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Divorce, Re-Marriage, Adultery, and the Ministry


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I am new to this forum, and I specifically came here to see the IFB views about Divorce, Re-Marriage, Adultery and Ministry.  I am an IFB and have wrestled for years about this topic, because of my desire to be in the ministry.  I can say that this has been a subject of great debate since the 1st century and, knowing that God is not the author of confusion, I can only conclude that Satan has used this to divide churches and create sects that do not glorify God.  One thing is clear to me; "The husband of one wife" means what it says.  A one woman man, committed to the one he is married to, whatever the situation, be it death or divorce...BUT, I must continue!

First of all, I would like to say that we are not under the Law in the sense that our flesh must perform all that is written or perform sacrifices to atone for the wrong we have done, but Grace did not abolish it: on the contrary, Grace fulfilled it all in Christ.  We are new creatures in Him which is a great miracle in itself.  But being a new creature does not mean that anything goes in the church.  Nothing in the Law itself gave the commandment "Thou shalt not Divorce".  Moses allowed it only because of the hardness of men's hearts.  But, the Law did say "Thou shalt not commit Adultery".  Jesus went on to teach that even if you look on a woman to lust after her, you have committed adultery with her in your heart.  Is the issue here really Divorce, or is it Adultery?  If the issue is Divorce, then I am convicted that the issue is settled.  But, if the issue is Adultery, then no man has the right to be a Pastor or Deacon under Jesus' definition of Adultery.  Now, there is no man in the ministry who would admit to this secret sin, and any man that would say that he has never committed adultery is a lier.   But, Jesus Himself linked the two together.  Adultery and Divorce go hand in hand.  Not that both the husband and wife committed it, but someone in the relationship did and Divorce was the outcome.  But the two are also separated in some cases.  The lack of Adultery is not listed as a requirement for being a Pastor or Deacon, but Divorce is.  Why?  Also, to be a Pastor or Deacon one must be blameless!  Who of you that fill the pulpit is blameless?  The answer of course is NO ONE! So, what are we to do? 

It is unfortunate that today sex is everywhere.  The clothing that men and women wear in the secular world is unbelievable, to say the least.  We would have to wear blindfolds to keep from looking a second time.  So, I believe that for this debate, everything must be simplified because I believe Jesus made it simple.  Divorce is Adultery. You just can't get around it.  I have tried, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit will not allow it!  ANYONE who Divorces his wife SAVE FOR THE CAUSE OF FORNICATION, causes her to commit adultery (Matt 5:32, Matt 19:9).  Now, we can slice it, dice it, filet it, and beat it to death, but, Divorce is Divorce, and if you have divorced, there is NO scripture that will support a man being a Pastor or Deacon.  I have tried to get around it, but have always been convicted to the contrary.  I believe the following to be the reason.

First of all, there are still those men that are available for ministry that God has CALLED to be Pastors and Deacons, (although this too is waning in this present evil world).  Men who are married to their first and only wife.  The reason for this requirement is first, for those exact men, and second, because of the world.  If we do begin to fill the offices of Pastors and Deacons with Divorced men, then it will erode marriage (more and more Pastors or their wives will be tempted to Divorce), it will diminish the offices, and it will bring controversy and contempt from the World.  Remember; Rom 14:21  "It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak."  Therefor, I will not allow myself to do a great disservice to the church or the Kingdom of Heaven by allowing myself to be ordained as a Pastor of Deacon.  Can I still preach?  Yes.  Can I still serve in the mission field? Yes.  I can do any other thing but fill these offices FORMALLY. I have been disqualified.  Also, I believe that those in these offices have a responsibility to not, through action or inaction, create an environment that seemingly makes Divorce an unpardonable sin. Use those whom God has given to you to use the gifts the Spirit of God has given them.  Don't be guilty of quenching the Holy Spirit in someone's life. 

I also must remind the reader that if men were to regard the requirements of 1 Tim 3:2,12, and Tit 1.6, then I fear there would be no Pastors or Deacons.  So, the argument could be made that our standards have become relaxed in filling these offices.

