Divorce and Remarriage (The Exception Clause)

[Jordan Kurecki]

Many point to this passage to teach divorce and marriage in the case of adultery:

 

Matthew 19:9  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

similar wording is also found in Matthew 5

I believe the exception clause refers to

1. Incestuous marriages (See Leviticus 18) (I also believe all sodomite "marriages" and sad that I have to say in our time and age but beastiality "marriages" would also be invalid as well, though I realize our passage in question relates to husband putting away a wife)
2. Betrothal unfaithfulness

Matthew 1:19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

Deuteronomoy 22:13-21

If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,
And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:
Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:
And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her,saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;
And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil

Some other things to consider:

1. The NT teaching for Husbands
Eph 5:25-28
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

If Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, how can we justify someone putting his wife away for adultery? Does Jesus divorce us and end his relationship with us when we are unfaithful to him?

2. Suffering for righteousness

1 Peter 2:20-21 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

3. God hates divorce

2:14-16 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Matthew 19:4-8 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

4. Other NT Passages

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Romans 7:2-3

For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

5. When you make a vow that "Till death do us part" I do not believe adultery gives you the right to break that covenant and promise you made to your spouse to love them and care for them "Till death do us part". 

6. If you were committing adultery, would you want your spouse to divorce you? or would you want her to love you and pray for you until you came to a place of repentance? We are to do to others as we would have done unto ourselves.

Just some final notes, I do not see how the verse in Corinthians that says "is not under bondage" can mean they are free to remarry, in my opinion that is something read into the passage. Also I realize that under the Law of Moses God allowed remarriage, however, it is said that was for the hardness of their hearts, I do not think God ever was happy with any kind of divorce, God clearly hates divorce, and New Testament Christians should go far beyond the letter of the law of the Moses because we have the Spirit of God indwelling us.

[DaveW]

Book of Hosea.

More to be said, but not by me at this time.

[DaveW]

I am surprised that no one has chimed in with a further response to this.

I think Jordan has done a good job of outlining the various passages involved

On ‎4‎/‎22‎/‎2018 at 12:32 AM, Jordan Kurecki said:

If Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, how can we justify someone putting his wife away for adultery? Does Jesus divorce us and end his relationship with us when we are unfaithful to him?

This statement is a particularly good one, and one that anyone who promotes divorce MUST answer.

 

One thing I would like to add to point 3 is that people often state that God commanded divorce, but if you note this passage, you find that the Pharisees are the ones who use the term "command" but in response, the Lord uses the term "suffered you" or allowed them - very different to "commanded". And Jordan also pointed out very rightly that Matthew 19 where this conversation is found, also says that Moses suffered it because of the hardness of their hearts.

Personally, I think the only "terms" for divorce from a Christian, is where they have a heart that is so hard as to no longer want to honour God.

 

In relation to the idea that God has commanded divorce, I had someone bring up the situation of Ezra chapters 9 and 10, and state that God not only commanded their divorce from "strange wives" but was also pleased with it.

When I studied that passage out I found that God neither commanded it nor stated his pleasure over it.

When the people were confronted with the command of God regarding marrying strange wives, THEY decided to put away those wives - they were not commanded to.

They were commanded to repent of the sin of taking strange wives, and told to do His pleasure, but it was their idea.

In this instance God allowed it, but again, he did not command it.

I am basically in agreement with Jordan on this matter, and commend him on his research and presentation.

And my reference previously to Hosea was basically in support of the idea that God does not divorce us, as his commands to Hosea with regard to his unfaithful wife show.

 

[Pastor Scott Markle]

9 hours ago, DaveW said:

I am surprised that no one has chimed in with a further response to this.

Oh, I definitely have thoughts on the matter; but there is simply no way that I can add yet another heavy doctrinal discussion to my schedule.  I am already a bit overloaded with that in which I am involved at present.  

