Children In The Church Service

[HappyChristian]

Well, there is nothing wrong with a nursery. The problem comes in when there isn't any control over what happens in there (such as Vir's friends' experience). If children have a fever (I believe it's 100 degrees, since some babies are naturally warmer than others), they can't come into our nurseries because of the probability of spreading the sickness to the babies and the ladies in the nursery (and them taking it home to their families, and so on). We have speakers in our nurseries so that the ladies who take their turn in them can listen to the message.

There is nothing wrong with not having babies in the service. The Bible does say to let everything be done decently and in order, after all. And we have lots of babies in our church...it'd be quite the noisy auditorium if they were all in there...and anyone who has worked with babies knows that when one starts crying, others follow for some odd reason!!!

The decision to have a nursery or not would be up to the individual congregation - after all, they are the ones who have to listen to the babies if they don't have a nursery.

Inner city kids are one reason that jr church is a good thing. As I've already mentioned, ours goes through 6th grade. The teens come into the service, and for the most part sit in the balcony (they love the height...not me!!! :smile ). If they get a little restless, or have to use the restroom, it doesn't disturb the entire congregation (of course, just getting up to go to the bathroom is less disruptive than adults who get up and leave talking real loud about how unBiblical the preaching is...that really happened once - preacher was preaching on discipline, and she didn't like what the Bible said - and we all knew it, too! ).

Blossom - kudos to you and your hubby for working to make sure your children can sit attentively in church. Really and truly, that's a dying breed - so many people have swallowed the world's lies that children need to be completely free to express themselves (expression is all well and good, but as Ecclesiastes says, there is a time!!!).

Bottom line to any of this is: the parents are the ones who need to make the final decisions regarding their children. Vir and his wife made their decision - and enjoyed healthy children. :thumb Others prefer to put their babies in the nursery because they feel they can listen more closely to the message. Some parents put their children in jr. church. Others don't.

I know that my mother would love to have a jr. church at her church. She attends a small church and loves it. But if she brings my nieces, she doesn't get much out of the morning message. The girls love Sunday School, but are bored in the service. They are 11 and 7. Why are they bored? Because they haven't been taught at home to pay attention to anything for more than a few minutes. That's the way so many kids are being raised now, so they cannot sit still and they cannot focus on a 30 minute message. The training does begin at home. But jr. church (and even nursery at our church...we begin teaching them when they go into the one year old nursery) is a blessing for those kids who aren't being taught like that, so they can be taught something.

[bzmomo7]

Depends on the parenting skills. If your child is able to sit through a service, silent, and still (all dependent on training), then your child is ready.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. We have babies in our services at the church I currently attend. I AM AGIANST THIS!!!! Apparently my pastor hasn't spoken against it, so I deal with it. I know it distracts the congregation, but I can tell it is distracting to him also.

If a child couldn't be quiet, my previous pastor would call the parent down and tell that parent to remove the distraction. The devil uses many tools to distract/prevent people from getting saved, including unruly children.

Well, we are most definitely entitled to our own pet peeves, but I'll have to tell you that one of my biggest pet peeves in the church is being forced to put a little baby in a nursery with a bunch of other snot nosed kids whose parents were expected to put them into the nursery because they are "too distracting" otherwise. You might say, well, if they're sick, keep them home........well, not after they've been preached at that "your sinning if you're not at church every time those doors are open!" they won't. So, like you Hambone, I "deal with it", we're just on opposite sides of the fence. Oh, btw, don't think I mean that noisy babies/toddlers ought to stay in the sanctuary (mom or dad should take them out if they are distracting people)..........I just meant it is our Pastor's unspoken policy that they MUST be in the nursery until they turn 4, so that it is not uncommon to see sick children there.

[bzmomo7]

:ooops I hit the wrong button!

[John81]

We have a nursery but several families prefer to bring their children up from infancy attending church services. They tend to do an amazing job training their children even in infancy to be quiet during church services. Currently, in our early morning service, there are two babies attending. Thus far, neither baby has made enough noise to have to be taken out of the sanctuary.

In times past and baby or young toddler has begun to make too much noise and the mother has quickly taken the child out of the sanctuary and returned when the situation was corrected.

For those parents in any church who can't take a noisy child from the sanctuary it would be nice if someone capable would offer assistance.

For those parents who won't do anything about their noisy child, it would be nice if someone would kindly confront them about the situation and offer solutions.

Along these lines, our pastor had to get a bit forceful making it clear all cell phones are to be turned OFF in the sanctuary. Thankfully, he took the necessary steps to bring this about when his kind asking for such wasn't listened to by a few.

[Hambone]

Romans 12:10 (King James Version)

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Of course there is also this verse to consider.
Mark 10:14 (King James Version)

14But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.