So, I exhort everyone that reads this to do the Word, preach the Word, quench not the Spirit, love the brethren, don't do anything that will cause a Brother or Sister to stumble and above all else, love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your spirit.  AMEN

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On 1/3/2020 at 2:09 PM, ChristianUnderground said:

I am new to this forum, and I specifically came here to see the IFB views about Divorce, Re-Marriage, Adultery and Ministry.  I am an IFB and have wrestled for years about this topic, because of my desire to be in the ministry.  I can say that this has been a subject of great debate since the 1st century and, knowing that God is not the author of confusion, I can only conclude that Satan has used this to divide churches and create sects that do not glorify God.  One thing is clear to me; "The husband of one wife" means what it says.  A one woman man, committed to the one he is married to, whatever the situation, be it death or divorce...BUT, I must continue!

First of all, I would like to say that we are not under the Law in the sense that our flesh must perform all that is written or perform sacrifices to atone for the wrong we have done, but Grace did not abolish it: on the contrary, Grace fulfilled it all in Christ.  We are new creatures in Him which is a great miracle in itself.  But being a new creature does not mean that anything goes in the church.  Nothing in the Law itself gave the commandment "Thou shalt not Divorce".  Moses allowed it only because of the hardness of men's hearts.  But, the Law did say "Thou shalt not commit Adultery".  Jesus went on to teach that even if you look on a woman to lust after her, you have committed adultery with her in your heart.  Is the issue here really Divorce, or is it Adultery?  If the issue is Divorce, then I am convicted that the issue is settled.  But, if the issue is Adultery, then no man has the right to be a Pastor or Deacon under Jesus' definition of Adultery.  Now, there is no man in the ministry who would admit to this secret sin, and any man that would say that he has never committed adultery is a lier.   But, Jesus Himself linked the two together.  Adultery and Divorce go hand in hand.  Not that both the husband and wife committed it, but someone in the relationship did and Divorce was the outcome.  But the two are also separated in some cases.  The lack of Adultery is not listed as a requirement for being a Pastor or Deacon, but Divorce is.  Why?  Also, to be a Pastor or Deacon one must be blameless!  Who of you that fill the pulpit is blameless?  The answer of course is NO ONE! So, what are we to do? 

It is unfortunate that today sex is everywhere.  The clothing that men and women wear in the secular world is unbelievable, to say the least.  We would have to wear blindfolds to keep from looking a second time.  So, I believe that for this debate, everything must be simplified because I believe Jesus made it simple.  Divorce is Adultery. You just can't get around it.  I have tried, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit will not allow it!  ANYONE who Divorces his wife SAVE FOR THE CAUSE OF FORNICATION, causes her to commit adultery (Matt 5:32, Matt 19:9).  Now, we can slice it, dice it, filet it, and beat it to death, but, Divorce is Divorce, and if you have divorced, there is NO scripture that will support a man being a Pastor or Deacon.  I have tried to get around it, but have always been convicted to the contrary.  I believe the following to be the reason.

First of all, there are still those men that are available for ministry that God has CALLED to be Pastors and Deacons, (although this too is waning in this present evil world).  Men who are married to their first and only wife.  The reason for this requirement is first, for those exact men, and second, because of the world.  If we do begin to fill the offices of Pastors and Deacons with Divorced men, then it will erode marriage (more and more Pastors or their wives will be tempted to Divorce), it will diminish the offices, and it will bring controversy and contempt from the World.  Remember; Rom 14:21  "It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak."  Therefor, I will not allow myself to do a great disservice to the church or the Kingdom of Heaven by allowing myself to be ordained as a Pastor of Deacon.  Can I still preach?  Yes.  Can I still serve in the mission field? Yes.  I can do any other thing but fill these offices FORMALLY. I have been disqualified.  Also, I believe that those in these offices have a responsibility to not, through action or inaction, create an environment that seemingly makes Divorce an unpardonable sin. Use those whom God has given to you to use the gifts the Spirit of God has given them.  Don't be guilty of quenching the Holy Spirit in someone's life. 

I also must remind the reader that if men were to regard the requirements of 1 Tim 3:2,12, and Tit 1.6, then I fear there would be no Pastors or Deacons.  So, the argument could be made that our standards have become relaxed in filling these offices.

So, I exhort everyone that reads this to do the Word, preach the Word, quench not the Spirit, love the brethren, don't do anything that will cause a Brother or Sister to stumble and above all else, love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your spirit.  AMEN

I knew of a Pastor whose wife divorced him, as she was having an affair with someone on his staff, and yet he was forced to go on counseling and was taken off pastorate, and then was forced to leave the church due to his situation!