One thought for consideration -

Does "hardness of heart" refer to an unforgiving heart (that is -- the refusal of the one against whom the fornication was committed to forgive)?
Or does "hardness of heart" refer to an unrepentant heart (that is -- the refusal of the one who has committed the fornication to repent thereof)?

If the first is the case, then Joseph's consideration to put away Mary (when he thought that she had committed fornication against him) would indicate a "hardness of heart" in Joseph's case.  Yet to me such an accusation against Joseph seems completely contrary to that which is revealed in Matthew 1 about his character and consideration.

[Saved41199]

I was married to a man who thought it was funny to beat my children, turn off the telephone, take my car keys, refuse to give me money for food. He finally snapped and threw me and the kids out of the house at the business end of his shotgun. He filed for divorce. I didn't want to even THINK about trying to reconcile with him. 

Now I'm married (and have been for about 20 years) to a Jesus loving, praying, loving his wife man.

[Jordan Kurecki]

22 hours ago, Saved41199 said:

I was married to a man who thought it was funny to beat my children, turn off the telephone, take my car keys, refuse to give me money for food. He finally snapped and threw me and the kids out of the house at the business end of his shotgun. He filed for divorce. I didn't want to even THINK about trying to reconcile with him. 

Now I'm married (and have been for about 20 years) to a Jesus loving, praying, loving his wife man.

Well, your statements sure do appeal to emotion. But what about God's word?

I am sorry you had to go through that, and I am glad by the grace and mercy of God he has allowed you to be married to a man who loves the Lord. 

However, just because God has been merciful and gracious to you does not mean he endorses remarriage or divorce. 

I got saved because a guy did drugs with me and witnessed to me, God was gracious and merciful, but the fact that I got saved does not mean God approved of my friends behavior and the way he was living.

[Saved41199]

On 8/24/2018 at 4:25 PM, Jordan Kurecki said:

Well, your statements sure do appeal to emotion. But what about God's word?

I am sorry you had to go through that, and I am glad by the grace and mercy of God he has allowed you to be married to a man who loves the Lord. 

However, just because God has been merciful and gracious to you does not mean he endorses remarriage or divorce. 

I got saved because a guy did drugs with me and witnessed to me, God was gracious and merciful, but the fact that I got saved does not mean God approved of my friends behavior and the way he was living.

Now...for a few questions...the marriage covenant is defined in Ephesians 5, correct? There's quite a few verses that define the husband's duty to the wife, right? Jesus also said "except for fornication", right? 

So...husband is abusive...violates the marriage covenant in Ephesians 5, correct? Especially the part about loving his wife as he loves his own body, right? 

Then there's the fornication aspect...someone who watched hard core porn while his wife and children were 800 miles away taking care of her parents. 

Last, but not least, he was NOT a Christian and it is written that if the non-believing spouse wishes to leave, let them leave, right? 

So...don't expend energy jumping to conclusions when you don't know the full story. 

Have a great weekend. 

[Jordan Kurecki]

17 minutes ago, Saved41199 said:

Now...for a few questions...the marriage covenant is defined in Ephesians 5, correct? There's quite a few verses that define the husband's duty to the wife, right? Jesus also said "except for fornication", right? 

So...husband is abusive...violates the marriage covenant in Ephesians 5, correct? Especially the part about loving his wife as he loves his own body, right? 

Then there's the fornication aspect...someone who watched hard core porn while his wife and children were 800 miles away taking care of her parents. 

Last, but not least, he was NOT a Christian and it is written that if the non-believing spouse wishes to leave, let them leave, right? 

So...don't expend energy jumping to conclusions when you don't know the full story. 

Have a great weekend. 

Where does it say that if someone violates the marriage covenant in Ephesians 5 that you are free to divorce?

 And if it did, does that mean your husband can divorce you for not submitting to him even once? (Ephesians 5:24 says wives are to be subject to their husbands in "everything")

Can you explain to me how many times those commands in Ephesians 5 have to be broken before you can divorce?

