her blood was on my hands. While God had forgiven me, I had to come to terms to forgive my self, which I am still battling today. Please don't tell God no." I often hear my daughter's cries, as the last words she screamed were " Hell is Real, Hell is real."


I wrote that story a while back, and thought I would share it. It is fiction. I am so thankful that God saved me from a burning hell, and I have eternal life within me, and I am washed in His blood!

Love in Christ, Sadie. Phil.4:13

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