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Yes it is unbelievable what the self righteous will do to pastors.  I am currently filling our pulpit as a Lay Preacher because our pastor retired and we cannot afford to pay a pastor at this time.  I would be very miserable if I would have refused.  Sometimes dogmatism goes to far, and the Church is suffering from it.  Many IFB’s will condemn me and say there’s no such thing.  Just as I was once told there’s no such thing as a fundamental Presbyterian.  All I can say is if they want to judge another man’s servant, I will not be offended,  but I will do what the Lord called me to do.

On 1/5/2020 at 8:44 AM, E Morales said:

We that are born again Christians, are serving in the Lords Army. New Christians are privates, as we work our way up to we get to becoming  a General, or Pastor. As sins starts applying into your life and mines, you can start removing stripes. That will be your position, and in what place you and I can serve Him. 

2664091B-12CA-474E-B4D0-1F5D146B3F05.jpeg

I have never seen this in scripture but have heard it many times.  Maybe you can give me references to this doctrine of yours.

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I have long disagreed with the view that a divorced man is disqualified to be a pastor. The idea comes from the phrase "The husband of one wife" He is to be the husband of one wife. I get that and I agree with it. However, does that reference divorce? If so, then it must also refence a widower, for in both cases, they are married to only one wife, but they HAD been married to another wife at one time. 

In the question of divorce, it would be dependent upon, I suppose, the circumstances of the divorce. As Jesus said, fornication, (not adultery), is the acceptable reason for divorce, so in such a case, the man should be free to both remarry and pastor a church.  In other cases, we see Paul speak about if a believer is married to an unbeliever, and the unbeliever departs, let them depart, the believer is not under bondage, (bonds of marriage) to them. Therefore, that man should be free to both remarry and be a pastor.

After I had accepted the call to preach, but well before I became a pastor, my wife left me, (an unbeliever), not wanting anything to do with that life. I wonder, when God called me, was He surprised that happened? No, He knew, and I believe it was part of that call, because she would not have been conducive to that work. No different than when Ezra commanded the Israelites to divorce the strange women they'd married while in captivity.  

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On 4/1/2020 at 11:23 AM, Ukulelemike said:

I have long disagreed with the view that a divorced man is disqualified to be a pastor. The idea comes from the phrase "The husband of one wife" He is to be the husband of one wife. I get that and I agree with it. However, does that reference divorce? If so, then it must also refence a widower, for in both cases, they are married to only one wife, but they HAD been married to another wife at one time. 

In the question of divorce, it would be dependent upon, I suppose, the circumstances of the divorce. As Jesus said, fornication, (not adultery), is the acceptable reason for divorce, so in such a case, the man should be free to both remarry and pastor a church.  In other cases, we see Paul speak about if a believer is married to an unbeliever, and the unbeliever departs, let them depart, the believer is not under bondage, (bonds of marriage) to them. Therefore, that man should be free to both remarry and be a pastor.

After I had accepted the call to preach, but well before I became a pastor, my wife left me, (an unbeliever), not wanting anything to do with that life. I wonder, when God called me, was He surprised that happened? No, He knew, and I believe it was part of that call, because she would not have been conducive to that work. No different than when Ezra commanded the Israelites to divorce the strange women they'd married while in captivity.  

AMEN.

There are two biblical reasons for divorce: fornication, and in the case of an unbeliever refusing to remain married to a believer.

Fornication in the text (Matthew 5:32)  was the Greek word porneuo.  This word includes fornication and adultery (which, by definition is a form of fornication being any sexual act outside of marriage); but it has to do with a corrupt appetite for sexual perverseness.  It has the idea of sexual acts being idolatrous.  In other words: a perverse sexual addiction that one does not want to relinquish.

With that said, Jesus nor Paul promoted, much less commanded divorce in either of these situations.  Many people are capable of grace enough to forgive their spouse for fornication/adultery, and to work through that sin and repair their marriage and relationships.  Obviously, in the case of a person with sexual addictions not willing to repent, divorce is likely the only option; and in the case of an unbeliever, the believer is not to put their spouse away.  It is fully up to the unbelieving spouse.