Where does Ephesians 5 say "if your spouse does not do this, they have broken the marriage covenant and you can now divorce them"?

According to the same reasoning can children can dissolve their relationship with their parents if their father provokes them to wrath based on Ephesians 6:3?

I gave clear possibilities in my original post of what the "except for fornication" clause means, and I then listed several passages that make it clear that God hates divorce and I showed passages that refute the idea of divorce and remarriage. it says GOD HATES IT!

Do you believe me God makes approves for someone to do something that he HATES? 

If fornication is grounds for divorce, can any woman leave her husband based on the fact that Jesus said if you look at a woman to lust after her you have committed adultery with her already in your heart? so basically any woman can divorce her husband then?

The bible says to allow an unbeliever to leave, but where does it clearly say the believer is free to remarry after the unbelieving leaves.

It says they are not under bondage to the spouse, how do you know that means "Free to remarry"

Don't we need to interpret passages in the bible that are not as clear with ones that are clear? where is the Bible clear that God allows for remarriage while the previous spouse is living? Isn't it based on reading one's own ideas into phrases like "except it be for fornication" or "is not under bondage"?

 

Edited August 26, 2018 by Jordan Kurecki

[Saved41199]

@Jordan Kurecki how about you just don't worry about it. Your interpretations are YOUR interpretations. 

Thank you I'll take the word of my pastor over yours any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Have a great weekend.

 

[Jordan Kurecki]

16 minutes ago, Saved41199 said:

@Jordan Kurecki how about you just don't worry about it. Your interpretations are YOUR interpretations. 

Thank you I'll take the word of my pastor over yours any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Have a great weekend.

 

It's not my word, it's the words of God, and when you stand before God you won't be judged by the words of your Pastor or me, but the words of God. 

Edited August 26, 2018 by Jordan Kurecki

[Saved41199]

2 hours ago, Jordan Kurecki said:

It's not my word, it's the words of God, and when you stand before God you won't be judged by the words of your Pastor or me, but the words of God. 

and you have the audacity to speak for God? It's your word. 

spend some time researching the historical and cultural context of what was written. It's a whole lot deeper than your interpretation. Spend some time doing it. Consult reference works. This is the sort of thing that will take you months to research. Trust me, I've done it. I think I spent upwards of 100 hours researching it. I wrote a paper on it in college (Liberty University class of 2013, Bachelor's of Biblical Studies). 

[Jordan Kurecki]

8 hours ago, Saved41199 said:

and you have the audacity to speak for God? It's your word. 

spend some time researching the historical and cultural context of what was written. It's a whole lot deeper than your interpretation. Spend some time doing it. Consult reference works. This is the sort of thing that will take you months to research. Trust me, I've done it. I think I spent upwards of 100 hours researching it. I wrote a paper on it in college (Liberty University class of 2013, Bachelor's of Biblical Studies). 

 

Why should your claim to having spent 100 hours on researching this topic convince me? You are using a logical fallacy of appealing to your self as an authority, simply because you spent 100 hours researching something and have a bachelors degree does not mean you are right. 

Now, I included a ton of scriptures references about this topic in the original post, and I dealt with a lot of things, and while I am not nearly as detailed as someone like Pastor Markle, I believe I have included far more evidence about the topic than you.

I would encourage any readers to take note that you replied to this thread with 

1. An emotional appeal based on the pain and suffering from your first marriage

2. unsubstantiated assumptions based on passages in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 7, you also avoided my clear questions when I asked where in those passages they teach what you claim

3. an appeal to the authority of your Pastor 

4. an subtle ad hominem attack on me "

Your interpretations are YOUR interpretations:

"Thank you I'll take the word of my pastor over yours any day of the week and twice on Sunday."

5. an appeal to your own experience/expertise

 

Again, since you have spent so much time studying on this topic, than surely you should be able to answer the following questions for me:

 

Where does it say that if someone violates the marriage covenant in Ephesians 5 that you are free to divorce?