Blossom

Just for clarity my children sit quietly for the most part. They have to remain in their seats not on the floor colouring etc. We have trained them at home and by having them in church service with us. I thank the Pastors and members of the church who helped and encourage this process. I am very thankful the Lord has us in a church that loves children on good and bad days.

You can apply Romans 12:10 (The ONLY version) to the inconsiderate parent. As far as Mark 10:14 goes, these children were not inside a sanctuary. In fact these children weren't there to listen to a sermon. They wanted to approach (see) Jesus. Nothing wrong with that, but it's not applicable in your argument in support of inconsiderate parents.

Churches have nurseries. They are for young children/babies--that's where they need to be. The nursery is responsible for refusing a child entry. If they have a green nose, temperature, etc., they need to go home--not into the sanctuary. Satan (or his demons) will use anything to prevent someone from receiveing a saving knowledge of Christ. Whether that be a crying baby, disruptive child with a small bladder, or a cell phone.

Raising a child from infancy in "big" church is stupid. Plain and simple. The child gets nothing from the service but the fidgets. Taking the child out is a distraction. In my previous church, anyone leaving in the middle of service was required to remain in the foyer and not return to their seats. An usher would let them know as they walked out.

The sanctuary is for the saved adult members of the church and and the lost adults of the church/community. The most important, eternity-altering decisions are made in that room. If your childre are ready for "big" church, then by all means let them come in. If they cannot remain quiet and still, they need to go into the training room. Sunday nights in most churches are more layed back because it is mostly members, so there are exceptions, but Sunday morning should definitely be child-free (disruptive child-free, that is).

[Hambone]

Sometimes it would be nice if someone would go and help a poor mum dealing with multiple children and a crying baby instead of sitting in judgement and bannishing them to an outer room where they (the Mum) are mostly not spiritually fed.



Blossom

Just for clarity my children sit quietly for the most part. They have to remain in their seats not on the floor colouring etc. We have trained them at home and by having them in church service with us. I thank the Pastors and members of the church who helped and encourage this process. I am very thankful the Lord has us in a church that loves children on good and bad days.

I'm not attacking you, Blossom, and I commend you on the way you have reared your children. But, you bring up the very arguments I've had with others concerning this subject. Concerning the mom with multiple out-of-control children...if we "banish" her to the foyer or training room, she won't get spiritually fed? But if we leave her in the sanctuary with her disruptive children who she is dealing with, she IS getting spiritually fed? She's not get fed either location. The difference is, in the foyer or training room (where most churches have audio feed), the people sitting around her in the sanctuary WILL get fed instead of being distracted. Is it incourteous of me to want a quiet service where I can get the most out of the preaching my preacher worked hours preparing? I have four children of my own. I trained my children to sit and listen quietly before I brought them into the sanctuary. Only my older son had to be brought out of a service. ONCE. We went directly to a tree in the parking lot and got a switch. It never happened again. I remained in the foyer for the rest of the service.

[Wilchbla]

I never liked it when a crying baby during service was said to be used as a tool by the devil to disrupt the service. Maybe, I don't know. But babies do cry regardless! It's in their nature to.

[tired]

We have a baby crying room in back with a tv hookup, with the service going on it, just in case the babies get wound up. :lol

[blossom]

I did not take offense. Just shocked at your stand on this issue. Sometimes kids cry. If we take them out everytime they'll learn to make a noise in order to leave. I guess this is more about severity than instance. It doesn't have to be three out of control kids and a baby crying but what is a mum on her to do. Take all four out because of one child. I think individual situations need to be considered rather than broad stances. I often walk over and take a crying baby and just rock him/her up the back. Usually the child quietens relatively quickly and the mother very grateful. Children need time to learn. Yes in both christian parent homes this is possible to be done mostly at home. But I know of mums who don't have the support and are just doing the best they can. I think a little grace and a helping hand goes a long way to ease the burden of another. You are very blessed to have a wife that supports you in the training of your children. I know of some who are not so.


Another instance comes to mind. A friend has her two children in a church they were visiting. A member of the that church was pulling faces and quietly playing with her daughter hence the child started to laugh and oohhh and ahhhh ( she was six months I think) Somebody came and asked her to take her child out the back. Totally unfair and uncalled for. I have made my son apologise to the pastor for interupting his message with bad behaviour he wasn't keen to do that again as his got older he is much better. I know of adults who make way more noise than any child with the clunking of the shoes, laughing loudly at stories in the sermon etc. Do we make them leave???

I'm sorry I think this is an issue we have to agree to disagree on. I am so glad we have liberty in Christ. What a boring old time we would have everyone agreed all the time on every issue.

God Bless
Blossom

[HappyChristian]

The way this thread is going makes me laugh as I think of last night...we have services on Thursday nights...well, the offeratory was being played by a piano and two flutists. Beatiful music...until the young child (who was still young enough to be in the nursery, BTW) started crying. Mom tried to hush, as did others...crying escalated loudly to the point where the musicians could not be heard. Finally, one of the parents took the child out. We could hear him crying clear to the outside of the foyer.