I would agree that any man who is divorced under either of these two allowances and remarried; or is released from marriage due to a spouse's death and remarried is fully qualified (at least by biblical marriage standards) to be a pastor.

 

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On 3/29/2020 at 12:17 AM, ChristianUnderground said:

Yes it is unbelievable what the self righteous will do to pastors.  I am currently filling our pulpit as a Lay Preacher because our pastor retired and we cannot afford to pay a pastor at this time.  I would be very miserable if I would have refused.  Sometimes dogmatism goes to far, and the Church is suffering from it.  Many IFB’s will condemn me and say there’s no such thing.  Just as I was once told there’s no such thing as a fundamental Presbyterian.  All I can say is if they want to judge another man’s servant, I will not be offended,  but I will do what the Lord called me to do.

I have never seen this in scripture but have heard it many times.  Maybe you can give me references to this doctrine of yours.

 

On 3/30/2020 at 11:26 AM, E Morales said:

fool man, ...   ?

Fool? The Bible also speaks clearly to those who would call someone a fool out of contempt (Matthew 5:22) We have so much self righteousness in the church today that I cannot see the forest because of the trees.  
Before we pass such harsh judgement on other Christians, all being born again for their is no other kind, let us put down tradition and the opinion of others and truly study for ourselves the pure milk and meat.  By the way, did God or man create divorce?

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52 minutes ago, ChristianUnderground said:

 

Fool? The Bible also speaks clearly to those who would call someone a fool out of contempt (Matthew 5:22) We have so much self righteousness in the church today that I cannot see the forest because of the trees.  
Before we pass such harsh judgement on other Christians, all being born again for their is no other kind, let us put down tradition and the opinion of others and truly study for ourselves the pure milk and meat.  By the way, did God or man create divorce?

He wasn't calling anyone a fool, he was correcting the post where the poster wrote "We may be able to FULL man...", when he clearly meant "to FOOL man...". Just a spelling correction. Probably they made the comment on their phone and it didn't like the word fool and changed it.

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On 4/1/2020 at 12:23 PM, Ukulelemike said:

I have long disagreed with the view that a divorced man is disqualified to be a pastor. The idea comes from the phrase "The husband of one wife" He is to be the husband of one wife. I get that and I agree with it. However, does that reference divorce? If so, then it must also refence a widower, for in both cases, they are married to only one wife, but they HAD been married to another wife at one time. 

In the question of divorce, it would be dependent upon, I suppose, the circumstances of the divorce. As Jesus said, fornication, (not adultery), is the acceptable reason for divorce, so in such a case, the man should be free to both remarry and pastor a church.  In other cases, we see Paul speak about if a believer is married to an unbeliever, and the unbeliever departs, let them depart, the believer is not under bondage, (bonds of marriage) to them. Therefore, that man should be free to both remarry and be a pastor.

After I had accepted the call to preach, but well before I became a pastor, my wife left me, (an unbeliever), not wanting anything to do with that life. I wonder, when God called me, was He surprised that happened? No, He knew, and I believe it was part of that call, because she would not have been conducive to that work. No different than when Ezra commanded the Israelites to divorce the strange women they'd married while in captivity.  

Mike, I can understand, having had a wife like yours. Please understand I am only offering an alternative for other folks who are called to preach/serve. Folks should understand we may not be called to be a pastor. Evangelism is open to any man called to preach. That said, it isn't about the position, its about serving the Lord in the capacity and framework He has given. We have many options for service,  we can serve in other capacities besides the pastorate. Looking at all the requirements of a pastor and deacon in Timothy and Titus, I chose service in other positions. I have peace about my decision and serve in other capacities within my local church and in witnessing to others. I've also preached in my local church, we are all called to preach/teach the good news of Jesus Christ.

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On 5/2/2020 at 5:41 AM, 1Timothy115 said:

Mike, I can understand, having had a wife like yours. Please understand I am only offering an alternative for other folks who are called to preach/serve. Folks should understand we may not be called to be a pastor. Evangelism is open to any man called to preach. That said, it isn't about the position, its about serving the Lord in the capacity and framework He has given. We have many options for service,  we can serve in other capacities besides the pastorate. Looking at all the requirements of a pastor and deacon in Timothy and Titus, I chose service in other positions. I have peace about my decision and serve in other capacities within my local church and in witnessing to others. I've also preached in my local church, we are all called to preach/teach the good news of Jesus Christ.