 And if it did, does that mean your husband can divorce you for not submitting to him even once? (Ephesians 5:24 says wives are to be subject to their husbands in "everything")

Can you explain to me how many times those commands in Ephesians 5 have to be broken before you can divorce?

Where does Ephesians 5 say "if your spouse does not do this, they have broken the marriage covenant and you can now divorce them"?

According to the same reasoning can children can dissolve their relationship with their parents if their father provokes them to wrath based on Ephesians 6:3?

I gave clear possibilities in my original post of what the "except for fornication" clause means, and I then listed several passages that make it clear that God hates divorce and I showed passages that refute the idea of divorce and remarriage. it says GOD HATES IT!

Do you believe God makes approval for someone to do something that he HATES? 

If fornication is grounds for divorce, can any woman leave her husband based on the fact that Jesus said if you look at a woman to lust after her you have committed adultery with her already in your heart? so basically any woman can divorce her husband then?

The bible says to allow an unbeliever to leave, but where does it clearly say the believer is free to remarry after the unbelieving leaves?

It says they are not under bondage to the spouse, how do you know that means "Free to remarry"?

Don't we need to interpret passages in the bible that are not as clear with ones that are clear? where is the Bible clear that God allows for remarriage while the previous spouse is living? Isn't it based on reading one's own ideas into phrases like "except it be for fornication" or "is not under bondage"?

 

I would appreciate you responding to these questions of substance, rather than resorting to ad hominem attacks on me, or appeals to authority such as your Pastor or yourself. 

[Saved41199]

Look Jordan, I don't have to justify anything to you. You can continue on your merry way and do your thing. I'm not under authority to you and have no reason to answer your interrogations. 

Have a great day

[Jordan Kurecki]

1 hour ago, Saved41199 said:

Look Jordan, I don't have to justify anything to you. You can continue on your merry way and do your thing. I'm not under authority to you and have no reason to answer your interrogations. 

Have a great day

Well, Maam, you are the one who made the decision to join this thread to make your point. If you aren't willing to address the arguments that I make then you should probably refrain from coming in here and basically saying that I am wrong without giving any substance or reasons why.

If you don't want to actually engage the subject but just want to spout off your opinions without giving any biblical evidence, then in my opinion, you should refrain from posting.

What was your purpose in posting here in the first place?

I am not so much interested in giving you a chance to "justify yourself" as much as I am in making it evident to anyone who reads this thread that you are arguing in favor of divorce and remarriage without any arguments of substance, I desire for readers to see that you are making claims that you are not backing up and that you seem to be speaking on your own authority rather than the authority of the word of God. While you did reference a few scriptures, I gave you ample opportunity with my clear-cut questions to explain and prove your claim but you have not done so. 

I believe if you aren't willing to defend your position, then you stop coming in here and making posts to try and contradict what I have said.

 

[Saved41199]

1 hour ago, Jordan Kurecki said:

If you don't want to actually engage the subject but just want to spout off your opinions without giving any biblical evidence, then in my opinion, you should refrain from posting.

i did give you biblical evidence. You chose to ignore it. 

[Jordan Kurecki]

1 hour ago, Saved41199 said:

i did give you biblical evidence. You chose to ignore it. 

No you did not.

You made a vague reference to Ephesians 5 and you implied that if a man fails to obey the commands of God in Ephesians 5 that it allows for divorce. that is not biblical evidence that is you adding something and reading something into the text that it doesn't say.

You also reference "except it be for fornication", which I dealt with and addressed in the first post. I gave examples of how this phrase does not have to mean if a man commits sexual sin during the marriage union. You ASSUME that it refers to adultery and you actually are the one ignoring the cultural customs of that day, fornication before marriage was legitimate grounds to end the betrothal period in the Jewish culture and context and would be considered as such. Even if MOSES wrote and allowed for divorce, it doesn't even say GOD did allow it, we are not under the law, and NT Christians should not have hardness of heart. I can hardly see God approving a decision made out of hardness of heart.  Let me remind you what Jesus said: 

6  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

The NT is clear, a woman is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. 

for you to say that the references in Matthew allow an NT Christian to divorce for sexual sin, would be to violate the character of God and several plain passages in the scriptures. 