I'm glad that the child was taken out - it is miserable for everyone concerned (including the child!!) for the situation not to be dealt with.

I remember one time when I was in high school. I was visitin my best friend's church for a revival meeting. Right about the niddle of the service, we both noticed at the same time - the babies were all in the nursery, which was at the back of the auditorium. There was a big window in the nursery, so the moms could see the service as well as hear it. I don't know what was going on, but the babies seemed to be chanting...all of them. As it hit our consciousness, we looked at each other and almost burst out laughing. It was hilarious.

[Annie]

I'm sorry I think this is an issue we have to agree to disagree on. I am so glad we have liberty in Christ. What a boring old time we would have everyone agreed all the time on every issue.

True...but I do think we all agree about this issue more than this thread indicates. Here is what we all agree on (I think):

1. The church building/sanctuary is a place where God's people come to worship Him. The general atmosphere in a worship service should be different than the atmosphere at, say, a ball game or a mall. It should be conducive to reverent worship. Distractions (such as walking around, foot tapping, blowing of noses, crying infants, etc.) should be kept to a reasonable minimum.

2. There is nothing inherently wrong with bringing young children and/or infants into a worship setting. In fact, attending worship potentially benefits them in many ways.

Right? Don't we all agree on these general statements? (If not, do tell why not.) In an ideal world, there would be absolutely no distracting noises in church...no oxygen tanks, no coughing, no one needing to leave in the middle of a service, no cell phones ringing, no sniffing/nose-blowing, no stomachs growling, no head turning, no smacking of gum, no flies buzzing, no mics ringing, no knuckles popping, no mint wrappers rustling, etc. But we don't live in an ideal world.

With that in mind, how should we approach worship? First, as potential distractors, I think we have to do our part to minimize disruptions in the service...We should not be the one who is guilty of forgetting to turn our phones off, or of neglecting to use the bathroom before church so that we don't have to get up and leave in the middle of the sermon. Second, as potential "distracted ones," we should strive to ignore whatever disturbances erupt around us, disciplining ourselves to focus on God instead of having a critical spirit toward others. (We are all human, after all.)

How does this play out for me, a mother of five little ones? It might look different any given Sunday. I personally do not bring my children (toddlers) into the service until I can be reasonably sure that they are socially aware enough not to speak out or cry. For every one of my kids, this has been around two and a half years of age. (Training at home helped a bit for some of them.) But ya know what? This not being a perfect world and all, there are times when my toddlers have caused disturbances. During those times, I have been thankful for those who overlook the disturbance, express sympathy, and/or lend a hand. I do not look down my nose at the mum struggling to keep a brood of children quiet; I've been there, done that, and I know how embarrassing it can be to think that you are keeping people from worshiping.

How would Jesus treat a mother of a crying infant in a worship service? (How would the Pharisees treat her?) On the other hand, how would Jesus prepare Himself for communion with His Father? I think both ideas need to be considered as we think about this issue.

[blossom]

Annie well said. You are right I do agree with all that you have said. I do see both sides.


Blossom

[Pastorj]

I would like to read your book when you are done! :thumb

I have just finished the Introduction and first 3 chapters. I have another 4 or 5 to write. I haven't had much time to work on it lately, but I hope to have it completed in the next month or so. I started outlining the book based on the idea of "church etiquette". What I found as I studied out the issue, was that the problem was really a wrong philosophy of ministry which leads to chaos in the children's ministries. I don't know if it will ever get published, but I am having fun writing it.

[Savedbygracein2003]

I dont have children or anything. But I know at our church we will keep children in the nursery up until the child is 4. Some take their children in the service before that, which is fine.

[lilyamongthorns]

Sorry I know this is an old topic...

I'm really surprised about all of this honestly. Until we moved and started attending this current church, I had never heard of children not being with parents during the services. In every other church I have ever attended, families sat together. Everyone in the family. I think it's pretty bizarre that there aren't any children in the services, in fact that was the first thing I noticed when I started attending this church. Are we all really that immature and ADHD suffering that we cannot focus on the pastor's message if a couple of babies are crying? Obviously if a baby is just wailing you take it outside, but a short cry here and there is no big deal. If you have a baby or a sickly child who is more likely to make noise, you sit near the aisle and a door.

Actually the other day a visitor had their children with them and the baby made 2 short cries and the pastor acted like it was the end of the world and the entire congregation lost their focus. I have a friend who attended a church in SoCal (not sure the name) and she was asked to leave because her baby made a laughing noise at her during a Sunday AM service. We'll see if I get the boot at my current church when I keep my children with me once I become a mother

I think it's kind of sad. How do we expect the next generation to be church goers when they are not a part of the church growing up? How can we get mad when they go off to the rock and roll type churches for being more interesting and fun when they spend their youth in "services" that are centered on crafts and playing with other kids?