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Put Your Bad Jokes Here...


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A Roman and four of his friends walk into a cafe.  He holds up two fingers and says, "Five coffees please."  

I can cut through wood just by looking at it! I know it is hard to believe.  I didn't believe it myself. But I saw it with my own eyes...........  

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Wait for it... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a n

What is yellow, creamy and deadly?                   Shark-infested Custard.  

If you're cross-eyed and dyslexic, can you see ok?

Two atoms meet up one day for lunch, and the first one says to the second one" So how are you?". Atom 2: "Not feeling the best - I've lost an electron." Atom 1: "Are you sure?" Atom 2:

Three pieces of string were wanting a cup of coffee each. The first one walked into the cafe and asked the barista for a cappuccino. The barista looked him up and down and said "We don't serve st

My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings

There are 10 types of people... Those who understand binary and those who don't.

A scientist makes a clone of himself, the scientific world is in awe and can't wait to meet him and his clone.  The big day arrives with great pomp and ceremony and the scientist bursting with pride i

Why couldn't Susie ride a bike? - - - - - Because Susie didn't have any arms. ........................... Knock Knock. (Who's There?) - - -

A photon checks into a hotel... Bellhop: Could I help you with your luggage sir? Photon: No thanks; I'm traveling light!

Q: What was the first thing that Adam said to Eve? A: (Holding his side) "Ouch!"

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.   There are 10 kinds of people in this world:  Those who understand binary and those who don't

I wonder if, when you get dehydrated in Rome, the nurse gives you a four of saline. (Think about it... it'll come to you) Two chemists walk into a bar.  One chemist says, "I'll have a glass o

Parent to child doing poorly in Math because he doesn't want to;  "God has commanded you to do math!" "What?!"  the child asked in bewilderment, "Where is that written in the Bible?!" Parent

What were Lot's last words to his wife? . . . . . . . ' . . . . . . "is someone following us?"

10...binary...LOL! 

I just heard that Twiki, from Buck Rogers, has passed away from dia-bidi-bidi-bites.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?    None. The lightbulb must want to change itself.

I can't stop laughing at that one!  It's all scientificky 'n such! 

Two blondes are walking along in the country when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says "They are rabbit tracks". The second says "No, I think they are deer tracks". The fir

Did you get clearance to use that joke? The reason I ask is that it is quite clearly a "Dad joke", and it would definitely require official clearance for a "non-dad" to use it in this manner.....

You're a dad aren't you..........

My bad political joke...   Why did the Liberal cross the road? To redistribute their wealth back to his side.

When I was a boy, there was a goofy old married couple named Rhudy and Barb Pennypot.  They were master gardeners. They were the ones who, through cross-breeding, invented a wonderful vegetable they n

The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even have bikes.

Three blonds walked into a bar ... ... the fourth one ducked.

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward? A: Ton

There were Giants in those days as well. Then there's this: And Abner said to Joab, "Let the young men...arise and play before us" (II Samuel 2:14) ...[and] all the people rose up... (E

Mother to young son; "Billy, do you know what God's name is?" Billy; "Yes mom, his name is Andy." Mom; " Now Billy, what in the world would ever make you think that God's name is Andy?"

If that means what I think it means, then that's pretty mean! 

An infinite line of mathematicians walks into a bar. The first one say to the barman "I would like one glass of milk please (dirty glass of course). The barman looks at the second who says "

I wonder if they make decaffeinated coffee tables.

Snort... I am laughing at this one far more than it deserves...

Ummm.....still scratching my head. I surely don't understand binary.

  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

A scientist makes a clone of himself, the scientific world is in awe and can't wait to meet him and his clone.  The big day arrives with great pomp and ceremony and the scientist bursting with pride introduces his clone.  His clone begins swearing a cursing worse than any sailor ever dreamed.  The audience is stunned, and the scientist totally loses it because of the humiliation and grabs his clone and tries to throw him out of the top floor window!  They wrestle him to the ground before he succeeds and charge him with.....

Attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

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On Sunday, June 26, 2016 at 11:25 AM, HappyChristian said:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

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~

~

~

~

Wait for it...

~

~

~

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~

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

:nuts::nuts::nuts:

Did you get clearance to use that joke?

The reason I ask is that it is quite clearly a "Dad joke", and it would definitely require official clearance for a "non-dad" to use it in this manner.......:huh::P:lol:

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I wonder if, when you get dehydrated in Rome, the nurse gives you a four of saline.

(Think about it... it'll come to you)

Two chemists walk into a bar.  One chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O" and drinks it down.  The other chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O too," drinks it down and dies a painful death.

On July 18, 2016 at 11:42 PM, heartstrings said:

What were Lot's last words to his wife?

"is someone following us?"

I almost snarfed my water when I read that!  If I may, I would like to add that to my permanent collection.

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Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

 

There are 10 kinds of people in this world:  Those who understand binary and those who don't

Edited by Brother Stafford
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When I was a boy, there was a goofy old married couple named Rhudy and Barb Pennypot.  They were master gardeners. They were the ones who, through cross-breeding, invented a wonderful vegetable they named after themselves called Rhubarb.  Sadly, they divorced when I was a teenager and Rhudy married a woman named Wanda a few years later.  They invented their own vegetable too and named it Rhuwanda, but it didn't go over very well.

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Why couldn't Susie ride a bike?

-

-

-

-

-

Because Susie didn't have any arms.

...........................

Knock Knock.

(Who's There?)

-

-

-

-

Not Susie!

 

Ok so this one's a little messed up but it always gets a good reaction out of people.

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An infinite line of mathematicians walks into a bar.

The first one say to the barman "I would like one glass of milk please (dirty glass of course).

The barman looks at the second who says "I will have half of what he is having thanks". And the third in line says "and I will have have half of what the second is having thanks".

The barnan looks at the line disappearing out the door and down the street,  thinks for a moment, pours two glasses of milk and says to the mathematicians " there you are - you can work it out for yourselves."

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The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

Edited by Brother Stafford
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    • Alan

      Happy Birthday John Young! God Bless! 🍰
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    • KJV ME!

      Now it is time for me to step out of my shell and let go... I AM STRICT KJV!... In scripture God said he would preserve his word... Well did he or didn't he?... If there is every translation under the sun, then he didn't but I KNOW HE DID!... The preserved word of God called the KJV is for the English people has been around for over 400 years and what is interesting to me, is the KJV was translated in 1611 and the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock in 1620... Coincidence?... A new book the preserved KJV word of God for the New World... So take that you KJV naysayers... I have been reading, studying and digging through the KJV for over 50 years... My belief is 100% Christ and scripture says so... Glad to be here and its time to take these shackles off!   
      John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.
      I am... Brother Ramsey
       
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      Praise God I found such a powerhouse of the outpouring of His Spirit and unapologetic in regards of the defense of the KJV Bible. When I became a Christian back in 1984, I was told to get & read the KJV. It's been my choice all these years.
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      Mike,
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      Dave 
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