My questions give you ample opportunity to explain your position and they are great opportunities to defend your position. 

Making two vague references to passages and forcing them to say what they do not say, is not "biblical evidence".

You did not deal with a single one of the points I made in the original post. 

Your replies have little to no substantial argumentation. 

 

 

 

Edited August 26, 2018 by Jordan Kurecki

[swathdiver]

Jordan, some folks have ears to hear with and others do not.  

[Jordan Kurecki]

Does “Not Under Bondage” Mean Divorce Is Permitted?

The word rendered “bondage” (1 Cor. 7:15) is the Greek term douloo, which means “to make a slave of.” Observe how the word is translated in Titus 2:3 — “enslaved to much wine.”

Biblically speaking, marriage is never viewed as slavery! The “bondage,” i.e., enslavement, does not refer to the marriage union. If the unbeliever departs, that is not the Christian’s responsibility. The brother or sister is not enslaved to maintain a togetherness (note the allusion of 1 Cor. 7:5) at the expense of fidelity to the Lord.

Interestingly, douloo (under bondage) in verse 15 is, in the Greek Testament, a perfect tense form, dedoulotai. The perfect tense denotes a present state resulting from past action. Its force here is this: “was not bound [past action] and is not bound [present state].” The sense of the verse thus is:

Yet if (assuming such should occur) the unbeliever separates himself, let him separate himself: the brother or sister was not [before the departure] and is not [now that the departure has occurred] enslaved ....

Whatever the “bondage” is, therefore, the Christian was not in it even before the disgruntled spouse left. But the saint was married (and is) to him, hence, the bondage is not the marriage!

Let the reader substitute the word “marriage” for “bondage,” giving the full force to the perfect tense (i.e., “has not been married, and is not married”) and the fallacy of viewing the bondage as the marriage itself will be apparent.

First Corinthians 7:15 does not expand upon the Savior’s teaching with reference to divorce and remarriage, as much as some wish that it were so.

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/683-what-is-the-meaning-of-not-under-bondage-1-cor-7-15

[swathdiver]

"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." - 1 Corinthians 7:15

 

This teaches that the Christian is not obligated to share their bed with the departed if they're not reconciled.  No popping in for a quick visit to satisfy one's need and then leaving.  You might ask me where I got that but do not remember.  Either from the pulpit or Way of Life or the old Baptist Challenge.

[Rab]

Hi, looks like all of you have studied the topic more than I have, so I won't say too much.

My first thought when reading the OP and a few of the responses was, Jesus won't devorce us, but God DID devorce Israel.

Secondly, wasn't Joseph engaged to Mary, not Married?

Thirdly on Hosea, The LORD overlooked all sorts of imorality of the wives beause it wasn't as important as spiritual imorality.

Ho 4:12 My people ask counsel at their stocks, and their staff declareth unto them: for the spirit of whoredoms hath caused [them] to err, and they have gone a whoring from under their God.
Ho 4:13 They sacrifice upon the tops of the mountains, and burn incense upon the hills, under oaks and poplars and elms, because the shadow thereof [is] good: THEREFORE your daughters shall commit whoredom, and your spouses shall commit adultery.
Ho 4:14 I will not punish your daughters when they commit whoredom, nor your spouses when they commit adultery:

Fourth, Any man who as much as looks at another woman the wrong way is an adulterer, so it isnt an uncommon sin, and all have sinned, and isn't that the point of the discourse in Matt, which is summed up as 'be ye perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect', if you want to keep the Law that is, but until you reach that lofty hight, you will need to learn to recieve and walk as a sinner in Grace.

Fifth, If God suffred Divorce under Law, would Christ not suffer it even more so under Grace?

 

Edited September 14, 2018 by Rab