I agree. In fact, for many years I thought, following the standard IFB position that divorce disqualifies one for the position of a pastor, I sought and prayed for where to serve, but I had extremely clear direction to the pulpit where I still serve. And even here, I have prayed that if someone else was more suited to it, if the Lord would bring them and make it clear to me, that I would gladly stand down, yet that hasn't been the case. In fact, thus far, after 18 years as pastor here, the only options I have are to step down and shut down the church, or remain, and I won't just let the church close as long as there is anyone being helped and guided and saved through that ministry. I won't leave them with a Southern Baptist or Assembly of God as their only options. 

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On 4/23/2020 at 11:52 AM, Casey said:

AMEN.

There are two biblical reasons for divorce: fornication, and in the case of an unbeliever refusing to remain married to a believer.

Fornication in the text (Matthew 5:32)  was the Greek word porneuo.  This word includes fornication and adultery (which, by definition is a form of fornication being any sexual act outside of marriage); but it has to do with a corrupt appetite for sexual perverseness.  It has the idea of sexual acts being idolatrous.  In other words: a perverse sexual addiction that one does not want to relinquish.

With that said, Jesus nor Paul promoted, much less commanded divorce in either of these situations.  Many people are capable of grace enough to forgive their spouse for fornication/adultery, and to work through that sin and repair their marriage and relationships.  Obviously, in the case of a person with sexual addictions not willing to repent, divorce is likely the only option; and in the case of an unbeliever, the believer is not to put their spouse away.  It is fully up to the unbelieving spouse.

I would agree that any man who is divorced under either of these two allowances and remarried; or is released from marriage due to a spouse's death and remarried is fully qualified (at least by biblical marriage standards) to be a pastor.

 

Yes, as there were given in scripture permitted divorce, but still feel that 2 real Christians should by grace of God be able to work it out!

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My wife left me almost a year and a half ago. I've struggled between knowing the marriage wasnt working but also knowing the commitment I made to God to stay with her. I didn't want to split, but knew she wasn't happy. 

I've sort to reconcile but each time come to the point that the marriage just won't work.

Anyway, she doesn't seem to be following God now and it's been over a year separated.  

There is the thought of 'sweeping her off her feet' .. but that isn't how I operate.  

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9 hours ago, E Morales said:

Sounds like you don't want to be married, you said, it just won't work. Are you with another woman, is she with another man? If yes, it will not work. We cannot make promises to God, for we all fall short. The flesh is weak, but salvation is personal. 

I don't know for sure about her.  I am not with another woman though.  But it has been something I have questioned myself alot about..is whether I want to be married to her. 

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On 4/1/2020 at 12:23 PM, Ukulelemike said:

I have long disagreed with the view that a divorced man is disqualified to be a pastor. The idea comes from the phrase "The husband of one wife" He is to be the husband of one wife. I get that and I agree with it. However, does that reference divorce? If so, then it must also refence a widower, for in both cases, they are married to only one wife, but they HAD been married to another wife at one time. 

In the question of divorce, it would be dependent upon, I suppose, the circumstances of the divorce. As Jesus said, fornication, (not adultery), is the acceptable reason for divorce, so in such a case, the man should be free to both remarry and pastor a church.  In other cases, we see Paul speak about if a believer is married to an unbeliever, and the unbeliever departs, let them depart, the believer is not under bondage, (bonds of marriage) to them. Therefore, that man should be free to both remarry and be a pastor.

After I had accepted the call to preach, but well before I became a pastor, my wife left me, (an unbeliever), not wanting anything to do with that life. I wonder, when God called me, was He surprised that happened? No, He knew, and I believe it was part of that call, because she would not have been conducive to that work. No different than when Ezra commanded the Israelites to divorce the strange women they'd married while in captivity.  

It seems to me that despite God's  qualifications for the ministry listed by Paul that God still makes exceptions. The "gifts and calling of God are without repentance". Even David, who should have been put to death according to God's law, received God's sure mercies and remained king.

I  know of one pastor who committed adultery and fell out of the ministry whom, though he wasn't an "official" pastor, saints stilled viewed him as such and looked to him for leading and advice though he didn't have a church. So the calling and gift in a sense was still there though he didn't have a church.

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